Monday, May 9, 2011

Meltdown in progress

I'm not really sure why or how it happened. But I feel as if someone has literally sucked the hope right out of me. Today was a really tough day. All the hope and positive thoughts I have been having went out the window. Why the sudden change? I have no idea. Maybe I'm scared.

But it's an awful feeling. I spent the majority of the day angry, sad, and pretty damn sure that this didn't work. And then I was a crying mess when I finally got home...

I refuse to take a test and all I can do is wait for Thursdays beta. Truth is, I feel nothing. No symptoms at all. All those cramps and twinges I was feeling days ago are gone. Boobs don't hurt at all. I've only been slightly more tired and that is probably because I have been without caffiene. I feel like as I was sleeping last night someone came in and sucked all the hope out of my heart.

This sucks. We put 120% into this. Everything.

I know we could still be surprised. But my heart is telling me it's over.

18 comments:

Baby Hopes said...

Hang in there... I'm thinking of you. The wait is so rough. Still hoping this worked for you... I understand your feelings completely.

Carpenters said...

I am thinking of you this week. Hang in there, and keep your chin up. You are so strong...no matter what happens! An inspiration to me!

Jillington, a.k.a. the Polack said...

Bah. Don't give up hope. It could just be hormones! ;)

Moe said...

Aw hun. Don't give up hope. You may not have any symptoms but that doesn't mean you're not pregnant.

I know it's going to be a long week for you and I'm sorry. But try to stay positive. I'm praying for you.

If it would help distract you - maybe you can think of wedding tips for me!! I need all the tips I can get. :)

Jenny said...

I know how you feel...it happens to all of us...check out one of my posts during the 2ww while waiting for my beta http://jennywithendo.blogspot.com/2010/09/6-days-before-beta.html

And even right up until the day of my test I really didn't have many "normal" pregnancy symptoms...I really think that the hormone meds hide anything...

No matter what the outcome you have to know that your feelings right now are normal and I'm still keeping everything crossed for you xoxo

amiracle4us said...

I hate those days when those feelings creep in and take over. I hope tomorrow you wake with newly found happiness and hope!!! xoxoxo

TeeJay said...

The last few days of the wait are the worst. I don't know why we first convince ourselves that it worked and then tufn right around and convince ourselves that it didn't. Hang in there and try up hold onto hope. I know it's hard, but you really are doing a great job.

Faith said...

This is a normal thing, as others have said. We have to get our hearts ready for disappointment as we get close to testing day. The rollercoaster is just so hard, hun. I'm thinking about you...

Nicole said...

Please have hope! I am sorry today was so difficult...know that you've got so many that are cheering loud for you!
Oh and just to give you a ray of sunshine...I didn't feel any pregnancy symptoms at all (and believe me, I was looking for them). Each of our bodies react so differently to pregnancy, so please don't lose hope.
Many blessings to you!!!

Amber said...

I didn't feel pregnant AT ALL either time. No symptoms whatsoever. I wanted to feel something to make it real, but it just didn't happen for me. So please don't give up. I know how scary this week is for you, but I'm still hopeful!

Seriously?! said...

Aww. Lots of love to you. It's tough, I know. xox

Marissa said...

I hope your heart is wrong. *hugs*

JMT said...

Hang in there! I know your feelings all too well. It WILL happen, don't worry!!

Chon said...

oh honey. This is the worst, I repeat worst part of the whole process. You just have to keep your chin up and keep believing. it's all you have. Right here behind you wishing you all the best.

Josey said...

Hang in there hon! I had ZERO symptoms of a BFP. Zero. Now I'm puking non-stop. I'm still hopeful for you, even if you aren't. Thinking of you!

Amanda said...

Aww, Sarah, I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. The TWW is about 5 days too long. I always have hope for the beginning/middle of it, but those last few days are the hardest.

I don't care what your heart says, IT'S NOT OVER!!

((hugs))

L said...

Sorry you are having a rough day, the TWW is the worst! I felt just like that the day before my BFP, needless to say I was shocked to see two lines. I'm still hoping this time worked for you.

cgd said...

Sorry, I am getting to this so late. Hang in there. The end of 2ww is simnply crazy making. Holding out hope for you.