Saturday, April 30, 2011

Quote of the Day

This morning, Matt and I were goofing around (play wrestling if you will) and after we both ended up on the floor he says...

"Ok, no more wrestling for you. You're supposed to be implanting."

LOL!!! So funny and cute! Outta the mouths of husbands....

Love him :)

It's a beautiful day here in NY! My cramping is gone and I'm back in positive/happy mode! I was over visiting my mom today and we were discussing the possibility of me testing on Mother's Day. She was shrieking in excitement over the possibility of me getting a BFP on Mother's day (of all days!). It excited me too, but I think I'm going to wait for the beta on the 12th. I think I'm just scared to put too much pressure on that day. So we'll see. But right now, the plan is too wait to get a BFP on the 12th rather than a BFP on Mother's Day. See how positive I'm being? :)

This cycle WILL work :)

Friday, April 29, 2011

The wheels in Sarah's head go round and round...

Are you singing The Wheels on the Bus now? :)

So, it's CD19 and 1DPIUI. And the wheels are already turning in my head. Yesterday I was so calm, happy, peaceful and positive about everything! But today (all day long and still now) I've had cramps. Painful enough that if I thought I was getting my period I would have eaten 12 midol by now. Kidding. 12 midol is like the dose for a giant grizzly bear...

Anyways, I'm confused. I'm pretty sure it's nothing GI related. And I'm pretty sure it's too early for implantation cramps. So that leaves me with, ovulation cramping?? Hmm. Could be I guess. I have been feeling (along with the cramping) some twinges here and there on my left and right. Don't worry we made sure to "cover our bases" in case I am ovulating right now. But this brings me down, too. So was the IUI for nothing? The nurse said the sperm usually live for 24 hours. But Dr. Google says they can last 3-7 days!? Help! Advice (aka calm this crazy girl down) needed :)

Since National Infertility Awareness Week is coming to an end, I wanted to jump on the bandwagon and Bust a Myth...

Myth: People who seek help from fertility clinics, are just greedy for multiples. TOTAL MYTH!! Just because we are seeking help to conceive a child does not mean we want to have 6 kids at once! I can't tell you how many times I've heard someone say to me (after finding out we are seeking help)" Ohh you are gonna have a litter! Like Octo-mom!" Comments like this just make me want to punch people in the mouth. All we are hoping for is one healthy beautiful baby! Multiples of course are cute, but the health risks run much higher when carrying multiples. For the babies and the mom. What will be, will be. If it's destined for someone to carry 2,3,4 babies at once..then what a blessing! HOWEVER, one baby (at a time) is what most of us desire and hope for. So, world, keep the octo-mom and Kate plus 8 comments to yourself please...

So, I'm just hoping these cramps go away. Don't worry I'm not going to go giving up on this cycle! I know I just need to chill the eff out :)

Watched a good portion of the Royal Wedding today :) Couldn't resist...

And now I want a British accent. For real.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Peace of Cake

In honor of NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week) I went and got myself an IUI #3 :) Totally planned it that way. Ha. Not so much.

This morning was a "peace" of cake.

It went so well. And very, very different. This whole cycle was different. I'm going to take that as a good thing. No, a great thing.

Last night my husband brought me home roses and a card because he felt so bad about not being able to be with me for the IUI. He left for Syracuse this morning for an over-nighter with work. But not before handing over the "goods." ha!

After driving through a monsoon on the way to the clinic, I was so thankful to have just arrived in one piece and to have the "goods" safe and sound. I had visions of getting into a fender bender or my car breaking down or a cop pulling me over. I actually played out the convo between me and the cop in my head. " Um, sir? Can you please hurry it up with that ticket? I've got sperm in this bag that needs to get to the clinic ASAFP!" (As soon as f****** possible). But thankfully none of those scenarios occurred...

Now, is it a good thing or a bad thing if the nurses and front desk people know you by name?? I guess it's kind of nice, but then again it must mean I am there wayyyy too much :) As I was sitting and waiting, a cute little toddler was running around the whole place. She was super cute and I chatted with her a bit. But I was like is this for real? I'm pretty sure that when I have a child and if I need further help with conceiving a second child...I will not be bringing my child there. I guess just out of respect for all the women and men there who are desperately trying to have a baby. It's just we go through so much, I feel like it's the one place that should be free of babies and toddlers all up in your face. I know some of you might think Im horrible for saying that, but it's just how I feel. I mean picture this, a cute little toddler running around the waiting room, when you've just learned your cycle failed. Or that you miscarried. It's a difficult situation, to learn the worst news of your life and walk out of the exam room to a room full of kids. And I know some people like to bring their babies back to the clinic to show the doctors and thank them. But I think when that day comes for me, I'm going to send a beautiful picture and thank you note instead.

Anyways, back to my IUI story. Usually, I sit on the same side of waiting room every time. But today I sat on the other side on one of the comfy couches. There are two doors to baby making land. And I was thinking today, that I've never been through the "other" door to the "other" side. I've always assumed that was for IVF and all the "bigger" procedures. All the sudden the door opens and a nurse wearing a scrub hat (or operating type hat) calls my name. What? Me? Through that door? To that side? I was so shocked I almost stumbled over the footrest getting up :) My last two IUI's had been done in regular "everyday" exam rooms. The nurse was so nice and she brought me back to this bigger room that looked more like a mini operating room. Much different looking that the "everyday" rooms. I asked her if it was the retrieval room and she said they did transfers in there. I immediately imagined happy couples watching their embryos being transferred on the screen. But today I was just getting an IUI. A life changing IUI. And so she got started. My husbands sample was "fabulous" she said. And I have to say it was the best IUI I've had. Very quick, not too much discomfort and when she left me there to rest for a bit they had calming music playing. Something the other side doesn't have (besides in the bathrooms). I really could have fallen asleep. She had dimmed the lights, the music was playing and I just kept visualizing the conception of our baby! Sounds kind of weirdo, but I was. It was just so peaceful.

I have today off from work and I plan to do absolutely nothing but rest and let my body do the work! No cleaning, no laundry, nothing. Just taking it easy and hoping for the best :) It's stormy here, so its the perfect day to do that.

May 12th is beta day. A few days after Mother's Day. Hmm. :)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Hello, IUI # 3

Third times a charm? Hope so :)

Just a quick update. This morning's appt went great! I have two 22's on my left and one 20 on my right. My lining is at 9. So IUI tomorrow morning!!! :)

I'm a little worried though because my E2 didnt double from last time. It went up a couple hundred but didnt completely double. So Im looking for some encouragement. Anyone out there willing to let me know what their E2 was before an IUI??? I know the more eggs you have cooking the higher it should be I think? But I was just curious to what numbers other people are getting...

We triggered tonight and wow did it go out with a bang. Took 6 tries, YES 6 tries to get the needle in. Finally we had to switch the needle out with a different one and that worked. Yikes.

Wish us luck! :) We are gonna go get ourselves a baby tomorrow. A very expensive, very beautiful, very wanted baby...

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Getting knocked up with style...

A big thank you over to Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone for this lovely award!!! :) She's also going to be my 2ww buddy this month! Woo-hoo!!

The guidelines for this award is as follows:

-Make an honorable mention of the stylish chic who gave you the award.
-Share seven things about yourself.
-Pass the award on. Nominate ten more stylish chics.

Ok, so seven things about lil old me...

1) I happen to love country music. But more so in the spring/summer. Not too crazy about anything too "twangy" though. My fav song right now is Keith Urban's "Without You."

2) My new years resolution (almost 5 months late) is to starting putting more pictures into frames and displaying them. I have so many pictures and so many frames, but can't seem to focus on actually accomplishing the task. Same goes with our wedding album. If you walked into our place right now, you might think we are family/friend-less. Besides one lone wedding pic. I've got to get on this asap!

3)We have a Goldfish named Walter. We got him at the fair about two years ago and we were about 95% sure that he would die within a month. But nope, still swimmin! He's massive too. We actually won three fish at the fair. So we named them "Walter and his hoes" :) But the hoes died within a few weeks. Our maturity level is not that high as you can see.

4)I'm addicted to the show "I Survived" on the Bio channel. I get really excited when there's an "I Survived" marathon. The stories are pretty horrific, but the silver lining in it all is THEY SURVIVED :) So through the whole show I'm like " Ohhhh myy Godddd" and hanging on in suspense. Why there's suspense, I don't know. The title of the show gives it away. They all SURVIVE. :) Still...I watch...and enjoy...

5)I put way too much sugar in my iced coffee. So unhealthy, I know. But I almost like so much sugar that the granules come up through the straw. Bad on so many levels...but ohhhhh so good...

6)I absolutely hate ironing. I'm horrible at it! When I was about 14 or so I wanted to make a little money so my sweet Uncle Jim (who's passed away since then) offered to pay me to iron his shirts one day. His shirts came out even more wrinkled after I was done with them. But he didn't complain and still paid me :)

7)When I lived in Hawaii and visited Maui for the weekend. I stalked Oprah's farm house. Took some pictures too. Couldn't get super close, but spent a few good hours on dirt roads looking for it. I was secretly hoping she would drive by and invite me up to brunch at the farm with Gayle and Steadman. ha.

I, hereby, nominate other Stylish Blogger chics:

(Did I sound official?) :)

-cgd at Adventures in Infertility-Land
-Liz at Compromised Fertility
-Sailor's Sweetheart at Living out of a Suitcase
-E at Many Many Moons
-Jen at Jen Has A Pen
-Moe at A Million Margaritas
-Marissa at Eggs in a Basketcase
-RMCarter at In Pursuit of Parenthood
-LoneLily at How to Lose a Guy in 7 Years
-Carpenters at I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Go ahead, girls. Own your style. Write your style. Love your

Monitoring appt bright and early tomorrow. Thursday has to be go time, so I'm really hoping for one or two over-achievers...:)

Monday, April 25, 2011

Turtles and such...

I'm like that story about the tortoise and the hare...or whatever...

Slow and steady wins the race? Well, that's what I'm hoping for anyways :)

Everything is progressing slowly this cycle and I'm not going to take it as a bad thing. IUI is now scheduled for Thursday, not tomorrow. My three follies grew, but they are not quite there yet. My lining looks good and my Est a little more than doubled. Still a little uneasy about the est # because at this point last time it was twice as high. But I keep reminding myself that I didnt get pregnant with that cycle, so who knows! A not so perfect cycle might result in something wonderful! What does suck about the IUI shift to Thursday is my husband is going out of town for work overnight. He leaves Thursday morning and comes back Friday. Which means...he's going to have to do a drive-by with the "goods" and won't be able to be with me for the IUI. He's feels like a jerk not being able to be there, but I told him girls do this alone all the time and that I'll survive. I'm just thankful that the IUI will be Thursday and not Friday, when he wouldn't be around at all! Meaning, there would be no IUI. So it'll all be fine and work out :) When I told the nurse about him going out of town for work that day she laughed and said " Of course he does." Was pretty funny acutally, because that seems to happen all the time people. Timing is everything! I mean we had to drive through a blizzard to get to our first OB appt, so why wouldn't this be any less of a pain in the ass :)

I'm totally fine with being a turtle.

Did you know the sea turtle is a symbol of fertility? They lay like hundreds of eggs :)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Blueberry Muffin Top

Nice Easter spent visiting family? Check.

Another holiday sans baby? Check.

Stomach (aka muffin top) bruised up from shots? Check.

Earlier today I was talking to my cousin Lynn (Hi Lynn!) about my belly shots. And how my muffin top is starting to look like a blueberry muffin top with all the bruises. For the 1% of you out there who aren't familiar with the term "muffin top" it means the fat part of your belly that hangs over your jeans. Gross, I know. But lynn and I were lauging so hard at this. I guess it's good I can find humor in all the crappiness...

My shot tonight took four tries. Ouch. I must be building up scar tissue because my husband said the needle was bouncing off my stomach. Still felt the prick though every time. On the fourth try, it was successful. Today is day 12 of shots and CD 14. I have an appt in the morning. And Im hoping for three things. That the follies have gotten bigger, that my Est # has gone up and that we'll be able to go ahead with the IUI on Tuesday. A lot to ask for, I know!!!

Still holding on to a big Easter basket of Hope? Check.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

My Necklace

So, here's the background on my "fertility" necklace...

Some of you might remember the post I did on the psychic "meeting" my friend and I went to back in the fall. My friend K has a few friends who are gifted in that way, and we all got together for a session a few months ago. And I'm a total believer in all of that, which I know some people are not. Anyways, it was a great experience and I still keep in touch with one of the "gifted" girls. About a month ago, I got an email from her saying that she had picked up one of her stones (a chrysoprase stone/gem) and she saw my face. She suggested that I get myself one of these chrysoprase stones, because they are known to help with healing and fertility. So, of course I close out the email and immediately google "Chrysoprase necklaces."

I found this site called Kindred Stones. They have a lot of really pretty jewelry on there. And there is a link for family stones. You can custom create a neclace with stones that help with fertility or pregnancy. It allows you to pick from three different fertility enhancing stones and then it allows you to add two smaller stones. For mine I added two stones to represent my mom and dad. It asks for their names and birthdates, to calculate a zodiac sign and then you can choose which stones. I chose a mother of pearl stone for my mom and an amethyst (sp?) stone for my dad. And then a bigger chrysoprase stone in the middle :)

The necklace arrived in a pretty package and wrapped up so nicely. I absolutely love the necklace! It's so pretty and delicate and really means so much to me. The stones are a bit smaller than I expected, but thats ok! And a little on the pricey side (for me anyways) but it was my birthday gift to myself. Check out the site! This jewelry would make great gifts for anyone trying to conceive or for a mama to be.

I've posted two pictures below. Sorry for the poor quality!!

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Easter "Egg" Hunt

I smiled a lot today.

Because at the Easter "Egg" hunt (AKA monitoring appt) this morning, the nurse found two on my left (a 15 and a 12) and one on my right (an 11). I'll take it! The whole appointment was pleasant. And if you've been reading my last few posts, you know I've been having some major issues with one of the nurses. Nurse Awesome came in to do my bloodwork. I was happy to see her, but bummed because I thought for sure the mean nurse was going to follow her. But I was wrong! I got a different nurse for my scan :)I bet the mean nurse didnt want to see me either! But hey, Im totally A-OKAY with that. I cant even tell you how happy I was. I knew for sure that if the mean nurse had come in today to do my scan, I would have ended up flipping out on her. I had visions of me being escorted out in handcuffs. Thankfully, none of that went down :)

The nurse is confident that the IUI will take place on Tuesday!!! She even gave me two extra vials of Bravelle that I need for Sunday night. Thank you! Oh, how Im so hoping to just get to that point. I was so happy and hopeful today, I dont want anything to ruin that!! Maybe, just maybe, this will all work out :) The other RE clinic called me back today and left a message. I think Im going to set up an appt for mid/late May.

I know some of you are interested in hearing about my fertility necklace! :) Tomorrow, I pinky swear. But I realized Wednesday is when I had the bad day and demanded to up the dose of my meds, that afternoon my fertility necklace arrived. And today there was progress at my appt which was great news! All this while wearing my necklace. Coincedence? I dont think so :) But that's just my opinion...

So, tomorrow...a whole post dedicated to my baby makin necklace :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Long story short...

Im making the call tomorrow to set up an appt at a new RE clinic. I'm going to finish this cycle, and then...see ya! I had another negative experience with the same nurse today and it finally hit me that I do not have to deal with that! I'll explain what happened in a post tomorrow. I've re-hashed it about a million times today and just dont really want to talk about it anymore.

I also doubled my dose of Bravelle tonight. Today is day 8 of shots. My lab results from this morning didnt come back good, but after a rude and rough phone call to the RE's office, I pretty much told them I wanted it doubled. Nothing is happening still in the baby bakery and my numbers suck. So, really things arent looking good for this cycle...

Like I said, Ill explain more tomorrow...

On a positive note, my fertility necklace came today! Im so excited about it. This (also) I will post more about tomorrow :)

There's a whole lot of "tomorrow" in this post. Sorry. Just hoping the sun will come out a total "Annie" kind of way :)

Monday, April 18, 2011

A little bit discouraged. And A LOT of love.

I was feeling a bit discouraged after my RE appt this morning. One of my favorite nurses (AKA Nurse Awesome) came in to do my blood work. She is so friendly and so nice, I'm always so happy when I get her! Then she sent another nurse in to scan me. This is how they usually do it, two different people. And in walks my least favorite nurse. She's the one who made me feel silly for crying last year and there have just been other incidents where I just dont feel comfortable with her. She's not very friendly and doesn't let me in on what's going on with my body! Like today for instance, there was complete silence through the whole scan. Then she went back to her computer and was typing away, still nothing. So finally I'm concerned and I say " How does it look? Is everything ok?" And she says (in a tone that said " I basically hate my job") " Nothing is happening yet, we might up your dose after Wednesday's appt." So of course, Im progress at all???!! So I say to her "Should I be worried? Is that a bad sign?" And she says "No, its still early." But frankly, I don't believe the bitch. Yeah, I said it..she's a bitch. And I don't like her at all. This cycle doesnt seem to be coming along as nicely as the last injectible one and that's freaking me out. Tonight was my sixth shot. I feel like it's not a good sign if there are NO measurable follies yet :( But Im just going to hope for the best and pray that by wednesday something is happening. My husband and my friend from work think I should ask to not have that nurse anymore. But I don't like ruffling any feathers. But they are right, I shouldnt have to deal with that. This is my body, my money, my family I'm trying for here. I don't need any negative nurses bringing me down! But of course Im too nice and probably wont say anything :(

Im also freaking out because I don't have enough Bravelle. Which means getting money together to order more. I also still need to order my Crinone. My husband has to be away for work next wednesday into thursday and Im having a mini freak out that the IUI will need to be then! AHHHH!Ok, breathe Sarah. Everything will be ok :)

When I got home from work tonight, my fantastic husband had a pretty bouquet of flowers for me. Daisies (our wedding flower) and daffodils :) And the card with them read:

"Just wanted you to know how much it means to me that you put yourself through all this for our family. I love you!!"

I have the best husband ever :) I may not be lucky in baby makin but I am definitely lucky in LOVE :)

Sunday, April 17, 2011

You're "the bomb"

I'm "the bomb."

We're "the bomb."

According to, the phrase "the bomb" refers to something or someone really cool.

This is the phrase that came to me while I was sitting on the table in the RE's office Friday morning. Why did the exact words "the bomb" come to my head? Not sure. But as I was sitting there waiting to get poked and prodded, I just starting thinking how awesome we IF girls are. I mean, really, we're "the bomb." We get up super early to go to appts (sometimes daily or every other day), we get poked and prodded, we go broke, we cry, we stress, we hope, we support each other...

We pick each other up. We pray together. We laugh together. We get through it...

So this is just a reminder to all you out there, that YOU my friend, are "the bomb." :)

Day 5 of injectibles was tonight. I'm a huge bag of hormones right now. Friday night was bad. Cried a lot. A LOT. About nothing and everything. If that makes any sense...

My husband has been doing great giving me the shots. A couple times it burned like hell and I end up making what sound like jungle animal noises to get through the pain. ha! My husband said the other night " I kind of like it that I'm the one giving you the shots because we can tell our baby someday that Daddy gave Mommy the shots to get you." (How cute right?) :)

I'm sort of hoping I don't have to do 11 shots again like last time. I also realized that Im using a different trigger this time, Novarel. Has anyone used it? And does it have to be given in your backside or belly?

I have a monitoring appt in the morning. Hopefully there's some action going on in the baby bakery. Although, on Friday there wasn't anything measurable yet. The nurse said thats what they like to see " low and slow." So Im just gonna trust things are going the way they should be...

Getting a BFP in a few weeks would be...the bomb...

Thursday, April 14, 2011

My husband thinks he's a doctor

And I think it's adorable.

He gave me my second shot tonight. And he did a great job! I may or may not have made him do a few practice tries on an orange:) I was a bit nervous, being that no one other than a medical professional had ever given me a shot! It barely hurt. But that could be because I have plenty of belly fat to cushion the blow :) The meds itself burned a bit though.

I'm still in shock a little bit that we have actually started our second injectible cycle. I've been talking about doing this since November when we got the BFN from the last one. Every month, I would say "next month" and it never worked out. So here we are! And we have every reason to be hopeful.

Last night I took a trip down bloggers lane. I was trying to figure out how many injections (not including trigger) that I had to do with the last injectible cycle. And I came up with 11 injections? That doesn't seem right to me though. Seems like A LOT. I thought it was just a week, but maybe I blocked it out :) I read of few of my posts from last year and wow...felt so many different things while reading...sad...happy...excited...hopeful...I even laughed at some of them...cried at some (most) of them...

I'm really glad I started this blog, for so many reasons....

Today, I received another lovely gift from a friend at work! She was at CVS and they had a huge sale on ovulation tracker kits. They are normally $22 and she got them for $4 each. WOW! So unbelievably sweet of her!!! :)

I want to give a big ole congratulations shout out to Josey from My Cheap Version of Therapy!! She got her BFP!!! And in her own words "HFS!" I am so happy and excited for her!! And it gives me hope because she got her baby from an injectible/IUI cycle...:)

Appointment in the morning to check on the baby bakery...

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Open for business

Thankfully, the letter to my ovaries must have been well received. NO CYSTS!! The nurse said "Beautiful ovaries. All clear and open for business." :)

My husband is away overnight for work, so my mom and my aunt (who's visiting) came by to give me the shot. My mom gave me all of my shots with the last injectible cycle, because she's a nurse and I'm way to chicken to give them to myself. This time, however, since we are not that close to my parent's house, my husband is going to be the shot giver! I trust him so much with so many things, but I am a bit nervous. I just have never received a shot (in the stomach or anywhere else) by someone who wasn't a medical professional :) It will be ok. Shot #1 is complete!!! Get cookin ovaries...

My lupron arrived at work today. Thank goodness. After yesterday's olympic trial of trying to get the delivery set up, I was a bit worried it wouldn't show. One of the ladies in the office brought the box down to our classroom and she said (doesn't know about my IF I don't think) "Ooohhh, anything fun?" Hmm...that's a big fat NOPE :) And then I stuck it in the staff room refridgerator. My baby making drugs sat amongst such ordinary things like sandwiches and Pepsi. I told my co-worker that if anyone steals it I will track them down and stab them with the syringes. ha! No, I'm not that violent, but it wouldn't be pretty if someone took off running with my box o' meds. :)

So, here's what's in my pill box and/or on the dining room table. I would have taken a picture, but honestly I'm feeling to lazy for that right now...

-Novarel (trigger)
-Lots of syringes
-Baby Aspirin
-Prenatal vitamins
-Crinone (for later)

Can't forget about my thyroid med and my stomach meds! Oh and an allergy pill, too. Oh and Midol. It's like a pharmacy up in here.

But I am very excited and hopeful. I want this to work so badly. I will gladly take the shots like a champ, if it means we even have the slightest chance of making a baby...

I really believe it's possible to love a baby that hasn't even been conceived yet. I can feel that our baby is out there, I just hope it's ready to come home soon...

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Signed. Sealed. Delivered?

Dear Ovaries,

Please...PLEASE don't have any cysts. Make me proud tomorrow morning. Let's work together on this one, k?

Thanks so much,

Monday, April 11, 2011

A Post Preview

Hi Girls.

Still here. Since I'm too drained to write a real post tonight, here is a sneak peek of a post to come. So lame, I know. :)

-CD 1 is today! Kind of excited and hopeful. Cramps are killing me right now though.
-Ordering injectible medication refills is like the Olympics. Lots of hoop jumping involved! Ugh.
-$$/insurance problems with the RE office earlier in the day. Its all good now. But wasn't all good about 5 hours ago. Thanks to my wonderful husband for taking care of that one!
-The pharmacy with my Lupron refill called and told me they ran out. How does a fertility pharmacy run out of Lupron?? Don't get it. So now I am waiting to hear where I can get my Lupron from. Need it by Wednesday, people!!
-I think summer has arrived today in NY, because it's like a gazillion degrees and humid. Not complaining. The heat is just shocking though after a longgggg coldddd winter.
-Had to get my brakes fixed on Sunday. $70 bucks. Do you hear that? That's the sound of an empty wallet...
-Today I was reminded of how some people are just so kind. Two of my friends at work offered to lend us money to fix the insurance problem. Can you believe that? I could never take their money..but it was so sweet that I almost cried :)
-My RE appt is on Wednesday hoping and praying that they don't find a cyst! I REALLY don't want to sit this cycle out :( But if all is good in ovary world, Wednesday will start our second injectible cycle with our third IUI. AHHHHH!!!! :)

Birthday shout out- Happy Birthday to my cousin Jenny and my friend Shawna!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

No complaints here...

Except maybe a tiny little bitty one.

Took a test this afternoon. And the one line stands alone. Surprise, surprise. It was a lovely thought, to think I may get a BFP on my birthday, but hey...what can ya do?

I'm in really good mood today and I'm loving every second of it, because these good moods have been few and far between. The sun is shining here, just for my birthday! Or so I like to think :) My day started off wonderful with surprise roses and a beautiful card on the seat of my car from my husband who had already left for work :) Then I got to work and my co-workers had a pretty birthday sign for me and birthday treats. I also got out of work early which was so nice, because the weather is beautiful here today! When I left work I had another surprise on the seat of my car. A box of mini cupcakes and the perfect card from my mom. On the outside of the envelope she drew a cupcake and taped a little candle to it to make it look like it was in the cupcake :) If you read my previous post about the whole "candle" let down, you then know how sweet this gesture was to me :)

And as I type this my wonderful husband is cooking me chicken parm. Yum! Even though there's one little blessing missing today, I am truly truly blessed with loving family and friends...

Tomorrow I am calling the RE to set up my prescriptions for the injectible meds. Here we go again! :)

I am so ready.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

B to the L to the A to the H

Blah. That's how I've been feeling. I haven't blogged in two days, yet it feels like an eternity! Anyone else get that feeling? Like if you haven't blogged in the past ten minutes, it feels like four years have passed? Exaggerating a bit of course.

I'm using my desk top right now. The one that takes a month to load a page. So I apologize if I'm slow on commenting. Commenting on just two or three blogs becomes painful when your computer is ancient and slow. Makes me feel like I'm standing in line at the DMV. :)

Thursday is my 32nd birthday. Holy crap. I just felt an egg die. ha! I'm actually not really worried about the whole "advanced maternal age" thing. I know I still have time, but what does bother me is having another babyless birthday. That hurts.

I was daydreaming today about taking a test the morning of my birthday, and it coming back positive and me being over-the-big-ole-moon happy :) But I do this to myself every year...get excited...then get disappointed...

I just want it to happen for us. I want to see two lines again. I want to be pregnant on my birthday.

When I blew out my candle last year on my birthday, I wished for a baby.

There must have been something wrong with that candle :)

Sunday, April 3, 2011


I had a rough weekend. Rough as in, sad. On Saturday I pretty much had a nervous breakdown. I think it's a mix of everything coming down on me at once. Too much stress and not enough stress relief. Mostly infertility and money/work related, but those things are enough to make a girl bat shit crazy. So, on Saturday I had a complete tear fest. Haven't had one of those in awhile, but I knew it was coming. Like I said, too much stress and not enough stress relief. My husband and I wanted to take a day trip somewhere, but he was offered some side work and we just cant turn that down right now. It's weird because I left the RE appointment on Friday, very hopeful...

But then it just all came crashing back down. I'm doing a little better today. I've come to the conlusion that I pretty much need to take all the unecessary stresses out of my life. My priorities are going to work, getting our financial situation on track, and beating infertility. That's all that I need to focus on right now. Everything else (besides family and friends) means nada. I have to what is best for me and not feel guilty about it...

Our laptop is pretty much shot. And we can't afford to fix it or get a new one anytime soon. So, please forgive me if I'm slow to catch up on all your blogs. I have to use my desktop and (not even joking) it takes about 15 minutes to load a page :( So bummed about this.

A friend of mine posted this on FB today...

"God answer prayers in three ways. God says yes and gives what you want. God says no and gives you something better. God says wait and gives you the best..."

Makes you wish there was a Blogger "Like" button, huh? :)

Friday, April 1, 2011

Tales from the RE's office

Today was my appointment with the RE. The last time I saw the actual doctor was almost a year ago. My mom came with me for support and to ask questions and take notes for the moments went my mind went blank. I brought a list of questions with me and got the answers I needed. Well, actually he just confirmed all the things I was already thinking and I guess that's all I needed. Someone to say "Why yes Sarah, that's a good plan."

The doctor was running a bit behind, but the nurse brought us into the small "follow up talk" office. Or as some like to call it, the "WTF (what the f***) office." There was a pad on the table with a diagram of the reproductive organs. Both my mom and I were like "Hmmmm, so the egg actually has to make a jump to the fallopian tubes." Didn't realize this. Not only do I have to produce eggs each month, but they apparently have to be track stars too. We were getting a little silly while we were waiting and we decided the diagram kind of looked like a ram. So my mom started drawing eyes and a smile on it. I meant to take a picture of it and post it on here, but I forgot to take it from my mom's car. My mom and I are never short on laughs when we are together and I love that.

When the doctor finally came in, I was ready to fire off my questions. I noticed right away that he didnt have my file with him and was a little concerned that he didn't bother to even look at it. But I was wrong. He started talking about my history and past treatments, and I relaxed a bit. He's kind of nerdy, my doctor, but super smart. And from what I learned today, he has a pretty good sense of humor too. He made a couple of funny jokes while explaining things to us. But the one that stood out in my mind (and made my mom and I "lol") was when he was describing the quality of eggs and pre-mature eggs. He said something like " No one wants a dumb baby, life is hard enough as it is." Ha!

I really trust this doctor. The plan we came up with for the next cycle (which should start late next week or the week after)is injectible cycle #2 with IUI #3. So it will be Bravelle, Lupron, Estrace, trigger and progesterone. If that cycle doesn't work, we are strongly considering a larascopy (sp?). Of course this is all pending on whether or not this natural cycle produced a little miracle!

Heard my theme song again today :)

At work today, my friend and I were trying to play April Fool's jokes on each other. We were failing miserably, UNTIL she got me. She came into the classroom and said we were all getting a bonus check at the end of the month. We got one last fall, because the hospital we work for hasn't given anyone a raise in about 3 years. I didn't believe her at first, but then after awhile I did! Then she dropped the bomb that she was joking. I was so bummed, I need that money! It's not a big check, but hey, anything helps! So after my appointment today I saw that she texted me. She said " You are not going to believe this, but after you left we found out that we ARE getting bonus checks this month!" Woo-hoo! I'm so psyched about this, because this bonus check might pay for the injectible cycle :) Money I don't have yet, already gone...but for good reason!

I am starting to get that hopeful and excited feeling I had with the first injectible cycle. Third IUI is a charm?? :) But there's a small part of me scared out of my mind to get another crushing BFN after awful belly shots, endless appointments and an empty wallet...

This time around my husband is going to be giving me the shots. Only when pigs fly will I give them to myself. I think you girls who do them yourselves are SO friggin brave! We live farther away from my parents now, so having my mom who's a nurse come give them to me, really isnt going to work this time. So, my husband is going to have to torture me instead...

I have to go now, because it's game time girls! GO METS!!! :)