I wish I didn't know the difference...

I've been thinking a lot lately about how differently I viewed pregnancy before the whole infertility issues hit. When you've never suffered through this or known of someone who has, pregnancy is so much less scary. And I guess that's not fair of me to say, because I know every woman has her worries when pregnant for many different reasons. But it seems like they are the lucky ones. There's two different groups of pregnant women. The ones who've never had trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant. And I am so happy for these women, because I wouldn't wish IF on anyone. They are so blessed to have that comfort of not having scary and stressful thoughts, all day long. And then there's us. The ones who cry themselves to sleep, begging God to give them a baby. Or have so much anxiety when they finally do get pregnant that they can't even enjoy that they are pregnant. It's sad.
When I read through these blogs, most of the time it helps me. Just reading the stories of people who are suffering in the same way, is so comforting for me to know that I am not alone. But sometimes it honestly scares the crap out of me. I feel like I have so much struggle still ahead of me. Having trouble getting pregnant (even with fertility drugs) and then suffering a miscarriage, has been devastating enough. When I read about my fellow bloggers who have had miscarriage after miscarriage, are in debt from IVF treatments and some who still have no baby in their arms after years of medical help. It scares the crap out of me. I feel like a few years ago (when I didnt know that I had IF issues, even though I always had a feeling) I saw pregnancy as this wonderful, beautiful, easy thing that everyone got to experience. I guess I just was naive in thinking that everyone can have a kid. I honestly didn't know this IF world even existed. It's shocking, the number of women (and men) suffering with this. And I'm completely disgusted with the number of miscarriages I've been hearing about lately. It's like a reproductive underground world. Well, non-reproductive underground world, I guess.
I'm so glad I am going to start blogging again, I think it's really going to help. But it's a whole new ballgame this time around. I have hope that I didn't have before, but I also have fear that I didn't have before, too. Hope, in that I DID get pregnant. Fear, in that another baby will never come along, or if it does, will the little love stick around...

So, thank you IF blogger girls (and even my non-IF blogger buddies) for letting me back into your lives and for letting me share my story with you. It's good to be back...