Monday, November 28, 2011

Having one of those days...

Where I'm freaking out and scared and just want to cry.

I woke up this morning feeling okay, but then shortly after started feeling some cramps/discomfort in my lower belly. It just felt different than the normal GI pain I feel. So I took some Tylenol and laid down on the couch. I ended up falling asleep but when I woke up the discomfort was still there. I keep trying to tell myself it's normal and could just be RLP but I googled RLP and it doesn't sound like this is what I'm experiencing. I'm not doubled over in pain but I'm definitely miserable from the discomfort and anxiety it brought with it.

So I thought I'd check the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Bad idea. I'm considering returning it because I find it's bringing me more anxiety than excitement over trying to find the hb. I tried to find it and when I found a heartbeat I couldn't tell if it was mine or the baby's. I think it was the baby because it was super fast, but what bothered me is I think it should sound different at 18 weeks than what it's normally sounded like. From what I've heard/read it should start sounding more like a gallop rather than a fast swooshing sound. So I googled it and watched about 5 youtube videos of women who are 18 weeks and using their doppler. And of course theirs sounds like a gallop. What also freaked me out about youtube was there was tons of videos of people at 18 weeks feeling kicks and movement! I'm not feeling any of that.

Today is just a bad day for me. I feel like crap. And I'm thinking the worst. I keep praying to God to please let this baby be ok and let it stay in my belly until the spring. I'll do anything to make that happen. I guess today because of the cramps I'm on the edge. I feel like smashing my doppler with a hammer.

I wish I could just sleep through this until April.

18 comments:

Liz said...

I didn't get a doppler because I knew it would end up making me more crazy than I already am. Maybe call your doctor and see if you can go in. It will help ease your mind to just hear the hb and know it't the baby. Also, I never felt my daughter until I was about 22 weeks along so it's ok. I am sure the baby is growing strong but it is so hard not to worry. Call the doctor and see if you can go in for a quick check. Keep us posted on how you are feeling! Thinking of you!

Josey said...

Oh shit Sarah - STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE (and the damn doppler). That's one of the big reasons we decided not to get one - for every person that loves having one, it seems there are twice as many people who just worried MORE b/c it's hard to find a HB on your own at home with an at-home machine. Also, if you did find it and it's a swooshing sound, it's quite possible you're hearing the HB through the placenta/umbilical cord instead of directly from the baby - that's what happens at my midwive's practice, and it's quite normal.

Finally, i just BARELY started feeling movement at 18w, and it really wasn't until the 20s that I could feel/detect it with any sort of regularity. It depends on your size/belly fat pre-pregnancy, where your placenta is (hence if the baby has to kick through it or not), how much you're moving around (baby moves more when you're NOT), etc.

My point is TRYYYY to not freak out. It doesn't do you or the baby any good. Deep breaths, relax, remind yourself that THIS IS HAPPENING FOR YOU. All will be okay hon. ((HUGS))

manymanymoons said...

Josey is 100% right in everything she said. Please please please stretch out on the couch and take lots of deep breathes. This is just a bad day and it will pass. I'm so so sorry you've feeling so crappy. I can only imagine that it's so nervewracking. Call if you need anything...I can be there in no time!

Rebecca said...

Try to get some rest, read a book not about pregnancy or pregnant women. Watch some tv, take another nap. If the pain gets worse call the doctor, please.

Jenny said...

it's still VERY early to feel movement...I was well into my 20s weeks...and even then it was questionable...heck I went to have fetal monitoring that picked up all her kicks and I STILL didn't feel them so try not to worry about that (I know I know easier said than done).
As others have said, the doppler can cause a lot of undue stress...bad days suck and this is one of them...but this too shall pass hun.

ADSchill said...

Please stop using (return) the doppler. It really isn't good for you since many times you may not even be able to find it (we're not experts). I had many people tell me NOT to use one.

If you want reassurance, I would ask to get into an OB appointment and then see if she/he feels you should get an ultrasound. Do what will make you feel better.

Also, I didn't feel anything to notice until about 18 weeks and then it was barely distinguishable and I had twins. Even at 19-20 weeks it was barely a flutter. Don't worry too much about that yet.

I understand about the fear though. Call your OB about the cramps.

Mrs. H said...

I think Josey summed it all up best. STEP AWAY FROM THE DOPPLER. I know it's hard but try not to freak out and don't be so hard on yourself. Every pregnancy is different. Today was a bit down but tomorrow is a brand new one and I hope it'll be better.

Kelly said...

Every pregnant mommy has been there. We just have freak out days but I promise everything is fine! I didn't feel the first kick until 19 weeks I think and even then it was barely anything until 20ish weeks. I bet you are hearing the placenta if it's a swishing sound. It's still SO hard to find the HB until baby is big enough and by then they are kicking all the time and you don't need the doppler anymore. I had one, but there were more days like you're having that good ones where I found it right away.

Chon said...

Oh honey. As everyone else has said NO GOOGLING. I am sure everything is ok and 18w is still really early to feel the baby. I know you are just having one of those days. Can you go and get a foot massage or a little treat? Maybe go shopping and buy something for the bub? NOt long to go till the next scan where I am sure everything will be perfect.

Good Timing said...

Hang in there Sarah! We all have our bad days and then tomorrow is better. Maybe you need a better doppler?! Or just don't use it at all like the others said. Mine has been good for me and CB is amazing at finding baby boy's HB right away. I'd say if you're still feeling this way tomorrow go back to your OB and get checked out. IT never hurts to be cautious. Thinking of you and sending big hugs!

L said...

I completely agree with everyone else. I didn't feel any movement until the very end of week 19 and it was super subtle. It wasn't until a week or two after that, that I was sure that it was actual movement. I think there are just more people who post stories about feeling movement early online....who knows some of them might not even be true. Hang in there!

Lindsey said...

Sorry the doppler is giving you trouble, I didn't get one because I was scared mine would too. My sister had an anterior placenta and had the same problem with the swishing sound and didn't feel movement until like 22 weeks, so try not to fret if possible!

Shannon said...

Chin up buttercup. Don't lose heart. I can only imagine what you're going through, but I've already told several people that an infertile's anxiety doesn't end when you get pregnant, it gets amped up big time because you have so much to lose. Like everyone else has said, you're still early on and some people mistake the same things I feel after a bowl of chili as the baby moving so don't believe everything you read/see/hear on the internet (unless it comes from all of us, of course). Kick that doppler to the curb. I haven't heard you say one positive thing about it yet! It's scaring the crap out of you! (AND ME!) I wish I lived closer because I would come over and do my stupid white girl dance for you and make you laugh. Call the doc is you need to and keep us all posted!

Beeker's Mom said...

If I was close by I would totally come over and give you a giant hug. It's going to be okay.

Moe said...

I'm thinking of you and praying for you!! I hope tomorrow is a much better day.

amiracle4us said...

Oh hun....I can only imagine each random ache/pain/odd sensation sends fear to your heart and mind. I have read soooo many pregnancy blogs that didn't feel movement until around 20 weeks or beyond so don't let that scare you. Sending you hugs, lots of them!

Faith said...

Oh no!!! Panic mode! Some days just make it hard to be positive. What you are feeling could very easily be growing pains. I had awful cramping on and off and my friend who was an OB nurse said that you can get that when the baby is having a big growing time. And sure enough, I'd go in for an u/s and baby would look HUGE! Try to hang in there, hun. This will pass and all will be ok!

Anna said...

The doppler was the worst thing I ever did while I was pregnant. It freaked me out so much when I couldn't find the heartbeat right away. More anxiety than it's worth!