Monday, August 8, 2011

1,2,3...What's it gonna be?

So, I have been feeling like crap. I thought the cramping was getting better, but then last night after my anti-biotic, my progesterone and estrace...I was in really bad shape! I couldn't get comfortable or fall asleep. I just felt so sick. So around 1:30 am, I got out of bed...made box macaroni and cheese (Yes, so insane! But I think steroids and hormones are making me have the appetite of a 500 pound man!) and sat in the living room with the heating pad on high. I didnt even get to sleep until 3am. I took today off from work. I talked to the RE and the cramping is normal as long as I dont have a high fever or if Im gaining more than 3 pounds a day? I think the anti-biotic and the progesterone are really making it worse! Does Crinone upset anyone else's stomach? And I know anti-biotics can do some damage in the belly department. But oh boy, am I looking forward to feeling better! I'm just on a long list of meds right now and I think it's all catching up to me.

The nurse called to schedule my transfer for Thursday morning at 9. She said that they would be peeking at the embabies tomorrow and that I could definitely call to see how they are doing. I'm going to pray so hard tonight that they are growing and dividing!!! It would make me so happy to hear that :) Is it weird that I kind of miss our embabies? I keep thinking of them in the lab at the RE's office and I just want to go to them :)

Over the past few days (well, weeks) my husband and I have been talking about how many embabies we would put back. This is such a tough decision. And everyone and their grandmother seems to have an opinion about it. We've always known for sure that we would put AT LEAST two back if we did IVF. But after lots of thinking and weighing the pros/cons...we are thinking of putting 3 back. Was that a gasp I heard??? I think people in this IF community will understand our decision more so than our friends/family in real life. Many people think that by putting 3 back we are definitely going to get 3. But that's not quite how it works. Sure, we know that there is the possibility that if we put 3 back...3 could stick! But there is also the chance that NONE will stick...or just 1 or two...or the most riskiest, 3! We get it. We know it's risky. We know that financially we would be really hurting with 3. But honestly, this whole process is a risk. And we don't want to put two back and have none of them stick and then regret not putting the 3rd one in that may have worked!! It's such a crapshoot. No one can see the future. If someone could tell me " Oh just put two back, it will work and you'll live happily ever after" then we would. But no one can tell us that. We could get all or nothing. And we are well aware of that. I just don't think emotionally and financially we could do IVF again, if this fails. So we have decided to give it our all and hope for the best. I'm not looking to start a new TLC show "Sarah & Matt Plus (fill in the number)." We just want a family...


19 comments:

A m a n d a said...

Oh no! Hopefully you start feeling better soon..that doesn't sound fun. (although the mac and cheese sounds delicious)

I asked my RE if we could put back 3 and they don't allow it. Otherwise I would have been right there with you!

Oak said...

I was going to say that I would be surprised if your RE allowed 3 as there's a much bigger risk when carrying three than two. And that's all I would urge you to think about. Having to try a second time to get one (or two) to stick would be easier than having 3 stick and having it be too hard on your or the babies in the long run.

But as with all things, you do what you need to do to be happy with your choices and then move forward with no regrets.

Sorry you're feeling bad, that's no fun.

Marissa said...

I hope you feel better soon!!

I would maybe wait a bit before totally deciding. I know you said you couldn't do IVF again, but what about a FET or two? Of course, a lot will depend on tomorrow's call and how your embryos are looking, but with 12, I don't think it's unreasonable to think you might have some to freeze.

Because you'll be doing 5dt with blasts, and because this is your first transfer and you're not 35+ (I think?? I honestly can't remember, but I think you're 30), your RE might be pretty hesitant to transfer 3. Especially if they're higher quality.

Now, obviously I did transfer 3 on my last cycle, and I do not regret it one bit. But part of my *personal* reasoning was that we'd transferred 6 embryos previously (and 4 were AAs!), and had no live baby, so it stood to reason, to me, that many/most of our embryos were chromosomally abnormal. We were also doing a 3dt and our embryos were not pretty, and we almost certainly would have none to freeze. I did not want triplets. A triplet pregnancy is very risky. I would have, at the very least, *considered* selective reduction (which is, I know, controversial, and honestly I'm not sure if I could have done it). And of course as I was on the table, my RE told me about a former patient who'd transferred 3 and ended up with quads.

I think it's very personal and you and your husband and your doctor should talk it over, and decide what is best for you and your family.

Really hoping for great-looking embryos! <3

manymanymoons said...

You'll know what to do. I am a go for it kind of girl, but this has to be your decision. I hope you're feeling better soon. You've done great so far and I know you're going to go to the finish line the same way.

Jes G said...

hoping your call tomorrow brings great news of perfect little embabies!!
i understand your thoughts of putting 3 back...... we are doing our second fresh cycle soon, and i have been thinking about putting 3 back as well.....depending on how they fertilize and how many we have.... it's definitly risky.....but you have to do what you think is right
xoxo

Diana said...

I wish I could offer u some advice but I know nothing about eggs or transfers. Or what needs to happen. Dealing w male infertility, I really dont know much about this situation. But I'm thinking of u. And I'm hoping for the best for u!!! I hope u feel better also =)

Moe said...

I don't think you're crazy. I would be wanting to do (or doing) the exact same thing if I were in your position. I'm sorry you're still feeling icky. I hope you feel better soon. I'll be praying for your transfer on Thursday!!! Eeeek. it's so exciting.

Beeker's Mom said...

The decision about how many to transfer wasn't something that I thought I could do. Fortunately, the RE made an informed suggestion for us and we went with it.

I wish you all the luck with whatever you decide. Sticky little babies, all the way!

Candice said...

I would totally want to put three back if I was in your position too :) The probability of all three sticking isn't that high, and at the end of the day I would rather have triplets than no babies at all. Sending lots of love to you and the embabies!

Josey said...

Yikes, hard decision! One blogger I follow just transferred 3...all three stuck, but at 7w baby A quit growing, which was a mixed blessing for her (to not have to decide about doing selective reduction or not). I agree with Oak - a FET would be easier on your body and the potential baby than a triplet pregnancy... but, of course it's your choice, and I get the fear of putting 2 back and neither sticking. There's no easy answer.

amiracle4us said...

Those antibiotics can definitely mess with your belly.
As for the embabies and how many...that is definitely a personal decision. Both RE1 and RE2 would only transfer 2 due to me being under 30. The risk of complication for the mom goes up with twins and so much more with triplets. Plus the risk of mc jumps significantly with multiples as well and each made me 'think' about what it would be like to get pregnant and lose three babies after all this. (meanies). I'm guessing the quality will play a big role as well.
With all your embabies you should have some frosties, which a FET is WAY less expensive than a fresh.

No matter what, the two of you and your doctor have to be comfortable with the decision. Sending hugs!

amiracle4us said...

oooooo yea...gatorade!!!

Amber said...

From the moment you are diagnosed as infertile, you never have any easy decisions again. They all have extreme emotion attached, not to mention the benefits vs. consequences. What I figured out is that I had to do what was best for us. And not listen to all of the strong opinions everyone forced upon me. :) You're doing awesome!!!

Faith said...

Oh, so sorry you aren't feeling well! I hope you feel MUCH better soon. I remember considering IVF and wondering what we would do about that....I have my opinions, but I'll keep 'em to myself:). In the end, you two have to make your own decision (and of course your RE has to agree to whatever you decide). If you ever post and ASK for advice, I'm right there for ya though:). Good luck, hun!

Babydreams2011 said...

I TOTALLY get it! We did 3 the 1st transfer and ended up with a chemical.. Did one blast this last time and another chemical soooo...Yeah.. In the end it's YOUR DECISION actually, not the RE's.. My RE said there is a "standard of care" but they just "advise" they don't make the decision, that's you and hubsters solely.. Best of luck, hoping you have some great A quality blasts and an easy decision!

cgd said...

I hope you feel better soon. Drink tons of fluids like gatorade.
As far as numbers to put in. I have done 2 and 3 before. You should talk to your RE, they can help you make the decisions based on embryo quality. Good luck to you, will be thinking of you on Thursday,
go embryos, go.

Jenny said...

All the aches and pains suck...but you will survive! I was never told to have gatorade (I think it's more for OHSS) but I was told to drink LOTS of water...and it helped. But I'm sure your doc already told you that.

As for the number to transfer it's impossible to know if you make/made the right decision. All I can say is look at all the pros and cons and discuss with your doctor. Because IVF is free here and the doctors aren't allowed to have more than a very small % of multiple births in their clinic, I was only allowed to transfer one...on top off that I had none that made it to freeze...but obviously even single-embryo transfers can work! Not saying you should only transfer one just that I sometimes think if I had three it would have been even more scary..especially since they are always born premature.
Rest up for Thursdsay!

Jennifer said...

So sorry you are feeling yucky! Whatever you and your husband decide will be what's right for you. You have to do what you two want, not what everyone else thinks. When we decided to adopt instead of continue to pursue treatments, lots of people had things to say. Ultimately it wasn't their business! ha! We did what was right for our family and am I ever glad we did! Thinking about you! Hugs!

Marissa said...

Need update on embryos STAT!

<3