Tuesday, November 23, 2010

100th Post

BFN.


Starting spotting last night. Woke up today with what could be compared to a Migraine and cramps from hell. I had to call in to work. The blood work this morning confirmed what I knew in my heart last night.

I can't believe this.

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

I'm frustrated.

When should I consider IVF? I have a horrible feeling that IVF is going to be the only thing that works for us. We would need to have $3,500 up front by the end of January. Which honestly probably won't happen :( Part of me just wants to start the adoption process, although I know that's big bucks too. What I don't want is another three years of this. I'm taking this next cycle off, mainly because of $$ issues but also I'm just so pissed. I feel like my body has failed me one too many times...

With every BFN I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall at 90 miles an hour. Something's gotta give.

I hate this :( I HATE THIS!

Happy F****** Thanksgiving.

10 comments:

jenny said...

im sooo sorry, i woke up and checked right away because youve been on my mind... take care of yourself and somehow find the strength to believe that everything happens for a reason. adoption or ivf, do what is best for you and your family. sending you hugs and love. <3

Michelle said...

Crap. crap. crap.
I'm so sorry *big huhgs*

Moe said...

I'm so so sorry :( I wish I could say something to make it better. :(

Amber said...

Oh my gosh, that sucks big time!!! I'm so sorry this month didn't work out. I pray that the answers on what to do next come easily for you.

kkasun said...

I am so sorry.
That is a tough decision IVF or adoption. Honestly, if/when we get to that point we are going straight for adoption. I know my emotional ceiling and it is way below IVF.
I know adoption is tough too, but it is less risky.
Praying for you as you make your decision.

Gaffney said...

So disappointed for you guys. I was hoping so hard that this would be your month and this would be the post.

Bulge to Bump said...

I totally agree with being pissed. That pretty much says it all. I'm just mad today. Mad because I went through so much with this cycle and for nothing. I'm thinking about taking the next cycle off too...just because I don't want to have to go through another BFN during Christmas. Also, I need a break emotionally. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this.

Jillington said...

What a rough think to have to post about for your 100th post. I doubt it helps much, but I am so sorry for you and for your hubby. Never stop expressing yourself. Sometimes it's the only thing that helps.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry Sarah, I was really hoping for you today.
-Kristi C.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry, Sarah. I read your blog all the time and was hoping today was going to be good news. Call me if you need to talk.

Allison