Last week I was browsing Facebook and I saw a post from a guy I went to HS with. We weren't really friends back then as he was a few years ahead. But we became friendly last year through mutual friends. We all had something very special in common. We all struggled with infertility, we all eventually became pregnant through IVF and all of our babies were premature. When they had their triplets (a boy and two girls) we were only a few weeks pregnant. One month into their stay in the NICU, one of their precious girls passed away. I remember feeling so completely heartbroken for them. The other day they celebrated the twin's 1st birthday and he had posted pictures on FB of the party. I found myself looking through the photos with tears just streaming down my face. He wore a t-shirt that said "Daddy's Angel" over a picture of their sweet baby girl that passed. It was a picture of her soooo tiny in the NICU, hooked up to machines and wires. I found myself sobbing for two reasons...
One being I was SO sad for them. What a huge huge loss. It's just imaginable. His cover photo on FB is of his son and daughter in carseats sitting on each side of baby girl's headstone. It's one of the sweetest and saddest things I've ever laid eyes on. And two, I was crying because I was just so very thankful that Samantha made it out of the NICU okay. I will admit that every single night (on my "cry" ride home) horrible thoughts would go through my head. My husband and I hated hearing our phone ring, as we were terrified that it would be the NICU telling us the unthinkable. Daily, I had visions of getting a "bad" call like that. That was an extremely anxiety filled month. But I just thank God, that she grew strong and healthy and made it home to us. At a month old their baby passed away. At a month old our baby got to come home. In the blink of an eye, the roles could have been reversed. I just find myself counting all my blessings lately and being so very thankful to have this beautiful little girl in our lives...
And it doesn't help that I've been extra emotional lately! Seriously, I cry over every little thing. Whether it's something sappy on TV or just looking at Samantha and seeing her smile. I'm a big pile of mush. Things have been challenging lately, as her sleep patterns are way off. I've received lots of great advice and hopefully soon things will turn around. For months, she was going to bed around 7pm, waking up between 1-3 for a bottle and diaper change and then would go right back down. And she would sleep till about 7am, sometimes a little later. But nowwww, oh things are different. She still goes down around 7. But gets up about every 2-3 hours. The first time she gets up I usually just cuddle her a bit, and she goes back down. But then is up about and hour later. I'm okay with the CIO method, but I'm a little weary of it because since she was a preemie, she doesn't eat as much as a full term 7 mth old would. She takes between 3-6oz. We've tried offering more food and some teething relief, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. So I'm worried about letting her cry it out all the time, because if she doesn't take much food she could truly be hungry. But like now, for example, she's "crying it out" as I type this. I have one eye on the laptop monitor and one on the baby monitor. I just fed her, changed her and cuddled her and put her down. She fell back asleep for about 10 minutes and started crying. So I am TRYING like hell to let her CIO. But this shit is hard :(
Her ultrasounds went okay on Tuesday. The brain bleed she had in the NICU has resolved on it's own, thank God! The hemangioma on her neck is too big and deep for the regular u/s probe to get a good look so she will need an MRI at some point :( The hemangioma on her liver the doctor there couldn't decipher if it was still there (?) which was weird I thought. So they are passing it on to her ped to look at. Still on schedule with going to see the specialist in Boston in November.
I cannot believe she is going to be 7 months old on Monday! We are taking her apple picking for the first time! This is one of those things I dreamt about doing when we had a baby :)
Ok, so CIO attempt #1 didn't go so well. I let her cry for about ten minutes and then went in there and stood where she couldn't see me. But then the sound of her cries became sooo sad that I just had to pick her up! And we cuddled and rocked for a bit. I layed her back down awake and now she's just hanging out in there tossing and turning and talking to herself. Oh boy, this is gonna be tough....
Coffee donations welcome...
ps-Don't forget to count all of your blessings...xo
6 comments:
I count my blessing and my friends since they are blessings too.
That story of your high school friend is heartbreaking, so so sad. I can't imagine what you went through either, but I'm so glad you were able to bring your miracle home at one month! The CIO method didn't work for us either, Chloe would just end up getting herself so worked up, there was no way she was going to sleep. I hope the sleep issues work themselves out soon though, I know that's gotta be rough.
Thank you for the reminc=der to count our blessings. It is very true that we should be thankful for what we have! We just did CIO this week with our *almost* 9 month old. So far {knock on wood} it has been great. First night he only woke 1x (was waking 3-4x a night) and cried for 40 minutes, the secod night he woke 1x and cried for 10 minutes, last night he woke up but didn't cry and he just fell back asleep. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let it keep going so well for him in the sleep department. Maybe you can talk to your PEDI about it. He may have more info on it since Samantha was a premie. Best of luck!
I'm not a good CIO mommy either!! :) Let me know if you find it works... I'll let you try it first!haha
That story was heartbreaking. we are so blessed and lucky to have our miracles. :) as for CIO, I really can't do it either and it doesn't work for him! He will scream and scream and work himself up so much that he doesn't fall asleep anyways, so I figure what's the point because it doesn't make anyone in our house happy! Not even the dog, lol! I figure it's much easier to do a quick cuddle or rock or nurse and not listen to the screaming - worst sound ever! Apparently they've done tests about how long people think a baby has been crying and people always think its way longer than it really is, I believe it!
I know what you mean. The Border Patrol Agent killed (in the news) was our friend and Jason's partner at work. Like you said, with just a blink of an eye, it could have been Jason. It is VERY close to home. I have been emotional too, as we try to support each other, Nick's family and the entire BP community as we grieve. Bad things happen to good people WAY too often and it's hard to face it when it strikes so close to home.
Good luck on CIO - I am BACK to doing it with Jax at 2+ years old. I thought the sleep issues stopped by now..but nope! Hang in there!
Post a Comment