Saturday, June 25, 2011

I dreamt about them

I dreamt about the twin girls last night. It was more of a searching dream. I was on a ship actually and there was a room full of children and I was frantically looking for these two baby girls. I found one of them, but she was a little older than 5 months. She had a onesie on that read " I love Mommy." But I couldn't find her sister anywhere. Strange how dreams happen.

Like I said last night, in no way am I putting all of our eggs in this one basket. It was just a phone call. Just a seed. I do appreciate all of your comments and advice. I agree with every single one of them. I do have respect for parents that choose to put their child up for adoption, when the reason is to give them a better chance at life. I just could never imagine giving my child up. But of course I am biased because of my struggle with infertility. I try to think about what if our daughter someday becomes pregnant at 16 and wants to consider adoption? There are so many reasons for why people make certain choices. And I am NOT judging. One couple's choice for putting their child up for adoption, becomes a blessing for another couple...

Something else I'm struggling with is are we considered even a "better option" for someone else's child? Yes, we have so much love to give but we don't own a house. We don't have a backyard with a swingset. We don't have a big bank account and we don't have big fancy jobs. Would someone really look at us at say " Our twin baby girls have a better life with these people"? I'd like to say all those "material things" don't matter. But sometimes, they do. I know in my heart that love wins over all those things. But would other people agree?

What's meant to be will be. This seed may not even grow into anything. But it does have me thinking about life's plan...or God's plan....

The big things seem to happen when you least expect it.

My mom emailed our family friend the link to my last blog post and she was going to call her today to try and get more information on the twins. I guess it's our turn to plant the seed that we are interested and would like to be considered. My mindset right now is to gear up for next months IVF. To just pretend like nothing has changed....

Even if it has.

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