On the table...

First I would like to apologize to everyone who has been checking in on me with texts, phone calls, emails, comments and messages. I am so sorry I left you all hanging yesterday after our appointment. I know I haven't responded to (pretty much anyone) but as you probably guessed, yesterday did not go very well....

We spent about about 2+ hours at the specialist's office. We had two ultrasounds. One by the u/s tech and then another one by the doctor herself. I had envisioned the title of this post being "Peanut." As in everything went perfectly and our girl is just going to be a little peanut. But things didn't really happen like that.

The ultrasounds took forever and were really uncomfortable, but I didn't really care because I wanted them to do what they needed to do to figure things out. But the whole time as I was switching between staring at the screen and staring at the ceiling I was just sweating and praying that everything was okay. It may sound weird but I don't really like watching the the u/s screen. The tech probably thought I was a bad mother who didn't care, but it's actually the opposite and I'm just terrified of what I'm going to see. And I'm afraid I'm somehow going to see something that doesn't look right (even though I really have no clue). When she first put the scanner thing to my belly my first thought was that her heart wasn't beating anymore. Even though I had just felt her move seconds ago. That's how crazy I am. Sure enough, her little heart was beating away and she is quite the little mover. Always giving the techs a hard time because she is moving all around. I told the tech she's probably pissed at her mother pumping her full of all the drugs I'm on. Anyways, here's what we know...

Basically, all three scenarios are still on the table. Those three being...

1) She's just going to be a tiny little peanut. Since I'm so short and my husband is not very tall. Genetics and all that.

2) She may have down syndrome.

3) She many have dwarfism.

The good things...

The doctor said her organs look great...heart...brain...etc. Her head and body (stomach area) are measuring perfectly. She said she didn't see any major markers for down syndrome or dwarfism, but that doesn't mean they can't still show up. She said you can still have down syndrome and be very healthy. With dwarfism, she said most of them time the real markers don't show up until the third trimester...

The not so good things....

Her arms and legs are measuring three weeks behind. And the first thing I thought of was "Hmm...three weeks huh? Three weeks ago is when I started all this crazy medication." So of course I'm worrying that these drugs may have stunted the growth of her limbs. I actually thought about this after we left, so I didn't get to ask the doctor about it. Her weight is also in the 10th percentile. But the doctor said that is because of her legs, since the legs carry a lot of the weight. So since her legs are not measuring where they should be, her weight isn't either. My mom said I was 6 pounds 2 oz when I was born. So of course I'm trying to think of ways I can at least get her to 6 pounds for delivery. But I know there's really nothing I can do about it. Just keep taking my vitamins and eating I guess. And praying.


Where do we go from here?

We have to go back to the specialist for another growth scan on February 21st. And will most likely be getting these every few weeks until she is born. They want to make sure she is at least growing on her own growing curve. The way the doctor explained it is that if she keeps growing at at least the same pace that she has (even though it's slow) then that's good. That would probably mean she is just going to be a peanut. However, if the growth scans from here on out show that she is not growing on her "curve" at all or if it plateaus, then unfortunately that probably means there is a bigger issue. The doctor said it's our choice to do an amnio, but she doesn't recommend it at this stage of the pregnancy. I wouldn't do one anyways. Can't change the outcome and only puts her and I in more danger.

So all we can do now is pray and pray some more. And hope that her legs and arms keep growing on "her own growing curve" at least. We were so confused and stressed yesterday that we forgot all the numbers the doctors gave us regarding her length and weight, so I am going to call them this morning to get them again.

Yesterday, was just a really hard day overall. And to make matters even worse, my husband and I got into a huge fight. Probably the worst fight we've ever had. I'm sure it stemmed from all the pressure and stress we've been under but yesterday he ended up with his parents crying his eyes out and I ended up at my parent's crying my eyes out. We both just snapped. And everything came crashing down around us. I'm happy to report that we did make up and I did come home. But yesterday was just mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting for us both.

I was actually starting to feel better yesterday morning after starting the prednisone. I was finally able to breathe! But with the events of yesterday I think it set me back, as I'm feeling like crap again today. So today I plan to just get myself together and get myself feeling well.