Our Moment

Samantha and I had our first "moment" the other night. We were up visiting her in the evening and the nursery was pretty quiet. NICU nurseries can be pretty loud around feeding times, because that's when all the monitors tend to go off. But this was right after feeding time, they had turned the lights down and I my husband had stepped out of the nursery to make a call. So it was just me with my sleeping baby girl in my arms sitting in the dark. I started singing to her quietly and then the tears started to come. I realized this was our first "moment" together. Alone. Just me and her. Mother and Daughter. It really hit me that she is mine. She's my baby girl. Forever. A love that I cannot describe....

There's been some changes! Baby girl is now 4lbs 10oz. Yesterday she did mostly bottle feeds (they were pushing her) and only one tube feed. But she was exhausted!!! She's also been moved to an intermediate nursery, which is kind of a step up. She's still in her isolette for now but has been maintaining her body heat and the heat in her isolette is just about our room temp. So that's good.

There have been so many things I want to blog about, but we are just exhausted when we get home so the last thing I feel like doing is sitting in front of the computer. Here are few things that soon will be blog posts I hope...

-The Lactation Vultures (Yes, I hate them. I call them the vultures. They are horrible. I know that's not the case for all lactation consultants, because I'm sure there are nice ones out there! But the ones at this NICU make me cry. And I hate them)
-How excited/scared I am to bring her home. I have to many fears and have been having bad dreams about them.
-How I never got to say "goodbye" to my pregnant belly with Sam inside. Everything happened so fast the day she was born that I never really got to say goodbye to the pregnancy. I know that sounds so strange and of course it's so much more wonderful having her here now! But I'm feeling a little bit of PPD I think. Just a little.
-Stretchmarks! They were much more tolerable when I had the big belly. Now they are freaking me out. Because they are textured now! Like a raisin!
-I've lost 30+ pounds so far. Still massive. But I'm starting to look/feel like myself again. Plus, we forget to eat. I can't remember the last time my husband and I had a decent meal.
-The work/stay home dilemma. We are still debating what I'm going to do in the fall (Sept). Will probably be heading back to work but we are really stressed out about putting her in daycare and her getting really sick. The majority of the doctors/nurses we have talked to pretty much say to delay it as long as we can. So everything with that is still up in the air! But it's stressing me out bigtime. If anything really bad happened to our girl because she got sick from daycare, I would probably throw myself off a bridge. Well no I wouldnt but you get what Im saying...