Saturday, January 29, 2011


I took my new friend "C's" spiritual advice and found the perfect frame for my ultrasound picture. She thought it would be good for me to frame it and look at it and appreciate the art that it is. She called it art. And I never looked at it like that before. I know some people may think " WEIRDO! Why are you framing an ultrasound picture of a baby you lost?" But truthfully, I don't care what other people think. Framing my first ever ultrasound picture, already has me feeling a bit better. I was going to frame it anyways when I first received it, so why should that stop me just because I never got to hold that baby in my arms. From the moment I got a positive pregnancy test, I knew it was a boy. I just felt it. Something was strongly telling me that the baby was a boy. So, today I took out the "baby box" I've been holding onto and looked through it. Inside it were the following items:

-The tiniest Mets hat ever made.
-The Mets bib that I gave to my husband when I told him the news.
-The ultrasound picture with the most beautiful baby blob.
-A dried out rose my husband gave me the day after we miscarried.
-An angel pin the hospital gave us.
-Brochures for support groups for people who have lost a baby.
-A pink and blue (infertility) ribbon that I wore last year during Infertility Awareness Week.
-And two positive pregnancy tests. Yeah, I know "Ewww you kept something you peed on?!" Sure did. What's even more shocking is that they each still had two bright pink lines. From what I read, those are supposed to fade. Doesn't it say that on the box? But they are still there. Four bright pink lines.

I had some trouble finding the perfect frame for this picture. It's small so I needed a really small frame. But I wanted the frame to be pretty and mean something. I looked in Target, Marshall's and then finally I looked in TJ Maxx. Didn't see anything that jumped out at me. Then as I was in line at the registers at TJ Maxx, I saw a small stand with random frames on it. All different shapes, sizes and designs. Most of them had clearance stickers on them because they were cracked or had some other imperfection. And then I saw the back of a small frame and something told me to pick it up and check out the front. "Probably cracked too" I thought to myself. I turned the frame around and to my surprise, PERFECTION :) And in my eyes, not a coincidence...

(Don't worry, that clump of bright light in the background isn't our carpet on fire. We have a fake tree/plant that we keep white lights on year round.)

PS-Day 41. DAY 41!!! It's becoming almost funny to me. Thinking back, I do remember skipping a period one time and after the miscarriage I skipped a month too. So this could be one of those times. But it's so weird. Still no spotting. No preggo symptoms, at least from what I can tell. I'm gonna call the RE on Monday. I'm pretty sure the anesthesia is to blame, because I was supposed to get my period that day I had the procedure (or close to it) and I bet the timing of that with the anesthesia has my body in "What the hell?" mode.


Faith said...

Hey Girl, thanks for the award! I have been very sick and tired lately, so I can't promise I will get a post up about it, but I am very honored:).

I wanted to tell you that the framed picture is a fabulous idea. I have a framed card someone gave me after my first miscarriage on my nightstand..."I have known you in my dreams, little one, and there you will forever be loved." I also have a remembrance candle. Our babies are never lost completely for us. I also felt my first was a boy. I have a very similar memory box to yours:). Actually, I have a box for each baby lost. Hang in there, hun, the sun does eventually come out after so much rain! Thinking of you....

Jaime said...

I think framing your ultrasound picture is a great idea. I did the same thing and we still have the frame displayed that way today. The baby will live in our hearts forever! I also have the first test I took with that first pregnancy, and after 3 years, those lines have not faded at all.
Thinking of you and hoping you have some answers about this cycle soon.

manymanymoons said...

I love the framed picture and think it's such a sweet idea. Thanks for sharing.

Christa said...

I think it's fantastic that you framed the picture and kept the tests.

Lonelily said...

Maybe the fact that those two tests still have the bright lines is a sign...let's hope so!

Lauren said...

Love the picture and frame! It is so perfect, thanks for sharing it!