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It felt good to click on "New Post." I haven't done so in weeks! Well, a real post anyhow. I'm sorry dear readers for my absence. I really can't come up with one single excuse as to why I have been MIA. I can come up with many. Lately, I've been feeling really overwhelmed and stressed. To the point where I can barely focus and concentrate on a task. It's awful. Things have just been really busy with work, with wedding planning, with baby stuff, with LIFE! I try to get organized and take things one step at a time, but even that's not helping. I'm thinking I might need to be on something to help me focus and feel better. I mean the whole IF stuff, in itself is taxing, but to throw in other life happenings, makes me feel like I'm drowning. It's a really sad feeling. Don't get me wrong, Matt and I are super happy and very excited about this wedding! But I have a lot on my plate right now. We pretty much dumped our OB/GYN. I realized after my last few visits, where their bedside manner sucked, that I didn't have to stay there. We have our first RE appt on the 14th and we are looking foward to what's to come. We even went to the open house at the clinic the other night, where we got to check out the facility. So far, I already love it. I guess what's to come with the RE isn't whats getting me, it's the miscarriage. Still. I just don't feel that much better, I still have really bad moments. For example, Wednesday when I had a mini breakdown and Matt picked up all my pieces. He is so wonderful, have I mentioned that? :) He always seems to know to say, and in a way that is nothing but sincere and from the heart. I just think my heart is still so broken over the miscarriage, and I had hoped to be feeling much better. But honestly, I don't.

My stepbrother's wife (sis in law) had her baby shower last sunday. I thought it was going to be rough for me. I thought I would drive away in tears. But I didn't. It was a really nice shower and she got lots of cute stuff! And she looked absolutely beautiful with her round baby belly. There were a few other preggo's there too. And one of them just happened to be due August 8th. One day after I was supposed to be due. Ouch. So that stung a little. But I was ok. Baby showers are kind of like window shopping. You can keep a mental list about what you might want for your baby someday. :) So I was proud of myself for keeping it together that day, but I was was a little bothered. Because I realized that I didn't feel anything. I'm numb. And I don't think that's a good thing either. I'm pretty sure some type of medication is in my near future. Just something to help me, start feeling like me.

Work has been pretty taxing too. I think every other week, I am attacked by some stomach bug or cold or some funky virus that only sweet cherubs can carry. I have had a headache for the past week just in a certain area of my head, and my stomach is the devil. I'm either carrying one of the above kid diseases, or it's stress causing all of this. I started this CDA online program for work, and I can hardly focus on it. It's easy to do, but I sit down to do it and my mind is all over the place. I'm way behind in the coursework and it's hanging over my head like a dark death cloud. I know I'll get it all done, but it's just another thing on my already full plate.

Wedding planning is moving along! We are getting married September 4th of this year. A tent wedding at his parents house! I am really excited. But we are trying to pull off a large low budget wedding, so it's going to be hard. I think tomorrow, I might be going dress shopping with my mom. So that will be fun.

I had a very overdue dinner with my friend "S" who also has a ton on her plate. She is getting married in September as well, so it was fun to talk and catch up. She gave me some really cute engagement gifts, but I think my favorite one was a baby Mets bib...and what made it even cuter was she bought a Yankees one for herself..for when we have babies someday. Enough said.

So, readers I am just taking things day by day and trying to keep my head above water. I know everything will turn out okay. The wedding will be wonderful. My CDA course will get done. And a beautiful baby will arrive. That is in no particular order :) I have a lot of catching up to do on your blogs! I have been reading a few here and there, but not commenting much. Just know I'm still routing, hoping and praying for you all.

This week was also NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) so I made myself a little pink and blue awareness ribbon to wear. Which I have been faithfully wearing all week. Maybe I'll keep it and put in a baby book...

Now, it's time to watch the Mets beat the Phillies. The Mets favorite chore? Sweeping:)

No need.

Hi Blogger friends. No need to put a mirror at my mouth to see if I'm breathing. Nor is there a need to poke me with something sharp. I am alive and well. Just been super busy with..well...life! :) I plan on catching up on my blogging and all of you this weekend. And if any of you were wondering, no need to think I might have been preggers, because that would be just..well...silly. :) A real post is on it's way, I promise. Girl Scout's honor. Mmmmm, Samoas. And it will contain topics such as: wedding planning, antibiotic hell, my lovely man, Glee, another one bites the dust cycle, the dumping of my OB/GYN, and much much more :)

I've figured out what the worst job ever is...

For a less-than-fertile person, that is. A Babies "R" Us worker!!! Can you imagine having IF issues and having to work there? Yikes. I got thinking about this today, when I headed back to Babies "R" Us. All the workers seemed so happy and helpful in their purple vests. I suppose to work there you either need to be a mom already or a teenager working part time. If it was the last job on earth, I think I would rather turn to prostitution. And I only feel this way, because of the obvious. I'm sure it's a really fun job, when you don't know the pain of infertility. I have to give mad love (yes I said "mad" love) to Babies "R" Us though. They really do have everythingggggg. It's like the one stop baby shop.

We had a nice weekend, but now I think I'm a getting sick again! Ugh. I can tell somethings brewin' because I just did a neb and it's not really helping. Plus, my throat is sore. I have tomorrow off from work! I want to say "Woo-hoo!" but I think it might be turning into a sick day instead. Thank you everyone for the kind words and well wishes about our engagement!!! You girls are awesome. I think we may have a wedding date picked out, November 27th 2010!! This isn't definite yet, but it's what we are leaning towards. We are also looking into ceremony and reception spots, but $$$ is a big factor. So we will see!! :)

So I am 7dpo today. I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't , buy a pregnancy test at Wal-Mart this weekend, because I did. I haven't taken it yet though, it's just sitting under my sink. Stewing. Taunting. Laughing at me. I even went the ghetto route and bought the Wal-Mart brand, that came with only one test for $4.00. I don't know when or even if I'll take it. Sometimes ignorance is bliss, ya know? I have an appt for bloodwork and an ultrasound on the 21st, but that may not even happen if AF arrives. She's been know to mess things up that way.

I should put myself to bed after this shotglass of OJ. I love Tropicana (no pulp) OJ, have I mentioned that? And it always tastes even better when I'm sick.

I hope you all had a great weekend with your loves. Happy Birthday to my friend, "S"!!! And "LaLa" if you're reading this, email tomorrow I promise!! :)

Rings and things...

Well, my blogger friends...WE ARE ENGAGED!!! :) Yesterday was my 31st birthday and my honey proposed!! We are so happy and excited! And most of you (ok, some of you) might be confused and thinking " I thought they were already married??!!" Let me explain. I am divorced and after Matt and I met we knew that we wanted to have children together. Our first pregnancy (that ended in a miscarriage) wasn't exactly "planned" but very much wanted. And then after that loss, we knew we just wanted to get a jump start on starting a family, because of my IF history. So that is why we are being aggressive with trying for a baby, even before we are officially married. I love him. He loves me. We want a family. Period. :)

After our romantic afternoon of GETTING ENGAGED (insert big smile) we met my mom and step dad for dinner. Along with my brother and his fiancee. It was a great dinner and we were so happy to share our happy news and celebrate! I almost forgot it was my birthday with all the excitement going on! Turning 31 wasn't so bad after all...

Sorry I have been a little MIA this week in blog land. Been busy and really tired. And hungry. And moody. And no, I'm not pregnant. Just ovulation stuff I think. Congrats to LTB (a fellow blogger) and her BFP!!! Yay! For the past two weeks she pretended she was actually pregnant, by way of positive thinking and on her blog and guess what? IT WORKED :)

I hope everyone had a great week. Tomorrow is Friday!!!! I saw this "become a fan" thing on facebook that said " After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar is like W T F" haha

I've got to go put me and my ring to bed :) I will share more engagement info this weekend. Like how the annoying lady who sold him the ring went on and on about how he should " get the best warranty because what if she gets pregnant and her fingers get fat." Can I please punch her in the face? I guess this pisses me off for two reasons. One-does she really need to say that, there are some sensitive people out there who deal with IF and comments like this sting like hell. And two-my fingers are already fat, lady. :)

The Easter Bunny brought me something...

A BFP...ovulation test! I'm happy about this, but I'm not getting too excited about it. I used to do them in Hawaii and I would see a spike each month, but still no baby came out of it. So, we'll see. I know getting a positive opk doesn't guarantee anything, but it was kind of nice to see the two dark lines. Last time I had two dark lines on anything, it was December 6th. Almost four months ago and a moment that changed me forever. So even though it wasn't the BFP I would really like, I am still grateful for it. While I was waiting for the test this morning, I began reading the instructions that come in the box. Why? I have no idea. I could give a class on how to properly pee on a stick and/or read preggo/ovulation tests. And there it was again. The $1.00 off coupons that I love. I'm so glad they come in the preggo and ovulation tests. But they should really give us $5.00 off coupons! These things are so expensive and IF ladies like us buy them all the time. I did have a very expensive clear blue monitor in Hawaii, but my ex threw it out in a post-separation rage. Nice.

We had a nice Easter, spent with my honey's family. Once again the weather was amazing! As in sit-in-the-sun-and-get-a-tan-amazing! So excited it's baseball season too. Lets Go Mets!!! :)

Now let's see if the Easter Bunny is willing to work overtime during this 2ww...

Wanna feel bad about yourself?

Go hang out in a Babies "R" Us for a little while...

Today was a beautiful day in Upstate New York. Sunny, blue skies, and almost 80! This morning I ran over to Babies "R" Us to check out some stuff for an upcoming baby shower. I have a love/hate relationship with Babies "R" Us. It's so much fun looking at all the wittle baby stuff and making mental notes on what I might want someday. It's also pretty fun shopping for other people and I tend to get a little carried away, until my wallet slaps me in the face. But my mental notebook is already pretty full of nursery stuff and clothes and toys for when it's our turn someday. For the most part, the 30 minutes I spent in there, weren't all that bad. You learn a lot looking through all the new baby gadgets and things they have. I did however start to feel a little heartbroken, when I saw a few couples come in and register for baby things. They were so happy with their cute little baby bumps. I just wanted to feel that way too. I let myself be sad for a minute and then bucked up. Some of those couples could have spent years struggling with IF and miscarriages. So, as one cute preggo and I reached for the same item. I smiled and let her go ahead and take it. I even commented on her pretty maternity top. It was lavender with a satin lavender bow around the middle. I've come to realize I have a slight obsession with cute maternity clothes. Even though I believe most preggos could wear a Glad trash bag and put a bow on their bump and look fabulous...

After the Babies R' Us adventure, I went and visited my mom and stepdad and my doggy, Nole! It was so good to just hang out with them for awhile. My stepdad is just getting over bronchitis and now my mom has bronchitis and pneumonia. Hopefully they are feeling better soon! It's never fun being sick, and on a beautiful weekend too! My honey and I made a nice dinner while we watched "The Last Samurai." It was on one of the movie channels. Matt said he wants to get himself one of those samurai robes. I think he was joking, but in any case, I shot that down very quickly. :)

So, has anyone else had the Rhogam shot? They gave me one in the hospital when we miscarried. (Because, of course, I have some toxic blood type, that could harm myself and/or the fetus.) My complaint is that the area where I got the (oh so painful) shot, still hurts! And it's been almost 4 months now. There isn't a bruise, but it still aches now and then. Is that normal? Anyone else had this problem? Not to mention, that I just googled the Rhogam shot and found all this negative information about it on how it contains an insane amount of mercury. If anyone can shed some light on this, please let me know!

Have a Happy Easter, everyone! May you be BD'ing (baby dancing) like bunnies and may there be some good "eggs" in your "basket." :)

p.s.

1) How do I get a signature to appear on my blog?

and

2) My honey just returned home with some goodies to eat while watching the game. He got me a flintstones candy necklace. hah! And for some reason, I think this is absolutely adorable of him...