Celebrating New Year's Eve...

We're 23 weeks pregnant today! Baby is about the weight of a large mango! If you had told me last New Year's Eve that I would be 23 weeks pregnant come next New Year's, I probably would have laughed in your face...

So we are feeling very blessed today! And thankful that we are going into 2012 with our baby girl on the way! So much can happen in a year. For those of you still waiting, I hope and pray that 2012 brings you your miracle baby(ies) :)

Have a happy and safe New Year's eve! Cheers!

****Clinking my champagne glass full of orange juice****

Overwhelmed...

Still sick over here. I think I am getting a little bit better, but still down for the count. Hopefully, these antibiotics will step up their game!!

I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. I'm feeling anxious and just want to have the nursery set up already. Yes, I'm one of those people who need to have everything finished and in it's place to feel like I'm prepared. Yes, I know, I really don't need much when the baby first gets here. But I need to nest. I need to have everything ready. It will just bring me some kind of peace knowing that everything is set up and ready to go. Plus, I have been dreaming about a nursery for YEARS. So, now that my time has finally come, I'm just not cool with a bassinet, a pack of diapers and a few onesies. I want a beautiful space to bring her home to. Our main roadblock with having all this done is money of course. I know I just need to make a list and slowly get it checked off. Our first thing to do is to get the bedding or a piece of the bedding in our hands so we can go pick paint colors that will match. I want to have the room painted before we start setting anything up.

It kind of reminds me of planning a wedding in a way except in the end you are bringing home a human being for the next 18 + years.You think of all the things that need to be done and your mind starts spinning, but in the end everything works out and it's a beautiful event! I know that we'll get everything ready for the baby. And I know we have four months to go, but I want to be extra prepared in case this baby comes earlier. I want to spend the last month or so of my pregnancy relaxed and enjoying every moment. I want to go sit in her room and flip through her books and look through all the cute things in her closet :)

Just to be clear, I'm not complaining about feeling overwhelmed. I know I am very lucky to be even having these things to be overwhelmed about. Just needed to blog it out :)

Santa brought me conjuctivitis...

And an upper respiratory infection...and an ear infection! I totally missed a post for Christmas, but I was too tired and sick to actually post anything. We did have a wonderful Christmas and we were spoiled by our family!! I had started feeling crappy last week, but as we came into the weekend I could feel something "bigger" brewing. By Christmas night I had conjunctivitis in BOTH eyes. Totally gross. It was bad. I won't go into details. By Monday morning, the eye issues combined with the cold and breathing issues (I have asthma) we decided it was time to go to Urgent Care. Both my regular doctor and OB offices were closed. The Urgent care doc told me to start using my inhaler more regularly (even though I'm afraid of hurting the baby) he said if I can't breathe correctly, the baby can't breathe correctly. So I had to get over that fear quick and start using it. I also had a low grade fever. He  has me on this gross ointment for my eyes. 6 times a day for 7 days! And a Z-pack antibiotics. He told me to wait a day or two to start the antibiotics to see if I might start feeling better. But I didn't start feeling better. I woke up at 4:30 this morning with an excruciating pain in my ear. The most pain I've ever felt in my life. I was crying like a two year old. It felt like someone had shoved ten knives into my ear and left them there. 

I thought I was maybe on the mend last night. My sweet husband went out and got me a Vick's steamer/humidifier for the bedroom and breathe right strips. The strips are awesome by the way, totally helped with congestion. So I looked all sexy in bed last night with my eye ointment smeared all over my eyes, the breathe right strip on my nose and the Vick's steamer going! But then I woke up this morning with the ear pain. It was unbearable. So I ran out when the pharmacy opened and got the antibiotics filled. Thankfully, the excruciating pain in my ear has let up but it still hurts a bit. I'm hoping the antibiotics are working their magic on me today. 

I feel so bad for my baby girl. I'm hoping she can't tell what's going on with me. I've heard doctors say before that babies in the womb are kind of like parasites...even when the mom is feeling horrible the baby is still fine and thriving! I'm also worried about all these meds harming her. But I know I need to get better. I just pray she is okay. 

There was so much I wanted to get done this week, but it's just going to have to wait until I feel better. We really did have a nice Christmas!! And we were so grateful to be sharing it with our baby girl. One of my favorite gifts from my husband was a pink bib that says "I love Mommy." My mom and Step dad gave me a really nice new camera which I can't wait to figure out how to use! It will be great for taking pics of the baby! And my Dad and step mom gave us a piggy bank with the baby's name on it. We got so many other beautiful, thoughtful and generous gifts!! And it was especially nice just to spend time with family. I can't wait for next Christmas, it's amazing to think she will actually be here with us crawling around! 

I hope you all had a beautiful Christmas :)

Without words...

Well, I have a few words. But they aren't going to be very happy words. I thought I was having a bad day today, until I learned that my good friend E over at manymanymoons  has had her heart broken into a million pieces. My bad day doesn't even compare. She and her husband just learned that their adoption match fell through. So many of us thought this was it. We prayed so hard. We were so excited for her. We were so sure this was happening. And then this...

I know she is hurting. So please....PLEASE...if you have a minute please stop over at her blog and show her some support and love...

A letter to my baby girl on Christmas Eve...

Dear Samantha,

Today you are 22 weeks old inside my belly. And it just so happens to be one of my favorite days of the year, Christmas Eve. I've waited so long to spend a Christmas Eve with you. You are the one gift I would wish for every Christmas and every birthday for almost four years. And now you're here and kicking me and it's the best feeling in the world. You are so wanted. You are so loved...

There might come a day when you're a teenager and we're fighting over your curfew time or how short your skirt might be. So I'm writing this now, so you know just how much your Dad and I love you. And that we'll always love you no matter what...

I hope you'll love Christmas just as much as we do. I can already picture you crawling around the living room next year, trying to pull ornaments off the tree and pulling at wrapping paper. I can picture your sweet face on a Christmas card or sitting up in your crib with Christmas pajamas on reaching up for me...

We can't wait to meet you, baby girl. We love you so much. Merry Christmas...

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Comments that irritate me...

Not blogger comments. But comments from random people you might run into during the day...


1) "Wow, you're pretty big already!" (Gee thanks. Way to make a girl feel good about herself)

2) "Get your sleep now because you won't get any once the baby comes!!" (No shit dude, we thought by having a newborn we were going to get more sleep. But hey, it didn't deter you guys, since you went on to have more than one! And besides the human body doesn't work like that. We can't store up sleep for months like chipmunks do with acorns. We realize we are going to be beyond exhausted but we also know it's going to be so worth it)

3) "Don't use binkies, or disposable diapers and don't look your baby in the eye." (That last part was random, but it was said with sarcasm. Most of the time I welcome tips and suggestions, but every once in awhile someone will say something that's completely ridiculous and judgemental)

4) "You want kids? Here TAKE MINE." (Ha. Ha. Ha. Well, aren't you quite the comedian. Actually, yes thank you, I will take yours and I know about 130 women struggling with infertility who would gladly take them as well)

5) " Oh, wow you still have a longggg way to go." (This comment was made by the woman who sold me the snowman ornament yesterday, after she asked me the due date. Actually, Mrs. Claus..she looked like Mrs. Claus..I feel like I've already come a long way. I'm a little more than half way done! Gimme some credit, will ya! She probably felt the need to say #5 after looking at belly and thinking #1) :)

What comments irritate you? Please share :) Go ahead...vent...it feels good...

Lovin' this ornament...

I found this adorable ornament at a gift shop in our town. It says "Mommy to be" on the baby bump and the store writes the due date in for you. I'm in love with it! :) She's holding an ice cream cone too, which I thought was cute. Even though I haven't been craving ice cream too much!

Thanks for the comments on tips for relieving my cold. I feel like an idiot, but what is a Neti Pot and where do I get one? I've been popping Tylenol and drinking lots of fluids. Decaf tea, OJ and water.

Got my hair cut today and I love it! However, there is no way I will get it looking as nice as the hairdresser did! I guess that's how it always goes. Every time I get my hair cut I have a moment where I consider going to cosmetology school. How great would it be to have your hair looking wonderful...every..single...day...

I think we might get a little snow tonight. Pretty excited about it. Even if it's just flurries. Today it was almost 50 degrees...in New York..in December....and if felt so wrong!

First cold since becoming pregnant. HELP!

Ughhhh girls, I am feeling like complete crap. And right before Christmas :( Boooo.

It all started yesterday. Sore throat, sniffles, dry cough, sneezing. I woke up this morning and I didn't have a voice at first because my throat is so sore. And my ears are starting to hurt a little. Usually, I can handle a cold just fine by taking dayquil and nyquil and just riding it out. But I don't think there is much I can take now that I'm pregnant. I'm also worried because when I'm sick my asthma tends to get aggravated. It's been pretty good for awhile now, but I'm worried I'm gonna need to use my inhaler or nebulizer and I'm not really comfortable with that with the pregnancy. So, please all suggestions are welcome as to what I can take to help kick this cold and feel better! I'm going to call my OB to see what they say, but I wanted to ask you girls too...

Thanks! :)

Full Speed

AHHH! I feel like these next few days before Christmas are going to go by at full speed. There's so much going on and so much to do. Today I had lots of errands to run. Same thing tomorrow. And I'm getting my hair did tomorrow :) I just finished cleaning the house (thank God for heating pads because my back is killing me!) I wanted to get it all done, because now I don't think we're going to have extra time this weekend. Sadly, my husband's step-father's mother passed away today. So we have to go to the wake Friday night and then the funeral is early in the morning on Christmas Eve. And my husband's grandpa is in the hospital as of last night! AHH! So much going on. Just going to try and take it one day at a time. And then we are travelling later in the day on Christmas Eve and again on Christmas Day.

Also, I think I am getting a cold. The first one since being pregnant. I woke up with a sore throat and then I've had a dry cough all day. Nervous about this because I don't think there's much I can take for it :(

Today I went and picked up a big bag of baby girl clothes (and a bottle of Dreft!) from my friend Danielle! She had some that her daughter wasn't wearing anymore and she so generously donated them to me! :) They're really cute, too. Samantha is going to be one well dressed little girl :)

I'm finding myself SO starving lately and it's beginning to scare me a little. It's probably the worst hunger I've felt so far. Is this normal? I mean, I'll eat a meal and be hungry again a half hour later. I'm so sick of eating! Sometimes I really don't want to eat but I can't ignore the hungry feeling because it makes me so sick. And I can't go to bed feeling the least bit hungry or I can't sleep!

Oh, thank you all for the comments on my baby movement questions yesterday. Thankfully, I started feeling her again about a half hour after I posted that!

So, I signed onto Yahoo to check my email and I saw this news story. Oh. My. Goodness. Poor baby..or babies??

Throwin' it out there Tuesday...

• We went and registered!! And wow was it exciting and SO OVERWHELMING. There is so much stuff to choose from and we didn't have much of a clue about any of it. So we did the best we could! One thing is for sure, is that baby stuff is expensive! It was a little surreal going around the store with the scan gun and picking stuff out for our baby girl. Wonderful but surreal! 
• Question about fetal movement! I am 21 weeks and 3 days today. For the past 4 or 5 days or so I have been feeling pretty consistent movement (which is so cool!) but it's still pretty faint. Not hard enough for my husband to feel yet, but it's been pretty consistent. I know I'm probably freaking out over nothing, but I haven't felt any movement today. The last time I felt her was maybe 3 am this morning. This is making me so nervous that something is wrong! I'm trying not to totally freak out and call the doctor though. I've tried everything to feel her today. Walking, sitting, eating, singing to her, drinking some caffeine!!! And nothing yet. Maybe she's just sleeping? I guess my question is, when should I be really concerned? 
• I know I've mentioned it before but pregnancy has made me a gorilla! My hair (everywhere) is growing at a ridiculous pace! I can't keep up! And the further along and bigger I get the harder it is to shave! Anyone else have this issue? I'm about to give up completely!! Ew. No I can't do that, but oh boy, the hair is winning! 
• I don't know if it's just pregnancy insomnia, or too much on my mind, or excitement over the baby and Christmas, but my sleep has been way off! For instance, last night I slept in the bed for about two hours (on and off since I get up to pee a lot) and then the last time I laid down I couldn't seem to turn my mind off. So I went out to the living room and sat with the computer and tweaked our registry. I also caught the end of the movie "Knocked Up" on TV and ended up crying my eyes out when she had the baby. This is all at like 3 am. I've been super starving all the time lately so I made myself toast and had an orange. A little while later, starving again. So I had some yogurt. Then I finally laid down on the couch for about an hour and tried to sleep which didn't really work. Then I headed back to the bedroom around 6am where I fell asleep for a little while...
• I'm really hoping for a white Christmas! Not like a blizzard where we won't be able to drive anywhere but just some flurries or a dusting of snow would be nice! The weather has been so weird here lately!!! I like my Summers hot and and sunny, my Falls sunny and cool, my Winters snowy and cold and my Springs lukewarm and green! Is that too much to ask? :) 
• Caramel is delicious. Just sayin.
• I'm getting my hair washed, cut and styled by a professional on Thursday! And I'm excited about it. I know that's not normally a big deal as most people do this all the time. But I try to save money by just having my Mom trim my ends once and awhile. I can't really remember the last time I was at a salon to have my hair cut. Shocking, I know. I have a gift certificate  to a salon that I've been holding onto since my birthday. I was going to save it for maybe my baby shower or my brother's wedding, but I've been feeling so frumpy lately that I thought I would just go and get my hair cut! 

The Perfect L&D Song

We heard this "oldie but goodie" at my husband's work Christmas party the other night. I decided it would be the perfect song to have playing while giving birth to Samantha...

Can you imagine? :)

Our Christmas Card

21 Weeks

We are 21 weeks today! Baby Samantha is about the length of a carrot. A very cute carrot, that is...

I met my mom for lunch yesterday and tried to get some Christmas shopping done. Very hard to do on a very low budget, but we are working with what we've got. All the stores and malls and ROADS were insanely busy and the day itself was incredibly frustrating. I think the older I get the less patience I have for rude people or just people in general. The highlights of the day were lunch with my mom and a sweet deal I got at Baby Gap. I had an Old Navy gift card in my wallet from forever ago, that had $8.00 left on it. And Gap honors Old Navy cards. So as I  was browsing all the cute (and expensive) Baby Gap stuff I found this pink knit beret with a big white pom pom on top. It was so cute, I just had to get it! There was only one left and it was just the right size for Samantha come next fall/winter. However it was $16.00. But I knew I had the $8.00 on the card, so it seemed reasonable. I take it up to the counter, give the cashier my gift card and wait for her to tell me exactly how much I owe. She says to me " Would you like your change back on the card or in cash?" Turns out the hat was on sale for $6.00!!! :) Made my day.

I think I may have been feeling movement the past few days!!! At first I thought it was just gas or something weird, but then I realized it's stayed pretty consistent. Still very faint, the movement isn't enough for my husband to feel it, but I can feel it! And I'm getting so excited about it!

Ok, so is it normal that I have to pee every ten minutes?? I'm not exaggerating. I pee all the time it seems. Even if I pee and then sit down on the couch and then get up 5 minutes later...it feels like my bladder is full again! And I can go. It's not just I feel like I have to go...I can actually go...

I know it's probably pressure from the baby and probably very normal. But I am a little concerned. I'm up every hour to go in the night, which doesn't freak me out as much. Although, during the day I'm peeing every 10-15 minutes!

Anybody else pee this much??! :) Help!

Newlymoms

Ya know, like Newlyweds...but instead describing women who are about to become Moms...

Last night I caught up with E from Many Many Moons at her house. A house that is decorated just perfectly for Christmas :) The first thing I saw upon walking in the door was a stroller and a car seat and I think the only words out of my mouth were "SHUT UP." It was a wonderful sight to see. And a few feet away from the stroller was a pack n play and then a few feet from that a table FULL of baby supplies. Also a wonderful (and crazy!) sight to see!

We talked about our babies that are coming and how insane it all is. Just a few months ago we were both very much baby-less. So to be where we are right now is just amazing. I am SO excited for E and her husband as they wait for the call that their son is being born. They have a ton of thoughts and emotions going on in their heads and I don't blame them! But I just know in my heart this is their baby...their time...their miracle...

We were discussing how nuts it is that we know so little about infant care. And what to do and not to do with a newborn baby. I mean what the hell have we been doing the last few years as we waited for our babies?! I guess we could have been studying up :) Oh well. We're all about the "learn as you go and hope you don't mess baby up for life" plan.

Before I left she showed me how they learned to swaddle a baby in their infant care class the other night. She grabbed a wooden snowman from the shelf (which was about the size of a newborn) and showed me her swaddle skills. I then suggested she she put the fleece teddy bear hat that was laying on the table on the snowman. And then we tried the snow-baby out in the new car seat, of course.

Can't wait for her little man to arrive!! Our babies will definitely be having a play date this summer :) Playdate? Babies? What? So much is changing.

For the better.

Nuttin' but love...

Feeling so blessed today. So many of our friends and family have been showering this little girl with love and gifts already! She's already spoiled and isn't even fully cooked yet! I have to say it feels a bit strange (and wonderful!) to be on the receiving end of baby gifts. For years I always loved shopping for baby gifts for everyone else and living vicariously through them. But now, things have changed. I'm almost in denial a little bit and thinking that all those adorable things that are accumulating in Samantha's nursery are for someone else. I go in there a few times a day just to stare at the itty bitty clothes hanging in the closet. And then I get daydreaming about the nursery all complete and set up. My heart swells up when I tell myself "This is happening. This is your baby girl."

This week we've received so many gifts! My friend Jill (who owns an Etsy shop) sent us the cutest handmade headbands and a travel wipe case. And it's not just any travel wipe case, she custom designs it and covers in it cool fabric! Check out her Etsy shop here. She makes really awesome things for babies and toddlers and can also make adult things too! I've ordered from her a few times!

We also received a surprise package from my cousin Jenny in CA. She sent us so many cute things! And Samantha's first ever ornament! It's a snowman that lights up and has her name on it!

And then yesterday my friend Kristen gave us a couple adorable outfits and a headband! And in the bag was this beautiful pink frame that reads " Faith is not believing that God can, it's knowing that He will." How perfect!

Can't believe there's only 11 days until Christmas! I feel like this month is flying by.

Blog Award!

Thank you to Baby Hopes over at  Chasing Our Stork: From ART to Adoption for this lovely award! I like awards. Who doesn't??! :)

With this award, we are asked to list 7 things that the blog world may not know about us! And then pass it on to 15 other bloggers. However, because I'm being lazy, I may only pass the award onto 5 bloggers. And I'm going to try to find 5 that I haven't already given an award to. Just trying spreading the love around. 

7 Things you ladies probably don't know about me...

1) I took dance lessons for about 9 years when I was younger. Tap, Ballet, and Jazz. And I loved it. I can't really remember the reason why I stopped doing it. My mom has about a million pictures of me in frilly cute dance costumes. However, some of them were like one piece sequin spandex jumpers, that didn't flatter ANYONE...even four year olds :) I plan on putting my little girl in dance someday, but I'm not going to force it like a stage mom or anything. If she wants to quit, she can quit. But I used to love it as a kid! 

2) I kind of have a "blankie." It's a navy blue down throw that my mom bought me from Target during my second year of college. And I still have it. And use it. Everyday. I've been through a lot with this blanket! If this blanket could talk it would have a lot to say! 

3) My middle name is Jane.

4) I worked at Starbucks for awhile in college. What's funny about that is I hated the taste of coffee at that time in my life. I like it now, but hated it then for some reason. However, Starbucks Vanilla Chai Frappacinnos are the bomb. But they're like a zillion calories.

5) I have a slight obsession with Orange Juice. Even before I got pregnant, I've had this obsession. It's just so good and I have to have it every day! I get a little panicky when I realize we are almost out of it. 

6) I once accidentally spilled a cup of soda onto someones airplane seat on a flight from Hawaii. And I was travelling alone. I had the drink in my hand and was getting up to let someone out into the aisle and I didn't realize that I was dumping soda into an empty seat in front of me. However, the guy who's seat that was saw the whole thing as he was walking back from the bathroom. And he was pissed! I apologized profusely and even offered to switch seats with him. But he decided to be a jerk and just be pissed and sit in the wet seat. I was so embarrassed. 

7) Thanks to typing out #4, my husband and I just returned from Starbucks. I blame pregnancy cravings. I got a vanilla chai frappaccino and he got an egg nog latte. Good thing we normally don't get coffee from Starbucks because our wallet just took a hit! And that leads me to my real #7...I've never tried egg nog!

I now pass this award on to the following bloggers...

1) Jenny @ Abbey's Road

2) Candice @ Candy Land

3) Sunnyside Up @ How do you like your eggs? Fertilized...

4) Caroline @ Where are you Baby Bubba?

5) K @ A Cup of Tea

Two years ago today...

Two  years ago today we lost our first baby. The events of that week are engraved in my head forever. In the course of one week, we went from shock and cloud nine to shock and complete sadness. We had taken a day trip into the city on the 5th to see the tree and Rockette's show. We walked all around the city. And I noticed that I didn't quite feel right. For a few weeks prior to that day trip I had been getting cramps on and off and my period hadn't shown yet. But the LAST thing I was thinking was that I was pregnant. But as the day wore on in the city, I just felt weak and tired and almost feeling like I was going to pass out. On the train ride home, we were watching this little girl in the seat across from us play with her dad. And my husband says " We'd have really cute kids." And then he asked if I had gotten my period yet and that maybe I should just test just in case. Of course, I gave him an eye roll like as if saying "Honey, I'm infertile. Highly unlikely we'd be pregnant." And if any of you are confused, my infertility nightmare journey began in my previous marriage. So the next morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom. I remembered I had one pregnancy test under the sink and thought "Hey, what the hell." So I took the test and before I could even reach for some toilet paper, TWO lines appeared!! I think I just sat on the toilet and cried and prayed and thanked God for this amazing turn of events. My husband had gone to watch football. So I wanted to do something fun to surprise him with the news later. I then went to the mall and bought a Mets bib. I put it in a box with the positive pregnancy test. That evening he opened it and was SHOCKED but soo happy!

Then Tuesday came. We went to my parents house to tell them the good news, but that didn't turn out so well   as I started spotting that evening. Spotting and FREAKING out. I was able to get an emergency appt with the OB for the next morning. We drove in a blizzard up there to get to the appt. Where they took blood, did an u/s and and exam. As far as they could tell everything was okay. So our hopes went back up. The next day I got a call at work that they needed me to get on progesterone supplements right away because my progesterone was really low. And that they wanted me to get blood work the next day. I did as I was told! And then Friday morning I got a call from OB. Basically, saying I'm sorry but you are going to miscarry. My BETA numbers were dropping. I almost collapsed in the hallway. My heart broke into a million pieces and I had to leave work right away. The next morning, December 12th, I ended up in  L&D miscarrying our baby. It was the worst day of my life.

I just couldn't understand how we were giving such a miracle, only to have it taken away. It took a long time to heal from that heartbreak and honestly I'm still healing from it. Even now, after being blessed with this baby girl growing inside me. The doctor kept reassuring us that we got pregnant once that it will happen again and that women are "extra" fertile after a miscarriage. So of course we had SO much hope that it would happen. But it didn't. Two years later, lots of IUI's and shots and one IVF cycle, and we finally have our miracle. But we will never forget our first baby...

On a happier note....here is a picture of the bedding we chose! :)

The Lamp

Isn't it so pretty?? :) Our first item for Samantha's nursery.

I think we have decided on bedding too. Which I will post soon! Ironically, it's made by a company called "My Baby Sam." How funny!

I know some people may think it's early to start planning/buying nursery stuff! But it's letting me"nest" and put my mind at ease. And it's making me super happy, so it can't be that bad right? :)

Her closet is filling up quick too! Thanks to my mom and some great friends!

Banana Baby

We are 20 weeks today!! Halfway! Baby is about the length of a banana. A GIRL banana :)

We made our first nursery purchase today! The most beautiful table lamp ever created. It's got a crystal-like base and the shade is all fuzzy and frilly with giant pink roses on it. So girly and SO AWESOME :) I love it. I will have to post a picture soon...

I am so excited for my friend E over at the blog manymanymoons!!! Looks like she and her husband are finally getting their miracle. An adoption has come through for them!!! Holy cow! I can't contain my excitement over it :) :)

Been having horrible back spasm/pain the last few days.When I'm home, the heating pad is like attached to me. Yikes, I love you baby girl, but what are you doing to my body??

In other good news (I like that there's a lot of good news out there lately!) one of my good friends got the green light to start her second attempt at IVF yesterday :) Woo-hoo! I know this time it's gonna work! It HAS too. I am so proud of her for picking up the pieces and moving forward :) Nothing is going to get in the way of "Mission: BABY!"

Bows....and a baby!!

First, I would like to give a big congratulations shout out to Josey  who gave birth to baby Stella yesterday morning!!! She finally has her precious girl in her arms and I am so excited for her!! Congrats Josey and Charlie! :)


Second, I am obsessed with hair bows for baby girls. You know those big obnoxious flower and bow headbands? Yup! Those. I think they are adorable! And I plan to start a collection. I just think there's nothing cuter than a big ole bow or flower atop a lil bald baby head :) Plus, I didn't have hair until I was like 4. Ok well, 2. With my husband's genes this baby might luck out with more hair on her head than I had hopefully! The u/s tech on Tuesday did say she already has a little tuft of hair :)

Hello...

Here is my little Samantha (in alien form) but still so beautiful to me! :) She wanted to say hello...

I'm up here...on cloud 9...

Thanks for all the love yesterday! :) It was probably the best day of our lives so far. Of course, our wedding day was wonderful, but something about yesterday and finding out that we are going to have a DAUGHTER just blew our minds. Especially after all we've been through. It was just a very happy day. And it felt so good to share the news with all our friends and family.

I was in complete shock however because I thought it was a boy for sure! Hubby thought it was a girl all along. I even apologized to my belly because I have been referring to this baby as a boy and I even bought three boy things. A little blue and brown frame that says"Little Miracle", curtains for the nursery and one baby boy outfit! Kept all the receipts and thank goodness I did! We are so thrilled to be having a baby girl. I've always really wanted a girl, but had been warming up to the idea of having a son. Yesterday could not have gone bad, whether they said it was a boy or girl, I still would have cried, I still would be on cloud 9! It's seems a little more "real" now that we know baby is a girl and she has a name! I feel like there's a bigger connection now. Not that there wasn't one before yesterday, but it's hard to explain...

Our appointment went well. We got there SUPER EARLY so that we didn't get cancelled on again! And they actually took us a little early. I was having a bit of an anxiety attack because the baby was moving around so much and giving the tech a hard time. She couldn't tell right away if it was a boy or girl. And I started panicking that they would send us home with a "Nope! Sorry! Baby isn't cooperating." But she then said if we really want to find out she will pull out all her tricks. YES PLEASE :) The baby looked great! Very active and all her organs were in place. Things looked good. Then the tech told me to go empty my bladder and that she was going to have me do a yoga pose for a few minutes, so that the baby might change positions. So she left the room and had me up on all fours on the exam table and leaning on my elbows haha And like magic, it worked! We found out the baby was a beautiful GIRL and she was able to get some cute u/s pics for us. The pics I may post in a week or so. We got three regular ones and two 4D ones. The 4D ones were really cool, a little alien-ish  but still soooo cute! We didn't end up tearing into them about Monday, because we were just so happy and they were being so nice. So we didn't wanted to ruin the moment and revisit Monday!

After the appointment, we had a quick breakfast together and then my husband had to go back to work. And I headed to Babies R Us. Which I have to say was the first time EVER that I didn't feel uncomfortable shopping in a baby store. I was literally smiling the whole time. It just felt amazing to be in there shopping for MY BABY GIRL :) So many times have I happily shopped for friends and family. But always still so sad that it wasn't for my little one.

Okay, so even though I'm on cloud 9, I have officially entered heartburn hell. It has gotten SO bad the last few days. And last night I kept waking up feeling like the inside of my chest and throat were on fire! I think I'm going to have to try pepcid, because these Tums aren't working so well now :(

Earlier this week, one of my very best friends found out her first IVF didn't work. And I was so heartbroken for her. You know when you are so hopeful and have such a good feeling that something is going to work, and then it doesn't and your like "What? Seriously?" You're all like "UM YEAH, WE'RE INFERTILE! STORY OF OUR LIVES!." I was just so bummed for her. And what kills me is that she is SOOOO SOOO happy for me and our big news! She's such a good friend to me. She is so deserving of being a mom and I just want it to happen for her. Like I want it to happen yesterday for her. She even went out and bought our baby girl some gifts yesterday! There is a heart of gold in that girl :)

Working on sending out our Christmas cards! Kind of fun (especially because I am so in love with our xmas card this year!) but it's a lot of work haha I will post a picture of the card probably in a week or two.

And I just want to say to everyone out there still waiting, hoping, and praying for their turn. It's going to happen. And when it does, I'm telling you, it will be worth all the tears, all the shots, all the money, all the emotional/physical pain, all the procedures. It will be so much sweeter than you can imagine :)

Drumroll please!

We are having a.........
















BABY GIRL!!!!!!!!! :)


We are just over the moon with happiness!!! And I am in complete SHOCK as all my bets were on a boy! I can't even sit still. We are so excited! Everything on the u/s looked beautiful! I even went to Babies R Us after and bought the baby her first pair of Mary Janes! They are so cute! We are so in love with this little girl already, I can't even describe it! And our little girl's name is..................
























Samantha!! :) With the middle name, Roselyn (pronounced Rose-lyn not Roz-lyn), after my great-aunt with whom I was so very close with :) 


We can't wait to meet our girl! And something else so special about this day is that exactly two years ago is when we got our first (surprise) positive pregnancy test! December 6th 2009...

Just kidding?

I am miserable today girls. Just feeling so sad and defeated. "Why" you say? Well as you probably know, this post was supposed to be a happy one. Today was supposed to be one of the most special days of our lives. And let me say first that the baby and I are okay. In case any of you were thinking the worst. But today was supposed to be our anatomy scan and gender reveal. A day that I've been waiting 5 months for. No scratch that,    I've been waiting for this day MY ENTIRE LIFE!

I'll start from the beginning. Which begins last night pretty much. I had trouble sleeping last night. I think I was just really excited and couldn't turn my mind off. But once I did get to sleep (around one) I woke up frequently. Because of my new pregnancy "side effect." LOUD SNORING! I've never really snored before. But last night I was waking up both myself and my husband. It was horrible! And then I had set my alarm for around 4:30 because I didn't want to rush getting ready and I wanted to make sure we had enough time to get to our appointment. So basically I am super tired right now and when I'm finished with this post, a nap will commence.

Our appointment was for 8:30 am. It takes us about 20 minutes to get to the OB office. We left the house at 7:45. Plentyyyy of time to get there. In fact, we should have ended up getting there early (as we always do!). And it even left a little extra time in case we ran into "traffic." Which pretty much never happens on the route we take there. We had to take two cars because unfortunately my husband had to go to work after our appointment. So I was following him.

I guess I'll cut to the chase, that we ran into traffic today. MAJOR TRAFFIC. A couple fender benders and I believe there was construction going on because two lanes were closed. It was insane. We were literally crawling along at 5 miles and hour and I started freaking out as I was watching the clock get closer and closer to 8:30. Finally, as we were at a stand still, I called the office and told them " I was so sorry but that we were on our way, we're stuck in horrible traffic." The receptionist then proceeded to tell me " Ok but if you aren't here soon we are going to have to reschedule because the u/s tech is booked up today." Now I start really freaking out. Tears and everything. I was practically begging her to not cancel it! I hung up and called my husband who then called the office himself and begged them also. As we are about two minutes away from the office, I get a call from the them. "I'm sorry we are going to have to cancel your appointment." Insert Sarah REALLY freaking out. I didn't even care. Full blown crying...begging..."Please I've waited 5 months for this day." Nope. Nothing. They had to cancel. My husband was furious. I was furious and sad. It was horrible. They did say they could get us in tomorrow morning. That was their "consolation prize."

Now, I know some of you are thinking, "Well that's not bad, at least they can get you in tomorrow! At least you are pregnant dammit!" And I get that. Yes, we are glad we don't have to wait another week or month. But I have to tell you we are so unhappy with how things went this morning with them, that we are just angry! I know it's just one more day of waiting. But after you've been  hoping and praying for this day to come for so long, having something so unlucky like this happen is AWFUL. And not to mention it's not easy for my husband to time off from work. We weren't sure if he was even going to be able to come with me tomorrow! But he is after all after rearranging some stuff at work, thank goodness.

What we're so mad about is that at almost every appointment we have at the OB, we always have to wait almost an hour to be seen! We always are on time or arrive early. And we always wait patiently during those hours, because we know they are taking their time with each patient. I appreciate that, because I do like that they take their time with us when it's our turn. Now, why do we have to wait patiently over an hour but then when a couple really needs break, when they got stuck in traffic and it's such a BIG appointment, why can't they help us out a little? And maybe they need to loosen up their u/s schedule instead of having back to back appointments??? It's hard to explain I guess the frustration we are feeling about this. And we had planned to give the Doctor an earful about it tomorrow. But now, we don't get to see the doctor tomorrow, we are seeing an NP instead. One of the NP's I'm not really crazy about. So we were pissed about that too. We were supposed to meet the doctor today.

We had even pulled into the OB's office lot. We were there! And still they wouldn't shift anything for us. My husband actually went up to the office, while I sat in the car and cried., and he asked them again if there was anything they could do. He told them we would wait two hours if we had to. But they said no, and looked at him like he was nuts. Ugh.

Then this afternoon my mom came with me downtown to the SS office.  I needed to get my name changed on my ss card.Yes, I'm a slacker and waited this long. The room was packed with people and we had to wait and hour or so. We even got to see a show. Two crazy people starting fighting with each other and the cops had to get involved! And they call my number and I get up there, but I only have a copy of my marriage license, not one with a seal. So, yup, they wouldn't do it! Complete waste of time.

It's just one of those days where I feel like a punching bag. So I'm sorry friends, I know some of you were so excited for us to find out! Tomorrow will be take two....

Now, it's time to nap. I might sleep through until tomorrow morning! That's how tired I feel.

Zero

Zero days (I'm not counting today or Monday) until we find out if baby is a boy or girl! I sound like that little girl from the Hallmark commercial with the "countdown to Christmas" ornament :)

I have to tell you about something so sweet. Last night I checked the mailbox and in it was a baby card from my friend Lauren. She sent us a Babies R Us gift card  to go buy something after the OB appointment tomorrow. The message inside was so special, too. I first met Lauren in Hawaii a few years ago. I met her in the NEX (which is a store that's a Navy exchange. It's basically a giant department store but you have to have military ID to get in). I remember roaming the baby aisles at the NEX wishing that I had a cute little baby girl or boy to shop for. Anyways, the day that  I met her she had just left an OB appointment where she had found out she was having a baby girl! That baby girl is now three and a half and has a baby brother :) Lauren has been one of my biggest supporters through this whole infertility nightmare journey. And it all feels like it coming full circle :) I may not have a boat load of close friends, but the few I do have are most definitely irreplaceable...

ps-You know in my last post where I said I had a dream I was having a girl? Well, last night I had a very vivid dream that we had a boy...and he had blonde hair and hazel eyes!

19 Weeks!!

"You say tomato, I say tomahto." Or however the song goes :)

We are 19 weeks today! The baby Gods say that the baby is about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Mmmmm I love tomatoes. 

Can't believe next week we are going to be out of the "teens." HFS.

Turned my frown upside down...

I was kind of having a "blah" day today. Just stressing about money and what not. Usually listening to Christmas music in the car can cheer me up, but not this morning. However, when I got home from picking up a few groceries I went and checked my email. And there was some very exciting/hopeful/crazygood news from a blogger buddy. It definitely turned my frown upside down and sent me into a tizzy of happiness for her. I can't disclose details as they are not mine to share. But, I will say with lots of hope and prayers my friend's dream may finally come true. So I am happy right now :)

As I mentioned in my last post, we signed up for our childbirth and breastfeeding classes. As well as a maternity tour. We were shocked though to find out that the childbirth class is set in FOUR three hour classes! That means 12 hours of baby birthin lessons. We were both like "Holllyyy crap." Seems like way to much. Heck, I may not even be in labor for 12 hours haha Hoping anyways. 12 hours of class just seems a  little excessive to me. I know there is probably a lot to learn but yikes. My friend Lauren was joking about it saying " What are they gonna teach you to do a home birth or something?" And I'm like "No, they're probably teaching us to do our own c-section at home using kitchen utensils." :) Ahhhh, it's fun to joke. Anyone who's taken a childbirth class before, was yours 12 hours??

Holy hunger and heartburn. Would it be strange of me to say that I've never experienced heartburn before until now? Last week and this week I had been getting this weird pressure/burning type sensation in my chest/throat. And since I've never felt heartburn before I didn't automatically think it was that. But my husband confirmed that it was. So I bought my first container of tums today and we'll see if that helps. It seem to be really bad when I was laying in bed last night. And the hunger is out of control. I noticed babycenter mentioned with my last weekly update that I should expect to be more hungry now. They aren't kidding!! Even when I eat a semi well balanced meal, I'm satisfied for about a half hour and then my stomach is growling like I haven't eaten anything all day! It's so awful and I'm sick of eating. I try to eat little snacks here and there. But I just get hungry so fast after eating. Even when I eat well, like protein, fruit, veggies. It doesn't matter what I eat, baby isn't satisfied with it I guess? Do I just accept this as normal for now or is something wrong with me?? I basically have to eat a piece of toast before bed just to get to sleep and then I wake up about 3-4 with a hunger that feels like it's clawing out my stomach. Making eggs at 4 am is something that has been happening a lot around this joint. This morning I had oatmeal around 7am by 10am I felt like I hadn't eating anything in days. Please tell me this is normal.

Last night I did some "fun" googling to see what people say about symptoms you have, if you're having a boy or girl. I didn't really find much except that a lot of women said they dreamt about what they were having. And I thought to myself " I haven't dreamed anything about this gender of my baby." All along I've had a strong feeling this baby is a boy. But then last night, I had a dream it was a girl! haha  Two more days people. Two more days.

I'm really itching to do our xmas cards, but they won't be ready until the end of next week. Boooo. I'm one of those people that find it fun to send out xmas cards and address/decorate the envelopes :)

Hormonal Holiday Cheer

I am super excited for Christmas this year. Mainly, for the obvious reason of our little miracle growing inside me!! We feel so blessed and just plain old happy that it's finally happening for us. Finally, all my birthday and Christmas wishes are coming true. And this probably won't be the last time this month, that I pour my heart out about how grateful we are. I know a lot of people find it hard to understand why some people "rush" Christmas. I'm not one of those people. I'm fine with hearing Christmas music in November and we usually put up our tree the day after Thanksgiving. I feel like this year though there are a lot of people very excited for Christmas for their own reasons I suppose. But I really think the world is just hungry for some holiday cheer. For some happiness in a bad economy. We want something to look forward to and take our minds off the everyday life struggles. That's my theory :)

Last night I watched the Rockefeller Tree lighting as I do every year. And I was crying my eyes out when Carole King was singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." It's my favorite Christmas song. And while it has some sad undertones to it, I've always looked to that song as a little bit of hope. Every holiday that went by with no baby yet, would make me connect with this song. That no matter how down I was feeling I was going to try to have a Merry Little Christmas and let my heart be light...

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
From now on,
our troubles will be out of sight...

Thanks for all your advice on the birthing/breastfeeding classes! I went ahead and registered us for a Maternity tour of the hospital this month. And then in February and March will be our breastfeeding and childbirth class. I figured I should sign us up now because I've read they can fill up quick! 

A Buck Fifty

According to my little baby widget thing on my blog, I have 150 days to go before Lil' Miracle arrives. Wow. For some reason, that doesn't sound like a very long time to me. I know it kind of is and come the third trimester I will be all " OMG this is taking forevaaaaaaaaaaa. Come out already baby!." But for right now, 150 days seems doable...

4 days until gender and name reveal! I know you're pumped :) ha. I'm not counting today or Monday. Monday is the actual appointment, but in my eyes it doesn't count. So 4 days!

What are your opinions on taking childbirth and breastfeeding classes? I'm really interested in taking a breastfeeding class. However, I'm still on the fence about childbirth classes. Which I'm sure some of you just gasped. I've just been asking people how their childbirth classes went and most of them weren't impressed. Because basically anything can happen come delivery day. You can practice breathing techniques all you want but they may not become useful. Although, I know some (most) people like to be prepared. So I don't know what we'll do. A lot of people have actually said that when it comes down to the moment, the nurses coach you through the breathing and pushing anyways. I know I probably should take the childbirth class, being this is our first kid and all. But I don't know, still on the fence...

Rockefeller Tree lighting is tonight! I still get so excited for this every single year!! We usually go down to the city around this time and see the Radio City show. But not this year. Which is fine, because walking blocks and blocks around the city while pregnant just doesn't appeal to me very much :)

Never fails...

That you girls are there for me just when I need ya the most...


Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement yesterday after my freak out. Every single comment truly made me feel a bit better. So thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day to stop and help a girl out :)

I am pleased to say that I feel MUCH better than I did yesterday! Not really sure what it was exactly. GI issues? Round ligament pains? Baby growing like a weed? Who knows. What I do know, is that today I feel good. Thank you God! I'm sure that won't be my last "freak out" day but I'm sure glad to have yesterday behind me. Don't really know where I'd be without my husband, my family and my friends (including blog friends!). Can you imagine how lonely and scary it would be to have no one to turn to when things get shitty??

Oh! Many of you will be happy to know that I sent my doppler packing!!! See ya. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. It's on it's way back to the company! The lil guy just wasn't for me. Was causing me more anxiety and that's exactly what I don't need right now. Ours was a cheap one, so who knows, maybe if it was of better quality it would have stuck around. But our doppler days were short lived. And that's okay.

Thanks again, girls. I love ya.

Having one of those days...

Where I'm freaking out and scared and just want to cry.

I woke up this morning feeling okay, but then shortly after started feeling some cramps/discomfort in my lower belly. It just felt different than the normal GI pain I feel. So I took some Tylenol and laid down on the couch. I ended up falling asleep but when I woke up the discomfort was still there. I keep trying to tell myself it's normal and could just be RLP but I googled RLP and it doesn't sound like this is what I'm experiencing. I'm not doubled over in pain but I'm definitely miserable from the discomfort and anxiety it brought with it.

So I thought I'd check the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. Bad idea. I'm considering returning it because I find it's bringing me more anxiety than excitement over trying to find the hb. I tried to find it and when I found a heartbeat I couldn't tell if it was mine or the baby's. I think it was the baby because it was super fast, but what bothered me is I think it should sound different at 18 weeks than what it's normally sounded like. From what I've heard/read it should start sounding more like a gallop rather than a fast swooshing sound. So I googled it and watched about 5 youtube videos of women who are 18 weeks and using their doppler. And of course theirs sounds like a gallop. What also freaked me out about youtube was there was tons of videos of people at 18 weeks feeling kicks and movement! I'm not feeling any of that.

Today is just a bad day for me. I feel like crap. And I'm thinking the worst. I keep praying to God to please let this baby be ok and let it stay in my belly until the spring. I'll do anything to make that happen. I guess today because of the cramps I'm on the edge. I feel like smashing my doppler with a hammer.

I wish I could just sleep through this until April.

18 Weeks!

18 weeks today! And baby is about the length of a bell pepper. Babycenter says that if it's a girl her uterus and fallopian tubes are in place. Crazy! :) Let's hope (IF it is a girl) that someday her uterus and fallopian tubes don't give her trouble like mine gave me! Babycenter also said that I could start to feel more hungry! Um, CHECK! The last week or so, nothing seems to satisfy me. And then I get hungry again a half hour later! Something else I noticed after I got dressed on Thanksgiving day. My ass is HUGE. Like "Baby got back" huge. I've always had a booty I guess, but oh my gosh, I was just shocked at how much bigger it looks now!! My husband makes me feel good about it, but I literally feel like it's own person! haha

We had a nice Thanksgiving. Very busy as we were running around to three different families, but it was still a nice day. Much better than last Thanksgiving. I went back and read that post and wow...how grateful I feel today!! Have any of you bloggers gone back and read through some of your old posts? It really is amazing. And so very emotional. But it makes me so glad that I have documented this journey. Through the awful times and the amazing times...

Yesterday was my husbands birthday and we decided to go get our tree! We go to the same place we've always gone to and when we arrived today the young kid that's always working there recognized my husband.  We usually  get the "economy" tree. Which is about $25.00. A little Charlie Brown-ish. But still a decent tree and it works fine for us. Well, today the tree dude was like "Go pick out a good one and Ill only charge you $25.00." So we were happy to get such a good deal! Now we have such a pretty tree in our living room! However, the generous tree guy didn't  quite tie the tree onto the car so well. As we were driving down the highway, it started to slide off! I looked out my window and started laughing so hard because the stump of the tree was completely visible through my window! The whole tree had shifted! And it explains while people were cautiously trying to drive around us! Instead of freaking out my husband and I were laughing so hard. He  did pull over once to try and fix it but it wasn't quite working. So our solution? Open the sunroof and hold part of the tree down as were driving. Hey, it worked. But it was hilarious. We made it home. With the tree in one piece. :)

Happy Birthday...

To this guy....

My wonderful husband turns 31 today!! I love you so much honey! Thank you for being a dream come true and then some! What an exciting year we have ahead! You are going to be the best Daddy, I just know it :)

Happy Birthday, love.

Thankful.

Today I am thankful.

I'm thankful for so many things...

My wonderful husband...
My loving and supportive family...
My friends (including blog friends!)...
A roof over my head...
Food to eat...

But this year, we are extremely thankful for this little guy or girl growing in my belly. We truly know what an amazing gift this is and we are thankful for this miracle! It's been a long road but we are finally here. We are finally on our way to meeting our baby! And I will spend forever giving thanks for that....

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! :) Time to watch the Macy's Parade and then we are off to visit with family!

"Throwin' It Out There" Tuesday

I'm making up another "bullet points" day because.. I can :)

• A dear friend of mine got really great news today and I couldn't be happier! She just did her first IVF the other day and they were only were able to retrieve one egg :( Which isn't ideal, but we all put a lot of prayer and hope into this one miracle egg and thankfully it fertilized! So they are doing an early transfer tomorrow to give this lil embie the best chance possible!! It only takes ONE. So I am praying that this baby is her take-home baby!!! 
• I think I may have felt movement last night! Not completely sure, could have totally been gas or something. But I was sitting on the couch and felt this little "Pop!" feeling and fluttering after it! Hmmm. Guess there's no way to know for sure. And I've heard if your a little heavier it's hard to feel movement this early, so who knows. 
• A friend of mine asked me how my stomach issues were doing. Well, the past couple weeks I've been feeling pretty good overall!! No pain or stomach issues. Although, I've been having a bit of insomnia even though I get really really tired. I was so glad to be feeling better  and then just yesterday the stomach issues came back :( I hope it goes away by tomorrow because I really don't want to feel this way for Thanksgiving! 
• I went with my almost 90 yr old grandmother to her doctor's appointment Monday morning. She's so funny and was charming just about every doctor and nurse in the place. When her doctor walked in (who was a good looking older man) she said to me " Isn't he cute?" The doctor laughed. And then she says "Doctor you look like you could be on Grey's Anatomy." LOL. How my grandmother knows about Grey's Anatomy is beyond me :) Just when you think she might be losin it, she surprises us by saying something like that! 
• I feel like these last two weeks before we find out the gender is going by soooooooooooo slowwwwwwwwwww. I guess that's what happens when you are really looking forward to something. 
• I'm back to craving pickles. I was craving them early on and then it just stopped. And now I need them again! 
• Anyone see the Pampers "Peace on Earth" commercial with all the sleeping babies??? Tears. And more tears.
• Looking forward to putting away the fall decorations on Friday and getting our Christmas tree!! 
• My husband and I FINALLY cleaned out the spare room (which is going to be the nursery!) and it felt great to get that done!! Pretty exciting and amazing that in a few months it will be a whole new world in there!

An Award!

Jenn over at the blog ...so this is love... gave me this lovely award this morning! It feels good to be loved! :) Thank you Jenn! According to Jenn's bloggy friend who gave the award to her, Liebster is a German word meaning beloved or favorite...

I now pass this award onto the following five bloggers!

1-Good Timing over at the blog ~Love Grows Love~
2-Shannon over at the blog Solo Pronto
3-E over at the blog Many Many Moons
4-Sailor's Sweetheart over at the blog Living out of a suitcase
5-Chon over at the blog My Path to Insanity & Beyond

Please pass on the Liebster lovin'!

Copy and paste the award on your blog.

Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

17 weeks!!

Today I am 17 weeks!! Baby is about the size/weight of a turnip!!

Don't think I've ever had a turnip before. Is it a fruit? Is it a vegetable??

I've read that I could start feeling movement. And I've read up on what to pay attention to. The feeling of a goldfish swimming in my stomach, or popcorn popping or a butterflies feeling. I'm not really sure if I've felt any of these things yet. But I also read it's hard for people to recognize the movement if this is their first baby. I can't wait to actually feel little kicks!!

Have a great weekend everybody!

Well, my Christmas shopping is done...

Last night I was watching TV and a commercial came on for a product called "Forever Lazy." It's an (adult) fleece footed jumper that has a BUTT FLAP (yes you read that right) where you can unsnap and go to the bathroom! At first, I thought maybe this was a joke. But it turns out to be a real product that they are selling. This thing is so ridiculous! You can't help but laugh at it! I mean, come on, how lazy do you have to be to have butt flap lounge wear?? However, I now know what I'm getting everyone for Christmas this year. Kidding, kidding...

I feel like I've been a really boring blogger lately and I apologize for that. I just think I have a lot on my mind and sometimes blogging can go either way with me. When my mind gets racing, sometimes I'm into "blogging it out" and other times I just prefer to remain quiet. I still try and comment as much as I can on other blogs, but sometimes I guess I get writer's block. I feel like I used to blog about semi funny/interesting stuff and now most of my posts revolve around pregnancy. Which I don't want to sound like I'm apologizing for, because that has been my goal and we finally got our miracle! So I feel very blessed. However, I do know that some people who are still waiting/trying find it kind of boring or annoying to read about sausage fingers and nausea. I'm also using this blog as a way to document this journey. As you have probably read, every Saturday I graduate up a week, so you bet your ass you can expect a post where I'm comparing the size of my baby to a fruit.

I seem to have more energy lately, which is great. Although, at the same time I find myself extra tired. That really doesn't make any sense. But I guess what I mean is that since I have more energy I push myself to get out and do more, but then I tend to overdo it, and I become EXHAUSTED. Also, I don't sleep well. Up a lot  to pee and then I toss and turn. And I've been getting up super early everyday. So I'm definitely not getting enough sleep. I try to take a nap here and there. But the past week or two I have been super tired. And really really hungry all the time! I can almost say that I am sick of eating. Sometimes I really do not want to eat anything more, but I get so hungry and then I start feeling sick if I don't give in to the hunger. Times like that I try to just eat some crackers or some baby carrots, but a lot of the time I need something more substantial or I'll just end up needing to eat again in 15 minutes!

Anyone watch Private Practice last night? Well, Addison is doing IVF. The first time didn't work but then she transferred two snowbabies and at the very end of the show she takes a pregnancy test on Thanksgiving. All they showed was her looking at the test (which we couldn't see the test) and then sort of smiling. So I assumed that meant she was pregnant and I was SOBBING. Doesn't take much to get me to cry these days, but there's something so special about someone who has struggled and then their dreams finally come true! Even TV characters :)

17 days until we find out the gender of Lil Miracle. Can't wait!

My Mitts

I've always had small "stumpy" hands. I'm about 5'0 short tall and my hands are small. Yet, as I've been gaining weight they are blowing up into all new proportions! My rings are getting really snug. And they've gone from little sausages to what I'm now calling "my mitts." I used to get acrylic nails put on to "lengthen" the look of my fingers. But that got way too expensive to keep up! So, now here I sit, staring at my mitts. And thinking to myself, "Who cares, you've got a baby in your belly!"

I'm just not going to be one of those women who's body carries pregnancy with grace. And I'm okay with that. I finally had to break down and get new sneakers, because none of my shoes fit my comfortably. I was still trying to rock flip flops on the warmer days and then an old pair of sneakers on the cooler days. Normally I wear a size 7, but had to get and 8 1/2 in the new sneakers! They are a little loose, but much more comfortable and will give me room to grow. And then I have a pair of black high boots that my mom so generously bought me. Even those had to be purchased at a plus size store thanks to my giant calves! Sigh.

Keep growing baby. As long as you are growing, Mommy can deal with all the things that are growing on her! :)

The Crazy Woman at the OB's office

And no, it wasn't me :)

I walked into the waiting room (aka the slow cooker) this morning and there were four people in there. A  crazy woman and her two year old daughter and a very pregnant woman and her friend. I got a bottle of water and sat down in a chair. The "crazy" woman was chasing her daughter all around and talking very loudly to her. As the rest of us were watching the TV and minding our own business, the woman started making comments aloud about the TV show. I mean, really loudly, as if she was talking to the rest of us and hoping we would acknowledge her and strike up conversation. She kept at it too, to the point of complete awkwardness. I could see the very pregnant girl and her friend eyeing each other like as if saying " She's weird." Normally, I'm a very nice person and don't mind making small talk with strangers if they seem like nice normal people. But I just sensed something so weird with this woman, that I chose not to make any eye contact with her in hopes she didn't start asking me questions. Sadly, the very pregnant girl made eye contact. And then all her personal business was then spilled to us all in the waiting room. The "crazy" woman starting attacking her with questions . "When are you due? Is this your first? What hospital? Girl or boy? Are you going to breastfeed?" And on and on she went. The very pregnant girl was nice about it but I could tell she felt weird about it. THEN, another pregnant girl came out into the waiting room from the exam area with a long scroll of u/s pictures. She sat down minding her own bizznus. But then....she made eye contact with crazy woman!!! Crazy got up from her chair and walked over to her to look at her u/s pictures!!! And asked all the same questions she just asked the other girl! I couldn't believe how nuts this woman was. I really felt bad for her daughter. Does she not have any social boundaries? The second pregnant girl with the u/s pics wasn't as friendly to her as the other girl because I could tell she definitely sensed CRAZY. So I'm sitting there trying so hard not to make eye contact, as I'm sure I was next on her interrogation list. And then by the grace of God, the nurse opened the door and called my name!!! Close one. I just don't understand some people! Some things are personal and not everyone wants to dish their info to complete strangers! Ok, just had to vent about that...

My appointment went well. Blood pressure was down to 122/74 which she was happy about. Pap came back normal. Thyroid is stable. I can't believe our next appointment will be the BIG ultrasound!!! :) Well, I pray that's our next appointment as I don't really want to end up back there before then! I asked her opinion on stretch mark creams that work well and are safe for the baby. She basically said that they usually don't work that well and to stick with anything inexpensive because some of them are $$! She said any kind of hydration on the skin helps. Regular lotion even. So I think I might just go with cocoa butter.

I have been sleeping like crap. Up every hour to pee and tossing and turning a lot. Sometimes when my stomach doesn't hurt (which is rarely) I try to fall asleep on my stomach because I seem to sleep better that way. Am I hurting the baby if I sleep on my stomach at 16+ weeks? I know people have told me to sleep on my stomach while I can! So I'm trying to do that, but it still makes me nervous.

16 weeks!

Today we are 16 weeks! Baby is about the size of an avocado! And is starting to grow toenails!

My mom and I found the cutest most perfect baby picture frame today! But I'm not going to post a pic of it until December 5th after our "big" ultrasound :) It's so perfect in so many ways!

Has anyone seen the Google Chrome commercial with the Dad writing (typing) letters to his daughter???? I was SOBBING :)

Scary!

What kind of baby monitor do you have??


Check this out...

I dislike co-pays

Nothing like paying someone $30.00 to tell you what you already know. Blahhh....

We have pretty good medical coverage, but for every single doctor visit we have to pay $30.00. And that adds up when you are sometimes visiting the doctor 2-3 times a week. It was really awful during fertility treatments where we were having to pay $30 every other day for monitoring. Oh well. Had to be done, but it just really sucks to have to dish out that much money.

I just got back from the GI doctor and basically they can't really do much for me while I'm pregnant. All I can do is increase my fluid and fiber intake. Use heating pads. All things I have been trying to do. He said that with the previous GI issues it is possible for me to experience pain like that. They want me to have a small bowel series done after the baby is born. I didn't expect the doctor to hand me a miracle pill, but it's a bummer that I just have to "deal" with it if the pain comes back again. The good news is that my blood pressure was down today! 122/74 today when it was around 144 /93 earlier in the week! So I was happy about that. Although, I could feel my heart racing and the nurse said my heart rate was 88 bpm. Which I didn't really believe, because it felt much faster and my heart rate is usually in the 90's to 100. Related to thyroid issues I believe.

Next appt: Monday at the OB for a blood pressure check! Got my tent and marshmallows ready :)

p.s. I think I'm starting to experience heartburn for the first time. Never had it before. But yesterday and today I've been feeling this like burning feeling in my esophagus? Heartburn I guess. And how could I forget...

Happy Veteran's Day! Thank you to all our military. And thank you to their families who sacrifice and serve as well!

TVT

• Today I was trying on a shirt in our full length mirror (a mirror which I try to avoid at all costs nowadays) and I look at my stomach and I see these almost black and blue lines. What the heck is that?? OH. It's STRETCHMARKS! Surprisingly I am not freaking out about this. It shocked me, yes, because I haven't seen seen such defined stretch marks on myself before. But in a way, I was happy. Because that means the baby is growing and my body is growing and stretching for the baby. Now, in a few months I may change my tune when they are all over me, but for now, I'm like eh whatever....
• I'm interested to see where my blood pressure is at on Monday at my appt. On Tuesday I went to Rite Aid to use their blood pressure machine and it was a little higher than the day before. Great. I'm hoping it goes down to a reasonable number. I don't want to be on blood pressure meds nor do I want any complications with the baby. 
• Tomorrow morning I have an appt at the GI doctor, to see if they can figure out what's going on with my stomach. Thankfully, I've been feeling a lot better this week, but I'm afraid of that pain coming back! 
• 25 days until we find out the gender!! :) 
• Heard Christmas music on the radio today and I LOVED it. Yes, I'm one of those people who are already thinking about and planning for Christmas even before Thanksgiving gets here. Sometimes I feel bad for Thanksgiving, like it gets jipped.  But I do have a Thanksgiving tradition (that my mom started when we were little) where we make cinnamon rolls and watch the Macy's parade in it's entirety. I love watching it every year! 
• It's about time for my 4 o'clock feeding. I am hungry alllllll the time. Not to mention, I'm in the bathroom peeing alllll the time. It's crazy. But it is what it is. 
• My hormones have taken a plunge into the deep end. I cry just about every day over one thing or another. Last night I actually cried watching the CMA's. Every song I heard just seemed to be the most beautiful song I've ever heard. 
• It's about time for my 4 o'clock feeding.

Poem

I posted this poem back in January. I found it on another blogger's site and it really resonated with me. I was in a dark place at the time and angry with God. I felt like my dreams of becoming a mother would never come true. I'm hoping this poem helps someone else out there who feels...well...broken...




Broken Dreams


As children bring their
broken toys
with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken
dreams to God, because
He was my friend.
But then, instead of
leaving Him,
in peace, to work alone;
I hung around and
tried to help,
with ways that were my own.
At last, I snatched them
back and cried,"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said,
"What could I do?
You never did let go."

20?

If you haven't heard the latest Duggar news...

They are pregnant with their 20th kid.

Holy crap.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Camping

I'm seriously considering setting up camp in the OB's office waiting room. Complete with a tent and a little grill for roasting marshmallows...

Thursday I was at the OB, Saturday I was in L&D, and today I was back at the OB. Today was a scheduled appointment. However, the waiting room was standing room only and the wait was over an hour. You know what bothers me? When there are guys in the waiting room sitting in a chair and they don't offer their chair to a very pregnant person who's standing! So rude. I did have a seat, but I was constantly observing who I might offer my seat too. Like an old lady or a 9 mth pregnant girl.  When I finally did get called back they had me pee in a cup, blood pressure, blood work, baby doppler, and a good ole pap! The baby's hb is good. My fav NP has a feeling it's a boy, she said not to hold her to it but she just gets the feeling it's a boy. Anyways, everything went ok except for my blood pressure. The first nurse took my blood pressure and said she was gonna come back after my exam to take it again because it was high. She asked if I had a headache, which I didn't. And when my fav NP came in she was like "Holy cow with the BP girl!." I was feeling a little anxious and nervous and I don't think the hour long wait helped things, but they took it again a little while later and it went down a little bit but not as much as they would have liked. So she said she wants me to go home and find a zen-like state for the rest of the day and to come back Monday to have my blood pressure checked again. Do you see why I am considering setting up camp there? I'm always there!! This doesn't surprise me much though, as I'm used to heading to the fertility clinic every other day for so long....

Yeah, I'm a little nervous about the high blood pressure, but I'm not going to let in put me in freak out mode. Sometimes my BP was high at the fertility clinic too because I was always on edge there and nervous. Oh and I had something else done today....

A flu shot. My first one EVER. This should be interesting. I had a hard time coming to a decision on whether I wanted to get one or not. I did a lot of research on it, asked a lot of people their opinions, friends, family, medical professionals, google. And the consensus was...get one! So I did. I thought about waiting till December maybe but I knew I would be just as nervous then and I should just get it over with. The kind they gave me was thermasol (sp?) free. I don't regret that I got one. I'm actually glad I did. I am going to be pregnant right from the start of flu season until the end of it. I still prayed like hell this morning that this baby stays safe with me getting the flu shot. Matt got his first flu shot a few weeks ago, too. I'm sure we will be fine. My reasoning is, is that God forbid I didn't get a flu shot and caught the flu and had complications and lost the baby, I could never forgive myself. If I (God forbid) lost the baby from getting a flu shot, at least I would know I was trying to protect it. The were just too many reasons to get one than to not get one. So it's over with.  It's done with. I know it's a personal decision. All will be okay :)

15 weeks & a visit to Labor and Delivery...

Today we were supposed to be celebrating 15 weeks!  The apple of our eye! As the baby is about the size of an Apple by now...

I'll start off by saying the baby is okay. For that we are thankful. But after 4 days of being in complete agony, we decided it would be best to take a little trip to the ER. Which landed us in Labor and Delivery for almost 5 hours. It was a really frustrating experience and we've pretty much decided that we don't want to deliver at this hospital. The mid-wife was a b*@$& and basically made us feel like we were stupid for even coming in. It's a long story, but basically my (usual) calm and polite husband wanted to rip her face off. They didn't do an u/s or an internal exam, which bothered me. All they did was blood work and checked for baby's heart beat on the doppler. I've been having all over stomach pain for four days now. At the OB on Thursday they thought it was RPL and digestive issues. But the last few days, I have been in so much pain that I couldn't take it anymore, we just wanted to make sure the baby was okay and that it there wasn't something awful going on with my organs. The blood work and urine test showed everything was okay. And that my gall bladder and liver function was normal, so that was good news. The bad news? I left there in just as much pain as I went in with. It's horrible. L&D thinks it's my IBS issues and says I should see my GI doctor next week, which I'm doing. But this is so scary and frustrating. It's hard to even function like a normal person :( Monday I have another OB appt and then I have an appt at the GI doc on Friday but I am going to try and get it moved up. I can't live like this. I keep getting the feeling it's more than just IBS issues, because I've never felt this kind of pain before. But if everyone is saying the baby is okay, I'm just going to have to trust that....

I think visiting Labor & Delivery is one of the most awful things in the world, unless you are about to give birth to a full term baby or you are visiting someone who is about to give birth to a full term baby. Anything other than that is really scary and depressing. They put us in this birthing suite that full of birthing "things." A bouncy ball , a little baby crib where they take care of  the baby after birth, a "contraction" tracking machine thing....

I don't want to have to be in an L & D room until April. And to be completely honest, I was so sad thinking there was a chance I would be giving birth today. With the amount of pain I'm having, I thought for sure that was a possibility. But thank God, our little apple is fine...

I said to Matt jokingly on the way home, " Honey, I think this child may be an only child."