We love Christmas, my honey and I. So, after we took the tree down we were pretty bummed out that we would no longer have that pretty glowing tree to look at every night. It just "made" the living room. Made it more cozy, made it feel more like home. Shortly, after dragging our tree to the curb, we decided to get a fake tree/houseplant from the craft store. We then proceeded to wrap it in white twinkle lights, recycled from our beloved Christmas tree. Another item we added to the new fake tree was the little glass angel my mother gave us, right after the miscarriage. I have an abundance of angel tokens around me now. There's the glass ornament from my mom, the angel pin the hospital gave us, and the angel pin I wear on my coat that has the august birthstone in it. I had forgotten that we hung the glass angel on the new fake tree. Some of the twinkle lights had blown out, weeks ago, and I guess we've been too lazy to put a new strand in. So we've been just enjoying twinkle lights on the bottom half of the tree, hoping I guess that the lights would just change themselves. Well, the other day I went over to the tree, to see if it's just one strand out or two. And there it was. The little glass angel, resting amongst the fake leaves and recycled twinkle lights. I was surprised and shocked at myself that I had forgotten about the "whereabouts" of this one angel. It got me thinking that even though we may not see things anymore, or have it in our arms, or in our belly, it's still there. Like this angel showing up, even when I didn't realize it was even around. If the glass angel and I were to have a conversation, this is probably how it would go...
Glass Angel: Oh hey, Mom. I'm still here hanging around. The real tree smelled prettier. What is this crap?
Me:Oh hey, Baby. I, I, ummm forgot you were there. Sorry (frown). It's a fake tree, will never die. Your mom isn't so great with plants. And don't say "crap," it's not nice. We miss you, when are you coming back?
Glass Angel: Oh, I'll be back, don't you worry. For now, I'm just gonna float around in these twinkle lights, and these wings are pretty cool.
Me: Ok, Baby. Be careful. We'll be here.
Glass Angel: I won't be long and I'll be watching over you and Dad. Why does Dad always watch ESPN, mom?
Me: Because that's what Dads do, Baby. Amongst other things.
Glass Angel: Oh ok. Goodnight mom. I'll be around if you need me.
Me: We love you.
Glass Angel: Love you too. Tell Dad I said, "Lets Go Mets."
Yup, just made up an imaginary conversation between myself and glass. That's normal, right? :) My point is, is that our baby is still with us, in spirit... in our heart...and in a glass angel...
And that's ok.