Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I love my husband.

Last night my husband was stressed out and kind of sad. I think the pressure of everything was getting to him, work, money, IVF!! I know what this fertility stuff does to me, and I knew that it effects him too. Although, he says he tries to stay strong for me and "be the man." He said he knows that I take the brunt of all this fertility crap, and then when all his friends and family ask how I'm doing, he appreciates that. I'm the one physically going through it all. Although, he said sometimes he would like people to ask how he's doing with all of this...

This made me so sad to hear. I guess I thought people ask him how he's doing and I thought I did a better job of letting him express how he feels about everything, without it always being "me, me,me." I felt so bad for him, because he's going through this too. It's painful and frustrating for him too. He's nervous too. His heart breaks when we get a BFN, just as much as mine does. And in a way even worse, because all he wants to do is fix it, and he can't...

I've got a great man. I'm really so very lucky to have my husband and I love him so much. So tonight, I ask this of you girls. Give your husband and extra hug, an extra "Thank you for all you do" and an extra "I love you." They hide a lot to be strong for us, but sometimes we have to let them fall apart in our arms for a change...

The strangest thing happened today. I was driving behind a car with a license plate that read "Sept 4th." That's our wedding date :) So I texted my husband and told him what I saw. He texted back "The best day of my life."

I love him.

In IVF news, I had my second monitoring appointment on Monday morning. To my surprise, the waiting room was standing room only!! That's the first time I've been there and there was no where to sit!! It was crazy. And sad in a way, looking around at all the other women and men who are struggling with all this crap. Nothing is really happening yet with my ovaries. The nurse said she sees follicles on both sides, but none are measurable yet. Which is normal she said. But they called me later and upped my dose to three bravelle powders a night. Yikes. That's the most I've ever taken. I was a little sad Monday evening when I got home and checked my lab results online. My estrogen hadn't moved since Friday's appt AT ALL :( So that's why they upped my dose. I'm praying that at tomorrow morning's appt it triples!! I emailed the nurse saying I was nervous that it didnt rise and asked if she thought I would even make it to retrieval. She said this is all normal and she had no reason to think I wouldn't make it to retrieval. She said that's why they monitor every other day, so they can up or lower the dose. She also said that they would give me any extra bravelle I would need! Which is fantastic, because we were getting really stressed thinking we'd have to spend a ton more money on just a few boxes of meds! My trigger came today too. Please God, let my numbers rise and let my eggies GROW. I'd be so devastated if we didnt even get to retrieval :(

BUT WE TOTALLY WILL :) Because we have to think positive right??? :) Everything will work out...

I'm high on some hope right now.

9 comments:

Jes G said...

during my first fresh cycle i remember the first couple days felt like nothing was happening, and then, BAM!! all of the sudden there were follicles everywhere. trust the doc....and the fact they are bumping up your meds is a good thing...it makes things happen!
don't get discouraged.....
best of luck!
xoxo

sunnyside up said...

I'm closing my eyes and squeezing them tight and wishing you all the best and highest hopes I can!!! ***squeeze***

I'm totally sure this is going to be a good thing!

HUGS!

Diana said...

Grow eggies grow!! Yes positive vibes my friend.. Positive positive. I know ur getting close to having ur baby. I just know it :)

Soooooo sweet of ur husband. U r so right. Sometimes we forget what they're feeling even if they try to be the strong one. I'm going to take ur advice and go give my hubby the biggest hug and kiss ever!! It feels great having such awesome husbands. God truly blessed us :)

Amber said...

First of all, your husband sounds like just the right kind of guy to go through this with. Also, the thought that one day infertility clinics could be empty because people who should be able to have children just can... What a great thought. Don't get discouraged about this cycle at all. They know what they're doing!

Good Timing said...

It's still early days, don't stress out yet my dear! Upping the bravelle will definitely help too! I tihnk that is so cool that you are able to log on and see your b/w results. I wish my clinic did something like that - they don't even like you to call and know things like your prog level. It's so annoying! And I have no idea what my estrogen levels were/are - oh well, have to trust I guess. What trigger are you doing? Ovidrel or HCG? I just took my HCG tonight and it went well. Here's to hoping!! Thinking of you. xoxo

TeeJay said...

Those follies will probably surprise you at your next appointment. I've learned that slow and steady is the best way to go...you don't want to go too fast because you need your eggs to mature at a natural pace.

I agree, we sometimes leave our husbands out in the cold because we are dealing with so much...it's good to recognize their struggles sometimes, too.

A said...

It's better to move slow and steady, rather than being overstimlulated and having to backtrack. I'm sure things will start to happen soon!

I totally know what you mean about husbands. It breaks my heart because everyone expects him to be the strong one and take care of me, but that's just not true. We've talked A LOT about this over the past few months, and I think he's starting to feel better. You can never give enough hugs though!

He listens to the men's program with Circle+Bloom and finds it really helps him relax before bed. Just an idea!

Jenny said...

I had a similar moment with my DH during all the IVF stuff. They really are amazing and as you said, it's easy to forget how IF affects them too. They let us be crazy and have the meltdowns all while trying to keep their own roller coaster of feelings in check. I try to tell him every day how much I love him and how lucky I am to have him in my life. It sounds like you have a great hubby too and that will carry you through everything. I've found the only plus to infertility is it makes a relationship stronger than it probably ever would have been...

You seem to be at a clinic that is doing a great job of monitoring you so keep up the positive outlook :) Take it one step at a time..and don't focus too far ahead...baby steps :) Fingers crossed for lots of follies at your next visit.

amiracle4us said...

Keep those positive thoughts!!!

As for the husbands...too often they are not acknowledged for their fight in this. The truth is, though they take it differently than the women (lack of uterus thing) they still hurt and more so bc we hurt and they can't fix it. At least that is how it is with C. He is more upset that I am upset than anything. They also get the brunt of our moods...that sucks but it's true. I hope you give your husband an extra hug too :_