Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Anti-Wow Factor

In my line of work, I am fully immersed in all things babies for 8-9 hours a day, 5 days a week. I'm bumping elbows with children between the ages of 8 weeks and 5 years old all day long. It's fun. It's exhausting. It's rewarding. It's taught me a lot about what to do and NOT to do when I have my own kids. And it's difficult. Especially difficult for someone who is infertile. I see things happen between parents and their kids everyday that makes my heart swell up and break all at the same time. The tiniest things, really sweet things, that can only be felt by a mother and her child. Or a father and his child.

I think I've built up a tough skin. But it has also taken the "wow factor" out of being around kids when I'm not working. Of course, if I see a baby out somewhere I'll always stop and admire how cute there are, etc. But generally, I need a break from babies when I'm not working. There's a lot of women out there who will jump at the chance to babysit or just can't get enough of being around kids. But, for me, that's not really the case. And I guess I might sound like a big jerk, but after all these years and dealing with infertility...the only baby I'm really crazy about...is a baby of my own. Of course, I will happily babysit any child of my friends or family's, but I don't have the need to get my paws on the first chubby cheeked cherub I see...

I guess it's a bit of a self-preservation/selfish thing. I'm saving up all my love for our baby...for a baby we so want and deserve...

I love on the kids in my class of day long. Would honestly take a bullet for any one of them. But when I get home. The only baby I want to think about is the one that's going to be our miracle...

Has anyone out there had a lap and hysteroscopy done at the same time?? I'm hoping to kill two birds with one stone during this surgery. That's an awful expression, btw. "Kill two birds with one stone"? Poor birds.

9 comments:

Sailor's Sweetheart said...

Ugh, I know what you mean. I use to babysit for families all of the time, and now I don't have the strength to do it anymore. I think that's completely normal! Plus, since you deal with it all day long, you deserve a break!
p.s.- I got the Hyp/lap/dye all done at once. Ask your doctor, it definitely doesn't hurt to get it all done at once!

Moe said...

I sort of understand how you feel - at least about when you work with kids all the time it kind of takes the glamour of being around them outside of work away. I used to be a nanny...and while the kids were awesome - I eventually got burnt out spending my days potty training someone elses kids. (Clearly that was my job...and it was fine) but I've been glad for the "break" from it all so I can enjoy that stuff with my kids some day (hopefully. hopefully. hopefully.) That's one thing that pisses me off about infertility - you don't know if you "have it" until you start trying. It freaks me out that it may be looming down the road for me. :(

Jes G said...

i did have the laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and D&C all at once..... my doc wanted to do the hysteroscopy and d&c....i suggested the lap as well, that way we could get it all done!! it was the first surgery i had ever had. i was super nervous, but everything went great! i felt fine the next day and was back to normal 3 days later.
no big deal. and my scars from the lap are pretty much gone now.
email me if you have any questions!
xoxo
jes

Jenny said...

I think this is true of most people who work with babies and children. I love my students but can't really stand to even hear my neighbours kids play street hockey outside...I completely relate

Carlia said...

i completely understand. all of my friends have kids and i don't even want to count how many nieces and nephews i have, but for some reason they all think that because i don't have kids that i want to borrow theirs. i think they think they're doing me a favor by letting me babysit for them for free. ummm...thank you? ha ha!

Good Timing said...

Totally agree about the kids and babysitting, etc. I am just not interested in other people's kids. I had the lap/hyst/dye all in one fell swoop and that is the way to go! I would recommend doing that for sure because then you are covering all your bases! :) If you have another other questions, feel free to ask me. I ust had my surgery March 17.

L said...

I know what you mean too. When I worked with kids all day long I didn't really want to be around them during my free time - and we weren't even TTC then. I can't imagine how painful it would be to still work with kids all day everyday while dealing with IF. I'm amazed by your strength.

Faith said...

Oh wow, I totally know how you feel. I am an infant-parent therapist - working on bonding and attachment with infants and toddlers and their parents. I often worked in families where abuse and neglect occurred, or at the very least, these families did NOT take care of their children the way I would hope they would. It was so sad, and I became so resentful.

And I became angry with my infertility because I was always one of those people, even as a young child, who ran to hold EVERY baby around me. I worked in nurseries, volunteered in the children's hospital, babysat, etc just to get my hands on babies. And then I had a miscarriage, then infertility, then another miscarriage. And I literally could not stand being around young babies. What was once my biggest pleasure in life became the most painful experience for me. And that angered me.

All I can say is that when your miracle arrives, most (if not all) of that goes away. Life will once again be like it used to be!

Oh, and I had the lap and the hysteroscopy and D&C all at once. It was all good - good to get it all done at once.

amy (metz) walker said...

I seriously don't know how you do it...being around children all day every day.

Sometimes their innocence and sweetness is THE most painful thing to me...like the time our friends precious 3 y/o little girl was pushing hard on my stomach and I said, Hey woman, be careful..." and she responds, innocently, with, "Why? You don't have a baby in there."

Clearly a rough moment. My heart goes out to you.