Happy Halloween!!

 A big Happy 30th Birthday to my brother, Jamie! It's also an extra special day for him because he and his fiancee are closing on their first house today!

Me and my brother

And it's an extra special Halloween for me too! So blessed to have a little pumpkin growing :) I remember after one of our very sad BFN's earlier this year I said to my mom through tears "I can't bear the thought of going into the holiday season without a baby growing." I was at such a dark point and the thought of entering another holiday season still hurting, was just unbearable for me. Thankfully, it happened for us :) It was hard work, but it happened, and we couldn't be happier...

Winter Wonderland

I'd post a picture of NY's October nor'easter. But I might blind myself. Between the white snow all over everything and the now bright sun, it almost hurts to look outside. However, it's definitely a Fall  Winter Wonderland! And a big thank you to the power Gods for keeping our power on. A lot of people lost power, but thankfully we weren't one of them. At about 11pm last night the power went in and out for a few minutes, but that's about it.

I can't imagine all this snow clearing out in time for all the trick or treaters tomorrow. It's going to be a "trick or treat by way of sled or snowmobile" type Halloween.

I was thinking last night how I seem to have a stomach ache everyday. At some point in the day, my stomach tends to hurt. I know it's just digestive type issues. And I do try to eat smaller meals throughout the day, but I really hate when my stomach hurts. Because of course my first thought is that I hope the baby is okay. It would be nice to go at least one day with my stomach hurting! This also got me thinking how my body has been put through the ringer this year. Countless pills/shots/ultrasounds/blood work. Lap surgery in June. The start of IVF in July. Egg retrieval and transfer in August. And then (thankfully!) a pregnancy! Then bleeding early on and the loss of the twin. Actually, the past few years have been tough on my body. Tons of fertility treatments and a miscarriage too. It's actually amazing what the body can deal with. And now that I'm pregnant that takes a toll on your body in SO many ways. Which I will happily deal with in order to get to our baby in April, no doubt about it. But to actually think back to all that my body has been through, has me in awe and shock. I bet if my body could talk it would say " Screw you, leave me alone please!."

With that I'm going to make a promise to my body. Well more like a deal. I'm asking my body to take care of this baby and get us to April. After that, I will do everything I can to get my body back to a happy and health state!

With the winter wonderland outside, I'm really tempted to drag out the Christmas decorations and go buy a Christmas tree. Crazy, I know. I will be a sane person and wait until the weekend after Thanksgiving like we always do. But this snow is such a tease!

Nor'easter? No, thank you.

Well, girls, we are expecting a Nor'easter to arrive today is upstate NY. Lovely. Yup, a nor'easter in OCTOBER. We got some snow here on Thursday which was pretty shocking, but then the sun yesterday melted it all. But now, we are about to get slammed...

I do love the snow...it's so pretty...but not so much in October and not so much if the power goes out. Which  there is a high probability of that happening since the trees are still full of leaves and mixed with the heavy snow is bad news.

I was just thinking last night how back in the 80's we had a big blizzard on October 4th. It was so exciting then, because I was a kid and we didn't have power for a week. School was cancelled and it was just an adventure!! But now, it's not as exciting.

Praying the power stays on!

See you on the flip side...


***Oh! And how could I forget??!! Today I am 14 weeks! Baby is about the size of a lemon and according to babycenter he or she can  now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her thumb!***

TVT

Just gonna get right to it...

• My husband just called me and said " I have bad news." I HATE HEARING THAT. Turns out, a couple we went to high school with who had triplets a month or so ago, one of their babies died :( It took my breath away. I just feel so bad for them. I can't imagine. I guess they had the funeral today. My husband said he thinks it was the youngest triplet, but we don't know any other details. My heart goes out to them. 
• As embarrassing as this is to admit, yesterday I had a cupcake craving from hell. Not just any old cupcake that I could make at home, but a "fancy bakery" cupcake craving. Actually the craving started weeks ago and I had been trying to will it away, but nope. Anyone who knows how cravings work, they don't go away until you give in to their power! So off I went in search of a fancy cupcake. I had an idea of where this certain bakery was, but I had never been there before. So after driving on this one road for what felt like forever and still not finding it, I called my brother. I knew that he used to work near this bakery, so I was hoping he could help. He  answered and said " Well, where are you now?" And I said "Canada!" At least it felt like I had been driving that long. He gave me directions and I turned around and headed back. Unfortunately, I still couldn't find it! He gave me the right directions, but I realized I just didn't drive far enough. So I pulled over, called information for the bakery's number and asked them for directions. And this time around I made it there! I felt so silly going through all this trouble for a freakin cupcake, but what my baby wants my baby gets. haha. The funny thing about my cravings during this pregnancy is I don't have one thing in particular that I'm craving. It changes all the time and once I give into the craving, I don't ever want it again! The Oreo cream cupcake was the bomb, btw. 
• After my embarrassing cupcake mission, I decided to go to the mall to walk around an get some exercise. I had to get my brother a birthday card and I figured since it was cold and rainy it would be a good place for me to walk off the cupcakes and get some much needed exercise. Didn't have money to shop though, that's what sucks about walking around a mall. Anyways, I was shocked at how many people were there on a weekday before noon!! Christmas shopping maybe? I don't know, but it was a mad house!!! Oh, I did buy one thing at Hallmark, the ornament I posted yesterday! Had to get it :) 
• I think my feet are expanding at a rapid pace. Anyone see the "Up all Night" episode where they all look down at her feet and it looks like her feet have exploded?? :) Well, just recently I bought a pair of ballet flats that were really comfortable. And then yesterday after walking around the mall in them my toes are all cut up!! Probably not the best walking shoes and next time Ill have to go with sneakers. But I think I'm soon going to have to give in and get a pair a fake-ugg-look-alike boots. They look so comfy and warm! Although, I think they make people's feet look twelve time bigger than there are. Oh well, comfort is my priority. 
• I am really really really excited for Christmas. 
• You guys might think I'm weird but everyday since I found out I was pregnant I have recited the "St. Gerard Expectant Mother Prayer" every day. Haven't missed a day. Until yesterday :( I forgot. AND I have this fertility goddess statue that my cousin gave me and at night I put it on the bedside table next to me. Last night I forgot :( I'm being so superstitious about this! It's become a strange comforting routine for me and I can't believe I totally forgot BOTH yesterday. Maybe it was the cupcake sugar high...
• I've been having REALLY weird dreams. For example, last night in my dream my we were on a nature hike with a class full of kids and all the sudden I saw a bear approaching  and shouted to my husband to get the kids away, and the bear bit my husband. My husband then turned into a bear. And the only thing he would eat, now that he was a bear, was beef stew. So weird. 
• We have names picked out! Actually, we have for awhile now :) December 5th can't some soon enough!
• I took off the Fall background and added a cherry background instead. Hopefully you guys can see it and the font is back to normal?? :)

Wordless Wednesday: a new Christmas ornament

A letter to my placenta

Dear Placenta,

Saturday was my last day on Crinone. I'm putting my trust in you, placenta, that you will do your job and take over. That you will keep my babe safe. Because I'm bat-shit-crazy scared of having to say goodbye to the Crinone. Thanks.

Much love,
Sarah


***I finally colored my hair! However, I was super scared. I opened up every window and door in the house to let the fresh air get through. Luckily, it's a cool breezy Fall day and I didn't smell much of the fumes. Also, I didn't let the color sit on my head as long as I normally would have. I know it'll be okay. I've heard it's fine to color your hair when pregnant and I've been told that if you're worried just wait till the second trimester. Which I did! So I'm okay about it. And my hair is a little happier. I noticed I've started get white hair! EEK! Also, I apologize to anyone who's seeing my blog fall background but is also seeing a HUGE font. My goal was not to reach the elderly with my blog :) I just can't figure out how to fix it! Because when I look at my blog I see the fall background and the font is a normal size. I may just try to take the background off completely and hope everything returns to normal? The whole thing is driving me bananas.***

The post where I complain

Did ya ever just have one of those days?? Where it feels like everything that could be going wrong is? That all the tiny little problems in your life that were on the back burner are now on the front burner,  boiling and overflowing? That's how I feel today. And please excuse the whiny complaining post. I promise to follow this post up with a grateful/happy post sometime this week. Just needed to vent.

I'm sure my husband wouldn't be too happy if I were to broadcast the details of our financial issues on here. But basically, that's what's happening. It feels like no matter what we do, we can't catch up. It's just overwhelming. Any day now, would be the perfect time to win the lottery or have Ellen DeGeneres call us to tell us the "swaggin' wagon" is headed our way. I know things will work out. But at the moment, things seem very dark.

Plus, my mood today is partly due to the fact that I felt so sick all throughout the night and into today. I either had a stomach bug or ate something bad. I just had a really horrible stomach ache and just felt "sick" all over. I'm pretty sure the baby is okay, I wasn't doubled over in pain or anything. Just had a bad stomach ache that felt "virusy." Feeling a little bit better now, but still "off."

I've decided that it should be illegal to have to wait weeks and weeks between OB appts. I hate waiting. I hate wondering. I watched "Sister Wives" last night and they showed a scene where Cody and Robyn were having some pregnancy issues and the mid wife went to use the doppler on her and couldn't find a heartbeat. And that's how they ended the show! Leaving everyone anxious and wondering what happened. And making me panic that they won't be able to find a heartbeat at our next appt. I didn't want to try my home doppler again until this appt, where I could learn how to use it correctly. I think if I attempt to try it again before then, and can't hear anything, it will just freak me out.

I also had to tell my soon to be sis in law that I have to back out on being a bridesmaid. Which I feel really bad about. I was super excited to be in the wedding but after thinking a lot about it, I just didn't think it would be a good idea to commit to it. The biggest reason, being money. I just don't think I'll be able to afford all the fabulous things that come with being in a wedding. The dress/hair/make-up/events, etc. And the wedding is on St. Patrick's Day and by then I will be 8 months pregnant. I have this fear of going early too, and I wouldn't want to mess up all her plans. I'm bummed about it, but I know it's the right thing for everyone.

Thanks for all your responses to my blog background questions! I've pretty much given up. Everything that was suggested I had already tried and I have just come to accept that Blogger hates me. Some people say all they can see is white and some people say they can see the cute fall background. I think it has to do with the browser people are using. So apologize my background may be jacked up for awhile. Somehow I managed to get it where I can see the fall background, but the text is pretty small.

Ok, I'm done venting for the day. Thanks for lending an ear  eye. :)

Question

Can you girls tell me what you see on my blog page? Can you see the new Fall background? Thanks.

Blog background help!

Ok, so I don't why I decide to try and freshen up the look up my blog, because it DRIVES ME INSANE EVERY TIME. For some reason I can't get my blog template to show the new background I chose. Occasionally, I can see the tiniest piece of it to the right or left of my blog. But all I normally see is WHITE. I don't know how to fix this! If anyone has any tips, I would be so grateful!!!! :)

***Ok, now it seems to be showing the new fall background, but the print is too small in the middle with the posts! AHHH! Anyone know how to fix this?****

13 Weeks!

I'm counting this as the end of the first trimester, because my doctor said so :) YAY!!!

The baby is the size of a medium shrimp! And I read something really interesting about 13 weeks. They say if it's a girl, her ovaries are already producing over 2 million eggs! How crazy is that??

Thank you God, for getting us this far!! I'm praying that everything continues to go well!

I have not forgotten

Tomorrow, I'll be 13 weeks into this pregnancy. And I've been wanting to write this post for some time now. Not about getting to 13 weeks, but about the fact that I have not forgotten what it feels like to be waiting...

Waiting for your BFP or adoption match. Waiting for it to be "your turn." Waiting for your own miracle to happen.

I have not forgotten about all the tears I shed. I have not forgotten about all the BFN's. I have not forgotten about our loss and all the heartache we've endured.

Most of all, I have not forgotten that hope got me through. Anyone reading this right now, who is still waiting, don't give up hope. It will happen. Sometimes, when we are at the end of our rope and don't see the light at the end of the tunnel, it can be so devastating. Trust me, I've been there. I was there for a long time.

I guess the point of this post, is to tell you that miracles do happen. Smiling becomes a regular part of your life again. And life starts looking up.

Pregnancy comes with it's own scares and worries and fragile days, too. But I am so grateful to finally have gotten our miracle. I know how lucky we are. Our one and only chance at IVF worked and I know that doesn't happen for everybody.

So, for those of you still waiting, just know that I pray it's your turn soon and that I have not forgotten what's it's like to be in your shoes...

TVT

Thank goodness it's TVT (Thought Vomit Thursday) because I have lots of thoughts running around this head! And GO....

• Earlier this week I kept smelling a really strong odor like cat pee! We don't have any cats, so it was a mystery. The smell (especially with my baby nose) was making me so nauseous. After I cancelled the idea that there was a ghost cat peeing all around me, I realized the smell was coming from a batch of clothes I had just washed. We live in an apartment and share a washer/dryer with other people. Even though our landlord doesn't allow pets, we know some people have cats. I know this because one day while cleaning out the dryer lint vent, it was full of cat hair! Gross! I like cats, but come on people! And so I immediately thought someone must have washed something with cat pee on it before I used the washer. Why else would my clothes smell like cat pee? But then my husband did a load of laundry last night and the clothes smelled heavenly. WTH? Maybe my baby nose is just out of control.
• I last posted about my Doppler drama and not being sure if it was actually the heartbeat I heard. After some experimenting and listening to the sounds CD the doppler company gave us, I realized that it wasn't actually the heartbeat. The first sound they played on the CD was called the "fetal blood flow" sound. And that was exactly what I heard on the doppler. However, in my mind if I can hear fetal blood flow, that obviously means the babies heart is going for the blood to flow, right? I decided I'm not going to test the doppler out again until my Nov 7th appt. They will use one on me then, and I can kind of get an idea how they are doing it.
• Did anyone see that Guilliana Rancic (sp?) found out she has breast cancer right before starting another IVF? How scary and sad. Like she didn't have enough stress dealing with infertility. I hope she's able to get healthy! Pretty scary stuff.
• I've been watching "Up All Night" and it's pretty funny. This week they had the birth story, which was hilarious. I was laughing so hard and then crying at the end of it. What it confirmed for me that I'm okay with my birth plan. This is what my birth plan consists of: Get to the hospital, get an epidural, get the baby born quickly and safely for all parties involved. I know that some people may judge me by such a simple ( or lack thereof) birth plan, but honestly I'm okay with that. Not much in my life that I've planned, actually goes according to plan. If that were the case, I would have a couple of kids and a house on the beach by now. I just have a feeling that if I write out a birth plan, the plan will definitely change. So I'm gonna go into it trusting and with an open mind. This is surprising for me, because normally I'm a big planner!
• Still haven't colored my hair!! Yup. Prettyyyyy dark at the roots. Looks awesome. Even though I know it's ok, I still for some reason feel like it's a death sentence. But I am definitely going to get "to the root" ( ha.ha.ha.) of things this coming week.
• I bought the mini 90 calorie coke cans the other day. I love it. I deserve it. And one of these a day isn't going to hurt me or LM. The doctor and everyone says so:) Was super nauseous a half hour ago, drank a mini coke and I'm doing better now!
• My long term relationship with Crinone is ending on Saturday. I hope to let it down gently. We've been so close these past few months. And I'm a bit sad and scared about it. I truly believe it's helped keep this pregnancy going and I can't help but be scared to end it. My fertility doctor told me to cut back to one a day at 11 weeks, which I did. And then at my last OB appt I expressed my concern about ending the Crinone at 12 weeks and so she told me that if it made me feel better I could continue to 13 weeks. Uh, yes please! So I did, but this Saturday is 13 weeks and it will be time to stop. I know by this point the placenta takes over the progesterone and all that, so I'm just going to have to trust that everything is working properly.
• I went and visited everybody at my work yesterday and brought cookies. Cause who doesn't love a chocolate chip cookie during their work day? I wanted to say hi to everyone but I also needed to talk to my boss. My OB has me on continued light duty and just like before that's not going to work with what I do. The job is too physically demanding. And I'm not one of those people who sit around and let everyone else do the work. And my hematoma is still around. It has shrunk but is still there. So I am in the process of trying to get my disability extended. This is okay with us. We honestly do not want to risk anything with this baby. It may be our one chance for a biological child and we have too many emotions (and money!) invested into this. Now, I know pregnant women work all the time. I know pregnant women who did IVF work all the time. But we feel this is the best decision for us. I could very easily throw out the light duty letter from my OB out and continue to work. But we are just not willing to. Going into the start of IVF I never thought I might be out of work in the beginning. I thought maybe towards the end of the pregnancy I might have to check out early, but never did I think I wouldn't be working. So it's been an adjustment (financially too!) but have no regrets. Our priority right now is to have a take-home baby in April. This is the most significant, most special, most amazing thing we will ever do! So if that means, a MUCH smaller paycheck for awhile then so be it! It's tough because a lot of people agree with us on this. "It's just not worth the risk" they say or " I don't blame you guys, you've been through hell, this is your time." A lot of really understanding and supportive things have been said to us. And there are some people who you can tell think it's ridiculous that I'm not working. And that's their opinion. But it still kind of hurts. I mean, we don't know if I did go back to work if anything horrible would happen. But we also don't know that it wouldn't...
• After I left work yesterday, I stopped at the grocery store quick for a few things. I've been loving fresh fruit lately and I bought a small carton of blueberries. I may or may not have eaten the whole carton on the way home...
• I'll be 13 weeks this Saturday, and I don't care what anybody says, I'm considering that over the first trimester :) I'm done playing the "Guess when the first trimester is over game" :)
• Is it true you can suck on dum-dum lollipops while in labor? Some people have told me they said you can bring candy like that, but then they tell you that you can't have it! What a tease! Because if it's allowed, my birth plan will definitely include dum-dum lollipops.

Doppler Delight

Our doppler came tonight! And I heard the heartbeat! My husband had left to go play in his basketball league so I decided to try it out. I was nervous that I couldn't get it to work but after a few minutes I started to hear this heartbeat swishing sound! Which I'm assuming was it! The doppler came with a CD with sounds to look for, but I'll check it out in my car tomorrow! But I'm pretty sure it was the heartbeat I heard! :)

Oh, and Coca-cola makes me a better human being. I realized yesterday evening I was happier and in a better mood and that I wasn't as nauseous!! Hmmm, Coke may have to be an everyday drink for me :) One a day? One every other day? :)

***Ok, so after I posted this I started second guessing myself. The doppler manual says that it should sound like a galloping horse. That's not what I heard. I heard a steady swooshing sound! So I guess I'll just try again tomorrow. Anyone else have a steady swooshing sound on their doppler at almost 13 weeks?***

***I'm a nutcase. So I did some experimenting with the doppler. I was worried the swooshing I was hearing was just my own heartbeat. However, the only place I was hearing this swooshing was in the are below my belly button and above the hoo-ha area. So basically, where the baby is right now. I then tried to hear that same noise higher up all over my stomach and couldn't hear anything. So I think I'm going to go with what I heard as the baby's beat! I tried to get a bpm, but it was too much for me holding the doppler and waiting for the clock to change and counting. Kind of like rubbing your head and patting your stomach kind of thing. I'm sure it will get easier as my belly grows.***

A Coke and a smile

Today, I drank a Coke.

Sure, you're thinking..."Who the hell cares, you're allowed a certain amount of caffeine while pregnant!"

But I have been really strict with myself about it. I haven't had any coffee or caffeinated soda in a little over three months!!

I love Coca-cola. I've been craving it. And today while spending a really nice day with my mom, I had a Coke at lunch.

And it was FREAKIN' AWESOME. You know those old Coca-cola commercials where the person, Santa or Polar bear takes a swig and then goes "AHHHHHH"? Well, that's what I did.

I'm taking this as a sign that I'm finally starting to relax a little. Of course, I'm not going to be drinking Coke everyday. Nor will I start injecting it into my veins. But I will enjoy some every once in awhile from now on....

12 weeks!

12 weeks today! And the baby is about the size of a lime :)

I wish I could say that this is the end of the first trimester for me, but according to the medical professionals, it's 13 weeks. Boooo! But I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. It'll just feel good to enter that second trimester...

If anyone is wondering where I'm getting the fruit comparisons from, babycenter.com sends me weekly updates along with a fruit comparison. Just in case any of you were thinking I was spending a lot of my time searching for strange fruits to compare my baby to :)

Heartbeatz

So I've gone and done it. I've ordered a doppler! Well, I've rented a doppler, I should say. I got it through babybeat.com...

Since, money is super tight, I ordered the cheapest one which is about $24.00 a month. The good thing though, is that it's a month to month rental and we are not in a contract or anything. So if we don't like it we can just send it right back!

Yes, I have thought about the chances that if I can't get it to work right and I start freaking out thinking there's no heartbeat! However, I'm hoping it will be smooth sailing and I'm able to figure it out okay! It's just so long between appointments that it will be nice to be able to hear LM's heartbeat whenever we want. I've been such a spaz lately about all the things that could go wrong, so to have this doppler it might help ease those worries.

It should be here next week! :)

This post can't wait.

I'm asking for a favor blogger friends. Please...please...take a minute and go over to this blog and offer some prayers for this family. I am completely heartbroken for my blog friend who just lost her precious twins at 20 weeks...

I'm so sad about this. Why does this seem to happen at 20 weeks and so often? I feel like it's becoming this frequent thing. Women losing their babies at 20 weeks :( I'm beside myself right now for her and her loss.

And I'm terrified. Terrified that this is going to happen to us as well....

Why God? I just don't understand.

As promised...

Lil' Miracle!

From right to left...

Head. Body. Arm? Feet? But it's got a cute little profile already! :)

I'm in love.

Seed Eater

I'm excited!

Why you ask? Because my pumpkin shirt came today! Corny, I know, but I just had to have this shirt. I'll probably wear it on Halloween...

I ordered it from Cafepress.com.

The picture isn't a great one and the shirt needs to be washed, dried and ironed. It's a little big right now! But once it gets in the dryer I think it will shrink a little.

Isn't it cute? Wouldn't it be nice if it were that easy to get pregnant, just by swallowing a seed? :)

Cry Baby

I have been a big cry baby lately. Hormones? I guess so. But I mean, I am crying over everythinggggg. Mostly, TV shows or movies. For example, I found myself sobbing over the movie "Air Force One" the other day. I mean, really? I watched "Titanic" the other night, complete sob fest. Although, that movie makes more sense then "Air Force One." Also, the preview for tonight's "Parenthood" episode where she has the baby? The preview lasts maybe 15 seconds and I somehow manage to be full blown tears mode every single time it comes on. I have been crying a lot lately over my poor dog that was killed in January. I just always thought he would be around to grow up with our kids, and I think it's just hitting me hard that he's gone. He was my first baby. Between my allergies and my crying, we are keeping Kleenex in business!

I just want to thank everyone who has been supporting me the past few weeks with their kind comments on my blog. I don't always get to say "Thank you" but just know how much every comment means to me :)

I promise to post the latest picture of my babe. We don't have a scanner here and if I were to just take a picture of the picture it would be crappy. So I'll get it scanned in the next few days! We actually have a little photo book we started with the u/s pictures. And the first picture is of our three embryos we put back. It's really pretty amazing to see how the baby has grown. And pretty special since most people don't have such early photos of their babies like that. So we have that going for us infertile friends! :) Guess what happened yesterday though? My brother-in-law had Gall bladder surgery the other day and my husband was taking his grandfather up to go visit him after our appt yesterday. Matt wanted to bring the u/s picture book with him to show everybody. Well, after he parked at the hospital he put his phone and the u/s book on the ground quick to help his grandpa out of the car and into the wheelchair. Valet came and took the car away. And into the hospital they go. Accidentally LEAVING THE PHONE AND U/S BOOK ON THE GROUND! Before he left the house, I said to him " Don't lose this." When he got up to his brother's room he realized he didn't have the book or his phone and started freaking out. Luckily, a couple found it in the parking lot and they called my phone to let me know they found the phone and book. Thank goodness that couple found it when they did, because the book and phone could have gotten run over and mangled by a car! Phewwwww......

I've been feeling so clueless about pregnancy. I feel like I know a lot about infertility but when it comes to pregnancy, I feel overwhelmed and dumb. :) I need cliff notes for pregnancy or something. I just feel like there is so much to know, so many things I'm supposed to be preparing for and I don't know where to start! I'm definitely going to do a post in a few months asking everyone things that I absolutely should register for. I have no idea what I need. I mean I have an idea but I have a feeling I'm way off. I know the basics of caring for a baby, but I'm pretty sure I'm in the dark about a lot too! Is there a book out there that tells you what you should be doing each month? Like a checklist?

Jelly Belly

We had another OB appointment today! And man, I've always had a jelly belly, but today I literally had a jelly belly. I was covered in the KY crap they squeeze all over you. And then she had to do an internal ultrasound too and I was covered in jelly down there too. I felt like I just stepped out of the scene from "Old School" where they have the KY wrestling match! Needless, to say I had to take another shower when I got home. But anyways, that's not important. On to the real news...

The baby is doing great!!!! And I'm breathing a sigh of relief. The ultrasound was amazing! The baby actually looks like a real little baby now, cute little profile and all. He/she was moving around a lot and the heartbeat was 180! Which freaked me out, because it seems fast, but the u/s tech told me it was perfectly fine. It's little arms and legs were moving all around! Funny thing is, is that I think we may be painting the nursery blue! My husband and I have had a feeling that this baby was a girl all along. And then today as I was laying on the table looking at the u/s screen, the tech pointed about the baby's legs. And then I saw something in between the legs...like a third little leg! I think the tech saw it at the same time because she smirked and asked us if we were gonna find out the sex and we said yes. So I spoke up and said "I think I saw a thingie between it's legs!" And she said " Yeah I noticed it too, but it's too early to call it and it could very well be the umbilical cord." But I don't knowwwwwwwwwww :) I have a feeling it might be a boy! The chinese gender chart say it's a girl and the heartbeat is high, but I guess those things don't mean anything! Sadly, today was the last time we'll see the baby until December 5th when we have our anatomy scan. The tech did do measurements of the important things like neck thickness, nose bones, brain ventricles, etc. She said everything looked great! But we did decline the genetic testing.

We also met with my favorite NP who patiently sat and answered the 1,000,000 questions we had. She's so nice and she put our mind at ease. Verdict is still out on the Flu Shot though. She of course suggested we get it, but she said she wasn't going to push us on it. That I still had a few weeks to decide and it was a personal choice. She did say the Doctor would definitely try to talk us into it, but she wasn't going to. So we'll see, I'm still thinking about it. They did take about 20 (exaggerating, sort of) vials of blood from me though.

So, my next OB appt is in 4 weeks for pap smear and check up. No u/s, but hopefully I'll get to hear he heartbeat on the doppler. And then a month after that is the BIG ultrasound. Oh my gosh, I can't wait :)

We did find out that my doctor only delivers at one hospital. Which is the hospital I had my lap surgery at. It's a great women's hospital but was built in like 1700 (exaggerating, sort of) and looks like an insane asylum in a way. Might be fitting for me anyways, because I might be a crazy bitch come delivery day :) We'll see what happens. The NP said she has delivered at another hospital if she can get another doctor to cover her. But since it's only her at her practice she's always on call and this one hospital is the closest.

I may try to post an u/s picture in the next few days! I'm not really a picture-poster, but our little baby is just so darn cute that I have to share! :)

11 weeks

11 weeks today! And the baby is almost the size of a Fig. Another fruit I know nothing about. Is that the fruit they put in Fig Newtons? :)

Baby's First Book

I bought our baby's first book today. When I saw it, I just knew I had to get it. My mom used to sing "You are my sunshine" to me when I was a baby...

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away..."

NT Scan

Anyone out there decide NOT to do a NT scan?

TVT

It's Thought Vomit Thursday people! Prepare to be vomited upon.

• One of my goals in life is for my husband and I to go to the Ellen DeGeneres show. We love her.
• I'm gonna turn into a lemon head soon. One of the nurses at the RE clinic mentioned that Lemon Head candy helps with nausea. I completely forgot about it, until my sweet husband came home one night with a box of lemon heads for me and they actually work! Bad news is eating too many of them can make you sick. Cause it be candy. Not a miracle pill.
• I've gotten bored with my nausea snacks. So I've switched them out every few weeks. It started off with saltines, then I moved to pretzel rods and now I'm enjoying plain saltine goldfish. Which are yum btw.
• My husband and I have been sort of leaning towards that this baby is a girl. However, I've realized I've been craving a lot of salty foods. And according to to gender prediction things, salty means boy...sweet means girl...but who knows. The Chinese say it's a girl. We shall see!
• I don't sleep very well. My body/mind refuses to let me sleep on my stomach. It could just be a mental thing where I'm afraid I'm squishing the baby, but not sleeping on my stomach has been sad. That's how I've always slept! Probably as infant too, since I'm sure infant sleeping safety wasn't important back in the 70's. So now I have to sleep on my side or on my back. And sleeping on my side has my arms permanently hurting me throughout the day. I feel like I've been lifting weights (not) but it's really just from sleeping! And for some reason my allergies are worse then they've ever been. I spend a good portion of the early (3-4am) morning hours, blowing my nose and sneezing. Booo to that.
• Kellie over at the blog Another Day Stronger did a post about how Soy isoflavones are a natural version of Clomid. And you can buy it on the shelves at Wal-Mart! Amazing. Never heard of this, but it's definitely interesting.
• Did anyone watch American Horror Story on Fox last night? Holy cow. So creepy, weird, and scary. I love me a good horror film! Even though they still freak me out. It's a weird thrill. But this show...wow...what messed up mind created this! Definitely, worth watching if you like creepy, scary, ghost type shows. But prepared to be like "WTF?"
• If someone is interested in baking me a homemade apple pie, I wouldn't turn it away. Just saying. Fall is in full effect and I'm craving apples, apple pie and cider donuts.
• I've been thinking about the twin we lost a lot lately and I'm realizing I'm more sad about it than I thought. At the time, we were just so glad that our one miracle was still going strong so I think I put my sadness over the twin on the back burner. It's just sad. To know that there were two at one point. But we know we are so blessed that this one baby is still doing well!

Pregnancy isn't for sissies

Should I get a flu shot?? I've never gotten one before. But is it important for pregnant women to get one??? I'm going to talk to my OB about it next Monday. I just don't want anything in the flu shot to harm my baby, but then again, I don't want to get the flu and have that somehow harm the baby? What are your thoughts?

Ugh, nausea hit me hard tonight. It's 9pm and I've never had it this late in the day. Boooo. When I went to my appointment with my primary doctor last Tuesday he actually said these words (which made me laugh a little) "Pregnancy isn't for sissies, that's for sure." This is after we had a discussion about miscarriages (he and his wife had a few) and nausea during pregnancy.

Infertility isn't for sissies either. That's for sure.

Thanks for all your advice over the genetic testing. We decided not to do it.

10 weeks!

We've made it to double digits! Yay! Baby is the size of a kumquat. I had no idea what a kumquat was, so I looked it up. Apparently, it's a small orange-like fruit.

I've been in kind of blogging funk lately. So please forgive the lack of posts or the lame-ness of the posts. I've been feeling pretty sick. Some days I'm okay, but most days I feel a lot of nausea and digestive pain. And I think I'm just so anxious to get to the second trimester. I feel like I will be able to relax a little more!! I know the second trimester doesn't come with a magic wand, but it does come with a little more peace of mind. Especially, when the first three months haven't been a walk in the park. We are so thankful to be at ten weeks today!! It feels good!

Thank you for all the advice over my "Chocolate and Hair Dye" post. It was all very helpful! And I have decided to wait two more weeks before highlighting my hair. As for the chocolate, I haven't been eating it, but I'm definitely not going to deprive myself if I'm having a chocolate chip cookie craving :)

I need some more advice, girls. Our next OB appt is on October 10th where Ill be 11 weeks 2 days. The NP mentioned that we need to decide if want to have the genetic testing done. Where they test to see if we carry a gene for things like down syndrome, Trisomy 18 and a few other things. I feel like we should, and I know they do this early because it gives you the chance to terminate. But I would not terminate the pregnancy, unless there were conditions where we ABSOLUTELY had to. But I'm not sure if I want to know. Because if our genetic testing comes back that we are carriers, I don't want to have that extra worry. Does this sound silly? I feel like I need someone to tell us what to do.