Where I'm freaking out and scared and just want to cry.
I woke up this morning feeling okay, but then shortly after started feeling some cramps/discomfort in my lower belly. It just felt different than the normal GI pain I feel. So I took some Tylenol and laid down on the couch. I ended up falling asleep but when I woke up the discomfort was still there. I keep trying to tell myself it's normal and could just be RLP but I googled RLP and it doesn't sound like this is what I'm experiencing. I'm not doubled over in pain but I'm definitely miserable from the discomfort and anxiety it brought with it.
So I thought I'd check the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Bad idea. I'm considering returning it because I find it's bringing me more anxiety than excitement over trying to find the hb. I tried to find it and when I found a heartbeat I couldn't tell if it was mine or the baby's. I think it was the baby because it was super fast, but what bothered me is I think it should sound different at 18 weeks than what it's normally sounded like. From what I've heard/read it should start sounding more like a gallop rather than a fast swooshing sound. So I googled it and watched about 5 youtube videos of women who are 18 weeks and using their doppler. And of course theirs sounds like a gallop. What also freaked me out about youtube was there was tons of videos of people at 18 weeks feeling kicks and movement! I'm not feeling any of that.
Today is just a bad day for me. I feel like crap. And I'm thinking the worst. I keep praying to God to please let this baby be ok and let it stay in my belly until the spring. I'll do anything to make that happen. I guess today because of the cramps I'm on the edge. I feel like smashing my doppler with a hammer.
I wish I could just sleep through this until April.