Nole

(Nole on the first day I got him)

It's safe to say that I already hate 2011. Last Tuesday evening our beloved dog, Nole, was tragically hit by a car and killed. He wasn't just a dog. He was my baby. He was our baby. And we are feeling so much pain right now and missing him terribly. We both don't think we've ever felt this kind of heartache before. Having a miscarriage was really hard, but for some reason this tragedy has taken over everything. Nole was the sweetest, most lovable pup. And he had a great personality. I'm not going to get into exactly what happened, but we saw the whole thing and it felt like an absolute nightmare. I'm surprised our screams and cries weren't heard across the whole state. I can honestly say that last Tuesday evening was the worst day of my life so far. We are really having a hard time with him being gone. He was only 3 years old. Just a baby still. He didnt deserve to die and didn't deserve to die like that. We are seriously considering moving. We had been playing with the idea for awhile because of our financial situation. And it has been really stressful. Now with what happened with Nole, it pushed us over the edge in terms of making a decision to leave. Everywhere we turn we see Nole, and from every window in the house we can look out and see him getting hit all over again. And we hate that. It's gonna be hard for awhile. We are struggling with God right now, because we feel like he just keeps taking and taking and taking from us. We are beaten and bruised and it just seems like everytime we start healing from something, something else even worse happens.

(Don't worry I didn't make him wear clothes, I just had to put this on for a picture because it was so cute)

I know this is life and I know awful things happen. But we really need some good things right now. We need things to turn around for us. We have been getting a lot of "signs" from Nole that he is ok. That's all I want is to know that he is in doggie heaven and happy and playing and chasing balls as he so loved to do. Two friends of mine, K & S, sent us a package in the mail yesterday with a daisy plant, a cute teddy bear and a balloon. And there was a quote in the card, that read " If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."

(Nole in Hawaii, with his first bff Ducky)


And that's the truth. When it's my time someday, I want to go where Nole is. And I want to see him running up to me with the same love he always showed us. I really can't believe this happened. I'm just hoping our hearts will heal from this soon.

He was loved by so many and I hope he knows that. I hope he knows just how much we loved him. I remember earlier in the day on Tuesday, Nole was laying on his back with his paws in the air (he loved having his belly rubbed) and I stopped and rubbed his belly and said "Mommy loves you." And hours later, he was gone from our lives. Unbelievable. And unfair.
(Nole's bday party in Hawaii)




I have so many pictures of Nole, but the ones I posted today are from when he was a puppy. Along with grieving Nole's death, I'm dealing with a lot of health issues. Baby makin' has been put on the back burner until I am healthy again. Along with infertility, I am now dealing with major GI issues, and possible liver problems. I'm having more tests done soon. 2011 has not been a good year so far. Everyone keeps telling us there's no where to go but up when we've hit rock bottom. I really hope that's true...

Goodbye my sweet dog, we will always love you and always miss you...