Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Pink or Blue?

Definitely, blue. As in feeling blue...

We would have found out the sex of the baby this week. I just can't believe it really. I knew this week was going to creep up on us soon enough. I'm just sad to imagine how happy and excited we would have been. To finally pick a name, to go shopping for baby stuff, to even just say out loud "our baby girl or "our baby boy." It's crushing me to think of what was supposed to be...

My honey and I, constantly think of ridiculous names to call our kids. Just for fun and to make each other laugh. Right now, we tend to joke about boy names. And so far, we have Raul, Diggy and Chauncey. It's really funny what we come up with. I like it. Because, any moment spent laughing so hard that it hurts, is way better than crying because it hurts. I had a feeling though that our first baby was going to be a boy. From the moment we found out that we were preggo, I just had these "boy vibes." Then after the miscarriage I had that dream about a baby boy. And our "box-o-mets" baby stuff, is a little boyish. Well, a little girl will rock it too someday, but when I bought the Met's bib to announce the news, I pictured it on a beautiful baby boy. A beautiful baby boy, drooling and dripping baby food out of his mouth, actually. :)

Sigh. I'm just trying to get through this week, with little to no tears. I can't promise anything, though. I'm still functioning, that's a good sign right? Still going to work, still breathing in and out, still eating-drinking-bathing, still madly in love with honey:) All is well. "All is well" as in, functioning.

And to add an extra fun ingredient to the week--AF is arriving any second now. Boo to that. Since the miscarriage, my cycle has been all over the place. But I know she is on her way, with all her baggage. Killer cramps and mood swings. Yay.


I'm off to watch American Idol with my love. He's pretty sick with a bad cold and something is brewing with me too. Strep is wiping out the kids at work, and a girl in my class pretty much barfed on me today. I can't afford to be sick again. If I could travel around in a bubble, and not freak people out, I would...

Goodnight to you. And goodnight, my pink or blue...

2 comments:

JackieMac said...

I am right there with you - we would of found out what we were having right about now - I was thinking I was pregnant with a boy too - you have such a good outlook on this bad situation - I wish I could be more like you.

wait, what? said...

I'm really sorry. It must be incredibly difficult. Big hug.