Wedding Guilt.

Our wedding day is in about 60 days or so. And we are super excited! :)

But, I've been feeling a little bit of wedding guilt. We were really busy this weekend. Bouncing around from one family party to the next. And at every one, our wedding came up in some shape or form. Everyone is really excited about it and has lots of questions about how the plans are coming, did I get my gown, what flowers are you going with, etc. All perfectly normal questions any excited person would ask. I feel guilty though. And I feel a bit cheated of the whole wedding experience. I feel like all my pre-wedding excitment was stolen by my last marriage. I feel guilty answering questions about our wedding, because I guess I feel like I don't really deserve to be excited. Because it's my second time around. And I know that is so, so stupid of me. I know I deserve this love, this man, this wedding, this new life with him. I already know this wedding is going to be a whole different experience. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to make it down the aisle without crying. I guess I just wish that my last wedding never happened. And I know that I shouldn't say that, because we learn from our experiences. I would have never lived in HI, I would have never met my friend Lauren, I would have never met my dog Nole. A few people have been giving advice too on this and that, and I feel ashamed to say " Uh yeah, I know. Been there done that." So, I just politely nod my head and thank them for their advice. If you told me ten years ago, that I would be on my second marriage, I would have laughed in your face. But everything happens for a reason and the way to describe how I feel about it is...gratitude. I was saved from a life that would have been without true love.

I can't wait for our day to come, because I know it's going to be absolutely wonderful :) Maybe I should just pretend like it's my first wedding, like how I'm pretending to be pregnant...

I start progesterone tonight. Fun times. The Bachelorette is on too! And they are going to Lisbon, Portugal. Matt and I are really excited about this because his Dad's side of the family is Portugese. And his voo (nickname for "grandpa" in Portugese) is from Lisbon.

Question for you IF blog girls out there...

My RE has a patient portal on their web site where we can keep track of all our labs. I was looking through it last night and blood work results from last month showed they did an HCG test (preg test) and the result was 0.5? Uh, why? I don't get it, shouldn't my HCG levels be at 0?? I was on BC last month for the cyst. Could that explain it? Any thoughts are very much appreciated :)