Wednesday, July 27, 2011

In a nutshell.

Today I was mad. And inches away from throwing a tantrum like a two year old.

My appointment this morning did not go well. Silence took over the u/s nurse as she scanned my ovaries. Not good, I thought. Then she asks "Do you have polycycstic ovaries?" And all I thought was "Ohhhh shit, I've got a cyst." But I didn't. She was just asking because ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS HAPPENING WITH MY EGGS. Yeah, nada. They are still not measurable. After 5 nights of shots, nothing. I was so MAD. Didn't have time to be sad, just was MAD. I left there feeling like this IVF cycle was hopeless. I'm so afraid of them telling me this cycle will be cancelled and that I won't even make it to retrieval. They didnt quite say that, but they upped my dose to 4 vials of Bravelle. Yikes. I'm praying with everything in me that at Friday's appointment there's a drastic change. Like when the nurse scans me she says "Whoa! Hello follicles!" That would be ideal. I checked my lab results and my est did more double and I compared my numbers with my last injectible IUI cycle and they werent too different. But what makes me nervous is I think with IVF things need to be like "BAM!" out the gates. I feel like there is a shorter span of time to get these eggs cooking. Am I right? I really have no clue. Any advice would be friggin swell.

I know I might be overeacting but I guess I would just like to hear from any other IVF alumni who had a slow start like me and made it to retrieval! Please! Someone tell me it's not over yet :( So in a nutshell, I was a little down all day. And mad at my body. This is when I need my body to cooperate the most and it's not :(

On a happier note, when I got home from work today there was a large package on our doorstep. I opened up the package with a huge smile!!! It was a (pretty big) fertility goddess statue from my cousin Jenny in California!!! I cannot even tell you how much this made my day. It arrived at the perfect time too! She wrote a sweet note with it, saying that it's been passed down through her friends and to keep it throughout my whole pregnancy. She conceived weeks after getting the statue and she just gave birth to a perfect baby boy! I know some people are thinking "Sheeesh, yeah right. Like that will really work!" But I am a believer! And I have already held it to my belly and said a prayer :) I may or may not have talked to it while I prepared my shot at the dining room table :) haha.

Don't be a hater:)


Carpenters said...

I obviously am not going to be able to help you with your question, but I am HOPING...that your ovaries kick it into gear SOON!! I hope that other ladies, can you give you some hope too :)

I am very interested in this statue, pictures?

I would stay believing in anything that gives you hope...some days it is hard to find! :)

and whoah....I have to say something is weird possibly a sign?? The word verification for this comment, is ' bless ' . :)

Anonymous said...

dont lose that hope yet hunny!!! I have seen oh so many women with 'slow starters' come barreling out with some good eggs, leading to good embabies, leading to BFP's!
I know it is a miserable wait, and I know it is impossible not to compare you to others, but try not to. each of our bodies are SO different what may have worked for you won't work for another and visa versa.
Hang in there and keep loving on those ovaries!

Babydreams2011 said...

I have stimmed four times now so I kiiinda know a lil something something.. It's hard to say what your body should be doing since I don't know your history.. I can say if your FSH is normal (less than 8 is great) and if they checked your ovarian reserve with the AMH test (blood test) and both were normal, then you shoooould be on a mix of meds like menopur AND Bravelle.. Bravelle is like Gonal-F or Follistim so it only makes eggs, but Repronex and/or Menopur matures the eggs... I am not sure why your RE does not have you on a combo, you might ask them this tomorrow.. Perhaps they can add Menopur in these next 7-8 days and get things moving.. The LH is what matures the eggs and Bravelle has just a little (2%) vs. Menopur having 50%.. Good luck I praying for you and following your journey! you can contact me if you have any other questions! :)

Marissa said...

First, bwahaha, no, not Mormon. Well, not exactly anyway. Last time I went to church for me (as in, not someone's mission farewell or baby blessing) I was 13. I'm probably still on The Roll, as I haven't been excommunicated, but that's just 'cause they don't know me very well. ;)

Second, I'm not a slow starter, but MANY people are. My RE prefers slow starters, because slow and steady usually means the eggs mature better.

Fingers crossed that that holds true for you!!!

(The higher e2 is a good sign for sure. That doesn't come from nowhere--those follicles are doing *something*, even if you can't see it.)

Chon said...

I normally had one dominant and a boat load of slow starters. I think day five is pretty early to test you wont really see much till 11/12. C'mon body work for Sarah you can do it :)

cgd said...

ugh, I am really helping that things pick up for you. I tend to be a slow starter myself and then things really start to move after about 1 week on meds. Fingers are staying crossed for you

Faith said...

I don't have any advice on this...but am sending positive thoughts your way! Let's hope your statue does her thing:)!

Liz said...

Rising E2 numbers are great and I think you will see a bunch of great follies next appointment. Did they do an antral follicle count? Mine was 9 at that time and I ended up with 11 mature eggs. I am thinking of you and hoping the increase in meds helps and you have some great follicles next appointment. At that point in my cycle I don't think I had any real measurable follicles either.

TeeJay said...

I'm not a slow starter but I was slow on the growing part. It's perfectly fine to start out slow. You want everything to mature, not just grow. If you grow too fast things won't be mature and that is where it can go downhill. If your E2 is continuing to rise nicely then you have nothing to worry about. Of course, every woman is different and every response is different. The time table should be close to your natural cycle, it should take about 14 days to get to retrieval from CD1. I hope that things are better at your next appointment. They don't want *fast* they just want *more*. Does that make sense? I know it's frustrating but hang on for another day or so and things should start to pick up. If you don't have anything measurable at your next appointment I would ask to speak to the doctor to see what he thinks might be going on.

A m a n d a said...

I can totally understand your frustration. I would have reacted the exact same way. But that's GREAT news about your e2. It means that at least something is happening. Hopefully this next appointment will reflect that. Fingers crossed for you!!

What a sweet gift. I would probably sleep with it, so no, you're not crazy lol.

Emily said...

Well I can't give you advice on a slow response because with my PCOS my response was the exact opposite. I was triggering on day 5.

But UGH! Isn't it absolutely frustrating that we have NO CONTROL over what goes on with our bodies?

Fingers are crossed that you get good news at your next appointment.