Science Experiment

I feel like I should be studied.

Today we were back in my doctor's office. I had a horrible afternoon/evening last night and we were both just so confused as to why I am not feeling a great deal better. My doctor was equally confused and a slightly bit worried as to why all the meds so far haven't done their job. So, I am now on a new antibiotic 4 times a day and another week of the prednisone. Not happy about it but I just want to get better. I am constantly thinking about how this might be effecting the baby especially with all the other "possible issues" going on. But I am just praying she is blissfully unaware of anything bad that's going on. I'm not gonna lie, it does cross my mind a few times a day that she will be born with like 3 eyes and 7 belly buttons and purple hair because of all the meds. Even if that was the case we'd love her up, but I have a very vivid imagination. I just feel like baby and I are like some sort of science experiment right now...

My doctor also wants me to see a pulmonary specialist this week, so that's on Thursday. This Wednesday was supposed to be my one hour glucose test but that has to be rescheduled. When I called the OB to get the ok for the new antibiotic, we discussed how the prednisone can increase blood sugar levels. So the OB decided we could push the test back. So I'm hoping I can just do  the glucose test when I get my rhogam shot on the 10th.

I also called the specialist's office to switch doctors. A good friend of mine who is a nurse gave me some insight on the doctor we saw last week for the growth scan. Basically she said she is HORRIBLE and to switch doctors immediately. She said she knows a lot of people who have had issues with her and honestly she kind of rubbed us the wrong way too. So I called to try and get in to see the other doctor who she said is AMAZING (and yes my friend  typed "horrible" and "amazing" in caps) :) So we are all set with the new doctor after my mama bear instincts came out and at first the receptionist said it wasn't really possible. And I calmly replied " well that's not acceptable." And so now we are scheduled with the good doctor. But she did say to remind the receptionist when we get there that we requested to see the other doctor. So that sounds a little weird. But all I know is they are going to have one not very happy mama to be in their office if we somehow end up with the doctor we don't want...

I am hoping I wake up tomorrow feeling like a new woman. These new meds HAVE to work! What's weird is that before I had one or two days where I WAS feeling better and then BAM! Back to feeling like crap again.

Can you believe it's going to be February soon????? Getting so excited for the baby shower this weekend. I just hope I am well! Nothing like a good two weeks of steroids to make my face extra puffy for my baby shower. Oh well. I don't care. I am pregnant. I am having a BABY SHOWER. And I am so blessed and thankful for this little baby and all love and support we have received....

Nesting?

My husband finished painting the nursery! AND put together the crib, the dresser and the changing table :) It looks perfect! The walls are VERY pink (and I love it!) and the furniture is white. So excited to decorate!! Today I went and hung up and organized by size the clothes we do have. I'm still going to have to wash them all. But it was fun going through them. I'm definitely going to need some baskets or storage bins to organize all the other stuff. My husband might put a few shelves into the closet this week too. I will definitely post some pics when it's all done! Which might not be for another two weeks or so.

After we vacuumed up the nursery and got things looking neat and clean, I think I definitely got that "nesting" feeling. I started going through all her stuff and then I was like "Hmmm maybe I'll clean the house." I'm still not feeling so great but this feeling came over to clean. So I went and swept and mopped, vacuumed and cleaned the toilet. But then I made myself do a neb treatment and sit my ass on the couch.

And now it's nap time...

27 Weeks!

We are 27 weeks today!!

What a month week  it has been. But I am ever so thankful for this baby and the fact that we've made it this far :)

My husband is painting the nursery today!!! Woo-hoo!!! So the nursery is fianlly getting started. I will post a pic in the next few weeks when it's all done...

I was able to get the baby into the pediatrician I wanted. I had called a month or two ago and they said they weren't accepting new patients but to call back in February. So I tried today and we are good to go!

Getting excited for next week because next Saturday is the baby shower AND we turn 28 weeks (third trimester!) :)

Seriously?

Guess where we were today? Take one guess. Go ahead, I'll give you a minute...


Well if you guessed the emergency room, then you guessed correctly.
 I woke up this morning feeling awful. Elephant on my chest, coughing so hard, wheezing. Felt like I hadn't taken any medicine whatsoever. So I just knew it was probably ER time. My primary doctor was out of the office today and both he and my OB had said if I wasn't feeling better in a few days that I should go to the ER. I called the OB's office as soon as they opened and asked them their opinion on going to the ER. They said yes, if I was having that much trouble with my breathing I should head to the ER. Not in a few hours, but as in right now. So of course I start panicking because my husband had already left for work and the weather was a little too bad for me to drive my car. Our plan before the ER situation was he was going to try and get out early and come and get me and we'd go to the dr or ER. But when the OB said go now, I started panicking. Luckily my mother thought of calling my brother who was home and he came and got me.

What sucked is instead of going to a closer hospital (as I had asked) the OB's office wanted me to go up to a hospital way out of our way. Because if the doctor needed to come there for some reason if the baby was in trouble. I will tell you however that I WILL NEVER go back to that hospital's ER. There was really only one really nice person who helped us out when we got there because we looked lost. She got me a wheelchair and personally took us to the ER. But other than that, the nurses weren't all that great and the doctor was HORRIBLE. He was so rude and had no bedside manner. My husband I and were still trying to ask questions and he was like walking out the door! I couldn't believe it. It may just be hormones, but I am seriously considering writing a letter. And there was one single bathroom for like every 6-7 rooms and it was absolutely disgusting. Like something you'd see in Penn Station in NYC.

Anyways, they did a lot of stuff to me. Gave me an IV, took blood, took blood also from an artery (which REALLY sucked btw), they gave me magnesium something in my IV to help my lungs, gave me two different neb treatments, and more steroids through my IV. My heart was going pretty fast so they monitored that. They also checked the baby's hb which was about 147. So I guess they did what they could to help, but the crazy thing is, is that I left there feeling about the same as I did when I got there....

The doctor sent me home with a new dual/neb medicine for my nebulizer that I'm supposed to do every six hours. My main concern leaving the hospital was my coughing. Because I believe that's the main reason I'm having such problems breathing. If I could just somehow take something to control the cough, I really think my breathing would be better. Today was my last antibiotic and tomorrow is my last steroid pill. So I should be feeling much better by now, but I'm not.

When we got home my husband went and picked up my prescription and got me a few bags of Halls. I immediately put one in my mouth and it was like a miracle drug! My cough right away backed off!! I was so excited and we were both joking how we just spent a couple hundred dollars on hospital visits and prescriptions and a $2.00 bag of Halls seems to be helping more than any of the meds! However, my husband googled if it was okay for pregnancy and it got mixed reviews. So we called the OB. Yes, we are probably the crazy couple to my OB because over the last month we have called a million times. The OB just said it was fine but to use sparingly. So I'm trying to hold out for another one until I really need it.

I'm just so tired of my sickness drama. I just want to feel better and stop coughing and be able to breathe again! I've been kind of sad because I feel like I haven't been able to really focus on Samantha and love her and connect with her lately. With all the medicine guilt and me feeling so crappy, I feel like I'm neglecting her or something :( I love her so much already and I just pray she is okay in there.

I did get a comment from one of the nurses who was hooking up my heart monitor. She was looking at my belly and said "You're 6 1/2 months??! Your belly looks so small." Now she may have meant this as some sort of compliment but my first reaction was sadness. Because I thought how Samantha is measuring so small. Although, I actually think I have a pretty big belly to be honest. So I don't know what she really meant by that...

I just want to thank everyone for their love and prayers :) You may have noticed I changed my baby ticker to a "little peanut." Thinking positive thoughts....

Tomorrow I plan to just lay low and hopefully I'll feel like a new woman...

On the table...

First I would like to apologize to everyone who has been checking in on me with texts, phone calls, emails, comments and messages. I am so sorry I left you all hanging yesterday after our appointment. I know I haven't responded to (pretty much anyone) but as you probably guessed, yesterday did not go very well....

We spent about about 2+ hours at the specialist's office. We had two ultrasounds. One by the u/s tech and then another one by the doctor herself. I had envisioned the title of this post being "Peanut." As in everything went perfectly and our girl is just going to be a little peanut. But things didn't really happen like that.

The ultrasounds took forever and were really uncomfortable, but I didn't really care because I wanted them to do what they needed to do to figure things out. But the whole time as I was switching between staring at the screen and staring at the ceiling I was just sweating and praying that everything was okay. It may sound weird but I don't really like watching the the u/s screen. The tech probably thought I was a bad mother who didn't care, but it's actually the opposite and I'm just terrified of what I'm going to see. And I'm afraid I'm somehow going to see something that doesn't look right (even though I really have no clue). When she first put the scanner thing to my belly my first thought was that her heart wasn't beating anymore. Even though I had just felt her move seconds ago. That's how crazy I am. Sure enough, her little heart was beating away and she is quite the little mover. Always giving the techs a hard time because she is moving all around. I told the tech she's probably pissed at her mother pumping her full of all the drugs I'm on. Anyways, here's what we know...

Basically, all three scenarios are still on the table. Those three being...

1) She's just going to be a tiny little peanut. Since I'm so short and my husband is not very tall. Genetics and all that.

2) She may have down syndrome.

3) She many have dwarfism.

The good things...

The doctor said her organs look great...heart...brain...etc. Her head and body (stomach area) are measuring perfectly. She said she didn't see any major markers for down syndrome or dwarfism, but that doesn't mean they can't still show up. She said you can still have down syndrome and be very healthy. With dwarfism, she said most of them time the real markers don't show up until the third trimester...

The not so good things....

Her arms and legs are measuring three weeks behind. And the first thing I thought of was "Hmm...three weeks huh? Three weeks ago is when I started all this crazy medication." So of course I'm worrying that these drugs may have stunted the growth of her limbs. I actually thought about this after we left, so I didn't get to ask the doctor about it. Her weight is also in the 10th percentile. But the doctor said that is because of her legs, since the legs carry a lot of the weight. So since her legs are not measuring where they should be, her weight isn't either. My mom said I was 6 pounds 2 oz when I was born. So of course I'm trying to think of ways I can at least get her to 6 pounds for delivery. But I know there's really nothing I can do about it. Just keep taking my vitamins and eating I guess. And praying.


Where do we go from here?

We have to go back to the specialist for another growth scan on February 21st. And will most likely be getting these every few weeks until she is born. They want to make sure she is at least growing on her own growing curve. The way the doctor explained it is that if she keeps growing at at least the same pace that she has (even though it's slow) then that's good. That would probably mean she is just going to be a peanut. However, if the growth scans from here on out show that she is not growing on her "curve" at all or if it plateaus, then unfortunately that probably means there is a bigger issue. The doctor said it's our choice to do an amnio, but she doesn't recommend it at this stage of the pregnancy. I wouldn't do one anyways. Can't change the outcome and only puts her and I in more danger.

So all we can do now is pray and pray some more. And hope that her legs and arms keep growing on "her own growing curve" at least. We were so confused and stressed yesterday that we forgot all the numbers the doctors gave us regarding her length and weight, so I am going to call them this morning to get them again.

Yesterday, was just a really hard day overall. And to make matters even worse, my husband and I got into a huge fight. Probably the worst fight we've ever had. I'm sure it stemmed from all the pressure and stress we've been under but yesterday he ended up with his parents crying his eyes out and I ended up at my parent's crying my eyes out. We both just snapped. And everything came crashing down around us. I'm happy to report that we did make up and I did come home. But yesterday was just mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting for us both.

I was actually starting to feel better yesterday morning after starting the prednisone. I was finally able to breathe! But with the events of yesterday I think it set me back, as I'm feeling like crap again today. So today I plan to just get myself together and get myself feeling well.

What's one more drug...

Had to make a visit to my primary doctor today. My OB wanted me to see him in a few days to make sure I was getting better. She was worried about pneumonia. But after yesterday and last night I knew I couldn't wait to be seen again. Basically, my albuterol neb isn't helping me much at all. It gives me relief for about 20 minutes and then I'm back to feeling like my lungs are on fire. And I can only do the neb treatment every four hours. My doctor decided to put me on Prednisone (which is a steroid) for a few days. He called and talked to my OB first to get the okay. Am I thrilled that I have to take another drug and expose my baby to it? Hell no. Do I need to feel better? Yes.

I can deal with feeling sick, but not being able to breathe is just so horrible. Tomorrow is our appointment with the specialist to find out about Samantha's legs. I was going to bring a list with me of all the meds I have taken so far and have her tell me the truth on how it might be affecting my baby. But my husband made a good point by saying do we really want to know? And he's right. There is nothing we can do about it. I'm praying so hard that she is okay and these drugs are not negatively affecting her in any way. That's all I ask is for her to be safe and healthy. I keep rubbing my belly and apologizing to her for me being sick and taking all these drugs.

If you wouldn't mind saying a quick prayer tonight for us and our baby, we would be so grateful! I will let you all know how the appointment goes tomorrow...

So sick...and so sick of FEAR...

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but I've been feeling like crap all week. My asthma has been acting up as it always does when the weather turns really cold. But it's accompanied by a nasty dry cough that makes the asthma even worse. I've been coughing so hard that I've thrown up a few times. Well, more like it comes up my throat a bit. Gross. And a few times I thought I was going to pass out or fall over from not being able to catch my breath while coughing. I've been wheezing, sleeping like crap and my ventolin inhaler has been pretty much useless.

Unfortunately, this morning I felt even worse and knew it was time to go to Urgent Care. I know the whole "If I can't breathe, baby can't breathe" speech and I full understand it. But it doesn't take away the fact that I am SCARED OUT OF MY MIND how this might be negatively affecting our baby. The urgent care doctor checked me out and said I have Bronchitis and he gave me an albuterol nebulizer treatment in the office. Which right after my lungs did feel a bit better. Although, I immediately started feeling some cramping :( I have a big fear of nebulizer treatments because the last time I actually had to have one was a little over two years ago, just days before we miscarried. So I was sent home from urgent care with a script for another z-pack and instructions to do the neb every four hours.

Something else that has me in complete fear is that for the past three and a half weeks I have been on some sort of antibiotic. First there was the z-pack the urgent care prescribed for an upper respiratory infection, then was the visit to the hospital where they put me on IV antibiotics and then they sent me home with Macrobid for 7 days. Which made me so sick. And now I'm back on a z-pack AND neb treatments.

What sucks is that I did another neb treatment a little while ago and it barely helped any :( Made my heart race and made the baby go crazy in my stomach. Which makes me sad because I know that means the meds are making her heart race too, that's why she's moving so much. And then after the treatment I started cramping again.


I did call and speak to my OB. I'm sure she was so happy to get my call on a Sunday afternoon, but whatever. I just needed to be sure that all these meds weren't going to kill my baby. And she (kind of) assured me they wouldn't. But she does want me to follow up with my primary doctor in a few days to make sure I'm getting better, because she's worried about pneumonia which is basically like one of the worst illnesses that can happen to you while pregnant. She even mentioned I might need a steroid or an x-ray. An x-ray huh? Like an x-ray they don't want pregnant women to have? Great. Not to mention I'm still in major stress/freak out mode about the recent news about Samantha's legs :( That appointment is on Tuesday.

Also, and my husband thinks I'm crazy for thinking this, but I feel like the baby has dropped. With all the coughing I've been doing it seems like a real possibility to me. I actually noticed it today that my bump doesn't seem to be as high up as was, it's more droopy now and not as hard :( Who knows...I could be crazy...

I would just really like to check myself into a hospital and stay there until April. I feel like we are always at the doctor's office or hospital dealing with some crisis. And not to mention all the money spent on co-pays and meds. I have a list on my fridge of upcoming appointments and I'm not even joking there are ten of them on there..well no now there's eleven if I include the follow up with the primary doc I'm supposed to make.

I know this post may sound like I'm a big complainer. But I'm just venting. I'm so tired of being sick and I'm so tired of living in fear that all these meds might be hurting our baby. I think it's one of the scariest feelings ever. Knowing that you HAVE to take these meds to get better and keep yourself alive but at the same time having no clue if it's affecting the baby. And I have a feeling it might get worse this week before it's gets better.  I'm pretty sure my primary doctor is going to add a steroid to my albuterol neb. Because the last neb I just didn't really help at all. I want to take a nap, but it's kind of scary trying to sleep when you can't breathe!

If you are the praying type, please keep us in your prayers that I miraculously start feeling better and that our specialist u/s for Samantha goes well on Tuesday. I really really really appreciate it :)

26 Weeks

We are 26 weeks today! Two more weeks and we'll be in the third trimester!! HOLY COW.

                                                                                      

The specialist's office called me back yesterday! The woman I spoke with was so nice. She said "I know you are scared and worrying so I did my best to get you in quickly." We now have an appointment for Tuesday morning! Thank goodness I don't have to wait very long. Praying praying praying that our girl is okay! 

Thank you...

I just wanted to thank you all for your love, prayers and supportive comments on my last post. You sure do know how to make a girl feel not alone and loved!! :)

Still no news on when our specialist appointment is. I called the specialist's office directly this morning, but no one picked up so I left a message. I just wanted to make sure they have my charts and are working on getting me an appointment. Pushy? Yes. Do I give a crap? NOPE.

So hopefully they will return my call today and even better call back with an appointment date!

I'm realizing I can't do anything about this situation except pray. I can't make her legs grow longer...I can't change things...I just have to hope and pray that this is just another little hiccup and that she's just going to be a little peanut. But of course things play over and over in my mind like did I take/eat something that stunted the growth of her legs? Like my ventolin inhaler for example. It's a category c. And I really was not happy about having to use it, but my asthma has been worse lately (think I'm getting a cold) and I've had to use it a lot! Of course, I keep thinking...it's the inhalers fault!!! But I know that is probably not true. But I do keeping thinking of what I could have changed to maybe make her legs grows a bit more.

Funny thing is, is that Samantha was kicking me A LOT yesterday. Could have been little punches too. But I was thinking to myself  "For this nugget to have such little legs, those little legs sure do pack a punch!" :) Maybe it was her way of telling me that she is perfectly fine in there and that the doctor's have no idea what they are talking about. I wish that was the case :)

We appreciate all the prayers! So please keeping them coming :)

Freaking the hell out.

So I get a call this morning from my OB. My doctor leaves a message to call back. My ACTUAL doctor. "This can't be good, " I thought. My first thought was that they found something else in my urine culture from my L&D visit last Monday and were calling to tell me I needed to be on a different antibiotic. Because they did say it could take awhile to get the culture back.

I call the office back and my doctor gets on the phone and starts explaining to me that at my last u/s at the hospital last week (when I had my second visit in two weeks to L&D) that the u/s tech found that the baby's legs were very short. Meaning, they COULD be abnormally short. She was using the word "abnormality" and it was scaring the shit out of me. She asked me how tall I was and I said "5'0" (but actually I think Im 4'11 1/2, I just round up sometimes) and she said that it could very well be nothing at all since I'm so short and my husband is only 5'8-5'9. But that I have to get a follow up u/s. She said I could have one with them, but if they think it needs further examination they are just going to send us to a specialist. And that it was up to me what I wanted to do. So my first response was that we'd just go see the specialist and get a definite answer. But she said it can take up to two weeks sometimes to get in to see him. She did tell me not to worry that it could be nothing, etc. But who is she kidding? I AM A MESS RIGHT NOW. I am googling the hell out of this and worrying that our precious girl has dwarfism or something. Now, we will love her no matter what, but this has me FREAKING OUT BIG TIME. No one wants to hear something could be wrong with their baby :(

After thinking about it, I called back the OB office to see if it was possible for me get in an u/s with them sooner and if they still think something is wrong to just keep the specialist appt. But the nurse said my doctor said it's better to have a week or two in between to show some growth. So now I have no choice but to wait and worry for almost two weeks maybe. They are supposed to call me back with a date for my appt. And they better call me back TODAY.

What I don't understand is how it took ELEVEN days for me to get this phone call. I had that u/s 11 days ago. I could be seeing the specialist this week. And what else pisses me off is that the u/s tech said everything looked great with the baby!! I know maybe they aren't allowed to say, but that's bullshit! So we all left there that night thinking our baby is just perfect and doing well! :(

I am just PRAYING TO GOD that our little girl is just tiny with short legs and that nothing is wrong :( I went back through her u/s pictures just now and the last one from eleven days ago DOES show her legs looking very very very short :( Please say a prayer for us that everything is okay :(

Does anyone else have experience with this?

How am I supposed to function for the next few weeks??! :( I'm a freaking mess.

100 Days!

100 days until our due date!!! I'm wondering if it will fly by or drag on. My husband said he already feels like time is slowing down. But I sort of think it might fly by, up until like a few weeks before and then I'm sure it will feel like there are 100 hours in a DAY! There's just so much to prepare for in the next 100 days. A room to paint, baby furniture to put together, decorating, childbirth/breastfeeding classes, a baby shower! And my brother's wedding in March! My birthday in April....

Thanks for all your kind words and prayers about my Nana! She is still in the hospital but doing okay. Still in some pain. They think she might have arthritis around her spine. And she will probably be in the hospital through the weekend and then off to a rehab hospital for a few days! I just want her to feel better. But she does seem to be in good spirits and is of course exercising her sense of humor :)

This is in my house

Say what? 

Never a dull moment

So (hmm I realize I start many of my paragraphs off with the word "so," habit I guess) Saturday was my lovely Nana's 90th birthday party and then Sunday was her actual birthday. Monday night I get a call from my mom saying that my Nana has been in the ER all day at a hospital down where she lives. She was experiencing excruciating back pain and leg pain. Although the small hospital down there decided they wanted to transfer her to a bigger hospital up near us for more tests. So last night she was transported by ambulance up here. They are running all kinds of tests and xrays to figure this out. But for now she is in a lot of pain. We went and visited her today at the hospital. She seems to be doing okay, but in some pain and tired. Thankfully, the problem doesn't seem to be any of her organs so that's a good thing. But the doctor hasn't made a diagnosis or treatment plan yet. And also, my step mom is having hip surgery at the same hospital tomorrow!! I feel bad for my Mom and Step dad. Last Monday night they were in Labor and Delivery with us, last night they were at the hospital with my Nana until 4:30 in the morning, and today my mom was there all day again AND my step dad had to take his best friend to another hospital because of congestive heart failure. Like I said, never a dull moment...

When I had first talked to my mom this morning to see how the night went with my Nana, she told me how the doctor came in last night and said he had one last question for her. He wanted to know what her wishes were for being resuscitated if need be. My mom said she took the doctor's hand and said " Oh honey, you do everything and anything you can do to keep me alive. I have a baby great-granddaughter coming in April that I have to meet. And two of my grandsons are getting married. So you do whatever you have to do. After that, I don't care if you "Kevorkian" me!." So of course, after hearing that I started crying my eyes out!!! Funny though, because my mom is her health care proxy and my mom said that she had chosen years ago to sign a DNR! So I guess she's changed her mind :)

Belly button question: When does the "snooze button" belly button happen? IF it happens that is. I know not everyone gets an outtie during pregnancy but I want one! And the "snooze button" reference is from the movie Juno :) Also, I don't think I have a Linea Nigra yet? I have stretchmarks but I don't think a Linea Nigra has showed yet. Unless it's really light and I just can't see it.

400th post!

In honor of my 400th post, I'd like wish this cool lady a HAPPY 90th BIRTHDAY!!!

My Nana turns 90 today! Not the greatest picture as I'm still learning to use my new camera and there's a glare off her glasses. You can't really see it but she's wearing the crown I bought her that says "It's my 90th Birthday." Yesterday, my mom and aunt threw her a big birthday party! I think about 200 people may have come through! She is so loved! And one of my other aunts had a bag piper come play for her. She loves bag pipes! It was a really nice party honoring such a lovely person :) I can't believe she's 90! Love you Nana!



My Nana is also sharing this birthday week with another cool lady...

Betty White turns 90 this week!!


I can't believe this is my 400th post. I must have had a lot to say! Thank you for sticking around through it all...the happy posts...the sad posts...the boring and exciting ones! :)

Baby Rutabaga

We are 25 weeks today!! The baby weighs about as much as a rutabaga! She's also starting to grow baby fat and some more hair!

I'm starting to become more and more curious about what she will look like :) Eyes? Hair color? Will she look more like me or my husband? Or will she be a combo of the both of us? :)

We're also making a little progress on the nursery. My husband painted the cradle for when she first comes home. And the crib set was ordered by my Dad and Step-mom but we have to go get it. And then my Mom ordered the bedding for us. Which is at her house. We definitely want to get the nursery painted before the shower! So that will be happening in the next week or two.

Thanking God for each week that passes and she's still safe and growing inside me!

Ok, off to a big birthday bash for my Nana who turns 90 tomorrow! 90!!!

My feet are happy

Today I went and got a much needed pedicure! My mom gave me a gift certificate for Christmas, so I was able to use that. Pregnancy does not do nice things for your feet. Mine have already gone up a full size and a half and they are just so achy and swollen! I've been dying to get a pedicure for longest time. I think the last time I got one was during the summer. And luckily I got a gift certificate for Christmas! Let me tell you, I now think pedicures while pregnant are the most fantastic things. Go get one. Pedicures are great even if you aren't pregnant but my swollen feet were in heaven today!

It was kind of strange (in a good way) sitting in that big massage chair with my big old belly sticking out. Occasionally I would look down at my swollen feet and white legs and thank God for this amazing pedicurist (is that a word?) and for my Mom who gave me the gift of a pedicure :) I even picked a fun purple color, whereas normally I go with a red or pinkish color.

At one point, in walked the cutest little girl (probably about 4 or 5) with her grandma. The grandma was getting a manicure and the little girl was just getting her nails and toenails painted. She was so excited! And so adorable! She was just chatting away with the manicure lady the whole time. I couldn't help but watch her and smile and think "Wow, I'm actually going to have my own little 4 year old girl someday! And we will get our nails painted together!" When the pedicurist was done with me she put me over by the feet dryer things. All the sudden the little girl comes skipping over to me and sits next to me. She wanted to put her hands and feet under the dryer again, even though she had done that already. So the nail lady turned it on again for her. Well, she sat there chatting away with me about how her and her grandma were going to the mall. I asked her what color she had her nails painted and wouldn't you know she had her toes painted a purple color like mine and her fingernails a reddish color. Also, like mine. Although, I didn't  get a manicure, just had painted my fingernails red the other day. I said to her " Oh! Me too!" And showed her my toes and nails and she giggled. I just had this urge to scoop her up and squeeze her. She was so cute and so outgoing. But then she started rummaging through the basket next to the dryers where you throw your "used" flip flops and toe spreader things. And she was just happily picking up and touching each one and was looking for matching toe thingies. Of course I was cringing inside thinking about all the feet and toes that have touched those things and now this poor little girl had no clue. She then said to me (holding up two blue toe things) "Aren't these pretty?" And I said  "Ohhhh yeah they are a pretty blue! But I think those might be dirty honey." LOL

I don't think she really heard me, but then her grandma called her and she was gone. Hope grandma has some sanitizer in the car :)

In my Daughter's eyes...

Crazy Dream

Last night I had the craziest dream.

It was the day of my baby shower but the baby shower took place at the Kentucky Derby. There were tons of people there and the people sat in the stands while I opened the gifts. And I remember the chair I was sitting in, the legs of it were sitting in part of a lake and there were waves that kept getting everything wet.

Then at some point I had a glass of wine in my hand, but was so confused because of course I can't drink while pregnant! And then I went into our house (a huge house) which happened to be at the Kentucky Derby and we had a cat. But the cat kept throwing up all over the place. And my husband was running around trying to clean it up and then I remembered the litter box was full but that we had forgotten to empty it in like a year.

Then I walked into the dining room and I sat down at the table which was crowded with a bunch of men. They were all deep in conversation, so I just sat and watched. All the faces at the table were blurry to me except at the head of the table, was my Uncle Jim who passed away years ago. We were really close to him and his wife was my Aunt "Rhodie." Her real name was Roselyn, which is going to be Samantha's middle name. I just sat there at watched him talk with the other men. But what was amazing was that he looked so good! His face was full and young and healthy! And the big bright window behind him happened to be the window that was in their dining room at their house. Although my uncle didn't seem to see that I was there. I wanted so badly to interrupt his conversation and run over to him and tell him that we were using Roselyn as the baby's middle name. I know he would have liked that. But I'm sure he already knows this....

And then at some point in the dream, a bunch of climbed through this man made hole in the ground up to a look out spot. It was so weird! I can remember feeling the dirt and all of us climbing through. It was dark and I was feeling so claustrophobic. There was so much more to the dream which is hazy now and I can't remember. But I do remember waking up this morning and thinking "What the HELL was that??" :)

Little Lessons Learned

Here are some of the little lessons I've learned while pregnant and/or visiting Labor & Delivery...

• "Baby Brain" does exist. I totally find myself forgetting words, forgetting things, and just generally feeling off kilter in the organization department. 
• I have to remember to bring a variety of "breathable" socks with me when it's delivery time. I found myself sweating to death on the bed. When my feet are hot...the rest of me is hot!
• Or get regular pedicures as I get closer to my due date. My feet are a hot mess right now, so swollen, nail polish chipping off.  While we were at the hospital I was disgusted with my feet, so if I'm gonna go "no socks" on delivery day I'd at least like my swollen piggies to look somewhat presentable.
• Grooming the lady parts is pretty much non existent right now. I can't even see down there. So it's for the most part a lost cause. 
• I've learned that I will lose all dignity and modesty. For example, Saturday and Monday in the hospital I had about 4 people all up in my junk at the same time. A free show for all. Normally, I'm a very modest girl. And I know come delivery I won't give a crap if it's the cafeteria cook up in there I'll just want baby out safely! But for now, I'm trying to keep some modesty and my recent visit to L&D made that very hard! 
• What's also cool is not being able to bend and reach like I used to to shave my legs normally. So I now have the "halfsies" thing doing where just the bottom portion of my legs get shaved. And not very well, btw. 
• My wardrobe is probably the saddest it's ever been, but I don't care, I have a beautiful baby growing inside me! Although, I never thought I would ever actually miss regular jeans. Like a great fitting pair of jeans that make you feel good! 
• Tying my sneakers is becoming difficult. And I only have three pairs of shoes right now. Flip flops for when I'm home, sneakers, and a pair of dressier boots. 
• I'm sure I've learned many other things while pregnant but the "baby brain" is settling in :) 
• Anyone take Macrobid before? It's making me SO sick :( 

***LOL. I've gotten some comments on how I've remained modest so far after all the infertility treatments. Truth is it freaked me four years ago when I started the treatments. However, it seems like at the IF clinic they covered you up a little more. At L&D there is no covering, it's just all out there for everyone and their mom to see! ****

My heart is full.

My friend over at the blog MissConception posted this today. She and her husband had 40 memory trees planted in honor of our lost babies. And I am so honored that they planted one for our lost baby. Seriously, made me cry...

She and her husband lost their twin babies at 20 weeks. And went on to plant trees in their honor. Now, their angel twins will have lots of trees growing up with them big and strong. They are not alone now.

Thank you friend for this amazing gift :)

Should I just move in?

To the hospital, that is.

We made another visit to L&D last night :( I was so on the fence if we should even go, because I didn't want to be the crazy girl who is there every other day! Yesterday morning I was having more aches and pains. And they got increasingly worse throughout the day. By 5pm I had taken Tylenol and tried the heating pad, but it wasn't helping. By this point I'm tears, not from the pain but from the anxiety of having to go back there and just sad that I can't "be normal." Normal I guess meaning an uneventful pregnancy, but I know that I'm not alone and that a lot of women have issues. It's just been such a fight from even the beginning trying to get pregnant, would it be too much to ask to just breeze through these months? I guess so.

Everything happened pretty quickly when we arrived. My doctor had called ahead the tests she wanted to be done. The nurse checked my cervix AGAIN...which AGAIN sucked. But thankfully it was closed. They she used a speculum to do a swab test to have sent to the lab to check for preterm labor. Which thank God came back negative. Then they rushed me down to ultrasound. Which was sort of a nice surprise because I didn't think we'd get one but really want to know if she had enough amniotic fluid in there.The u/s took quite awhile but I didn't care because we got to see our baby again and got a few more pictures! She looked great the tech said and her amniotic fluid was good.. The tech then did an u/s of my bladder and kidneys and I didn't have any stones which was good. She also did an internal u/s to check cervical length and my cervical length was long, which was also good news.

When we got back upstairs they hooked me and the baby back up to the monitors and she was moving like crazy. Very active! The attending doctor came in and said all the tests look good but that my urine showed I am still a bit dehydrated and have some "sludge" in there. There is also still a trace of protein which was nothing to worry about. But I should continue taking my macrobid once a day. But then this morning I went to take it and read the bottle completely and it says take one pill TWICE a day. So I called the OB and told them that the hospital on Saturday and last night told me to take it once a day, but that the bottle says twice a day! So they said just start taking two a day from now on and finish out the bottle. Way to go hospital for telling me the wrong thing and way to go me for not catching this mistake two days ago!

The attending doctor then said my OB wanted to put my on an IV drip of Morphine and a nausea med. And a bag a fluids. But that they would have to move me to a different floor because they needed the room. And that I'd be on the drip for 4-5 hours!!! I chose to decline the morphine and nausea med. I was still feeling aches and pains but not enough pain for morphine (just seemed excessive) and I wasn't experiencing any nausea. I then asked if I could fore go the IV fluids and promise to drink lots and lots of water! So he called my doctor back and she said that was fine and we were discharged. So I'm trying really hard to get extra liquid day but water makes me feel so full so quickly. But I'm trying.

While me and the baby were being monitored, the nurse had to come back in and readjusting it because she was moving so much. And one time the nurse left the door open and I heard a baby crying! And the nurse says to me " You hear that baby crying? He was just born five minutes ago!" I was just in complete awe! To think that a woman just have birth to her own miracle just minutes ago a few doors down. Amazing :)

So, we didn't really get a concrete answer about my pain. They said it could very well be that the baby since its so active is pushing on my uterus and belly. And in combination with the UTI, everything might be a little more uncomfortable right now. Basically, I'm realizing that this is something I'm just gonna to have to deal with. We asked them when do we know whether to head to the hospital or if it's nothing. And they said it's always a good idea to get checked out. And I agree. But it's a scary thing. I guess if I'm double over in pain that would be our cue to go again but if it's the same pain I've been feeling, I guess there's not much we can do. I just don't want to risk anything, I would never forgive myself if I waited to long or didn't go to the hospital because I thought it was "nothing." So I know we did the right thing.

Oh and the u/s tech double checked the gender for us...still a baby girl!!! :)

As we were leaving, there was a couple walking down the hall. The girl looked very pregnant and miserable and the guy had his arms full of bags and was smiling. And my husband said "It's been so funny watching these couples come in and out because the girl always looks super miserable and pissed and the guy is smiling ear to ear." Yeah, because the girls are in labor and scared out of their mind and the men are thinking "YAY! It's baby time!" :)

Another trip to Labor & Delivery

We made another trip to Labor & Delivery last night. Our second one during this pregnancy. Although, this time (so we didn't get yelled at again) we called the Doctor ahead and went to the hospital we are delivering at and not just the closet one.

My MIL had made sutffed shells for dinner last night and made some extra for us. So my husband brought it home and I was heating it up. As I was standing in the kitchen I felt these three quick "contracting" type sensations in the middle of my belly. More so higher up than down low. It wasn't painful, but it wasn't pleasant either. And sort of stopped me in my tracks. I was thinking maybe the were Braxton Hicks? But I wasn't sure and I was a little freaked out. But I just tried to let it go and not go crazy about it. Well I sat down to eat dinner and while I was eating I starting having pain/discomfort all over my belly. Which I've felt something similar before with all my digestive issues, but something about this pain felt different. So I tried to lay down with the heating pad but that didn't help. Then I tried walking around the house. Which helped a little but not too much. So then we decided to call the dr just to see what she thought and that if we should go get checked out. Of course, my dr turned out to be out of town so I had to talk to the dr on call. And he said it would be best to just get checked out and that he would call ahead to the hospital and let them know we're coming. So off we went...

For the next four hours, the baby and I were hooked up to all kinds of monitors. The positive to it all was that we got to hear her heartbeat for a long time and she was moving around a lot. So it was cool (and reassuring) to hear that! I wasn't having any contractions. But my heart rate was high. They also took a urine sample. So we hung out in one of the birthing suites for awhile just hooked up to monitors. Which was pretty surreal to look around and realize that in just a few months I was going to be delivering our baby in one of these rooms! Crazy. Oh! And guess what our nurse's name was? SAMANTHA :) She was really nice. The doctor on duty did check my cervix. Which was NOT pleasant AT ALL. But thankfully, it was closed! So that was good news. A little while later as we are thinking they are going to discharge us any minute, a different and sort of bitchy nurse comes flying in with an IV cart and flips on all the lights. Doesn't even say anything just starts setting things up and Matt and I look at each other like "What the hell is going on?" So I say to bitchy nurse " Ummm what's going on?" And she says (as she's stabbing for a vein) "Oh they found some stuff in your urine so we're just going to give you a bag of fluids and IV antibiotics." And just as I'm about to question her again the attending dr comes flying in and apologizes and said the nurse got here before she could explain it to us. They found some white cells in my urine meaning most likely a UTI. And I was really dehydrated. AND there is a trace of protein in my urine. Which to an IF pregnant person's ears is scary stuff. Protein in your urine can lead to bad things. However they said it was just a tiny trace and nothing to worry about. So they gave the the IV fluid and IV antibiotic and sent me home with a script for Macrobid for 7 days. Which I'm going to be honest scares me a little. I just finished a z-pack last Saturday, last night they pump me full of IV antibiotics and then now I'm on 7 days of another antibiotic. But they assured me it was all safe for the baby.

We didn't really get a concrete answer to why I was having pain. They said it would be from the UTI or just the baby moving funny or braxton hicks. I'm glad I'm being treated for the UTI and I hope everything is okay. Because UTI's can be dangerous for pregnancy too. I was telling my friend earlier that I wish I could just be sedated until April and then have them wake me up when the baby is here. Not that I want to wish away this pregnancy, but I'm just so scared and I just want the baby here safely. And at least close to full term. It's funny because yesterday I was just thinking how good I was feeling lately and that I was finally getting to feel some peace and happiness and confidence with the pregnancy. And then BAM! We end up in L&D. Matt even painted the cradle yesterday before all this!

And then today, I felt a gush of something (and this is TMI) which I was scared was blood and when I checked my pantyliner is was really wet with like a clear liquid/discharge. More than I've ever felt during this pregnancy. It wasn't like A LOT but just enough to make me a little nervous. The doctor on duty last night did say I would be experiencing more discharge as the pregnancy goes on. But it just seemed weird to me that this starts right after our drama last night. I'm just gonna keep an eye on it. Any one else have these issues?

I really hope and pray that we do not see that birthing suite again until April. Please stay put baby girl :)

This made me happy.

So, I needed to buy more deodorant. And I hate buying deodorant because it's expensive! Well, expensive to me anyways. It's always hurts for some reason to pay $6.00 for it. It's kind of like buying decent razors. You don't want to buy these things but you have to or you will smell and be hairy. Why not buy a cheaper brand you say? Well, because it doesn't work as well. And there are very few things that I HAVE to have the certain brand of and the deodorant is one of them.

I had a coupon for a dollar off one item at CVS. So I went there and decided I would use it to buy the deodorant.  I get to the counter and hand the lady my $1.00 off coupon and this is what happened after...

Cashier: "That will be forty cents please."

Me: (in shock) "FORTY CENTS???!"

Cashier: "Yup, forty cents! It was on clearance and combined with your coupon...forty cents!."

Me: WOW, that's amazing!!!! (happily handing over my forty cents)

And then I walked out of CVS with a goofy smile on my face. I think that was the best deal I've ever gotten on anything! I know, I probably sound pathetic, but it just felt great to walk out of a store with something I usually hate spending money on and only paying forty cents for it! :)

Just had to share. You can go back to what you were doing :)

24 Weeks and a belly pic...

We are 24 weeks today! 6 months!! Craziness :) Baby is about the length of an ear of corn at this point according to Babycenter.

I'm not one for posting belly pics.  However, I do LOVE to see other cute pregnant bellies.I'm just very self conscience about my weight and since I was a little heavier with the start of IVF, I have ballooned into a 5'ft mini whale. Which in a way I don't really care, because I am just so grateful to have a baby growing in my belly and I can always work on getting my weight down once she's here! So with that being said, here is a not so great belly pic...but STILL a belly pic! :) 

Belly pic disclaimer...

No I am not carrying triplets. Babycenter says my uterus is about the size of a soccer ball right now, so pair that up with a 5'ft girl. And I just ate a big spaghetti dinner :) Ok Ok, I'll shut up already...

Baby shower is in less than a month! Getting excited! 

Must you always feed...

I've noticed I go through these spurts in the pregnancy where hunger pretty much consumes me. Yeah, being pregnant you're usually a little more hungry. But it seems like every few weeks, I'll go through these phases where no matter what I eat I become starving again ten minutes later. Even if I eat a well balanced dinner of meat, a potato or pasta and a vegetable. Doesn't matter, still hungry minutes later. It's really frustrating because half the time I do not want to eat anything more or go searching the kitchen for something to hold over my hunger for another ten minutes. Maybe the baby is having a growth spurt? Maybe that's when I get extra hungry like this? Which, I will do anything for my baby, so if she's hungry I will eat for her. But sometimes I literally just want to cry because I'll have just eaten a well balanced dinner and then minutes later it's like I haven't eaten in days. I mean, last night I had to make scrambled eggs at midnight. I do try to eat a piece of fruit or peanut butter toast or a few pretzels when this crazy hunger strikes. But it doesn't help any! I feel like I'm constantly "feeding!" Which reminds me of a funny line from the movie Juno where her friend said to her something like "God! Must you always feed??!!"

I had my ear appointment with my primary doctor today, which was pretty much a waste of $30.00. I have issues with visiting doctors offices and not getting any "real" information. I know, it was good to just get my ear checked out in case I had like a nest of bugs growing in there or something. But as strange as it may sound I kind of wish he looked in there and found something wrong just so it could be fixed! He did find some scar tissue (which he said could have been from my childhood ear infections and tubes I had put in)  but overall he said my ears looked great. No wax problems. No infection. He said I could have had an infection last week when I had the severe pain but obviously it had healed. But my question to him was "Well why can I barely hear then?" To which he replied there could be some fluid hiding out but that if my hearing doesn't get better in a week to go see an ENT doctor. Great, another $30.00. I know I should be grateful to even have health insurance, but the $30 still hurts. So I guess I'm just going to have to wait it out a few days and see what happens. I might just go ahead and make the appointment because, why wait really? If I can't hear well, there must be something going on...

I'm having issues parting with our Christmas tree. I put away all the other decorations, but I sort of wish I could leave the tree up until all the needles falls off. It's just so pretty. I always get a little depressed once Christmas is over. I think Christmas should be like a week long holiday. We'll probably take it down this weekend. I want my husband to take a belly pic of me in front of it. And maybe...just maybe...I'll post it on here. No promises though...

Not that it's anyones goal in life on here to see one of my belly pics :)

OB appointment and missing my Nole...

Today marks one year since we lost our puppy Nole. He was hit by a car last January and we were beyond devastated. I miss him soooo much. He was a such a great dog and he was definitely my first baby. The night he died I felt like a piece of my heart died too. But I know he is looking over us! And I know he will look over Baby Samantha too! I was so sad that he wouldn't be around to grow up with and protect our future kids. I have a little garden statue of a puppy sleeping with wings in our living room. I'm thinking of moving it to the nursery, maybe on the floor near the crib when the baby comes. That way I'll feel like Nole is right there looking over our little girl...

We love you, Bubba. We think about you all the time and we hope you are running around chasing lots of tennis balls up in doggie heaven :)

Today was also my OB appointment. It was very quick. No wait today and I was in and out. They took a urine sample, checked baby on the doppler (HB great at 140-150 and she was moving around lots!), and then they just took my weight and BP. Met with the NP quick and I was outta there. I have to go back in three weeks for the one hour glucose test and then a week after that to get the rhogam shot (ouch!). I'm really nervous/curious to see if I'll pass the glucose test, because diabetes runs like wildfire in my family. And my brother has had Type 1 since he was little. So I don't really think the odds are in my favor here, but who knows! Maybe I'll get lucky.

Btw...it's freezinggggg here! But I'm kind of liking it. I would like a little snow though. If it's gonna be this cold, it should come with a side of snowflakes! Just a nice change from the unseasonably warm weather we've been having here! Oh...going to the doctor tomorrow for my ears! Some of you talked me into it! I'm nervous if I just ignore this I'll lose my hearing completely. So off I go. I'm sort of starting to feel like an elderly person. You know how your grandma or grandpa has doctor's appt's all the time? Well I'm starting to feel like a waiting room is my second home and that all our money is going towards meds and co-pays. Oh wait, IT IS! Guess it's not much different then the fertility clinic days....

O Happy Day

I am a happy girl today! My dear friend "K" found out that her second IVF worked! She's pregnant! And I could not be more thrilled for her :) I honestly felt like I was re-living my BFP all over again. Just sheer joy and relief! I burst out crying when she sent me the news and then I left her a sobbing voicemail! Ahhhh, hormones! And we get to be pregnant together for at least a few months! So exciting. Today was a good day.

On another note, I can't hear out of my right ear. I think I ruptured my ear drum last week when I had all that pain and now it just feels strange. My mom said it would heal but I hope it heals quickly! My cough is still around but not as bad. I finished the antibiotics on Saturday. I think the pregnancy is slowing down the healing process. Normally, within a few days of antibiotics, I'm feeling so much better again! And this time it's just draggingggggggggg.......


Now if you'll excuse me I have to go watch "The Bachelor." :) Every year I swear to myself that I'm not going to get back on the Bachelor Train....and then I get sucked in again! It's addicting!

Happy New Year and "Take Home Babies"

Well friends, today is the first day of a whole new year. And I am pretty excited because it's the year we will bring home our daughter. Something about turning the corner on the new year, makes me feel like we are getting so much closer to meeting her! Still have a few months but I think it's going to fly by. Until the month of April of course when I am counting the minutes until I go into labor! I just pray that she stays cozy inside until at least April. I told her she can come anytime she wants in April but not before. At least then she'll be pretty much fully cooked. I've noticed in the blog world lately a lot of us are using the term "take home baby." I feel bad for us that we have to think this way. Not only do we have to fight to achieve a pregnancy (or an adoption match), but then we have to worry about keeping the pregnancy for nine months and bringing an actual baby home!!! As excited and happy and hopeful we are when we finally get our BFP, it's still an uphill battle. I've noticed there's mix of happiness and sadness in the blog community lately. Lots of new BFP's and babies being born! But also a lot of BFN's and disappointments. I just hope this coming year is filled with more happiness! Because you all deserve it.

Question: What week is viability? I've read all different answers online, but I thought I would just throw the question out there and see what you all say...

Last night we had a low-key New Year's Eve.We got Cheesecake Factory Cheesecake to bring home and just hung out in front of the TV. We didn't think we'd make it to midnight, but we did! And then immediately fell asleep. As we were watching the ball drop in Times Square, I was remembering the time when my brother and I were kids and my mom took us down there to see the ball drop in person. We stayed with a friend of hers and they took us down there. What a memory! We had so much fun but it was soooo crazy! I remember almost getting peed on by a drunk dude. But for the most part it was a blast!

Then today we went to a housewarming party for my brother and his fiancee. They bought a brownstone with his fiancees mom. It's SO pretty and charming! I'm in love with it. And it's really cool because it's side by side, but my brother and his fiancee live in the "half" portion of it. There's a bigger side to the brownstone and a smaller side. My brother and his fiancee bought the smaller side and her mom has the bigger side. It's really pretty amazing. I'm so happy for them! And from what I hear, the people who owned it before them invented Guitar Hero.

I'm asking for prayers for my friend "K" who finds out soon if her second IVF worked!! Oh, I am praying so hard for her because she REALLY deserves this to work! She'd make the best mommy and I'm just hoping and praying with all that I have that it's her turn. It also makes me feel so blessed and thankful that our first IVF worked. I know we are so very lucky. And I just hate that anyone has to go through more than one IVF...

It's a new year. A new start. A new hope for beautiful things to come!!! Happy New Year, blog friends...