Celebrating New Year's Eve...

We're 23 weeks pregnant today! Baby is about the weight of a large mango! If you had told me last New Year's Eve that I would be 23 weeks pregnant come next New Year's, I probably would have laughed in your face...

So we are feeling very blessed today! And thankful that we are going into 2012 with our baby girl on the way! So much can happen in a year. For those of you still waiting, I hope and pray that 2012 brings you your miracle baby(ies) :)

Have a happy and safe New Year's eve! Cheers!

****Clinking my champagne glass full of orange juice****

Overwhelmed...

Still sick over here. I think I am getting a little bit better, but still down for the count. Hopefully, these antibiotics will step up their game!!

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling anxious and just want to have the nursery set up already. Yes, I'm one of those people who need to have everything finished and in it's place to feel like I'm prepared. Yes, I know, I really don't need much when the baby first gets here. But I need to nest. I need to have everything ready. It will just bring me some kind of peace knowing that everything is set up and ready to go. Plus, I have been dreaming about a nursery for YEARS. So, now that my time has finally come, I'm just not cool with a bassinet, a pack of diapers and a few onesies. I want a beautiful space to bring her home to. Our main roadblock with having all this done is money of course. I know I just need to make a list and slowly get it checked off. Our first thing to do is to get the bedding or a piece of the bedding in our hands so we can go pick paint colors that will match. I want to have the room painted before we start setting anything up.

It kind of reminds me of planning a wedding in a way except in the end you are bringing home a human being for the next 18 + years.You think of all the things that need to be done and your mind starts spinning, but in the end everything works out and it's a beautiful event! I know that we'll get everything ready for the baby. And I know we have four months to go, but I want to be extra prepared in case this baby comes earlier. I want to spend the last month or so of my pregnancy relaxed and enjoying every moment. I want to go sit in her room and flip through her books and look through all the cute things in her closet :)

Just to be clear, I'm not complaining about feeling overwhelmed. I know I am very lucky to be even having these things to be overwhelmed about. Just needed to blog it out :)

Santa brought me conjuctivitis...

And an upper respiratory infection...and an ear infection! I totally missed a post for Christmas, but I was too tired and sick to actually post anything. We did have a wonderful Christmas and we were spoiled by our family!! I had started feeling crappy last week, but as we came into the weekend I could feel something "bigger" brewing. By Christmas night I had conjunctivitis in BOTH eyes. Totally gross. It was bad. I won't go into details. By Monday morning, the eye issues combined with the cold and breathing issues (I have asthma) we decided it was time to go to Urgent Care. Both my regular doctor and OB offices were closed. The Urgent care doc told me to start using my inhaler more regularly (even though I'm afraid of hurting the baby) he said if I can't breathe correctly, the baby can't breathe correctly. So I had to get over that fear quick and start using it. I also had a low grade fever. He  has me on this gross ointment for my eyes. 6 times a day for 7 days! And a Z-pack antibiotics. He told me to wait a day or two to start the antibiotics to see if I might start feeling better. But I didn't start feeling better. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with an excruciating pain in my ear. The most pain I've ever felt in my life. I was crying like a two year old. It felt like someone had shoved ten knives into my ear and left them there. 

I thought I was maybe on the mend last night. My sweet husband went out and got me a Vick's steamer/humidifier for the bedroom and breathe right strips. The strips are awesome by the way, totally helped with congestion. So I looked all sexy in bed last night with my eye ointment smeared all over my eyes, the breathe right strip on my nose and the Vick's steamer going! But then I woke up this morning with the ear pain. It was unbearable. So I ran out when the pharmacy opened and got the antibiotics filled. Thankfully, the excruciating pain in my ear has let up but it still hurts a bit. I'm hoping the antibiotics are working their magic on me today. 

I feel so bad for my baby girl. I'm hoping she can't tell what's going on with me. I've heard doctors say before that babies in the womb are kind of like parasites...even when the mom is feeling horrible the baby is still fine and thriving! I'm also worried about all these meds harming her. But I know I need to get better. I just pray she is okay. 

There was so much I wanted to get done this week, but it's just going to have to wait until I feel better. We really did have a nice Christmas!! And we were so grateful to be sharing it with our baby girl. One of my favorite gifts from my husband was a pink bib that says "I love Mommy." My mom and Step dad gave me a really nice new camera which I can't wait to figure out how to use! It will be great for taking pics of the baby! And my Dad and step mom gave us a piggy bank with the baby's name on it. We got so many other beautiful, thoughtful and generous gifts!! And it was especially nice just to spend time with family. I can't wait for next Christmas, it's amazing to think she will actually be here with us crawling around! 

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas :)

Without words...

Well, I have a few words. But they aren't going to be very happy words. I thought I was having a bad day today, until I learned that my good friend E over at manymanymoons  has had her heart broken into a million pieces. My bad day doesn't even compare. She and her husband just learned that their adoption match fell through. So many of us thought this was it. We prayed so hard. We were so excited for her. We were so sure this was happening. And then this...

I know she is hurting. So please....PLEASE...if you have a minute please stop over at her blog and show her some support and love...

A letter to my baby girl on Christmas Eve...

Dear Samantha,

Today you are 22 weeks old inside my belly. And it just so happens to be one of my favorite days of the year, Christmas Eve. I've waited so long to spend a Christmas Eve with you. You are the one gift I would wish for every Christmas and every birthday for almost four years. And now you're here and kicking me and it's the best feeling in the world. You are so wanted. You are so loved...

There might come a day when you're a teenager and we're fighting over your curfew time or how short your skirt might be. So I'm writing this now, so you know just how much your Dad and I love you. And that we'll always love you no matter what...

I hope you'll love Christmas just as much as we do. I can already picture you crawling around the living room next year, trying to pull ornaments off the tree and pulling at wrapping paper. I can picture your sweet face on a Christmas card or sitting up in your crib with Christmas pajamas on reaching up for me...

We can't wait to meet you, baby girl. We love you so much. Merry Christmas...

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Comments that irritate me...

Not blogger comments. But comments from random people you might run into during the day...


1) "Wow, you're pretty big already!" (Gee thanks. Way to make a girl feel good about herself)

2) "Get your sleep now because you won't get any once the baby comes!!" (No shit dude, we thought by having a newborn we were going to get more sleep. But hey, it didn't deter you guys, since you went on to have more than one! And besides the human body doesn't work like that. We can't store up sleep for months like chipmunks do with acorns. We realize we are going to be beyond exhausted but we also know it's going to be so worth it)

3) "Don't use binkies, or disposable diapers and don't look your baby in the eye." (That last part was random, but it was said with sarcasm. Most of the time I welcome tips and suggestions, but every once in awhile someone will say something that's completely ridiculous and judgemental)

4) "You want kids? Here TAKE MINE." (Ha. Ha. Ha. Well, aren't you quite the comedian. Actually, yes thank you, I will take yours and I know about 130 women struggling with infertility who would gladly take them as well)

5) " Oh, wow you still have a longggg way to go." (This comment was made by the woman who sold me the snowman ornament yesterday, after she asked me the due date. Actually, Mrs. Claus..she looked like Mrs. Claus..I feel like I've already come a long way. I'm a little more than half way done! Gimme some credit, will ya! She probably felt the need to say #5 after looking at belly and thinking #1) :)

What comments irritate you? Please share :) Go ahead...vent...it feels good...

Lovin' this ornament...

I found this adorable ornament at a gift shop in our town. It says "Mommy to be" on the baby bump and the store writes the due date in for you. I'm in love with it! :) She's holding an ice cream cone too, which I thought was cute. Even though I haven't been craving ice cream too much!

Thanks for the comments on tips for relieving my cold. I feel like an idiot, but what is a Neti Pot and where do I get one? I've been popping Tylenol and drinking lots of fluids. Decaf tea, OJ and water.

Got my hair cut today and I love it! However, there is no way I will get it looking as nice as the hairdresser did! I guess that's how it always goes. Every time I get my hair cut I have a moment where I consider going to cosmetology school. How great would it be to have your hair looking wonderful...every..single...day...

I think we might get a little snow tonight. Pretty excited about it. Even if it's just flurries. Today it was almost 50 degrees...in New York..in December....and if felt so wrong!

First cold since becoming pregnant. HELP!

Ughhhh girls, I am feeling like complete crap. And right before Christmas :( Boooo.

It all started yesterday. Sore throat, sniffles, dry cough, sneezing. I woke up this morning and I didn't have a voice at first because my throat is so sore. And my ears are starting to hurt a little. Usually, I can handle a cold just fine by taking dayquil and nyquil and just riding it out. But I don't think there is much I can take now that I'm pregnant. I'm also worried because when I'm sick my asthma tends to get aggravated. It's been pretty good for awhile now, but I'm worried I'm gonna need to use my inhaler or nebulizer and I'm not really comfortable with that with the pregnancy. So, please all suggestions are welcome as to what I can take to help kick this cold and feel better! I'm going to call my OB to see what they say, but I wanted to ask you girls too...

Thanks! :)

Full Speed

AHHH! I feel like these next few days before Christmas are going to go by at full speed. There's so much going on and so much to do. Today I had lots of errands to run. Same thing tomorrow. And I'm getting my hair did tomorrow :) I just finished cleaning the house (thank God for heating pads because my back is killing me!) I wanted to get it all done, because now I don't think we're going to have extra time this weekend. Sadly, my husband's step-father's mother passed away today. So we have to go to the wake Friday night and then the funeral is early in the morning on Christmas Eve. And my husband's grandpa is in the hospital as of last night! AHH! So much going on. Just going to try and take it one day at a time. And then we are travelling later in the day on Christmas Eve and again on Christmas Day.

Also, I think I am getting a cold. The first one since being pregnant. I woke up with a sore throat and then I've had a dry cough all day. Nervous about this because I don't think there's much I can take for it :(

Today I went and picked up a big bag of baby girl clothes (and a bottle of Dreft!) from my friend Danielle! She had some that her daughter wasn't wearing anymore and she so generously donated them to me! :) They're really cute, too. Samantha is going to be one well dressed little girl :)

I'm finding myself SO starving lately and it's beginning to scare me a little. It's probably the worst hunger I've felt so far. Is this normal? I mean, I'll eat a meal and be hungry again a half hour later. I'm so sick of eating! Sometimes I really don't want to eat but I can't ignore the hungry feeling because it makes me so sick. And I can't go to bed feeling the least bit hungry or I can't sleep!

Oh, thank you all for the comments on my baby movement questions yesterday. Thankfully, I started feeling her again about a half hour after I posted that!

So, I signed onto Yahoo to check my email and I saw this news story. Oh. My. Goodness. Poor baby..or babies??

Throwin' it out there Tuesday...

• We went and registered!! And wow was it exciting and SO OVERWHELMING. There is so much stuff to choose from and we didn't have much of a clue about any of it. So we did the best we could! One thing is for sure, is that baby stuff is expensive! It was a little surreal going around the store with the scan gun and picking stuff out for our baby girl. Wonderful but surreal! 
• Question about fetal movement! I am 21 weeks and 3 days today. For the past 4 or 5 days or so I have been feeling pretty consistent movement (which is so cool!) but it's still pretty faint. Not hard enough for my husband to feel yet, but it's been pretty consistent. I know I'm probably freaking out over nothing, but I haven't felt any movement today. The last time I felt her was maybe 3 am this morning. This is making me so nervous that something is wrong! I'm trying not to totally freak out and call the doctor though. I've tried everything to feel her today. Walking, sitting, eating, singing to her, drinking some caffeine!!! And nothing yet. Maybe she's just sleeping? I guess my question is, when should I be really concerned? 
• I know I've mentioned it before but pregnancy has made me a gorilla! My hair (everywhere) is growing at a ridiculous pace! I can't keep up! And the further along and bigger I get the harder it is to shave! Anyone else have this issue? I'm about to give up completely!! Ew. No I can't do that, but oh boy, the hair is winning! 
• I don't know if it's just pregnancy insomnia, or too much on my mind, or excitement over the baby and Christmas, but my sleep has been way off! For instance, last night I slept in the bed for about two hours (on and off since I get up to pee a lot) and then the last time I laid down I couldn't seem to turn my mind off. So I went out to the living room and sat with the computer and tweaked our registry. I also caught the end of the movie "Knocked Up" on TV and ended up crying my eyes out when she had the baby. This is all at like 3 am. I've been super starving all the time lately so I made myself toast and had an orange. A little while later, starving again. So I had some yogurt. Then I finally laid down on the couch for about an hour and tried to sleep which didn't really work. Then I headed back to the bedroom around 6am where I fell asleep for a little while...
• I'm really hoping for a white Christmas! Not like a blizzard where we won't be able to drive anywhere but just some flurries or a dusting of snow would be nice! The weather has been so weird here lately!!! I like my Summers hot and and sunny, my Falls sunny and cool, my Winters snowy and cold and my Springs lukewarm and green! Is that too much to ask? :) 
• Caramel is delicious. Just sayin.
• I'm getting my hair washed, cut and styled by a professional on Thursday! And I'm excited about it. I know that's not normally a big deal as most people do this all the time. But I try to save money by just having my Mom trim my ends once and awhile. I can't really remember the last time I was at a salon to have my hair cut. Shocking, I know. I have a gift certificate  to a salon that I've been holding onto since my birthday. I was going to save it for maybe my baby shower or my brother's wedding, but I've been feeling so frumpy lately that I thought I would just go and get my hair cut! 

The Perfect L&D Song

We heard this "oldie but goodie" at my husband's work Christmas party the other night. I decided it would be the perfect song to have playing while giving birth to Samantha...

Can you imagine? :)

Our Christmas Card

21 Weeks

We are 21 weeks today! Baby Samantha is about the length of a carrot. A very cute carrot, that is...

I met my mom for lunch yesterday and tried to get some Christmas shopping done. Very hard to do on a very low budget, but we are working with what we've got. All the stores and malls and ROADS were insanely busy and the day itself was incredibly frustrating. I think the older I get the less patience I have for rude people or just people in general. The highlights of the day were lunch with my mom and a sweet deal I got at Baby Gap. I had an Old Navy gift card in my wallet from forever ago, that had $8.00 left on it. And Gap honors Old Navy cards. So as I  was browsing all the cute (and expensive) Baby Gap stuff I found this pink knit beret with a big white pom pom on top. It was so cute, I just had to get it! There was only one left and it was just the right size for Samantha come next fall/winter. However it was $16.00. But I knew I had the $8.00 on the card, so it seemed reasonable. I take it up to the counter, give the cashier my gift card and wait for her to tell me exactly how much I owe. She says to me " Would you like your change back on the card or in cash?" Turns out the hat was on sale for $6.00!!! :) Made my day.

I think I may have been feeling movement the past few days!!! At first I thought it was just gas or something weird, but then I realized it's stayed pretty consistent. Still very faint, the movement isn't enough for my husband to feel it, but I can feel it! And I'm getting so excited about it!

Ok, so is it normal that I have to pee every ten minutes?? I'm not exaggerating. I pee all the time it seems. Even if I pee and then sit down on the couch and then get up 5 minutes later...it feels like my bladder is full again! And I can go. It's not just I feel like I have to go...I can actually go...

I know it's probably pressure from the baby and probably very normal. But I am a little concerned. I'm up every hour to go in the night, which doesn't freak me out as much. Although, during the day I'm peeing every 10-15 minutes!

Anybody else pee this much??! :) Help!

Newlymoms

Ya know, like Newlyweds...but instead describing women who are about to become Moms...

Last night I caught up with E from Many Many Moons at her house. A house that is decorated just perfectly for Christmas :) The first thing I saw upon walking in the door was a stroller and a car seat and I think the only words out of my mouth were "SHUT UP." It was a wonderful sight to see. And a few feet away from the stroller was a pack n play and then a few feet from that a table FULL of baby supplies. Also a wonderful (and crazy!) sight to see!

We talked about our babies that are coming and how insane it all is. Just a few months ago we were both very much baby-less. So to be where we are right now is just amazing. I am SO excited for E and her husband as they wait for the call that their son is being born. They have a ton of thoughts and emotions going on in their heads and I don't blame them! But I just know in my heart this is their baby...their time...their miracle...

We were discussing how nuts it is that we know so little about infant care. And what to do and not to do with a newborn baby. I mean what the hell have we been doing the last few years as we waited for our babies?! I guess we could have been studying up :) Oh well. We're all about the "learn as you go and hope you don't mess baby up for life" plan.

Before I left she showed me how they learned to swaddle a baby in their infant care class the other night. She grabbed a wooden snowman from the shelf (which was about the size of a newborn) and showed me her swaddle skills. I then suggested she she put the fleece teddy bear hat that was laying on the table on the snowman. And then we tried the snow-baby out in the new car seat, of course.

Can't wait for her little man to arrive!! Our babies will definitely be having a play date this summer :) Playdate? Babies? What? So much is changing.

For the better.

Nuttin' but love...

Feeling so blessed today. So many of our friends and family have been showering this little girl with love and gifts already! She's already spoiled and isn't even fully cooked yet! I have to say it feels a bit strange (and wonderful!) to be on the receiving end of baby gifts. For years I always loved shopping for baby gifts for everyone else and living vicariously through them. But now, things have changed. I'm almost in denial a little bit and thinking that all those adorable things that are accumulating in Samantha's nursery are for someone else. I go in there a few times a day just to stare at the itty bitty clothes hanging in the closet. And then I get daydreaming about the nursery all complete and set up. My heart swells up when I tell myself "This is happening. This is your baby girl."

This week we've received so many gifts! My friend Jill (who owns an Etsy shop) sent us the cutest handmade headbands and a travel wipe case. And it's not just any travel wipe case, she custom designs it and covers in it cool fabric! Check out her Etsy shop here. She makes really awesome things for babies and toddlers and can also make adult things too! I've ordered from her a few times!

We also received a surprise package from my cousin Jenny in CA. She sent us so many cute things! And Samantha's first ever ornament! It's a snowman that lights up and has her name on it!

And then yesterday my friend Kristen gave us a couple adorable outfits and a headband! And in the bag was this beautiful pink frame that reads " Faith is not believing that God can, it's knowing that He will." How perfect!

Can't believe there's only 11 days until Christmas! I feel like this month is flying by.

Blog Award!

Thank you to Baby Hopes over at  Chasing Our Stork: From ART to Adoption for this lovely award! I like awards. Who doesn't??! :)

With this award, we are asked to list 7 things that the blog world may not know about us! And then pass it on to 15 other bloggers. However, because I'm being lazy, I may only pass the award onto 5 bloggers. And I'm going to try to find 5 that I haven't already given an award to. Just trying spreading the love around. 

7 Things you ladies probably don't know about me...

1) I took dance lessons for about 9 years when I was younger. Tap, Ballet, and Jazz. And I loved it. I can't really remember the reason why I stopped doing it. My mom has about a million pictures of me in frilly cute dance costumes. However, some of them were like one piece sequin spandex jumpers, that didn't flatter ANYONE...even four year olds :) I plan on putting my little girl in dance someday, but I'm not going to force it like a stage mom or anything. If she wants to quit, she can quit. But I used to love it as a kid! 

2) I kind of have a "blankie." It's a navy blue down throw that my mom bought me from Target during my second year of college. And I still have it. And use it. Everyday. I've been through a lot with this blanket! If this blanket could talk it would have a lot to say! 

3) My middle name is Jane.

4) I worked at Starbucks for awhile in college. What's funny about that is I hated the taste of coffee at that time in my life. I like it now, but hated it then for some reason. However, Starbucks Vanilla Chai Frappacinnos are the bomb. But they're like a zillion calories.

5) I have a slight obsession with Orange Juice. Even before I got pregnant, I've had this obsession. It's just so good and I have to have it every day! I get a little panicky when I realize we are almost out of it. 

6) I once accidentally spilled a cup of soda onto someones airplane seat on a flight from Hawaii. And I was travelling alone. I had the drink in my hand and was getting up to let someone out into the aisle and I didn't realize that I was dumping soda into an empty seat in front of me. However, the guy who's seat that was saw the whole thing as he was walking back from the bathroom. And he was pissed! I apologized profusely and even offered to switch seats with him. But he decided to be a jerk and just be pissed and sit in the wet seat. I was so embarrassed. 

7) Thanks to typing out #4, my husband and I just returned from Starbucks. I blame pregnancy cravings. I got a vanilla chai frappaccino and he got an egg nog latte. Good thing we normally don't get coffee from Starbucks because our wallet just took a hit! And that leads me to my real #7...I've never tried egg nog!

I now pass this award on to the following bloggers...

1) Jenny @ Abbey's Road

2) Candice @ Candy Land

3) Sunnyside Up @ How do you like your eggs? Fertilized...

4) Caroline @ Where are you Baby Bubba?

5) K @ A Cup of Tea

Two years ago today...

Two  years ago today we lost our first baby. The events of that week are engraved in my head forever. In the course of one week, we went from shock and cloud nine to shock and complete sadness. We had taken a day trip into the city on the 5th to see the tree and Rockette's show. We walked all around the city. And I noticed that I didn't quite feel right. For a few weeks prior to that day trip I had been getting cramps on and off and my period hadn't shown yet. But the LAST thing I was thinking was that I was pregnant. But as the day wore on in the city, I just felt weak and tired and almost feeling like I was going to pass out. On the train ride home, we were watching this little girl in the seat across from us play with her dad. And my husband says " We'd have really cute kids." And then he asked if I had gotten my period yet and that maybe I should just test just in case. Of course, I gave him an eye roll like as if saying "Honey, I'm infertile. Highly unlikely we'd be pregnant." And if any of you are confused, my infertility nightmare journey began in my previous marriage. So the next morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I remembered I had one pregnancy test under the sink and thought "Hey, what the hell." So I took the test and before I could even reach for some toilet paper, TWO lines appeared!! I think I just sat on the toilet and cried and prayed and thanked God for this amazing turn of events. My husband had gone to watch football. So I wanted to do something fun to surprise him with the news later. I then went to the mall and bought a Mets bib. I put it in a box with the positive pregnancy test. That evening he opened it and was SHOCKED but soo happy!

Then Tuesday came. We went to my parents house to tell them the good news, but that didn't turn out so well   as I started spotting that evening. Spotting and FREAKING out. I was able to get an emergency appt with the OB for the next morning. We drove in a blizzard up there to get to the appt. Where they took blood, did an u/s and and exam. As far as they could tell everything was okay. So our hopes went back up. The next day I got a call at work that they needed me to get on progesterone supplements right away because my progesterone was really low. And that they wanted me to get blood work the next day. I did as I was told! And then Friday morning I got a call from OB. Basically, saying I'm sorry but you are going to miscarry. My BETA numbers were dropping. I almost collapsed in the hallway. My heart broke into a million pieces and I had to leave work right away. The next morning, December 12th, I ended up in  L&D miscarrying our baby. It was the worst day of my life.

I just couldn't understand how we were giving such a miracle, only to have it taken away. It took a long time to heal from that heartbreak and honestly I'm still healing from it. Even now, after being blessed with this baby girl growing inside me. The doctor kept reassuring us that we got pregnant once that it will happen again and that women are "extra" fertile after a miscarriage. So of course we had SO much hope that it would happen. But it didn't. Two years later, lots of IUI's and shots and one IVF cycle, and we finally have our miracle. But we will never forget our first baby...

On a happier note....here is a picture of the bedding we chose! :)

The Lamp

Isn't it so pretty?? :) Our first item for Samantha's nursery.

I think we have decided on bedding too. Which I will post soon! Ironically, it's made by a company called "My Baby Sam." How funny!

I know some people may think it's early to start planning/buying nursery stuff! But it's letting me"nest" and put my mind at ease. And it's making me super happy, so it can't be that bad right? :)

Her closet is filling up quick too! Thanks to my mom and some great friends!

Banana Baby

We are 20 weeks today!! Halfway! Baby is about the length of a banana. A GIRL banana :)

We made our first nursery purchase today! The most beautiful table lamp ever created. It's got a crystal-like base and the shade is all fuzzy and frilly with giant pink roses on it. So girly and SO AWESOME :) I love it. I will have to post a picture soon...

I am so excited for my friend E over at the blog manymanymoons!!! Looks like she and her husband are finally getting their miracle. An adoption has come through for them!!! Holy cow! I can't contain my excitement over it :) :)

Been having horrible back spasm/pain the last few days.When I'm home, the heating pad is like attached to me. Yikes, I love you baby girl, but what are you doing to my body??

In other good news (I like that there's a lot of good news out there lately!) one of my good friends got the green light to start her second attempt at IVF yesterday :) Woo-hoo! I know this time it's gonna work! It HAS too. I am so proud of her for picking up the pieces and moving forward :) Nothing is going to get in the way of "Mission: BABY!"

Bows....and a baby!!

First, I would like to give a big congratulations shout out to Josey  who gave birth to baby Stella yesterday morning!!! She finally has her precious girl in her arms and I am so excited for her!! Congrats Josey and Charlie! :)


Second, I am obsessed with hair bows for baby girls. You know those big obnoxious flower and bow headbands? Yup! Those. I think they are adorable! And I plan to start a collection. I just think there's nothing cuter than a big ole bow or flower atop a lil bald baby head :) Plus, I didn't have hair until I was like 4. Ok well, 2. With my husband's genes this baby might luck out with more hair on her head than I had hopefully! The u/s tech on Tuesday did say she already has a little tuft of hair :)

Hello...

Here is my little Samantha (in alien form) but still so beautiful to me! :) She wanted to say hello...

I'm up here...on cloud 9...

Thanks for all the love yesterday! :) It was probably the best day of our lives so far. Of course, our wedding day was wonderful, but something about yesterday and finding out that we are going to have a DAUGHTER just blew our minds. Especially after all we've been through. It was just a very happy day. And it felt so good to share the news with all our friends and family.

I was in complete shock however because I thought it was a boy for sure! Hubby thought it was a girl all along. I even apologized to my belly because I have been referring to this baby as a boy and I even bought three boy things. A little blue and brown frame that says"Little Miracle", curtains for the nursery and one baby boy outfit! Kept all the receipts and thank goodness I did! We are so thrilled to be having a baby girl. I've always really wanted a girl, but had been warming up to the idea of having a son. Yesterday could not have gone bad, whether they said it was a boy or girl, I still would have cried, I still would be on cloud 9! It's seems a little more "real" now that we know baby is a girl and she has a name! I feel like there's a bigger connection now. Not that there wasn't one before yesterday, but it's hard to explain...

Our appointment went well. We got there SUPER EARLY so that we didn't get cancelled on again! And they actually took us a little early. I was having a bit of an anxiety attack because the baby was moving around so much and giving the tech a hard time. She couldn't tell right away if it was a boy or girl. And I started panicking that they would send us home with a "Nope! Sorry! Baby isn't cooperating." But she then said if we really want to find out she will pull out all her tricks. YES PLEASE :) The baby looked great! Very active and all her organs were in place. Things looked good. Then the tech told me to go empty my bladder and that she was going to have me do a yoga pose for a few minutes, so that the baby might change positions. So she left the room and had me up on all fours on the exam table and leaning on my elbows haha And like magic, it worked! We found out the baby was a beautiful GIRL and she was able to get some cute u/s pics for us. The pics I may post in a week or so. We got three regular ones and two 4D ones. The 4D ones were really cool, a little alien-ish  but still soooo cute! We didn't end up tearing into them about Monday, because we were just so happy and they were being so nice. So we didn't wanted to ruin the moment and revisit Monday!

After the appointment, we had a quick breakfast together and then my husband had to go back to work. And I headed to Babies R Us. Which I have to say was the first time EVER that I didn't feel uncomfortable shopping in a baby store. I was literally smiling the whole time. It just felt amazing to be in there shopping for MY BABY GIRL :) So many times have I happily shopped for friends and family. But always still so sad that it wasn't for my little one.

Okay, so even though I'm on cloud 9, I have officially entered heartburn hell. It has gotten SO bad the last few days. And last night I kept waking up feeling like the inside of my chest and throat were on fire! I think I'm going to have to try pepcid, because these Tums aren't working so well now :(

Earlier this week, one of my very best friends found out her first IVF didn't work. And I was so heartbroken for her. You know when you are so hopeful and have such a good feeling that something is going to work, and then it doesn't and your like "What? Seriously?" You're all like "UM YEAH, WE'RE INFERTILE! STORY OF OUR LIVES!." I was just so bummed for her. And what kills me is that she is SOOOO SOOO happy for me and our big news! She's such a good friend to me. She is so deserving of being a mom and I just want it to happen for her. Like I want it to happen yesterday for her. She even went out and bought our baby girl some gifts yesterday! There is a heart of gold in that girl :)

Working on sending out our Christmas cards! Kind of fun (especially because I am so in love with our xmas card this year!) but it's a lot of work haha I will post a picture of the card probably in a week or two.

And I just want to say to everyone out there still waiting, hoping, and praying for their turn. It's going to happen. And when it does, I'm telling you, it will be worth all the tears, all the shots, all the money, all the emotional/physical pain, all the procedures. It will be so much sweeter than you can imagine :)

Drumroll please!

We are having a.........
















BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!! :)


We are just over the moon with happiness!!! And I am in complete SHOCK as all my bets were on a boy! I can't even sit still. We are so excited! Everything on the u/s looked beautiful! I even went to Babies R Us after and bought the baby her first pair of Mary Janes! They are so cute! We are so in love with this little girl already, I can't even describe it! And our little girl's name is..................
























Samantha!! :) With the middle name, Roselyn (pronounced Rose-lyn not Roz-lyn), after my great-aunt with whom I was so very close with :) 


We can't wait to meet our girl! And something else so special about this day is that exactly two years ago is when we got our first (surprise) positive pregnancy test! December 6th 2009...

Just kidding?

I am miserable today girls. Just feeling so sad and defeated. "Why" you say? Well as you probably know, this post was supposed to be a happy one. Today was supposed to be one of the most special days of our lives. And let me say first that the baby and I are okay. In case any of you were thinking the worst. But today was supposed to be our anatomy scan and gender reveal. A day that I've been waiting 5 months for. No scratch that,    I've been waiting for this day MY ENTIRE LIFE!

I'll start from the beginning. Which begins last night pretty much. I had trouble sleeping last night. I think I was just really excited and couldn't turn my mind off. But once I did get to sleep (around one) I woke up frequently. Because of my new pregnancy "side effect." LOUD SNORING! I've never really snored before. But last night I was waking up both myself and my husband. It was horrible! And then I had set my alarm for around 4:30 because I didn't want to rush getting ready and I wanted to make sure we had enough time to get to our appointment. So basically I am super tired right now and when I'm finished with this post, a nap will commence.

Our appointment was for 8:30 am. It takes us about 20 minutes to get to the OB office. We left the house at 7:45. Plentyyyy of time to get there. In fact, we should have ended up getting there early (as we always do!). And it even left a little extra time in case we ran into "traffic." Which pretty much never happens on the route we take there. We had to take two cars because unfortunately my husband had to go to work after our appointment. So I was following him.

I guess I'll cut to the chase, that we ran into traffic today. MAJOR TRAFFIC. A couple fender benders and I believe there was construction going on because two lanes were closed. It was insane. We were literally crawling along at 5 miles and hour and I started freaking out as I was watching the clock get closer and closer to 8:30. Finally, as we were at a stand still, I called the office and told them " I was so sorry but that we were on our way, we're stuck in horrible traffic." The receptionist then proceeded to tell me " Ok but if you aren't here soon we are going to have to reschedule because the u/s tech is booked up today." Now I start really freaking out. Tears and everything. I was practically begging her to not cancel it! I hung up and called my husband who then called the office himself and begged them also. As we are about two minutes away from the office, I get a call from the them. "I'm sorry we are going to have to cancel your appointment." Insert Sarah REALLY freaking out. I didn't even care. Full blown crying...begging..."Please I've waited 5 months for this day." Nope. Nothing. They had to cancel. My husband was furious. I was furious and sad. It was horrible. They did say they could get us in tomorrow morning. That was their "consolation prize."

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Well that's not bad, at least they can get you in tomorrow! At least you are pregnant dammit!" And I get that. Yes, we are glad we don't have to wait another week or month. But I have to tell you we are so unhappy with how things went this morning with them, that we are just angry! I know it's just one more day of waiting. But after you've been  hoping and praying for this day to come for so long, having something so unlucky like this happen is AWFUL. And not to mention it's not easy for my husband to time off from work. We weren't sure if he was even going to be able to come with me tomorrow! But he is after all after rearranging some stuff at work, thank goodness.

What we're so mad about is that at almost every appointment we have at the OB, we always have to wait almost an hour to be seen! We always are on time or arrive early. And we always wait patiently during those hours, because we know they are taking their time with each patient. I appreciate that, because I do like that they take their time with us when it's our turn. Now, why do we have to wait patiently over an hour but then when a couple really needs break, when they got stuck in traffic and it's such a BIG appointment, why can't they help us out a little? And maybe they need to loosen up their u/s schedule instead of having back to back appointments??? It's hard to explain I guess the frustration we are feeling about this. And we had planned to give the Doctor an earful about it tomorrow. But now, we don't get to see the doctor tomorrow, we are seeing an NP instead. One of the NP's I'm not really crazy about. So we were pissed about that too. We were supposed to meet the doctor today.

We had even pulled into the OB's office lot. We were there! And still they wouldn't shift anything for us. My husband actually went up to the office, while I sat in the car and cried., and he asked them again if there was anything they could do. He told them we would wait two hours if we had to. But they said no, and looked at him like he was nuts. Ugh.

Then this afternoon my mom came with me downtown to the SS office.  I needed to get my name changed on my ss card.Yes, I'm a slacker and waited this long. The room was packed with people and we had to wait and hour or so. We even got to see a show. Two crazy people starting fighting with each other and the cops had to get involved! And they call my number and I get up there, but I only have a copy of my marriage license, not one with a seal. So, yup, they wouldn't do it! Complete waste of time.

It's just one of those days where I feel like a punching bag. So I'm sorry friends, I know some of you were so excited for us to find out! Tomorrow will be take two....

Now, it's time to nap. I might sleep through until tomorrow morning! That's how tired I feel.

Zero

Zero days (I'm not counting today or Monday) until we find out if baby is a boy or girl! I sound like that little girl from the Hallmark commercial with the "countdown to Christmas" ornament :)

I have to tell you about something so sweet. Last night I checked the mailbox and in it was a baby card from my friend Lauren. She sent us a Babies R Us gift card  to go buy something after the OB appointment tomorrow. The message inside was so special, too. I first met Lauren in Hawaii a few years ago. I met her in the NEX (which is a store that's a Navy exchange. It's basically a giant department store but you have to have military ID to get in). I remember roaming the baby aisles at the NEX wishing that I had a cute little baby girl or boy to shop for. Anyways, the day that  I met her she had just left an OB appointment where she had found out she was having a baby girl! That baby girl is now three and a half and has a baby brother :) Lauren has been one of my biggest supporters through this whole infertility nightmare journey. And it all feels like it coming full circle :) I may not have a boat load of close friends, but the few I do have are most definitely irreplaceable...

ps-You know in my last post where I said I had a dream I was having a girl? Well, last night I had a very vivid dream that we had a boy...and he had blonde hair and hazel eyes!

19 Weeks!!

"You say tomato, I say tomahto." Or however the song goes :)

We are 19 weeks today! The baby Gods say that the baby is about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Mmmmm I love tomatoes. 

Can't believe next week we are going to be out of the "teens." HFS.

Turned my frown upside down...

I was kind of having a "blah" day today. Just stressing about money and what not. Usually listening to Christmas music in the car can cheer me up, but not this morning. However, when I got home from picking up a few groceries I went and checked my email. And there was some very exciting/hopeful/crazygood news from a blogger buddy. It definitely turned my frown upside down and sent me into a tizzy of happiness for her. I can't disclose details as they are not mine to share. But, I will say with lots of hope and prayers my friend's dream may finally come true. So I am happy right now :)

As I mentioned in my last post, we signed up for our childbirth and breastfeeding classes. As well as a maternity tour. We were shocked though to find out that the childbirth class is set in FOUR three hour classes! That means 12 hours of baby birthin lessons. We were both like "Holllyyy crap." Seems like way to much. Heck, I may not even be in labor for 12 hours haha Hoping anyways. 12 hours of class just seems a  little excessive to me. I know there is probably a lot to learn but yikes. My friend Lauren was joking about it saying " What are they gonna teach you to do a home birth or something?" And I'm like "No, they're probably teaching us to do our own c-section at home using kitchen utensils." :) Ahhhh, it's fun to joke. Anyone who's taken a childbirth class before, was yours 12 hours??

Holy hunger and heartburn. Would it be strange of me to say that I've never experienced heartburn before until now? Last week and this week I had been getting this weird pressure/burning type sensation in my chest/throat. And since I've never felt heartburn before I didn't automatically think it was that. But my husband confirmed that it was. So I bought my first container of tums today and we'll see if that helps. It seem to be really bad when I was laying in bed last night. And the hunger is out of control. I noticed babycenter mentioned with my last weekly update that I should expect to be more hungry now. They aren't kidding!! Even when I eat a semi well balanced meal, I'm satisfied for about a half hour and then my stomach is growling like I haven't eaten anything all day! It's so awful and I'm sick of eating. I try to eat little snacks here and there. But I just get hungry so fast after eating. Even when I eat well, like protein, fruit, veggies. It doesn't matter what I eat, baby isn't satisfied with it I guess? Do I just accept this as normal for now or is something wrong with me?? I basically have to eat a piece of toast before bed just to get to sleep and then I wake up about 3-4 with a hunger that feels like it's clawing out my stomach. Making eggs at 4 am is something that has been happening a lot around this joint. This morning I had oatmeal around 7am by 10am I felt like I hadn't eating anything in days. Please tell me this is normal.

Last night I did some "fun" googling to see what people say about symptoms you have, if you're having a boy or girl. I didn't really find much except that a lot of women said they dreamt about what they were having. And I thought to myself " I haven't dreamed anything about this gender of my baby." All along I've had a strong feeling this baby is a boy. But then last night, I had a dream it was a girl! haha  Two more days people. Two more days.

I'm really itching to do our xmas cards, but they won't be ready until the end of next week. Boooo. I'm one of those people that find it fun to send out xmas cards and address/decorate the envelopes :)

Hormonal Holiday Cheer

I am super excited for Christmas this year. Mainly, for the obvious reason of our little miracle growing inside me!! We feel so blessed and just plain old happy that it's finally happening for us. Finally, all my birthday and Christmas wishes are coming true. And this probably won't be the last time this month, that I pour my heart out about how grateful we are. I know a lot of people find it hard to understand why some people "rush" Christmas. I'm not one of those people. I'm fine with hearing Christmas music in November and we usually put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I feel like this year though there are a lot of people very excited for Christmas for their own reasons I suppose. But I really think the world is just hungry for some holiday cheer. For some happiness in a bad economy. We want something to look forward to and take our minds off the everyday life struggles. That's my theory :)

Last night I watched the Rockefeller Tree lighting as I do every year. And I was crying my eyes out when Carole King was singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." It's my favorite Christmas song. And while it has some sad undertones to it, I've always looked to that song as a little bit of hope. Every holiday that went by with no baby yet, would make me connect with this song. That no matter how down I was feeling I was going to try to have a Merry Little Christmas and let my heart be light...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight...

Thanks for all your advice on the birthing/breastfeeding classes! I went ahead and registered us for a Maternity tour of the hospital this month. And then in February and March will be our breastfeeding and childbirth class. I figured I should sign us up now because I've read they can fill up quick!