"Blue" Christmas :)

Things have been so busy around here that I haven't had time to post! But I definitely wanted to share some Christmas pictures and some exciting news :)

Samantha is going to have a BABY BROTHER!!!! :) We are very excited!!!

I promise do post another update soon! Hope you all had a nice holiday :)

Quick Update

Oh my. I might be the world's worst blogger. Samantha turns 21 months in a few days and I haven't even done a 20 month post! Oops.

So here's a quick update!

Samantha is just growing so fast! Lots of new words! Her favorite phrase is "Ohhhh coool" and "Wowww" and the other night she said "Merry Christmas" (not very clear..but she said it and I melted!). She's just so funny lately! Doing all sort of cute things and making us laugh. We LOVE her!!!!! This Christmas season has been pretty fun watching it through her eyes. She's sort of into Santa and our xmas tree. She picked out an elmo ornament the other day and hung it on the tree and now she waves at elmo on the tree and says "Hi Elmo!" Sooo cute.

Of course, there's the not so cute tantrum moments that we see sometimes. But in general she is a good girl! :) Sleep is still a tough one. Although, the other night she slept 12 straight hours in her crib!!! We were hopeful but usually she gets up once and sleeps with us the rest of the night. Bad I know..but hey whatever...we all need sleep and this is how we are getting it right now...

Food. Oh boy this is stressing me out. She has not be eating well at all lately :( All her favorites are no longer faves. We offer her what we eat...we offer her variety...nothing. She's been so picky. And as her mom I worry about it a lot. I just dont want her little belly to be hungry. We just recently started her on half dairy milk/ half soy milk. She's been on soy most of her life because she was not tolerating dairy well as an infant. But she's been better..and tolerating cheese and yogurt for a long time now...so we are mixing her milk now and seems to be going well. We might try pediasure at some point. I just want to make sure she is getting the right nutrients :(

I cannot believe she will be two in 3 months! WOW.

New baby update: This pregnancy is going okay. I am just exhausted. Chasing a toddler ( and caring for two other kids during the day!) while pregnant is tough! We are almost 4 months along. Last week we had a scare at the OB's and they couldn't find the hearbeat on the doppler. SO SCARY. But we did get a free u/s to make sure baby was okay...and thank God...he or she was great! It was even waving at me! Starting next week I will be at the OB's EVERY WEEK up until the baby comes. Each week I will get a progesterone shot (I guess it helps keep baby in longer) a cervix check (HATE those ouch) and a regular check on my blood pressure. They are keeping a close eye on me because of the preeclampsia I had with Samantha and because I've already had a premature birth. They even had me do a very early gestational diabetes test, which I passed. But my OB is making take the 3 hour at 28 weeks. Super. Oh well, all this stuff will be worth it. They are planning me for a repeat csection at 37 weeks if God willing I go that long. Overall, I am just feeling blessed and hopeful that things will be okay!!!

Looking forward to Christmas with my little family :) LOVE this time of year!

I'll leave you with a few pics of my girl....

Looking for her tree

Celebrating her 20 month bday at Target 

Christmas cutie

I love this girl!

Crazy girl

Taken on Thanksgiving. Who needs turkey when there's golf clubs and Keurig cups to eat?

Getting into trouble at the NYS museum :)

Baby for Sale

Baby #2 announcement

Wow, have I been slacking or what! Things are going well so far with this pregnancy. I am about 9 weeks. Done with the fertility clinic and go to the OB next week! Been nauseous here and there. I'll go a few days feeling sick and then I'll have a good day once in awhile.

Totally missed Sam's 19 month post! She is doing so well :) I've really been try to cuddle her more and play with her more lately. She's really been into books, Mickey/Minnie Mouse and loves playing outside! I just can't get enough of her. I can't believe she will be a big sister soon. Blows my mind. She's still such a peanut herself! She went to the doc recently and weighs 19.3 pounds. 29 inches. Still not on the charts but following her curve. Her head is in the 95 percentile though. Big head! haha She's smart, that's all. ;) 

I promise to try and be better at updating!!!!

A Little Heart

We saw the flicker of a heartbeat to day!!!! :) I am 6 weeks 2 days. Due on May 28th.

We got back next Friday for another ultrasound. And if all goes well, we are off to the OB...

Oh and ALL DAY nausea has kicked in.

But I know it's just a small price to pay for this little miracle.

Little Baby #2 update

Things are moving SLOWLY. But we are still hopeful and praying all the time! Monday night I had some spotting and some cramping. But it went away. I was still freaked out and called the clinic first thing in the morning for an appointment. Thank God things were okay. They think the spotting was from the crinone which can irritate your cervix. Last week we had our first ultrasound and we weren't expecting to see much as it is super early. But thankfully we saw a gestational sac. I will admit I was hoping to see a yolk sac too so I wouldn't have to stress all week until my second ultrasound. Then yesterday at my "emergency" ultrasound after the spotting they saw a gestational AND a yolk sac! So I was relieved! We go back Friday for another ultrasound.

I must say, this does not get any easier. The stress of betas and ultrasounds and sacs and heartbeats!! I am my own worst enemy! Yes, I could have gone to my OB first where I wouldn't be so closely monitored. But I think that would have stressed me more. I just feel we were given such a gift that it would be so heartbreaking to lose it.

My beta on Tuesday was 12,244.6. My numbers have been great this whole time. So we are hopeful. It's still very early and I have to be patient and give up my worries to the big guy upstairs...

Thank you to everyone for the congrats on the last post :) Years later in this blog community and the love and support is still strong :) Thank you!!!

It happened to us.

You know all that annoying talk people say " Just relax and it will happen...adopt and it will happen...do IVF and watch you'll get pregnant on your own!" You know all the things they say. That at the time are so completely irritating, but as we learned this past Tuesday...it can actually happen...

I had been feeling like my period was coming on, but it seemed weird to me because I always ovulate late and my period hardly ever shows up on time. But I just had this funny feeling. I was having weird back cramps that I only remember having after my transfer with Samantha. So while I was in Wal Mart the day before I decided to just pick up a cheap test. Just a single $4 dollar test. Because of course it was gonna be negative right and I sure as hell didn't want to spend $$$ on a digital. 

I didn't even take it right when I got home. I put it under the sink and I almost forgot Tuesday morning but then I remembered! So I POAS (wow haven't used that phrase in awhile) and put it on the counter and hopped in the shower. When I got out the bathroom was all steamy but I looked down at the test. And there it was...a very faint cross...a faint positive...OMG....it's positive!! 

But I managed to keep my cool. I didn't even tell Matt right away. I ended up calling my old fertility clinic to set up an appt ASAP. Because I KNEW I would need progesterone supplements right away. So after calling them I called my husband and asked him if he could come home quick, that I thought Sam had a weird rash and if he could take a look at it. Nice right? He works in town so it wasn't a big deal. So when he got home he was frantically searching our daughter for this rash when I showed him the pee stick! 

Our emotions were that of excitement, SHOCK, happiness, overwhelmed and nervous! You name it, we were feeling it. 

So the next day I went for my first beta. It was so strange walking back in that place. Kind of nice in a way knowing I had my beautiful girl at home, but also my heart rate definitely  increased walking in there! One of my old nurses recognized me right away and gave me a huge hug! If you are wondering why I went back there and not my OB, I just knew I would be more closely monitored right away but we are going to be heading to the OB (if all goes okay) soon. 

Our excitement balloon was soon deflated a little when my beta only came back at 48.2 :( I was so sad. It really made me feel hopeless like this was a big tease. But then our beta today was 143.6!!! It pretty much tripled!! What a sigh of relief! Sure it's not a supersize beta but it tripled and we are celebrating that!!!! The nurse was happy with it and my next bloodwork and appt is next fri! If all is well after that we head to the OB. 

We are not far along at all...just a few weeks...as we know exactly when we conceived (our 3 year anniversary on the 4th!) But I know they count two weeks before that but I'm not buying it really because the HCG can't start until the egg if fertilized at least. 

You might be wondering why I am announcing this on my blog so early, because we do have a long way to go. But I just figured that we could use PRAYERS!! So if you are the praying kind...please pray for us!!! Also, if you are friends with me on IG or Facebook...please don't say anything on there! Thank you! :) 

So, there you have it. Samantha is going to be a Big Sister (God willing!). I am trying so hard to relax and just let things happen as they will and not worry about it! But you know how that goes....

If all goes well, this peanut should arrive late May/Early June I believe....

I'm just gonna keep talking to this new baby and telling him/her to stick around and grow!!!

Thank you so much for the prayers!!

Big Sis

I had to go buy a digital  the day after to see the actual word "Pregnant" :)

NICU Nurse

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook tonight. My face was streaked with tears by the time I got to the end of it....<3 p="">

18 Months

Samantha turned 18 months old last Sunday!!!! There is so much happening with our girl, it's nuts! She really has a funny little personality now and is into everything! She loves to explore and doesn't turn down a good climbing obstacle :) Her vocabulary is slowly expanding and she is becoming more friendly with strangers! There are about 1,436 specific things I would like to share about our big girl (who I am kidding..still our little peanut..weighs about 20 pounds!) but I'll be honest...I am TOO tired to put together a well written post about it! How horrible is that??!!! Yes, I will take the title of slacker Mom in the blog world :) Someday I hope to get back to blogging like I used too. I am back working from home full time (babysitting). I watch a 9 month old girl, a 2 year old boy and Samantha!!! I am exhausted!!!! But I am glad I am able to be with my daughter. I am actually making more now, then I did at my old job!! So it is working for us right now.

Like I said, there are so many wonderful things to share about Sam!! And some not so nice things like lack of sleep and the beginning of tantrums! But overall, she is just a little bundle of love and joy for us and we thank God everyday for choosing her to be OURS. :)

Even though I am usually too exhausted to put together a coherent post, I do try to check in from time to time and read and comment. I also like to go back and read some of my older posts. Does anyone else do this? I'm so glad I decided to document our journey this way. Sometimes it's very therapeutic to go back and read about all the happy times and the struggles too! It really makes you realize how far you've come. And tonight I stumbled upon a post I wrote up where I was doing a contest giveaway. To enter you had to come up with a new infertility drug and list it's side effects. The funnier the better. Reading them again had me cracking up!

I will leave you with few pictures of Samantha...in all her 18 month old glory...

Go Chiefs!

Baby jeans! Swoon!

Tutu cute

Samantha and her baby BFF Kaya! Kaya turns ONE tomorrow!

She thinks this little art table is a chair...

This is great.

If you are Mom...or a mama-to-be in your belly or heart... or if you are one of those people who pass judgement on others....check this out! Funny!

17 months old!

Well folks, another month has passed and my little one is 17 months old!! Eeeek!

She's been up to things like peeing hearts as shown below. Talent, I tell ya.

While changing her diaper she peed! And when I picked her up this is what I saw! A perfect heart. Too funny.

Our little girl is quite busy! She is constantly on the go and learning about the world around her. Still a peanut. Not sure about weight and height (we have an appt next month and Im guessing she weighs 19 lbs) but she is in 12-18 month (a lot of times size 12th pants and 18 mth shirts!) clothes, size 3 shoes and will be going into size 4 diapers next week maybe. Lots of little chompers! She is starting to grow some hair! Still rebels against the headband but thankfully I've been able to put a little clip in! And she doesn't take them out because I don't think she realizes its there! Yes! :) 

She jabbers away all the time, but only a handful of clear words. Our favorite is "Abby!" She loves my parent's dog. Her name is Abby and Sam gets so excited when she is around her! And she walks around yelling at the dog "Abby! Abby!" It's too freakin cute. 

Food hasn't changed much. She is obsessed with those melts, fruit, peas, beans, greek yogurt, cheese, pasta and muffins! haha She still isn't a fan of meat. Still on the soy milk as well.

And sleep that hasn't changed much either. It's still a work in progress. I bought her these pajamas the other day...

She absolutely LOVES being outside!!! She is happiest outside and walking around checking everything out! Although, she does love downtime too and is still a big fan of Barney and Sesame Street.

We just love her to pieces. She is getting so big and I wish it would slow down a bit. 

Oh, and she's also learned to flush the toilet. Good times.

I'll leave you with a few photos....

Sweet 16

Samantha turned 16 months old today!! Yeah, I can't believe it either.

I am so in love with this beautiful little thing. She is our everything.

And she's into EVERYTHING! She is walking everywhere. It's pretty stinking cute.

At her last appointment a few weeks ago she weighed in at 18lbs 3oz and was 28 inches long. Size 3 diapers, size 3 shoes, mostly 12 month shorts/pants/skirts and 18 month tops.

Her hair is slowly coming in. Unfortunately she still isn't a fan of headbands and her hair is still too thin for a clip.

She's got a mouthful of teeth!! Those molars are showin' up to the party...and it's not so fun! Her sleep has been disrupted some. She still does about half the night in her crib and the rest with us. Don't be judgey :) She takes a good morning nap but afternoon naps don't always happen.

She's still on soy milk, loves fruit and greek yogurt! Still hates meat. We also watch Barney and Sesame Street quite a bit! She LOVES doggies! Originally when you would ask her what the doggie says she would say "Woof woof." But somehow along the way ( I think because I did it once) when you ask her now what a doggie says she sticks out her tongue and pants (sp?)  like a dog does!! LOL

My girl loves being outside! She loves swings and swimming! We've been swimming everyday it seems! She loves to dance and clap and shout hooray. Especially during the intro song to Barney! She really likes when I dance with her to it :) She blows lots of kisses and it's freakin' adorable!!

We went to Boston a few weeks ago for her final checkup on her hemangioma surgery. The doc said it looks great and that we don't have to go back! The scar itself looks great! He said in the future she can come back and have the scar made smaller or if we want to bring her back in a few years, but we won't do that. If in the future SHE wants to have that done, then we will, but we will not put her through surgery again.

Life is pretty sweet with our Peanut Princess. She is generally a very happy and smiley girl. Although, we still battle some stranger anxiety from time to time! But we are hoping that passes as she gets older.

We are loving Summertime with our baby girl!

The 4th and Things!

Little Diva

My girl LOVES vanilla Greek yogurt

It has been a busy week/weekend here! Filled with celebrating America's birthday, pool fun, BBQ's, my Mom's birthday and a very special Baptism on Sunday!! After what seemed like WEEKS of rain, we are finally getting some sunny and very HOT days. Samantha is great!! So much is new with her that I will save it for her 16 month birthday post next week.

She had a few 4th of July outfits so I had to spread them out over the last few days :)

Her Poppy (my FIL) throwing her in the air! She loves it!

I made Red, White and Blueberry pancakes for breakfast on the 4th

Me.

After Samantha was born, things were busy. Between the early arrival, the NICU stay, my recovery, the months and MONTHS of colic, things were absolutely nuts here. If you remember, about a month before she was born I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. I have a family history of diabetes and my brother has had Type 1 and has been insulin dependent since he was 6 years old. So it was no surprise to me that I would get it. Well, I did what they told me for that month. Watched what I ate and pricked my finger testing my sugar all throughout the day. It was no fun, but I was going to do what I had to do to (try) and keep me and my baby safe. I had been told that when you have the baby the gestational diabetes just goes away. And with all the craziness that occurred with Sam's birth, I didn't even think about the gestational diabetes after she was born. It became all about her and we wouldn't have had it any other way! She was my #1 priority! I also, throughout my fertility treatments I was a a thyroid med to stabilize my thyroid. Well also when Sam was born, I didn't even think about it. I ran out of pills and just never refilled them. BAD IDEA.

Fast forward, 15 months and I have been feeling like total crap. I mean really crappy. I knew it was a combination of a few things. It HAD to be my thyroid as I just stopped my meds without talking to the doctor. And it had to be my weight. I have been gaining weight at a rapid pace. Here and there I would try really hard to lose weight. Would exercise and eat right, but could only seem to lose 3 lbs and then would lose track and would gain back even more. It was a frustrating cycle. There was also a little voice in the back of my head telling me that I might have diabetes. I am very short..5'0 and right now I weigh a few pounds less than I did a week before Sam came. I mean, that is really bad. I am so short and there is not much space on me for all this extra weight. So I knew, with all these factors combined was why I have been feeling so sluggish and exhausted and just not well. I was also losing my hair and having joint pain. Which I found out are thyroid symptoms too.

So, I finally went to the doctor this week. I had to. I need to feel well again and I NEED to be well for my daughter. They did a full panel blood work up on me. The results were that I have hypothyroidism and I am pre-diabetic. Kinda scary. But this all explains so much. Combined with not enough exercise and not eating great, I now know the thyroid issues are playing a part in my weigh and all my other symptoms. For those of you who don't know what hypothyroidism is, it's when your thyroid is not functioning properly or "enough." Which can cause all kinds of problems. My doctor vowed to get me feeling better. So I am back on thyroid medication and I am hoping to feel a difference in a week or two. She also put me on Metformin to help with the high blood sugar. This I was weary about because I had tried it about 5 years ago when I had started fertility treatments. My ob back then wanted to try that with me first to see if it helped me ovulate, etc. All I remember was spending my days in the bathroom :( It did not sit well with me. So my doc is started me out slow with it.

Now that I have the meds, I need to really buckle down with diet and exercise. I'm supposed to go for repeat bloodwork in a month and see a dietician. I'm also getting  an u/s of my thyroid done in September.

How did I get here you ask? I just lost track of ME. My girl is my life. But I just swept myself to the side. I know I need to take care of myself though! I want to be around and be healthy for Samantha too! I also do not want to try for a second child in my current state. It would not be healthy for me or a baby. I'm thinking about going Gluten Free. But I'm not sure yet. I might just ease into things first, as I hear it's very expensive and demanding and I'm not sure that's the diet plan I can handle right now. I did see this guy on The Chew the other day. He was pre-diabetic once and wrote a book called "VB6." Where basically you go vegan all day until 6pm. And I guess it works! Looks interesting.

So hopefully this summer I will see some major changes in my health!!! I just don't feel like "me." And I need ME back :)

15 Months!

Samantha turned 15 months old yesterday!!! She is just super fun right now. Her little personality is started to shine through and it's adorable! She loves to jabber on and on and she is getting better at this walking thing!!! She loves dogs and Barney is her favorite right now. Barney used to make me cringe, but what my daughter loves..I love! Ha! She is loving the big pool this Summer so far! Which is so much fun to watch. She likes to ride around in the inflatable boat or splash around! If I hold her on her belly to "swim" she kicks her little legs!! Her menu hasn't changed much, but we are working on it! She loves fruit, green veggies,  yogurt, toast, waffles, pasta and eggs! And of course all the snacks like the melts and puffs. Still can't get her to eat meat though. She also loves baby goldfish. Which is so freakin cute because if we are shopping in the store and she sees the package of goldfish on the shelf she points and says "fish" with a smile! And of courseeeee it goes right in the cart because momma is a sucker :) Sleep hasn't changed much either. She takes a good morning nap everyday but the afternoon one is hit or miss. Usually if she takes an afternoon nap, it's a short one in the car. And she's still sleeping half the the night in her crib and the rest with us. I know, I know. But this is working (sort of) for us right now!!! ;)  She has about ten teeth. We are heading back to the doc next week for a check up and will get her height and weight then. We also have to head back to Boston for a check up in two weeks. She's still in a size 3 diaper and size 3 shoe! Wearing mostly 12-18 month clothes! But sometimes in shirts she needs a bigger size. I swear they make some baby tshirts so small that once you wash and dry them they no longer fit! She is loving saying and waving "Bye" or "Hi." She also blows kisses! I am sure I am forgetting a whole bunch of things!

We had professional photos taken of her (for the first time!) and they came out great. We did a mini session with this photographer we knew. And we were not disappointed! Again, I apologize to any of you who are friends with me on Instagram or FB!! I have been posting them everywhere!

Taken on her 15 month birthday! Minnie and Minnie dress courtesy of her  Auntie LaLa (there were cute Minnie shoes too! But still a little big!) :)

Below are old photos that my mom took of me! They were for a photography class she was taking at the time. I love old photos!