Disappointment.
I'm a little sad today. And it all happened before 9 am this morning. It was one of those kind of days where if you're so bummed THAT early...you should just climb under a rock and stay there for the rest of the day...
I went to bed happy. I woke up feeling happy. Happy to have received some more info on the twins. Happy to be putting my surgery behind me with the post-op appointment. And happy to be going back to work and rejoining the world. So I had a little spring in my step.
My mom met me at the RE's office and the first thing she said was "Did you get the email I forwarded you?" I said, "No." Then she showed me on her phone. Our family friend had spoken with the woman who has been caring for the girls. Her response to our family friend telling her we were interested, wasn't all that reassuring. She mentioned that things were still uncertain and that she would talk to the mom of the twins to see what she wanted to do. As in if she was even serious about adoption.
Uncertain.
Doesn't sound good.
But I don't blame anyone. Deciding to put your children up for adoption is no small thing.
I'm a little mad at myself for getting my hopes up. Silly Sarah, did you actually think things might work out for once? Sigh.
I also got some not so good news at the appointment this morning. I had been told by a few nurses that when doing IVF (since it's not covered) you can "act" like you are doing just a regular injectibles/IUI cycle so that the meds are cheaper. Apparently, as explained by my doctor this morning....that's insurance fraud. So yeah, won't be doing that! But now I am at a loss. The IVF meds could cost anywhere from $3,000 to $5,000 dollars. Which we can't afford right now. I'm just so sad, because what I thought was finally in reach...IVF...our baby....our family...is now not looking like an option. And in my heart I just know another injectible/IUI cycle is not going to work for us.
I know what you're thinking..."stop being a negative nancy"....
But I'm tired of things not working out. I'm tired of being sad. I'm so very tired of these empty arms...
I just don't know what God is asking of us.
But what I do know is He's asking too much...