Saturday, March 26, 2011


Booties, as in baby booties. So, get that song "Baby got back" out of your head :)

Please excuse this interruption as we pause for a commercial break....

If you happen to have read my last post, you might be holding your breath. Please breathe now. I'll wait...Ok, so I mentioned in my last post that I had purchased a Mega Millions lottery ticket. And that if I won I would give free infertility meds to everyone who follows my blog :) The $314 million dollar winning ticket was actually sold in Albany New York. Where. I. Live. Unfortunately, I didn't win. :( But just for the record, if I had won, I really would have mailed each and every one of you some free baby makin' drugs :)

We now return to our regularly scheduled post, already in progress...

Baby booties. Cute little things for baby feet. Which also make cute little baby shower favors. I don't know if anyone else already came up with this idea, but I'm going to go ahead and give all the credit to my Nana. She's been knitting them for baby showers since the 60's or something like that. She knits tiny baby booties in all different colors. White, pink, blue, yellow, green. Ya know, baby colors :) But she makes them tiny, not actually baby wearin' booties. And then a pair is pinned to each guest when they arrive, like a corsage. They are really cute. And you can jazz them up with "It's a girl" or "It's a boy" ribbon. I went to a baby shower today for my cousin Jenny. It was a beautiful shower and my Nana made the little booties for everyone. Here's why I'm terrified. My Nana is going to be 90 years old next January. I have a fear of her passing away soon. And I also have a fear that her only grand-daughter won't have a baby before she passes. Every time I see her she says how she's hoping and praying that we will have a baby soon. It makes me smile and it makes me sad too. It's like a race against the clock. Not only do I want a baby so badly for us, but I want my Nana to be here to share in the happiness. It also makes me sad to think that if she were to pass before that day, I wouldn't have her signature booties at my shower :( Having them made by someone else, just won't do. They have to be made by her hands and her love. So, I'm hoping that God will hurry up with my baby and slow down with taking my Nana :)

My aunt asked me at the shower today if baby showers are hard for me. I realized that once I'm there at a shower, it's good. I'm happy and having a good time. It's the hours before and after the shower that are hard. Because that's when I get sad about my loss and my infertility. Anyone else feel that way?

My cousin Jenny gave me a fertility candle today. So sweet of her! And especially sweet being that she was made to open up her bags at the airport because they were suspicious of the candle!! I'm not sure where she got the candle yet and what the instructions are (she's gonna email them to me!). But it's a tall, pretty blue candle with this goddess lady on it. Pretty soon I'm going to have this shrine to fertility on my bedside table and I'm very much okay with that! :) Every little bit helps!

Goodnight, blog world. I'll be dreaming of baby booties. For my baby shower someday...


Gaffney said...

As an avid bootie knitter this makes me sigh. A Nana's love is eternal. What a sweet tradition. I feel the same before a baby shower. Still amazed at how its a connecting yet isolating loss.

There is a sweet Vietnamese lady at What the Pho in Kailua that always pats my hand when I pay and says "Not just one" in reference to Elena standing by me.
Sigh, back to my knitting. I'm working my way through that book I told you about so light that fertility candle!

Faith said...

I felt so crappy before baby showers that I couldn't even make myself go them. I avoided them like the plague. Like you, it was those quiet moments before and after events like that when I just couldn't handle the grief.

hang in there, girl. Your baby will come in perfect timing for him/her (if not for you!). And then you will know that all is as it should be. Until then, keep dreaming of those baby booties:).

Moe said...

Awww your Nana sounds so sweet. I totally understand where you're coming from with wanting HER to be the ones to make that sweet little present for your shower. :) It wouldn't be the same otherwise.

That was so sweet of the Mom to be to bring you a special present today too. I love when people are thoughtful like that.

Glad you were able to get through the shower ok. I'm sure it can be very hard. I'm not exactly in that position yet...but sometimes I have a hard time with that stuff too. I feel like it will be forever before it's "my turn" and then start thinkging "omg...but what if I can't have kids?" and then start to freak out/get sort of jealous/upset.

yeah....I have some issues. don't judge. :)

Amanda said...

LOL, is it sad that immediately after reading this I started googling 'fertility candles'? Add it to the list :)

That's such a sweet story about your Nana. What a nice tradition. I really hope you are able to share the pregnancy experience with her, but from the sounds of it, she will be with you no matter what xo

Marianne said...

Just visiting from ICLW! I know what you mean about the baby booties and your Nana. I will be praying for of luck.

Mrs. S said...

Hello from ICLW!

I am hoping that you get to opportunity to have your grandma's booties at your shower. There is something special about that kind of tradition and I am hoping for the best for you.

Hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

Stopping by from ICLW. I can totally relate to your story. One year into our struggle, my grandma suffered a stroke and I remember being in the hospital with her and asking her to hang on so she could be a great grandma. She unfortunately didn't make it (medical malpractice put her in there)and that same topic hurts everytime I think about it. My nana is still alive though and I am also her only grand daughter. Here's to hoping they both get to see us be moms.