A Weird Place

Hi everyone. I know, I've been MIA for awhile. It's just, I've been in what I guess I could call a weird place lately. Not depressed (maybe just a little bit of a funk!) or anything just really tired, overwhelmed and stressed. And of course my sweet little girl takes up a great deal of my time (which I love) so by the time I have a moment to blog, I decide to sleep or job search online. That leads me to the first stressor, a job. Money is tight. Money is REALLY tight right now. It has been for the past year. The rocky pregnancy and Sam's early arrival/extended maternity leave has really done a number on our wallets. Or wallet (singular) as Matt is the only one working right now.  It's tough. Returning to my old job just didn't work like we had planned. So I spent most nights after Samantha goes to bed, searching online for jobs. I did get an interview with one company that I thought would be a great fit for me, but I didn't end up getting the job. Not really shocked by that because they sent me home with this writing test, that I know I totally bombed! However, this was probably a blessing in disguise because the company is thinking of moving north of us and that commute would have been horrible for me. And by the time I got home, Sam would be in bed. So in the end it wasn't as great as I thought it might be. Plus, the pay wasn't great at all for what the position demanded. I'm trying to step outside of the box and head down a different career path. I've been a preschool teacher for so long. And I am good at it. I do enjoy it. However, the pay is very very sad. But lately, I am thinking of heading back to that for awhile because at least I could have Sam with me...

We toured a daycare for Sam the other day. It was clean and nice, but Sam cried the wholeeeeeeeeeeeee time :( Broke my heart and we weren't even leaving her there! ha! I was half-listening to what the director was telling me but all I really wanted to to was book it out of there!! Right now, Sam has been having a lot of stranger anxiety. And I know eventually that will fade and when we do have to put her in daycare, I know eventually (keyword is "eventually") will be fine :) That night after we toured the daycare I just rocked her to sleep and cried thinking about how I am ever going to leave her.

But I know I need to work. As much as I would like to continue to be home with her, I just can't. We need two incomes. I want to be able to give her a good life. I want to be able to go on family vacations and not have to worry every day about money! And we want to send her to college! Sooooo many things we want for her. And with just one income, we can't do that.

Sam is getting much better, but still can be a very fussy baby. I am so exhausted every day. But I LOVE the time have with my girl :) She's my little buddy. She's teething too, which has been a challenge. And just today had her 6 mths shots! She actually didn't cry that much (we were surprised!) however this evening she's been super cranky :( Her little legs are probably sore even with the Tylenol! We just love her so much though. Tonight as I was rocking her before bed I said " Thank you God so much for this gift." Might sound cheesy, but I said it...and then I cried! I've been SUPER emotional lately! Nooo, I am not pregnant haha

So yeah I feel like I am in a weird place. I'm (temporarily) a SAHM, but on the job hunt! It's a weird place because I feel I can't embrace one or the other! It's just overwhelming. I know this sounds strange but if I knew I could just be home with her, then I would be a much better SAHM than I am right now. I would take her more places, do more activities, plan things, etc. But I feel like I am so mentally and physically drained looking for a job that I can't completely focus on just her. When I am home with her and playing, I'm thinking of jobs and if I'll get called for an interview, will it work out, etc. And then when I'm job searching and writing cover letters and what not, I'm thinking about Sam and would this job work with her, where will she go to daycare, could we afford daycare with this job's salary etc.

I've thought about taking kids in, that way I could make some money and still have Sam nearby. However, I just don't think at Sam's age right now that would work. She is pretty demanding on her own, and if I had only kids to look after as well I feel like I wouldn't be giving my all to them.

All I can do is take it one day at a time. And try not to lose my mind and get stressed out about things right now! At the beginning of November we are taking Sam to Boston to have her Hemangioma checked out by one of the best specialists in the country. At her ped appt today, the doctor agreed with me that it has definitely gotten larger. This coming Tuesday she is also having an ultrasound done of her brain, stomach and the hemangioma.

Despite all the stress, I am so excited that Fall is here! Can't wait to take Sam apple picking! And all the great holidays are coming up! As well as her Baptism in November! Lots to look forward too :)

So, please excuse my absence. I try to still read and comment as much as a can, but I have not been feeling up to blogging much lately! Today, I actually got a little nap in which is very rare. And when I came out of the bedroom this is what I found....

Love my loves.

It was rainy and cold here today. Perfect day for a nap!!

A is for Apple

Hi! We are still here. I know, we've been MIA lately. Just a lot has been going on and we are exhausted mentally and physically. Will explain in another post!

Today, I did a Fall photo shoot with my girl :) I think they turned out pretty cute. My little delicious apple...

Today is a good day.

Actually, today is a great day!

A pretty little girl entered the world tonight at 9:52 pm. My BFF's daughter was born. A little miracle. :) Can't wait to meet her tomorrow! Happy Birthday Baby Kaya!

Sam is pretty pumped up too that her own BFF has arrived :) Can't you tell by the picture below?

God Bless America

11 years and I still need to carry tissues around with me on this day...

I will never forget that day.

 I will never forget those who lost their lives.

And I will never forget that I almost lost an Aunt. Luckily, she made it out of the tower minutes before it collapsed. She rushed down the stairs from the 72nd floor. Walked across the Brooklyn Bridge covered in ash.

Thank you God for sparing her.

Are you ready for some Football??

I'm not sure Sam and I are ready, since that means we won't see much of Daddy on Sundays (unless the game is on regular TV). However, that doesn't stop us from dressing up and rooting for the Chiefs! Today was the first real game of the season and we got our butt's kicked pretty badly by the Falcons.

Daddy and Avo (her Grandpa) were pretty excited to see pictures of Samantha in her Chiefs gear...

Headband I made!

Go Chiefs!

Gotta have the team binky!

Hoo loves you baby?

Do you like my "Owlfit"? :)

Hand-me-downs are great.

6 Months

Dear Mommy's blog friends,

Today I turn 6 months old!

Pshhhhh...it ain't nothing...

Here I am playing it all cool, and my parents are on the verge of an emotional breakdown over the fact that I am "growing up so fast." Growing up? Dude, I'm still sucking on a bottle and pooping in a diaper. But, I understand why they feel this way. They love me. They really love me!! I'm now truly old enough to understand that they are MY mommy and daddy and that they aren't going anywhere. In fact, they really don't go anywhere. At least one of them is all up in my face every waking moment of the day. But it's all good. My Mommy sings funny songs to me that make me smile and high up on my daddy's shoulder is still one of my fave places. However, lately I like being held almost "sitting up" up style in their arms. That way I can see everything that's going on.

A lot has happened in the past month. I started rolling over! Only belly to back a few times. I'm still not feeling gutsy enough to try back to belly. I try to do it (and I almostttt have it!) but it still seems a bit scary. It's like a gymnastics move this back to belly thing. Maybe if Mom got me some sparkly spandex and let me do a few warm up stretches I might give it a real go! We'll see. Lots of things make me smile these days. I'm at my best in the early morning when I first get up! All is right with the world in the morning. When Mommy comes in to get me (after I've been talking into the monitor for awhile) I smile real big and squirm all around. I'm just so excited to see her! Mom loves this. So I tend to be a little more dramatic about it to make her feel good. But shhhhh, don't tell her that.

Food. "Tina, eat the FOOD!" Napoleon Dynamite reference? Anyone? No? Okay. I've been on rice cereal in my bottle for awhile now to help with my reflux. And in the past two weeks or so I'm been having some oatmeal and bananas (or applesauce!) for lunch. For dinner I usually have sweet potatoes! Yum! I don't know how my mom does it but she manages to turn my spoon into a train! It's so cool! And the train comes right up to my mouth with a loud "Choo choo!" and I eat it right up with a smile! The docs changed my formula again from Neocate to Gerber Goodstart. And I am now taking a probiotic. This just started a few days ago and it seems be making a difference! My tummy isn't so angry anymore. They are taking me to see a GI doctor in a few weeks just to get my belly checked out. The last time I was at the doctor's office (about two weeks ago) I weighed in at 12 pounds!! Still a lightweight at 6 months! Although, you wouldn't think so at how heavy my car seat is while I am in it. My parents should thank me. I'm saving them from having to pay for a gym membership.

I pretty much love putting everything and anything in my mouth these days. Toys, hands, bibs. Pretty much anything I can get in my hands. What??? It tastes good. And this is how I'm learning about my surroundings right now, by eating them. I also love love love my sing-a-long videos. Elmo is just an awesome little guy. I'm super active all the time. I love to kick my legs and look around at everything. And when my Mom or Dad holds me under my arms to help me stand up? Well...let...me...just...tell...YOU. I rock at standing up. In fact, I mightttt just surprise everyone by crawling and walking within a week of each other. But we'll see. I might not be ready, since technically I am 4 months adjusted age. But ohhhh boy! You should see my little strong legs!! I've been trying out the exersaucer but I'm still a bit too tiny for it. They put towels all around me, but it still isn't all that fantastic. I think in another month I'll be on that thing like white on rice. Bath time is a GOOD time. I love it. Again, Mommy makes up silly songs about taking a bath too. Sometimes I give her an eye roll but most of time I just jam along!

Sleep. I'm still not really down with taking a long nap during the day. I prefer to nap like a cat. A cat says "Meowwwww."  Although, just recently I've been napping around the same time of day in my swing for a bit. Once in the late morning and once in the late afternoon. At night, I go into my crib around 7:30 and I sleep until about 2ish. That's when I start stirring and I don't even need to cry because my Mom is weirdly tuned into to me and wakes up right before I start stirring. We then cuddle. She does a quick diaper change and I get a baba! To which I usually end up not making it all the way through, because I fall back to sleep while drinking it. I then go back down till about 7am give or take. My parents put me in a Halo sleepsack which we all love. No blankets getting all loose and tangled up! I've also found my voice this past month! I may be a little but I have a BIG voice! Been quite the "talker" lately which my parents pretty much think is the cutest thing ever. So I'll keep it up I guess.

Hattie the Hemangioma on my neck is getting preeeeeeeety annoying, lemme tell ya. I guess we are going on a long car ride to Boston in November to have a smarty pants look at it. Uh oh, a long car ride. I pretty much give a thumbs down to car rides. Most of the time I'll voice my opinion about this by screaming at them from the backseat. But I don't think they get it, because they still put me in the car all the time. What gives?

I am a lucky little girl because I have lots of fun Grandparents! There's the Nana/Papa combo...the Mema/Poppy combo...the Grammy/Poppy combo and an Avo (Portuguese for Grandpa). I also have a Great-Grammy and a Nanny! They love me lots and do so much for me!

I can't wait because by early next week my Auntie Kristen will be having her baby (my future BFF). We are gonna have so much fun playing and growing together!! We are gonna be like cookies n' milk...or like cake n' ice cream...or like the moon n' the stars...you get my point....:)

I overheard my Mom talking about something called "Fall." She's pretty pumped up about it. Apparently, we are going to be doing lots of apple and pumpkin picking! Which will be accompanied by lots of picture taking. And Halloween? What's that? I heard through the grapevine that she's planning on dressing me up in something silly or sickeningly sweet. But that's okay. I'll let her. I know she's waited a long time to do this :)

Overall, my first 6 months out in this world have been pretty great. I can't complain. It was a rough start, but things are getting better. Before you know it, I'll be (in no particular order):

-On the move!
-Popping up some teeth!
-Thinking Cheerios is a delicacy!
-Saying MaMa and DaDa!! Hmmm, which one will I say first?? Maybe I'll throw a wrench in the whole thing and say "Justin Bieber" or something....
-Celebrating my first Halloween, Thanksgiving and CHRISTMAS! Gotta meet this "Santa" guy all the other kids speak so highly of...
-Reading Harry Potter (Eh, well that's pushing it I guess)

There's so much to be done in the next 6 months! I better get moving on those...

My Mommy went a little crazy with the photo shoot.  I was ready for a (cat) nap afterwards! Check 'em out below. Does Mommy have a polka dot obsession? I think so...

Until next time,
Samantha Roselyn

Check out my belly! I just ate up some Oatmeal and Ba-nay-nays!

I'm smiling because in 6 more months I get to eat CAKE!

Baby got back. Everyone should have their name embroidered on their  underwear!

Whoa, what's this thing in my lap?

Oh hey, it's the number 6! I've seen the Count from Sesame Street talk about this number...

I wonder if I can eat it...

Do you think my Mom will notice if I just have a little taste?

Eh, she took it away from me. Guess I'll just chew on this bib...

Hi there.

Watching Elmo...

All these polka dots are making me dizzy...

See the blur?? Guess they did make me dizzy!

See you all next month!!

Cosmo and Candy

Did you guys see this? I came across it on yahoo news and laughed. A Mom and Dad of twin boys took them on their first flight. They were so worried that the boys would cry a lot and disturb the other passengers, so they made little candy bags and handed them out. Adorable! But I also think, they shouldn't have to do that! If you are someone that gets upset if there is a crying baby on board, then get over it. Babies cry and babies need to fly too! Go get on another airline such as " No-Babies-Allowed Airlines." Oh? That doesn't exist? THEN DON'T FLY. These poor parents are so sweet to do this. And I know the first time we fly with Samantha I will probably be sweating bullets, too. However, I might physically harm anyone that does the eye roll or makes a stinky comment about my crying baby. Just sayin...

In other news, I need a makeover. BADLY. I might as well be sporting a pair of "mom jeans" at this point. I just feel so unattractive and frumpy lately. I definitely could stand to lose about 50 pounds, but that's a work in progress. I need something immediate to make me feel better. Like a haircut and color. Or some new outfits. Definitely, since Sam's arrival I have put myself on the back burner. My wardrobe is embarrassing. Seriously, I hate shopping with this post baby body I have going on. Things fit SO weird on me. I really need a massage, a mani/pedi, a haircut and color! A blog friend did a post with different (virtual) hairstyles on her! I thought it was so cool and I asked her for the link! Which I believe off the top of my head was www.cosmopolitan.com, but I could be wrong. Anyways, it allows you to upload a picture of your face and then try out different haircuts/color and makeup too! It was so fun to do! But I'm not very tech savvy so I had a hard time getting things to look right! However, I kind of really like this color and cut on me! What do you think? Excuse, the chunk of blonde in the front and the weird neck color thing going on. I couldn't seem to edit it correctly!

Happy Anniversary to us!

Two years. One baby miracle sent from above. Lots of challenges. Lots of love.

Didn't know I could love my husband any more than I already do, until I saw how much he loves our daughter <3 p="p">

Buzz off...

This afternoon my husband was doing some work for his Uncle. He was there alone, pressure washing the roof. Which I later told him "Please never again go up on a roof when you are alone!" But anyways, he was attacked by a swarm of bees!!!! BEES!!! There must have been a nest hiding under the leaves and pine needles on the roof. He was stung repeatedly as he scrambled to get down from the roof. He's gotten stung by a bee before in his life with not much a of a reaction. Not this time. He was stung so much that he had a severe reaction. Broke out in hives all over, tingling, burning eyes and face, vomiting and a whole lot more! He also was having some trouble breathing. And that's when he decided he should call an ambulance for himself. Thank goodness he did! They took him to the ER where they pumped him full of Benadryl  and monitored him for awhile.

While all this was happening, I had just gotten home with the baby and was feeding her in her bedroom. Lately, she's been liking being fed in her rocking chair. When she was done with her bottle, she and I just chatted and read books and sang songs. And guess what song we were singing? The Bumble Bee song!!! No joke.

We then came out into the living room and I saw the message light on my phone blinking. I checked it and saw that I had about 1200 missed calls from my Mom and my MIL. And I immediately started to panic. I knew something bad had happened, because if someone is calling you every other minute, usually that means there's an emergency. Just as was about to call my Mom, I got a text from her to call my MIL asap that Matt was in the ER. Ugh. So scaryyyy! So many thoughts were going through my head! Thankfully, he was okay. But geez the poor guy got attacked by those little bastards! He now has to get an Epi-pen and keep it with him at all times. Thank God he is okay. All I kept thinking about when my MIL told me about the bees was the movie My Girl, where Macaulay Culkin (sp?) was killed by bee stings! That scene scarred me for life.

It's just been a bad week!! Along with this bee scare, someone hit the driver's side mirror off our BRAND NEW car the other night! My husband was at his softball game and had to park on the street and some jerk must have clipped the mirror and took off! It's gonna cost $400 to repair it. Awesome.

Goodbye sucky week. Don't let the door hit you on the way out....

Hattie the Hemangioma

So, I realized that I've written about Samantha's hemangioma before but I have never posted pictures of it. It's quite shocking when you first lay eyes on it. She's such a little baby and then there's this huge bump on her neck! My poor girl. We are in the process of getting an appointment scheduled with one of the top hemangioma specialists in the country. He is in Boston. So we will be taking a little road trip come October or November to go see him. Boston is only about three hours from us. Since our insurance agreed to cover it, we thought why not go get a third opinion about it. Awhile back her hemangioma (which I've nicknamed "Hattie") was ulcerating which basically means it was bleeding and causing her discomfort. It's actually looking a lot better now, believe it or not. But it is still HUGE...

We are most likely going to wait and hope it heals on it's own. They usually do by age one. However, there are other options such as a (blood pressure) med, laser, steroids and surgery. None of those sound appealing to us. I'm so torn about it though. On one hand, we are not that concerned with the cosmetic aspect of it. But in case it doesn't go away for years, I don't want our girl feeling uncomfortable about OR getting teased. Which, my husband said he would have to kill someone if they picked on her about it! And I believe him. I just don't want her saying to us in a few years "Why didn't you guys get this taken care of when I was too little to know the difference?" I'm also not crazy about the BP med that could help it shrink. She would have to be monitored for a few days in the hospital to make sure the meds didn't do anything crazy to her. However, I do have a few friends whose kids are on this med and they are fine! The doctors aren't crazy about steroids or surgery. Our main concern, is that it is going to start ulcerating again and causing her pain. Which was completely heartbreaking last time because she would SCREAM anytime we picked her up, got her dressed or bathed her. And also (in my crazy head) I am worried about the hemangioma growing deeper and wrapping around her spinal cord or something crazy like that!!!

I think heading to Boston will help us put our minds at ease about what we should or shouldn't do.

Here are a few pics. Not the greatest and a little blurry, but you'll get the idea! Hattie is huge! And Hattie needs to take a hike! :)