Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Hold on tight...



This experience has been such a roller coaster. From finding out we're pregnant, to seeing the baby on the u/s, to a bleeding scare, to finding out there was twins! Today was our 7wk3days ultrasound and I guess I'll start with the bad news first....

The second baby stopped growing:( I am so very sad. I knew this was a possibility, but I really wasn't thinking it would happen. They also found a subchorionic hematoma. They said it it looks "grainy" which means my uterus is trying to absorb it, but that I could experience some bleeding or none at all. Of course, I asked if this will hurt the baby, they said "No." But I don't necessarily believe that. Everything I've researched on it (so far) says it can increase the risk for miscarriage. Great.

The good news, no the great news, is that the first baby (our Lil' Miracle!) is growing and still going strong! We even got to hear the heartbeat today which was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. He or she also has a little body forming, a big ole head and eye sockets I think? It was pretty cool to see. It was a beautiful sight amongst the ugly hematoma and our sad little twin that didn't make it :(

I left the doctor's office with mixed emotions. Happy and grateful to have one miracle growing, but unbelievably sad that the other baby stopped growing and that now there is a hematoma threatening my baby. In the past week we had fallen in love with these babies and it's really hard to readjust my mind and heart to the fact that the twin is gone...

We know you were there baby #2, we know you were trying so hard to grow and we will always love you...

I'm worried because my blood pressure and heart rate was high. Even before the u/s started!! I get it, God, I get the message. I know this pregnancy is not going to be easy. 7 weeks in and it's already been such a roller coaster.

We're just gonna have to hold on tight...

We are so blessed and grateful to have one miracle going strong. I just pray that the hematoma goes away and leaves my baby alone! Please, God, begging here...

After my appointment, Matt had to go to work but I decided to run into Target. I was really sad but I forced myself to go to the baby section and buy something. Anything. Something to remind myself that we still have one perfect miracle growing. Even though it caused me a bit of anxiety roaming through the baby section (not sure when that will stop!) I did end up getting a little yellow ducky onesie....

The Lady Antebellum song I posted, I love. My husband and I almost chose it as our wedding song. It's a song about holding onto each other through the ups and downs and realizing all the good things you have in life.

We've already had our fair share of ups and downs, but we are so thankful for all the "good." We have each other and we have one Lil' Miracle growing...

21 comments:

Joys Truly said...

So sorry to hear about the lose of baby #2. Just keep thinking of that one lil miracle growing inside. Sending prayers that baby #1 stays safe.

Jill aka ThatMoxieGirl Designs said...

Maybe you should consider a hypnobirthing class. It was excellent for relaxation. I could send you the tracks to listen to on and ipod...

RMCarter said...

I can say that I know the mix of feelings you are having right now. My experience is on my blog with the label "Andie" (the twin we lost). Now that "Twin B" is just weeks (days maybe!) from joining us, I still think about Twin A, and I still feel sadness that he/she isn't here with his/her sister. So that feeling never goes away, but it does get easier as you rejoice in the miracle that you still have.

P.S. Andie's sack just slowly resolved and went away over the course of several months. In each ultrasound it looked smaller and smaller until it was just a tiny dot on the ultrasound. I never bled at all and the other baby was never in danger. From what I hear, that's pretty typical. I am hoping for the same for you!

Jenny said...

sorry to hear about baby #2, I know that you already loved him/her. I'm so happy to know you got to hear that beautiful *thumpthumpthump* though of baby #1...and that little ducky onesie sounds cute :)

Diana said...

So sorry to hear about baby #2 :'( take time to be sad.. It's ok... But then get back to be strong for baby #1. thinking and praying for u. :)

Anonymous said...

Delurking to say Congrats on your pregnancy. I also wanted to comment I had a SCH with my 2 1/2 year old son and spotted for 2 days at 9 weeks and that was it...it resolved itself. I also had a vanishing twin with my daughter (who is 15 months now) very early on and I had 1 day of bleeding, then the other gestational sac was gone. (Both IVF babies since we have severe male factor.)

I had 2 miscarriages after my daughter (a natural pregnancy and after our last FET) and am now 9 1/2 weeks with baby #3.

I am sorry for your loss of your twin.

I can relate to what you are going through and I just wanted to say I am praying for you and your little one. SCH is scary, but most cases resolve on their own and the bleeding, if any, will subside.


Kelley

Babydreams2011 said...

Oh sweetie!! I am so sorry to hear about baby #2... VERY glad that lil miracle is doing well though! SCH are common in twin pregnancies and most of the time they do resolve on their own and since you aren't bleeding and it's looking like it's trying to reabsorb already, it's really hopeful that you got this thing licked already! I agree with the others, you have to grieve for the loss and then focus on lil miracle and the blessing that he/she will be! HUGS!!

Josey said...

So sorry to hear about baby2, but I am SO happy that baby1 is growing and healthy!

Check out Jessica's blog -
http://huckoann.blogspot.com/2011/08/theymove.html

She is pregnant with twins and also has a "Hematomawhore" - but she just made it to 12w and all is going well. I just thought you'd like to see a positive story!

Samantha said...

I'm so sorry to hear about baby2. Wishing all the best for your lil miracle.

manymanymoons said...

You're so right, what a roller coaster ride. I'm so sorry about Twin B, I wanted that so badly for you. I love your positive attitude though and I can't wait until you can look back on this pregnancy with relief after the remainder goes shockingly smoothly (which I believe it will). Call anytime ok.

With all this rollarcoaster riding maybe you and I should open an amusement park! :)

Beeker's Mom said...

I'm so sorry to hear about Baby #2. That's a scary rollercoaster ride, but you are in my prayers.

JM said...

I am so glad to hear everything is going well for baby #1, and equally as sorrowful for your loss of baby #2.

Sending you lots of love and hugs.

amiracle4us said...

I am so sorry about your baby, but thrilled one is still strong, healthy and growing!!! Hugs xo

Ruth said...

:( I am so sorry that your 2nd baby did not make it. I'm praying that your living miracle continues to grow healthily despite that scary threat. (((((BIG HUGS)))))

Faith said...

Oh hun, so sorry about baby #2...of course you already loved him/her. I've known other mommies online with SCH and they all resolved on their own and the babies were fine - I know it'll be the same for you:). Thinking of you on this rollercoaster!

Amber said...

My pregnancy with Paisley was tough at the beginning- falling progesterone level, cramping, slow growth on u/s, sickness, etc. But it ended up being a perfect pregnancy after about 12 weeks. So hang in there! I'm so sorry to hear about Baby 2. :(

Jessica said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! Josey is so sweet! So sorry about the twin:( Please don't let the SCH scare you...and please don't google it, lol! From what I've been told, regular SCH is different from IVF SCH. They are very common with IVF and the vast majority of pregnancies go on without any complications. You may have some spotting, and if you do...sit your butt down for a few days. If you don't, that's when you run the risk of complications and making it worse. They will either reabsorb or bleed out. I had a bad scare at 7 weeks (bright red heavy period flow). It turned to brown by the next day and I spotted on and off until 8.5 weeks. I haven't had any issues since and my last u/s (12 weeks) didn't show any signs of it. It never grew and the babies just kind of showed it who's boss.

Sorry for my rambling, but just wanted to give you some peace of mind. Here are a couple other girls with positive stories:

http://roccieroad.blogspot.com/

http://anunwantedpath.blogspot.com/

Take care! :)

ADSchill said...

I'm so sorry to hear that. No one wants to have those words said and I wish it could have been different.
Hang on to the baby you have and love it fiercly.

cgd said...

such a mix of emotions. I am sending you so much love and luck to you and baby.

Good Timing said...

Thinking of you Sarah and sending big hugs. And praying your Lil Miracle keeps growing strong. xoxo

Candice said...

Stink :( But yay that lil miracle is still going strong!