I left my heart there.

Yesterday we were discharged from the hospital. We dragged the day out hoping they wouldn't throw us out by our collars and luckily we were able to keep our room till about 4. But then we had to leave. And I was so completely heart broken. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my whole life. I left my heart at the hospital.

We actually came home, my husband brought all our stuff in and then we pretty much turned right around went back to the hospital to say goodnight to her and she had a few visitors. Luckily we only live about 10-15 minutes away, but with me still recovering and not being able to drive for a few weeks, things are gonna be different this week. Probably next week I will be able to spend more time there during the day.
I don't know how we will get through this but we will. Physically and emotionally I'm a wreck. Did way to much walking yesterday and now I'm paying for it. And I don't go more than an hour without crying thinking about our sweet girl.

For such a long time yesterday she had her eyes open and I would just sing to her and she would stare right back at me. I can't even put into words how it feel to have her look at me. I would give my life for this little girl. Nothing else matters anymore.

She is doing okay overall. They had to put the c cap back on her to help with air flow pressure. Still on room air which is good. She does have a feeding tube but is not keeping much down, which scares the crap out of me. I've been pumping but not getting much yet but I'm still bringing in to them what I get. Every little bit helps. Today they are taking her stomach line and putting a picc line in. There's just so much I still don't understand, the nurses try to explain but I'm just out of it. Still on pain meds and so emotional, its hard to think. I barely remember my name or what day it is.

My husband is my hero. He has been so wonderful through all of this. He had to go back to work and he's going on very little sleep. But we both love Samantha so much that I think that is what is keeping us going and pushing us forward. Luckily, he will probably have a day or two at the end of the week off and then later in April when she comes home he can take some sort of paternity leave.

Please keep the prayers coming for our sweet girl. She's doing okay overall but I'm still terrified...