Last night I had a mini breakdown. I think I was just overwhelmed with the broken computer and other stresses that are going on. My "diet" that I started a few weeks ago, consists of not drinking regular soda anymore and eating weight watchers smart ones meals 4-5 nights a week. So basically Friday and Saturday are my cheat days. We decided we were going to order pizza and wings for dinner. I had been craving them all day. Well, hubby gets home from picking up dinner and no wings. The fryer was broken at the pizza place. Has anyone had a moment where something very minor pushes you over the edge? Well, that's what happened last night. No wings plus being overwhelmed with life, equals disaster. I started sobbing. About everything. The broken computer (which we aren't going to fix because of the ridiculous cost), money, fertility stuff. Everything just came down on me at once. And I lost it.
As my husband was consoling me in my chicken wing freak out, the doorbell rang. It was my mom and stepdad. They were stopping by on their way to dinner to give me my shot. So, of course they saw me in breakdown mode. My mom gave me the shot and they headed to dinner.
It wasn't the chicken wings that made me sad. The chicken wings just were symbolic of everything that seemed to be going wrong. And lately I have this irrational fear of losing people close to me. I don't know what I'd do if my mom wasn't around when I have a baby. And I have fear of my husband not being around either. I'm trying to kick these thoughts. But I guess I'm just so fragile right now, that the thought of losing my two strongest supporters and the two people I love the most, makes me sick.
After we finished our pizza and salad last night the doorbell rang again. It was my mom with a take out box in her hand.
She brought me wings...
And I cried and laughed. I think it was a line from Steel Magnolias where Dolly Parton says, " Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion."