One of my favorite songs is "Coming Around Again" by Carly Simon.
My mother played it for me when I was in high school. I think I was having some boy trouble, and at the time it felt like my world was over and I thought I would never feel so heartbroken as I did then, right at that moment. I was definitely wrong about that. But at the time, when your young, you have nothing to really compare it to. So, my mom being the great mom she is, tried to make me feel better, feel beautiful, feel happy again. So, she played that song for me. And it's been one of my favorites ever since...
Although, now it has a different meaning for me. I used to listen to it, and the lyrics would speak to me about love and romance and second chances. I still do hear that, but it also talks about raising a baby. And what I hear, is someone getting over the heartbreak of losing a baby and hoping and praying for how things could be. It's just a soothing song and every time I hear it I feel relaxed and hopeful. Kind of like my mothing hugging me after a high school break up. The song is my "It's going to be ok."
This morning I had my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. I was so anxious and nervous last night. I was so afraid that they would tell me the cyst was still there or the cyst made some friends and that there was more than one! The anxiety was eating at me. Plus, even though I've been to this new clinic a few times, I was still confused on the best way to get there. The nerves were eating at my brain cells. Our GPS was at Matt's work, so he got up early this morning, went to work and surprised me at home with it, before returning to work. So sweet! He didn't want me to have to worry about anything else, so by taking away the "getting there anxiety" he felt like he was doing what he could to help. And it definitely did! I love him. I really do.
Guess what I listened to over and over, the whole way there? "Coming Around Again" by Carly Simon. :)
So there I was, bright and early, at baby maker land. Carly put me in a good place on the ride there. The peaceful fancy lounge at baby maker land, kept me in that good place. But waiting in the exam room, talking to myself, made my anxiety return. Finally, it was go time. I layed there and the tech was quiet for what was probably not even a full minute but it felt like 2 hours. The only sound I could hear was a clicking noise, that I know means she's measuring things. "Please, God" I kept thinking to myself and "Should I try to wait till I get to the car to cry?." Finally, she says "No cysts!" I literally felt like a full grown elephant was lifted off me. In my head, there was a cheering section like one from the Super Bowl, excitedly clapping and shouting "YAYYY!" But I just smiled and said " Ohhh good." And then the tech says " But unforunately..." Heart stops. " We're gonna have to prick you for blood sweetie!" Heart beats again. " Ohhhh that's fine, I'll take needles over cysts anyday!"
She then took some blood, gave me my schedule for this cycle and set up my next appt for Tuesday. Here we go! The Femara cycle has begun! So tonight I took the first pill, along with a prenatal vitamin (that I've been slacking on) and she told me to take a baby aspirin once a day, too. I am so excited and hopeful for this. And I'm now going to start on my thinking-overly-positive-that-this-will-work attitude. I just have to do this and give it all I've got. I'm well aware that the chance of it not working outweighs the chance that it will, but that's the last time I'll mention it. We are excited. We are hopeful. We will get pregnant.
Next week, is when the real work begins. SHOTS to my stomach!!?? My mom is a nurse so I'll probably have her do them. This is my brother's payback time. He was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when he was 7. And has had to take two shots a day ever since. I'm sure he has always wondered, why me and not Sarah? Why did he got Diabetes and I didn't. But this one's for you, bro. I'm dedicating the needles to my belly, to you. Maybe we can "clink" our syringes and say "Cheers!"
Overall, today has been a good day with good news. Although, I have been sneezing and sniffling like crazy! I thought it was just allergies, but now Im not so sure. I really don't want another cold!! Pleeeeeaassee no.
Thank you everyone for all your support, through all the ups and downs. To my wonderful honey, to my loving family, to my patient friends...
Femara is my friend. Femara is my friend. Femara is my friend. :)
Even if the bottle said, " Do not take if you are pregnant or are planning on becoming pregnant." Huh? :)
I know it's worked for so many of you, and I pray that we'll be so lucky to have it all come around again...
"Coming Around Again" by Carly Simon
Daddy breezes in
So good on paper
I know nothin' stays the same
But if you're willin' to play the game
It's comin' around again
So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart
Pay the grocer
You fix the toaster
You kiss the host goodbye
Then you break a window
Burn the souffl�
Scream the lullaby
And I believe in love
But what else can I do
So in love with you
I believe in love
Now who knows where or when
But it's comin' around again