Hakuna Matata

Hakuna matata is a Swahili phrase that is literally translated as "There are no worries". It is sometimes translated as "no worries", although is more commonly used similarly to the American English phrase "no problem".

Last night we went on a date. Out to dinner and then to see The Lion King. My mom got us the tickets for Christmas (thanks mom!). I've seen it before but Hubby hadn't. Definitely, a feast for the eyes. And I recommend going to see it if the show comes through your city! It was just nice to get out together, since we don't have the funds to do that very often. I even wore a cute pair of high heels that I haven't worn in a long time. And it was a bad, bad idea. I almost broke my ankle. And by the time we got to our car I was in tears. I guess I'm just not used to them that high. I've never been a sensible shoe person. Last night my gut was telling me to wear shorter heels, but I didn't listen. And then a few weekends ago I wore ballet flats out in a snow storm!I think last night I learned my lesson though. A painful lesson in that comfort wins over cute...

I wish "Hakuna Matata" were words that I could live by right now. No worries, ahhhh how nice that would be. But I guess there will always be worries, even after we have a baby. Just new and different worries. That's life...

Today is one of those days where I want to stay under a blanket on the couch. Not sure why. Maybe it's the time change, maybe the weather, maybe because it's just Sunday and I'm going with the "day of rest" thing.

My thoughts have been swirling the last few days. I'm considering seeing if I can get a larascopy (sp?) done. I've heard a few success stories with that recently and I'm starting to wonder. I really do like my RE clinic, but lately I've been having this feeling of too many drugs and not enough diagnosing. I hear of all these other women having these tests done and surgeries and it makes me wonder why I haven't been tested for them as well. I strongly believe that we must have conceived since our miscarriage, but that it's just not implanting properly. I'm just so not feeling "Hakuna Matata" about my treatment right now. I don't want to waste my time, with drug and after drug when there could be something easily fixable with a quick test or procedure. Like someone recently told me, "You have to be your own advocate."

We got our lap top fixed. $60 bucks later and it's working again. I didn't get my ovulation strips yet. I'm struggling with the idea of having to drop $20+ on it. I wish I had started keeping track of how much money has been spent on trying to have a baby. When we finally do have a child, we will probably have spent enough that we could have put that kid through college with it! My sweet cousin "J" sent me a link to this web site called "www.payitforwardfertility.com or something like that. They offer grants to people who can't afford treatments. But after reading through, you have to be a resident of NC. Does it make me crazy that I was wondering if I could just use my Aunt's address and pretend I live there? :) Maybe there's something similar for NY, I'll have to google it.

I think I'm coming to that "desperate" stage of Infertility. Well, pretty much the the desperate feeling is with you all along, but it's been kicked up a notch. Mostly, because I'm not sure where to go from here. I feel like I'm standing at a intersection and I have to make a decision on which way to go. I just want someone to TELL me where to go. There should be infertility coaches. A group of knowledgeable people, who are assigned to 2-3 people at time. To help them stay on track and turn onto the right fertility roads. And they are free. That would be great. Along with my special pregnancy tests idea that I came up with. When their negative they give you encouraging messages, maybe with a little sarcasm and humor. I should get working on these ideas. Then I will become a millionaire and will be able to afford fertility treatments. :)