It felt good to click on "New Post." I haven't done so in weeks! Well, a real post anyhow. I'm sorry dear readers for my absence. I really can't come up with one single excuse as to why I have been MIA. I can come up with many. Lately, I've been feeling really overwhelmed and stressed. To the point where I can barely focus and concentrate on a task. It's awful. Things have just been really busy with work, with wedding planning, with baby stuff, with LIFE! I try to get organized and take things one step at a time, but even that's not helping. I'm thinking I might need to be on something to help me focus and feel better. I mean the whole IF stuff, in itself is taxing, but to throw in other life happenings, makes me feel like I'm drowning. It's a really sad feeling. Don't get me wrong, Matt and I are super happy and very excited about this wedding! But I have a lot on my plate right now. We pretty much dumped our OB/GYN. I realized after my last few visits, where their bedside manner sucked, that I didn't have to stay there. We have our first RE appt on the 14th and we are looking foward to what's to come. We even went to the open house at the clinic the other night, where we got to check out the facility. So far, I already love it. I guess what's to come with the RE isn't whats getting me, it's the miscarriage. Still. I just don't feel that much better, I still have really bad moments. For example, Wednesday when I had a mini breakdown and Matt picked up all my pieces. He is so wonderful, have I mentioned that? :) He always seems to know to say, and in a way that is nothing but sincere and from the heart. I just think my heart is still so broken over the miscarriage, and I had hoped to be feeling much better. But honestly, I don't.
My stepbrother's wife (sis in law) had her baby shower last sunday. I thought it was going to be rough for me. I thought I would drive away in tears. But I didn't. It was a really nice shower and she got lots of cute stuff! And she looked absolutely beautiful with her round baby belly. There were a few other preggo's there too. And one of them just happened to be due August 8th. One day after I was supposed to be due. Ouch. So that stung a little. But I was ok. Baby showers are kind of like window shopping. You can keep a mental list about what you might want for your baby someday. :) So I was proud of myself for keeping it together that day, but I was was a little bothered. Because I realized that I didn't feel anything. I'm numb. And I don't think that's a good thing either. I'm pretty sure some type of medication is in my near future. Just something to help me, start feeling like me.
Work has been pretty taxing too. I think every other week, I am attacked by some stomach bug or cold or some funky virus that only sweet cherubs can carry. I have had a headache for the past week just in a certain area of my head, and my stomach is the devil. I'm either carrying one of the above kid diseases, or it's stress causing all of this. I started this CDA online program for work, and I can hardly focus on it. It's easy to do, but I sit down to do it and my mind is all over the place. I'm way behind in the coursework and it's hanging over my head like a dark death cloud. I know I'll get it all done, but it's just another thing on my already full plate.
Wedding planning is moving along! We are getting married September 4th of this year. A tent wedding at his parents house! I am really excited. But we are trying to pull off a large low budget wedding, so it's going to be hard. I think tomorrow, I might be going dress shopping with my mom. So that will be fun.
I had a very overdue dinner with my friend "S" who also has a ton on her plate. She is getting married in September as well, so it was fun to talk and catch up. She gave me some really cute engagement gifts, but I think my favorite one was a baby Mets bib...and what made it even cuter was she bought a Yankees one for herself..for when we have babies someday. Enough said.
So, readers I am just taking things day by day and trying to keep my head above water. I know everything will turn out okay. The wedding will be wonderful. My CDA course will get done. And a beautiful baby will arrive. That is in no particular order :) I have a lot of catching up to do on your blogs! I have been reading a few here and there, but not commenting much. Just know I'm still routing, hoping and praying for you all.
This week was also NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) so I made myself a little pink and blue awareness ribbon to wear. Which I have been faithfully wearing all week. Maybe I'll keep it and put in a baby book...
Now, it's time to watch the Mets beat the Phillies. The Mets favorite chore? Sweeping:)