Today I had a little talk with God.
My niece Rory was Christened today. In between watching that pretty little baby get blessed and the other things that happen at church, I had a talk with God. It was short and sweet. To the point. A prayer that he would bless us again and that this cycle would result in good news. I bargained. I begged. I prayed really hard.
I'm hoping he heard me. Heard us, I should say, since I knew Matt was praying for the same thing right next to me. A little help in the heaven department won't hurt :)
After being in church today, it got me thinking about this quote I read on a blog a few years ago. It was on the blog of an IF girl who had received an insensitive comment from someone after she had told them she was having trouble conceiving. The woman had said something to her like, " Well, maybe God doesn't want you to have a child." Or something to that effect. And after reading her thoughts on how she wanted to respond to the evil woman, it struck a chord with me and I just have to share it...
"What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?"
"I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility."
"No, God never meant for me not to have children. That's not my destiny; that's just a fork in the road I'm on. I've been placed on the road less traveled, and, like it or not, I'm a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven't let him down."
"Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I've ever known."
"While I would never choose infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I'll say, "Don't tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know."
Happy Birthday, America. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. Ours was super busy but good. And we are exhausted!! Thanks to everyone who has sent me advice and encouragement throughout this cycle, I really appreciate it :)
I'm trying to decide whether to test before my appt on the 19th or just bite the bullet and find out with the bloodwork results. I just feel like if it's bad news, taking a home test before the appt might make it worse. Any thoughts?
Uh, I'm a big bag of hormones. The fireworks on TV are making me tear up.
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1 comment:
I couldn't have said it better myself. I feel the exact same way you do. Thanks for writing what I couldn't. j
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