Smelly

Ok this is really gross to blog about but maybe some of you out there dealt with this too!?

My feet SMELL.

And they never stink! I've never had a problem with smelly feet before. I mean occasionally if I have kept a pair of flip flops forever or something, they start to stink a little. But I mean my feet are ripe right now! And I don't know what's going on! Hormones???

I even started using foot spray in case it was athlete's foot or something. But I don't have any itching or redness, they just stink! It's so frustrating because I shower twice a day usually. I ALWAYS scrub my feet. It's not like I've been neglecting them. So what's up??? I've washed my sneakers...I've purchased new flip flops...and STILL my feet stink....

It's gross. And I want it to go away! I guess it's just something I need to add to my long list of questions for the new OB next week!

I've googled this issue (of course) and it seems other pregnant women have had this issue too. And some say to take a zinc supplement, but isn't zinc already in my prenatal? I guess I'll have to look.

Blood sugar testing is going okay. I'm getting used to it I guess. Yesterday I had good levels! And today so far so good! It is a bit hard though, not to eat what I want when I want. I'm really craving something sweet right now, but I'm trying to get through it. I guess I'm just really focused on keeping these numbers low so I don't have to do insulin! Again, thanks for all your support :)

It's snowing here!!! Our first big (well decent) snowstorm since last October!! So pretty....

From my fingers to my toes...

I have to say I'm actually interested in finding out what my blood sugars are throughout the day. It's becoming almost a game to me. Even though my poor little pudgy fingers are hurtin' already. Last night after dinner my levels were pretty high. This morning before and after breakfast were within a normal range. We'll see what my after lunch reading shows. I've been trying really hard adjust my diet with the things we already have in the house. I'm probably not grocery shopping until Thursday or Friday. I just want to thank you all for your support over my last GD post! You girls sure know how to make me feel like I can get through this :) So thanks!

Just a little while ago as I was making lunch, I looked down at my feet and was shocked! My ankles and feet are so swollen!! Like REALLY swollen. Worst I've seen them yet. I hope my blood pressure is okay. I think the swollen-ness could be from when I was sitting at the kitchen table and reading over the diabeetus info. We have one of those high tables and my feet were dangling off the chair for awhile. So maybe that's why they got so swollen? Right now I'm just laying on the couch with my feet up and hoping the swelling goes down...

By the way, my countdown widget ticker with the baby floating around in the bubble? Well, it's starting to creep me out because they baby looks to be about four years old :) However, the "Lil Peanut" Lilypie ticker I'm loving because it's soooo close to the 40 week mark!!!!

***Just wanted to update you all that I had a great blood sugar day! All four times it was within or lower than normal range! Woo-hoo! It was my first day of really trying to adjust my diet too, so maybe I CAN do this :) ****

GD sucks.

I think my head is still spinning from my GD appointment today. What I took away from today is that GD sucks...

First I met with Dawn (my endocrinologist) who also handles my thyroid issues. But she also takes care of diabetes patients as well. She had told me that if I did end up having GD she would monitor that too for me. I like her a lot. She's kind of young and really easy to talk to. Although, today when she asked me if the nurse weighed me I said "No" and she said " Oh well we weighed you a few weeks ago when you here right?" and I said jokingly "Yeah, but you might need two scales by now!" And she burst out laughing, and continued to laugh a little too long and a little too hard. It was was awkward. But whatever...

So she showed me how to test my blood sugar. Which I have to do FOUR TIMES A FREAKIN DAY. And I have to keep track of it all and email it to her at the end of the week. My blood sugar was just fine when I did it in the office. And then I tried doing it at home by myself after lunch and I almost bled out! I don't think I put the blood drop on the strip correctly because it wouldn't show a number! So I kept trying to squeeze blood out to get it on the strip and ended up with a blood covered hand. I'll try again after dinner. But oh man, this sucks. I am NOT a needle person and having to do this four times a day does not bring me to a happy place.

Then she had me meet with the nutritionist. Which was a blast. That was sarcasm by the way. She was an older lady, kind of nice but  kind of "judge-y" too.  Like judging all my eating habits. Which I know aren't stellar, but hey, nobody is perfect. For example, in the early morning I am starving so I usually have a bowl of cereal and milk after my husband leaves for work. And I usually eat Cheerios which is like one of the healthiest cereals. Turns out that's the worst thing someone with diabetes can eat in the early morning, cereal and milk. Because I guess it spikes your blood sugar. She said I could have it as a snack, but it's not good for breakfast. Great, that's what I've been doing for almost 8 months now. She then gave me all kinds of packets and books and information on what to eat and what not to eat. I sued to do Weight Watcher's and this seems a lot harder to follow. Basically, it's just choosing healthier options but it will also increase our grocery list by 70% with all the healthy things we need to buy. So that's another thing budgeting to make sure we can afford it all! She also said that I should cut back on juice or maybe cut it out completely. Which made me want to cry. Because I LOVE orange juice. Seriously, I don't know how I could live without it. Since my GD diagnosis I have been buying the "less sugar" brand. But I don't think it's something I could cut out completely. I asked her what I should be drinking. She said I could have crystal light, seltzer water and water. I bought some flavored seltzer water today. Blueberry and Cranberry Lime. Both just taste like water with bubbles.

I know I can do this. Make some little changes and test my blood sugar. I don't have much longer to go in this pregnancy. But still, it sucks. I am hungry ALL the time. And it seems like all things I ate that I thought were healthy to stop my hunger, aren't so great. It's not like I'm eating cake and ice cream all day long. I try to make good choices. But I guess they're not good enough. So I'm just sad about it. I would have like to spend the last few weeks of pregnancy not stressing and obsessing about things.

They also took more blood today. I have to go back to the nutritionist in two weeks and I have to email my  blood sugar levels at the end of each week. They said that if my levels look fine after awhile I might be able to cut back on testing so much. That would be so nice! She said hopefully I can avoid having to take insulin shots, but we won't know for sure until we see how my levels are looking.

I'm just wishing I didn't have GD :(

31 Weeks!!

We are 31 weeks today!!! :) And from what I've  read 37 weeks is considered full term. So 6 more weeks until fully cooked? WOW!

My friend Shannon gave me this at my baby shower. Can't wait to crack into it and celebrate Samantha's arrival :)

TVT (shortie version)

Welcome to Thought Vomit Thursday (the short version because I'm tired)...

• I'm having trouble putting my underwear on from a standing position. One of these days I'm going to fall over. Anyone else ever have this problem at almost 8 mths pregnant? Please make me feel better about myself. 
• Sleep has been horrible! I wake up every single hour and with a full bladder. I'm starting to realize that maybe my constant thirst and (very) frequent urination is GD related...
• I have an appointment with my endocrinologist for Monday to discuss my GD. I was thinking today that thank goodness I have not been working because between everything that has gone on during the pregnancy and the constant appointments I would never BE at work! 
• My hunger has been off the hook too.
• I find myself the past few days waking up scratching my big belly. It itches like crazy! 
• I'm convinced NYS is going to crumble and just melt into the earth. The weather here has been nuts. It's been in the 40's-50's the past few days, yet we are supposed to get a snow storm tomorrow...
• I plan to get a pedicure this coming week. That is if my cankles don't send the nail tech running and screaming...
• I like singing to Samantha in the car. It's fun. 

Rhogam shot, glucose results and guilt?

Well, the high I was riding out from yesterday's good news (thank you for all the love btw!) was squashed a little this afternoon when I found out that I DO have gestational diabetes. Booooo :( Not great news, but I could have received even worse news this week and I didn't. So I guess I have to take the good with the bad here. It's a total bummer though.

I went to my (old) OB's office today to get the rhogam shot that I was nervous about. I had one after my miscarriage a few years ago and it HURT LIKE HELL. But when I got there it was my favorite nurse that called me back and I was happy about that. She just puts me at ease. And surprisingly she said she could give me the shot in the arm if I preferred instead of the bootie. Yes please! And it actually wasn't too bad. It hurt, but nothing crazy. She then told me how bummed she was that I was leaving them and wished me so much luck etc. I took that opportunity to tell her that she was my fav! :) I had asked her when my 3 hour glucose results would be back and she said she would probably be calling me this afternoon with them.

And she just called me with the results. FAILED. So bummed. She said I'll probably just have to test my blood sugar at home and change my diet a little. I'm going to try to avoid insulin shots like the plague. I am DONE with needles! I asked her if I could just see my thyroid doctor for all that because I like her a lot and she handles diabetes cases too. So, she's going to fax over my results to her and I'll have to call tomorrow and make an appointment for next week.

I just have to look at this as (hopefully) just a short term issue. I have 8-10 weeks left of this pregnancy. I can do this!!! Right?!

Thank you for all the love and support yesterday with our good news about Samantha :) It's strange my husband said to me when we got home " I kind of feel a little guilty saying to people that we are so relieved she's okay." And I totally know what he meant. Because I was sort of feeling that way too. We just want to be clear that no matter what type of special needs Samantha may have needed, we would have love love loved her just the same. But no one hopes that there baby may have issues, so I think we were just "relieved" for our baby. That she wouldn't have to struggle with all of that. I said to my husband, " I know what you mean, I sort of felt that way too, but we can't think like that." So I hope no one out there thinks that we wouldn't have loved her any different :)

PEANUT!!!!!

With a very happy heart, I am relieved to say that our girl is just a little peanut!!! :)

We just got home from the MFM growth scan appointment. And it couldn't have gone better. We did get to meet with the "good" doctor." And he seemed so confident while doing the ultrasound, which I really liked! He was this little Japanese guy with a very strong accent and he kept making little jokes here and there, which only my husband really heard because I couldn't hear over the crinkly exam table paper. But we did get to watch the screen the whole time which was cool. Here's a summary of what he told us:

-She's growing! 3 pounds 1 oz now. She's definitely growing on her own curve which is a great sign that everything is okay and that she's likely just a peanut. In fact, if I go full term she could be close to 7 pounds he said!
-Her arms and legs have grown! And he said that her feet are measuring bigger than her femur which is a clear  sign that she doesn't have dwarfism. He said she might have big feet! haha Which is funny because I've always had big feet for my height :)
-He can't find any down syndrome markers!
-AND he's so confident with what he (did and didn't find) that we don't even have to go back!

Thank you GOD! :) And thank you to anyone who's prayed for us!

The 3 Hour Test and ZZZzzzzzz

I think for the first time in my infertility and pregnancy journey, I'm feeling like a "textbook case." On Saturday I read our 30 week update from babycenter.com. It said that I might see my feet becoming more swollen, that I might find myself more emotional and that I might be becoming much more tired. Check. Check. And check. Saturday after the bridal shower I came home, took my ballet flats off and my feet were so swollen. The past few days I've been noticing that I need to nap everyday for at least an hour. I've usually been pretty good about pushing through being tired and just waiting for nighttime. But lately, it's impossible. I  have to take a nap. I physically can't stay awake. And then last night I had an emotional breakdown. Haven't had one of those in a awhile...

I think occasionally, for me, I need a good cry. I guess I was just feeling so overwhelmed by these appointments this week. I really really hate needles. And as much as I'm sort of "used" to them with all the infertility treatments, I still get kind of anxious about needles. And knowing today I was going to have to have four blood draws, was freaking me out. Also, I'm nervous about our second growth scan at the MFM tomorrow, and then Wednesday I have to get the (painful) rhogam shot in the ass!! The last time I had a rhogam shot was after our miscarriage in 2009. So needless to say I had a bit of a cry fest last night. I'm just tired of things being so difficult during this pregnancy and having to jumps hoops that a lot of other people don't have to jump. Sometimes I feel so alone in it all. Even though I know I'm not. I know their are MILLIONS of couples having to deal with their own fair share of difficult pregnancies/adoptions. Just sometimes a girl need to us the CIO method :)

So, today I had the 3 hour glucose test. It sucked. For sure. However, I'm so glad it's over! I got to the lab at 6:45. They did the first blood draw and then I had to drink double the dose of orange syrup stuff. Which was a lot harder to get down. I actually started feeling really sick and then tech even asked me how I was doing because she said a lot of girls get sick off this bigger dose. I had to fast for this one, no water or food after 12 the night before so I was already feeling kind of sick and then add the syrup and I was eyeing a garbage can. But I really tried to just get through it because I knew if I threw it up I would just have to drink more or cancel the test and I just wanted to get it over with. So I toughed it out and three hours and four blood draws (ouch) later, I was free to go!! I think I practically ran out of there. I was so tired. I brought two books with me, but when I'm tired and I try to read it just puts me to sleep more. I'm so happy it's over! Not sure when I will hear the results, but I'm praying I passed!!!

Tomorrow is the second growth scan at the MFM. Please pray for us that her arms and legs have grown (at least on her own curve)!!! I called the MFM office last Friday to make sure we were seeing the "good" doctor but no one called me back. I then called them again today after my appt and they finally called me back to confirm that yes we were seeing him tomorrow. So I was relieved that there weren't any issues switching our doctors. I will let you know how it goes tomorrow! Prayers are very much appreciated :)

ps- How sweet is this? My husband fasted with me this morning. He said he didn't want me to have to do it alone so he didn't get his morning coffee or any food until after my appointment was over :) Just thought that was sweet. Especially, because he needs his morning coffee right away usually....

30!!

We are 30 weeks today!!!! And I almost forgot about it!! Today I went to my future SIL's bridal shower, so I was a little distracted :)

But WOW, 30 weeks! Pretty excited about it.

People were talking at the shower today about what if I go into labor at my brother's wedding. I'll be 34 weeks then and it will be St. Patricks Day! Butttt I'd rather that not happen :) That would be wayyyy to much drama and I'd like little Samantha to be fully cooked if possible :)

I was reading the 30 week "message" on babycenter.com and it was saying how I might notice my feet to swell more around now. How funny because today when I got home from the shower (I was wearing ballet flats) my feet were like three times their size when I got home! Months ago I bought a bigger pair of sneakers (8 or 8 1/2) and I'm usually a size 7. The ballet flats I wore today were a size 7, so I should have known better! But wow, I've never seen my feet that swollen before!

Big Fat Fail :(

I got a call this morning from the OB's office. Unfortunately, it was the b**** nurse "J" that I really don't like.  She's always rushed and rude, I really want to punch her in the face. But anyways, I knew what she was calling about. I just had a feeling that she was going to say I failed the glucose test. And I was right. She told me my numbers were "abnormal and high." And so when I asked her for the exact numbers, I think it caught her off guard. "Well, I'll have to look through this paperwork" she said. "I'll wait!" I said. Sorry lady, you really think I'm going to get off this phone without the exact numbers? I'm an infertile, my life revolves around numbers! Finally, she found them and she said mine was 154 and they like to see it in the 130's range. Great.


Then she said they don't do the 3 hour test there and that I would have to go to a Labcorp. She gave me a number and I just called and made an appointment for 7am this coming Monday. What sucks is you can't have anything to eat or drink after midnight. Not even water! Which is going to be really hard for me, because I'm always so thirsty in the middle of the night and sip on water when I wake up (every hour) to pee. And then no food? I'm pregnant and constantly starving. This is gonna be hard. Oh well, gotta do it.

So, that means next week I have:

Monday-3 hour glucose test
Tuesday-MFM growth scan appt
Wednesday-Rhogam shot at OB's

God, help me.

I guess I can say I'm not all that surprised that I failed. Although I had a sliver of hope at my thyroid appt the other day when she pricked my finger and it was normal. I'm not sure if family genes play a part, but my brother has had type 1 since he was little and type 2 is all over the place on my Dad's side of the family. So if genetics do play a part, I knew I would be screwed. But was REALLY hoping we'd catch a break this time :( When I hung up with mean nurse "J" I realized I should probably call back and ask them about the Advair I'm on. My one hour glucose was delayed because of the two weeks of Prednisone I was on. Apparently that can effect sugar levels. Now, my asthma doctor has me on Advair at the highest dose two times a day. It's an asthma controller, so it's something I will be continuing to take. And it's actually helping me a lot! But I'm pretty sure Advair has some sort of steroid in it. So now I'm wondering if that effected my one hour and if it will effect my three hour??!! So I called the nurses line at the OB and left a message.

I really really don't want to have to do insulin shots. I am SO done with shots. I hope that I'll be able to control this with some diet fixes. Or maybe it will be a miracle and I'll pass the 3 hour? Hmmmm yeah, I guess I'm wishing big...

**What happens at a 3 hour test? Are there three blood draws? Do I just have to drink one cup?**

Sneak Peek!

Here is a sneak peek of the nursery!!! I'm in love with it so far. I do love me some PINK :)  Although, it's not finished yet. We still need to get curtains, gonna go with a light green I think. We bought pink ones but they turned out to be a little too "hot" pink. We will probably take the crib bumper out when she goes in there, but for now it's just there for decoration. There is a white corner bookshelf that was in my nursery as a baby but it's at my Mom's and needs to be cleaned up and painted white. So, we'll either use that or get a big white basket for books. And we'd like to put another shelf in the closet. Maybe a throw rug and possibly a matching night light. I'll definitely post pictures of the "finished product" in the next few weeks. Enjoy!

"First we had each other, then we had you, and now we have everything."

I'll take the Orange flavor please...

I had my (very delayed) glucose test today. The receptionist gave me the choice of orange flavor, lime or fruit punch. I chose the orange. I was nervous when the nurse came out to give me the (rather large) cup and told me I only had 5 minutes to drink it!! I was hoping I could just sip at it for awhile, but I guess that's not how they roll. She then told me when I finished (speed chugging) it that I was to give the cup to the receptionist and they would start the hour timer. Surprisingly, the orange drink wasn't so bad. It was sort of like orange soda (which I like to partake in sometimes) except it was thicker, much sweeter and no carbonation. Not something I'd like to drink again, but definitely didn't make me run for a garbage can, so that's good.

The hour went fairly quick and then they called me back. Took my weight (holy cow, literally), took a urine sample (which had my usual trace of protein in it), took my BP (which was in a normal range) and then took my blood for the glucose test. Which I assume they will contact me in a few days to let me know if I passed or failed. Really praying I don't have GD!!!! It's seriously the last thing we need on our plate right now. One thing I don't like about this practice is that I have to fish for answers. Like for example with my BP, I had to ask if it was normal. And with my urine I had to ask if there was protein in it. They never just offer the info up! And I was worried about getting answers from what was happening at the appt that I totally forgot to ask her a few questions. Like if all the pressure I have been feeling is normal and all the bathroom trips and feeling like my bladder is full right after I leave the bathroom! But I think I will call tomorrow and ask everything I forgot to. The NP also checked the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. She found it right away in the 150's! And Samantha even gave her a kick. I had asked her how often I should feel her and she said I should feel ten kicks by 10am! Which seems like a lot to me. I definitely feel her throughout the day but she is most active after dinner and at night. So now she has me a little freaked that maybe she isn't moving enough?? I would hate having to obsess about her kicks.

So next Tuesday we have our second growth scan with the MFM (maternal fetal medicine doctor for those who don't know) and we are PRAYING her arms and legs have grown. The NP today did talk a little about this and she said they didn't see any markers for downs/dwarfism in their scans. And that she really thinks she will just be a peanut. But of course she can't say for sure, but it was nice to hear that in all their organ/body part scans she looked beautiful. And then the day after our MFM appt next week I have to go back to the OB's for my rhogam shot. And then I'm off to the new OB! I think it will be a good change. I really do think it's the right way to go and I'm glad we didn't just back down and stay with the first hospital...

After my appointment, my mom met me for lunch and then she came over to the house to help me sort through some baby things. She helped me (well she did most of it!) put up the wall decals which I absolutely love! They look so good! But let me tell you they are a PAIN IN THE ASS to put up :) My mom and I were swearing like truck drivers. The first one was sort of easy but the second one with more words was AWFUL. However, in the end it was fine and they look great! I MIGHT post a nursery "sneak peek" photo tomorrow :) There's still a bunch to be done. But I might give you girls a looksie.

We also went through some more baby clothes and hung them in the closet. And her closet is exploding with cuteness. This girl has an insane amount of clothes! I am going to have to change her 5 times a day just to use it all! :)

Love.

*Please take a second to listen to the song above*

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I'm feeling so blessed today knowing I have two Valentines, my loving husband and my little girl in my belly. This is true love...

Last night I just happened to be watching the new show "Smash." And at the end Ivy (one of the characters) sang a song called "Crazy Dreams." It's really a song about show business but I couldn't help but listen to it and think about the struggle of infertility and finally having your dreams come true with a pregnancy. Lately, I've been feeling really sad for a few blogger friends who are going through a tough time. Whether it be another failed IVF, another miscarriage or an adoption that fell through. My heart hurts for them. Because even though each situation is different, the pain is the same for all of them. And I remember that pain very clearly. I just wish I could snap my fingers and put a baby in everyone's arms! I hate to see these girls hurting. It's like a reflection of my own pain that I felt just months ago.

So listening to this song last night got me a little emotional. And I loved the message behind it that even crazy dreams come true. Just last summer I was thinking it would be crazy if our IVF actually worked. And it did. Our dream came true.

Thank God, even crazy dreams come true...

Braxton Hicks?

I was doing okay after my scary (almost) fall on Saturday. I stayed on the couch (for the most part) for the remainder of the day.

But then Sunday night I started having pain. And I thought they might be Braxton Hicks? Although it stayed constant, it didn't come and go like i thought contractions do? I researched BH and it said that some women don't feel any pain with them and some women do feel pain. And that they usually start around 28 weeks. We are a little over 29 weeks. My stomach did feel tight too. So, as we watched the Grammy's I walked around, changed positions, took a hot shower, laid with a heating pad. Nothing seemed to help. But today I am feeling fine. So maybe it was just digestive issues? Who knows. I'm worried I won't know when I am really in labor because let me tell ya, this shit was painful last night. Not like crampy pain...but PAIN. And then I had a nightmare last night that I woke up bleeding and there was lots of tissue and clots. You better believe I was scared to go to the bathroom after that to check. Everything is fine and I am feeling better today. But geez.

I'm kind of excited for my OB appt on Wednesday. I'm still with the old OB for two more weeks. And even though I have o do the glucose test (ick!) I'm just going to be happy to be back there and for them to check me out. Check my urine and check the baby's HB on doppler. I haven't been there since January 4th! Although, I have been to a variety of emergency rooms/urgent cares/primary doctor's office. So it's not like I haven't been seen at all.

I'm not sure if my new Advair medicine is helping me yet. I'm a little worried that no medicine is even coming out of the thing. I used it it years and years ago, and I remember back then when I would inhale I could sort of taste the medicine/powder. Now, with this one I taste/feel nothing coming out. I'm pretty sure I'm doing it right, but haven't felt any drastic breathing changes yet.

I was hoping maybe the pain I was feeling last night was growing pains or something. And it made me happy to think my stomach was stretching because she is growing! That's what I'd like to think. I did notice recently too that my stretch marks on my stomach are getting worse and that they are travelling higher up on my belly. That means my stomach is growing for the baby right? :) Hope so.

29 weeks!

We are 29 weeks today and what do I do to celebrate???

I scare the crap out of myself by tripping and almost falling. My husband is working today, so I decided I was going to tackle more baby stuff and get organizing. Our living room is still a mess. So as I was trying to go through some stuff and I thought it would be a good idea to drag a box out to the living room that I didn't want in the baby's room anymore. BAD idea. Somehow I tripped as I was pulling it along and went flying forward and had a hard time stopping myself. What scared me the most was this burning sensation that I immediately felt all over my stomach :(  And now I'm feeling some weird pains.Scary.

I hope the baby is okay :( I don't think I'm leaving the couch for the rest of the day...

Sick and Tired

Literally and figuratively.

I'm sick again. Coughing...asthma...all the good stuff...

Last night I felt my airways practically close right up and I had to rush to my neb machine. It was an awful feeling. Then I went to bed early. I had an emergency appt with the pulmonary doctor this morning. It was the first time I met him and I immediately didn't like him. His bed side manner was horrible and he rushed in and out.. I had told him I noticed a pattern that I seem to feel better only when I am taking steroids.  He then put me on Advair, we'll see if that helps. I think Advair has some sort of steroid in it which he said was safer than prednisone for pregnancy.  I'm definitely calling my primary doctor to see if he can refer me to another pulmonary group. As I will not be seeing this doctor again. He might be "book smart" but I just can't get past a horrible bed side manner. That should be the first thing they teach doctors in med school. Seriously.

Maybe I'm becoming more picky about doctor's in my old age or something. But to me they have to have the whole package. Good at their job and a great bed side manner. Is that too much to ask? Maybe. But I don't care.

I also made some calls this morning to find a new OB. After a few rejections and speaking to a few snotty receptionists (another thing that bugs me!) I finally found our new OB and will be seeing them on March 7th. Perfect timing since next week I will do the glucose test at the old OB and the following week I'll get my Rhogam shot...and then I'll be on my way!! I hope this all works out well! The receptionist was really nice, so that's a good start :)

Ok, I'm going back to bed. I was falling asleep in the doctor's office this morning.

Time to get myself well again.

Spoke too soon

So, my favorite nurse from the OB's office called me this afternoon. Turns out my doctor is not comfortable with monitoring me this whole time and then not delivering the baby. So, we need to find another practice.

F****** great.

Made the switch and what to pack?

I was finally able to speak with someone in my OB's office today and they said it's fine if I want to stick with them for monitoring for the rest of the pregnancy and then deliver at a different hospital. Which was great news! However, there is a very good chance my OB will be busy delivering someone else at the private hospital because as the nurse said "I'm due at a very busy time." I guess there are lots of Spring babes due?? So, I may have to have the OB on staff at the hospital deliver Samantha. Which I am totally fine with. Our bigger concerns are having the proper help available to our girl (IF need be) and that we have a private room where we can stay together as a family after the birth. So we are happy with this decision. And we are going on a tour of the birth center in early March.

I know this is super early to be asking, but what are your suggestions on what to pack in the hospital bag??? I want to pack ours early because I have this fear of heading to the hospital in a rush and forgetting everything! I know the hospital gives you a list of what you should bring (as we got one the other night at the private hospital) but I want the opinions of all you bloggers out there! Because I think you probably have a more realistic list that maybe worked for you. Please include what we should pack for all of us, Mom, Dad and Baby....

Thanks!

Tinkle Targets

I'm feeling a little better today. Thanks for all your support over my last post. Maybe I just needed some fresh air and some wandering through the Babies R Us aisles. I had my endocrinologist appointment today too. The doctor was really nice. She did blood work to see where my thyroid levels were at and gave me some free samples of the drug I take for my thyroid. I was talking to her about how my glucose test got pushed back because of the steroid medication. So she decided to prick my finger to check blood sugar levels and they came back just fine. So maybe just maybe, I'll get a pass on gestational diabetes?? That would be SO nice. However, I still have to drink down that sugary drink at the OB's, so I very well may get a different result. We'll see. The glucose test is next Wednesday.

After my appointment, I went to Babies R us to pick up a few things. I got a cover for the changing table pad, a Sophie the Giraffe teether (which I didn't know squeaked, which is kind of a bummer)  a cute little preemie outfit and a small pink basket for the changing table. I've been wanting to get a few preemie outfits because I think she is going to be super tiny and I've heard from some people that even their 7 pound babies are sometimes too small for newborn stuff. We still have a long list of stuff we need, but it felt good to check some off today and use a gift card for it. Next trip to babies r us I plan to return some duplicate gifts and get the crib mattress.

It's so fun to walk through the aisles there because I'm just interested in everything and how it works and when she might need it. As I turned the corner in one section of the store and ended up in the potty training aisle. I saw these things called "Tinkle Targets." And laughed out loud. Have you seen them? They are these little foam (some kind of flushable foam) stars that you put in the toilet so little boys can aim their pee at them, just a like playing a game or something! So funny and actually a great idea. Something that Samantha will never need, but I'm sure we'll end up getting her one of those talking/singing pottys when she's older.

I called my OB's office this morning and left a message for the nurse regarding changing delivery hospitals and what my options might be. But she had called me back during my doctor's appointment and then I didn't see the message. So I called them back when I got home leaving another message but they never called back. So I guess it'll be round two tomorrow. I've come to the decision that I definitely don't want to deliver at the women's hospital. I just think the two reasons we have are pretty good reasons to go elsewhere. I am a little sad about because it is a great hospital and I've heard a lot of other people rave about it. But I just don't think we can roll the dice on the fact that my husband may not be able to stay with us the first night and IF the baby needs a bigger NICU. Also, this private hospital is about 30-40 minutes away from where we live. The other two (city) hospitals are about 10-15 minutes. Every time we had to head to the private hospital for the two scares we had, we were like " Wow this is going to be a LONG ride come delivery day." And if it happened  during evening rush hour, forget it. It could take an hour or longer to get there. I mean yes, there is that possibility that we would get our own room because it's "slow" and that Samantha will be totally fine and healthy and won't need any help! But all this is the unknown. And I just don't think we want to risk it...

So hopefully my OB has some good news for me tomorrow. I really want to stay with her practice for monitoring, and if she can't make it to the bigger hospital come delivery day ( whether that be because she's delivering someone else's miracle at the women's hospital) then that's fine. I'm ok with the OB on staff delivering our baby.

I also got a call from the pediatrician's office that we chose. They do sort of a phone interview and you can ask questions, etc. So we are set with that! And actually I had mentioned that we were in the process of changing delivery hospitals. Which works with them because if we deliver at the bigger hospital the doctor will come see us every day at the hospital when she is born. But if we were to deliver at the women's hospital they don't have privileges there so we would have to use on the on staff peds dr at first. Just another reason to switch hospitals I guess.

I realize I just need to take a deep breath, give myself a freakin break and take things one at a time. I know everything will work out, it's just hard to see the big picture right now. And it's nice to know that I'm probably not the only pregnant woman freaking out a bit...

Tomorrow's task: Work on shower thank you cards and get all the baby clothes together to get washed! And I'm totally not using Dreft (gasp!). Luckily my cousin Jenny let me in on a secret that you can just use dye free/scent free detergent. SO much cheaper! Dreft is friggin expensive!

On the verge...

I feel like I'm on the verge of an emotional breakdown. I don't know if it's my hormones but the past few days I have been extra tired, sad and just generally feeling like I could start sobbing at the drop of a hat. Not to mention I've been having nightmares every night. I know I've been feeling overwhelmed with everything. Just all the baby stuff that needs to be done and the stress of wondering if she's okay.

Then tonight we went to the hospital where we are supposed to be delivering at for a maternity tour. I've been a patient there twice so far this pregnancy so (lucky us) already got to see the birthing rooms which are pretty nice.  My OB only delivers at this private women's hospital because it is so close to her practice and she's the only doctor IN her practice. Her web site does say that she also maintains privileges at two other major hospitals in the area. Not sure what that exactly means, but I thought maybe it means she COULD still deliver at those larger hospitals if she wanted to? Something I have to ask her at my next visit.

Because here's the thing. We weren't all that impressed with what we saw tonight. This private hospital does have a lot of great things to offer, but two things have us seriously rethinking our choices. One is, the after birth recovery rooms. There are no private rooms. So basically you are rolling the dice on whether you deliver on a busy day  and whether or not you'll get a room to yourself. They said they try their best to give you a room to yourselves but sometimes that's just not possible. Now, yeah sharing a room would suck, but that's not the main thing that upsets us. If we DID end up having to share a room, no one can stay the night with me. Which means, on the day our daughter is born my husband wouldn't be able to stay with us. And THAT we just don't like at all. I would seriously lose my shit if I had been laboring all day, give birth, and then I'm left alone all night to not only deal with the recovery pain but try to care for my newborn alone. Just not ideal.

The second reason we are rethinking things is because this hospital does have a "special care" unit for babies that need help. However, it's no where near as high tech as the other hospitals NICU's. And with the recent info that we were given that there "could" be some issues with our baby girl, I just don't think I would want to risk having them tell me she needs to be transferred by ambulance to a bigger hospital. Because I would totally lose it.

So, I have two plans of action I guess. One is to see if my OB will consider delivering at the big hospital. And what I'm going to ask is, is if she can't make it there for some reason on delivery day, can just a doctor on staff deliver our baby? I honestly don't care that much who delivers the baby, what's stressing me out is having to switch OB practices at this point. It's making me crazy just thinking about trying to get into another practice right now. I'm one of those people that like to feel settled somewhere with a plan and right now I feel like everything is up in the air! I just want to crawl in a hole and cry it out.

And I'm so sick of doctor's appointments and co-pays. We're broke from all these doctor's visits. Tomorrow I have to see the thyroid doctor. And then I have to start making a lot of calls and trying to figure out what hospital we are going with...

I'm hoping this is just a bump in the road and I'll start feeling happier and at ease again. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of  the entire world on my shoulders right now. And the only thing I want to be carrying and focusing on is our baby girl....

Go away, black cloud.

On a lighter note, we did get to see two newborns (just hours old!) tonight get wheeled by. They were so tiny and cute! I almost stole them. Well, no not really. Well, maybe...

Baby Shower Love

Yesterday was my baby shower! My Mom did a beautiful beautiful job with everything! From the cake to the theme to the decorations and favors. Of course my MIL and Step mom were involved with shower too but my was the creative mastermind behind it all.  Everything was just perfect. And of course a room full of 60 some odd people who love and support me wasn't too shabby either :) It was such a surreal day. I was a bit anxious and nervous because I'm totally not someone who likes to be the center of attention. So it took a little while to adjust.

Everyone was SO generous with gifts. I can honestly say this baby girl won't need any new clothes or shoes until she's two. I did give a little speech after we had brunch. I had typed it up because I knew if I didn't, I would forget everything. The speech was mainly thanking certain people for being there for us through all the infertility struggles. I just felt it was important for me to say these things because it has been such a struggle to get to this point. Amazingly, I didn't cry through it! I did get choked up but managed not to cry. 

My friends Kristen and Shannon were a HUGE help too in keeping track of gifts and organizing them. We joked that they will probably send us bill for Saturday because we had them working so hard! Now, we have a living room FULL of baby stuff and I am completely overwhelmed! I don't even know where to begin. I did set up some of the crib bedding today (which looks adorable) but I think it's still going to take a few weeks to get the nursery in order. We have lots of baby wash to do and some other little things here and there. I also need to buy storage bins and make a list of the things we still need. I know it will all come together but right now I am having trouble sleeping thinking of all the things to do and of course I still have the daily worry of I hope our baby girl is ok :( I think that has been bogging me down a bit in the past few days. I go from complete hopefulness and positivity to what if she's not okay...

We got sooo many lovely gifts! From cute outfits to the expensive necessities! I loved them all but a few of my favorite gifts were: wall decals from my mom for the nursery, a little Levi's jean jacket with "Samantha" sewn on the back, an adorable bib and little diaper booty cover with her name on it and a pretty fabulous diaper cake from friends Kristen and Shannon. 

I'm not going to lie, as amazing and beautiful yesterday was I still felt like impostor at my own shower! I was telling my friend later in the day about how much infertility effects me EVEN STILL now that I'm pregnant. For some reason, I didn't feel worthy enough for such a  beautiful day. Which I know is so messed up. But that's how I felt. I just don't know when I will stop feeling like this? When I hold her in my arms??? 

Towards the end of the shower my sweet husband came with a dozen lavender roses for me and one rose each for the Moms :)

One of the cards that I read that stood out to me was from my Aunt Rosemary. She reads my blog and knows that we have been referring to the baby as a little "peanut" ever since we learned about the "possible issues" she might be facing. Inside the card she wrote, " Remember that little peanuts have hard shells for protection." :)

I'll leave you with just a few pictures from the shower. None of me, of course, because I hate pictures of myself. Some were taken of me but I just can't post them, sorry! I went and had my hair styled yesterday at a salon before the shower and I didn't like the way it turned out. My hair ended up looking like a wanna be country music singer hairstyle. What exactly is that you ask? Well the girl curled it all then gave me one of those bumps at the tops of my head. Then she teased it and hair sprayed it all. Just wasn't happy with it and it made me feel worse about myself. 

So here are a few pictures of my big day! I can't believe we turned 7 mths yesterday too. Wow :) A big thank you (to those who were at the shower and read my blog) for helping to make yesterday so beautiful...

Fort Orange Club (where shower was held)

One of the many cute balloons

The mini-booties my Nana made for everyone to wear! White with pink ribbon...

The cake!

The favor! A pink bird egg (soap) in a nest!

One of these were on each table!

I gave this photo to my mom at Christmas. She attached it to  "A New
Little Princess" balloon at the shower

Presents!

More presents!

I can't get this to rotate, but these were the centerpieces on each table. Real branches
with white and pink bird cut outs that people could write messages of advice and love on !
Complete with feather pens too!

Three things...

Today we are 28 weeks! :)


Today is the start of the third trimester! :)


Today is my BABY SHOWER! :)

Prayers for a blogger friend!

Hi Friends...

Please take a minute to head over to my friend Emily's blog and offer her prayers and support. She is currently 22 weeks pregnant with TRIPLETS and is now in the hospital until the babies are born. The doctors are hoping to keep these babes inside for a few more weeks. So, please if you have a minute say a prayer for her and these three little ones...

Thank you! 

Bloggin' about my bladder!

I have been peeing non-stop!!! Is this normal??? I walk out of the bathroom and have to pee AGAIN! I mean, I've always peed a lot during this pregnancy, but in the past few days I have go ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I think she is kicking my bladder or just sitting on it maybe?

Please tell me I'm not the only one having this issue!?

**Oh! Just want to mention that I am actually peeing quite a bit each time I go, so it's not just a feeling like I have to go, I actually do go! Which I guess is a good sign. Just makes me worried because I have to go again the minute I walk out of the bathroom! Adult diaper time? :)**

Don't want to jinx myself...

but I think I am FINALLY turning the corner and starting to feel better!!! I had my pulmonary specialist appt this afternoon, which I sort of felt like was a waste of time. They did all kinds of breathing tests on me and then next Tuesday I am supposed to meet with the doctor to discuss results. I just felt so much better today breathing wise that it seemed silly to have the tests done now when I can breathe as opposed to how awful I had been feeling the last few weeks. Oh well. I least I'm getting established there again in case my asthma gets worse again. These co-pays are adding up though! And it's really hard to stay on top of them. I guess maybe this new round of antibiotics and steroids kicking this illness away. I'm still doing neb treatments but not as much.

You should have seen the look on the nurse's face today when I said this was my second week of prednisone. "Is that okay for pregnancy??" she said with a REALLY worried look on her face. Hmmm, well nurse, probably not. But that ship has sailed...

Just still continuing to pray my ass off that she is doing okay in there :( I can't wait to be off all these meds. I also got a message from a friend today saying that she too had issues with the one specialist we saw for the baby. And that she knows of other people that have had issues as well. So I am definitely going to see the other doctor. I just have a gut feeling it's what we need to do. Although, I do believe that the baby's arms and legs are measuring behind and if the other specialist says the same thing, that's fine. We're not really looking to blame someone with u/s error but I just in my heart know I need to see the other doctor to feel better about things.

Yesterday, I felt like I went on a shopping spree! My friend Jill sent me two boxes of her maternity clothes and a bag of brand new baby girl clothes.  It was really fun to go through the clothes, because I literally have like two outfits that I rotate and maternity stuff can get expensive! So I was very grateful that she passed them on to me :)