I like the RE's office. The nurses and doctors seem to really care and the once a week monitoring has been great. Even though Im terrified at every u/s, it's still reassuring to know that things are going okay. One of the nurses (the one I wasn't too happy with months ago) is now my new BFF. I was using the bathroom after the appt and I could hear her and my husband talking outside. When I came out she gave me a huge hug and said to come visit and call anytime. It's funny how things change, at one point I hated having her as my nurse and now I've come to really like her! When we got out to the car I burst into tears. It's going to be such an adjustment not going there anymore! We decided to go back to our old OB. We had looked up a few others, but in the end just decided to head back there. The RE's office was faxing over my file today and when I got home I called to make my first appointment. I was already slapped with the reality of how regular OB visits go down. I said to the receptionist that "my fertility clinic just released me and I need to make an appt for my 11 wk ultrasound" and she quickly replied "Oh we dont do ultrasounds on your first visit." And I said "Ohhhhhhh" in a very deflated voice. She then put me on hold and came back and said that I could make my appointment and then the dr would decide that day if I need an u/s or not. Which means, I am going to BEG for an u/s that day. All I want is to hear the heartbeat again. Just one more time, before the real long wait begins for an u/s each month. So October 10th is our first OB visit!
Lil' Miracle is doing well. Unfortunately, the nurse said the baby was in a ball so it was hard to get a good measurement. Which she said the baby could be measuring a few days behind, but that it was most likely because it was all curled up. Of course all I heard was "might be measuring a few days behind" and I freaked out. But she assured us it wasn't a big deal. And then the heartbeat which was around 137 last week was 170 today. Which seemed really high to me. But she said everything is fine, that the heart beat fluctuates, etc. She did point out the umbilical cord and how you could see the heart beat in the cord matching the beat of the heart, which was good. It's just so hard for me when a medical professional tells me "everything is great" to really believe it. I know, I have issues. But this is what infertility has done to me. I find myself becoming increasingly more happy and relaxed, but all those worries are still very much there. And it's hard to let go of them all. Which I'm sure is hard for people to understand. "You're finally pregnant! You should just be happy and enjoy it!" Easier said that done. I feel like there are two Sarah's. One Sarah is in shock and completely overjoyed that we are pregnant! That same Sarah is the one researching baby stuff online, picking out names, dreaming of a nursery, and feeling very blessed. The other Sarah is scared out of her mind that she is going to lose this baby and is not letting go of the worry because it's a defense mechanism...
I haven't been blogging too much, because I guess I'm just trying to take things one day at a time. Sometimes it's hard to sign on to here and be reminded of all the horror stories out there. But then again, it's nice to sign onto here and here about all the miracles as well :)
Today I am so thankful to have heard the baby's heartbeat again. Matt even recorded it on his phone, so I can listen to it anytime.
So I've cried three times today so far. The first time was when we were leaving the RE's office. The second time was while I was watching a water birth on A Baby Story (so not for me btw!) but I started balling my eyes out when the baby was born. And then third time was just now, when I saw that Pampers commercial again. You know the the one? "Whether she's ten years late, whether she's through IVF, every baby is a little miracle." Yeah, that one. Sobbing :)
We've graduated from the RE's office. But maybe we'll be back there one day for one of our frozen embies. I bought a Thank You card to send to the clinic and at some point I'd like to donate any meds I have left back to the clinic, as they were so generous in donating to us...
**Just noticed "Graduation Day" is my 300th post!**