I peed on a stick this morning. It went well :)
I did something today that I probably shouldn't have. I called my old OB's office to find out my old beta numbers. Right before we miscarried in 2009, we had two visits with her. And two betas. I never found out what those numbers were, and I really wanted to compare them to the beta's I got this week. I found out I was pregnant on a Sunday (total surprise), then started spotting that following Tuesday, had an "emergency" appt on Wednesday where they took blood (Beta 897) and found one sac with nothing in it "yet." Then I had a blood work again that Friday (Beta 414). They called and told me it was over. I miscarried the following day. I was really shocked to hear today that my first beta with them was 897. Compared to my 142.6 this time. They had measured the sac at 4wks 2days. But I'm thinking my beta was so high because I had been pregnant longer, but the sac had stopped developing? I know beta numbers can vary with each pregnancy. But I was a little blown away with the 897.
I know I wasn't going to talk about my fears. But I think my biggest fear is that God will do this to us again. That this could end badly. I'm mad that I even have to have this fear! We are just praying so hard that one healthy baby is still going strong!! I pray all day every day. I bargain with God. I'm trying so hard to be strong, and stop stressing and think positive! But it's almost like someone telling you to "keep breathing, but plug your nose and close your mouth."
Now that I vented a bit. Here's what I really believe (or want to believe). I'm choosing to believe that my slow rising beta is just that, slow. That by Monday it will have hit four digits at least. I'm choosing to believe that we do have at least one still going strong! And that he or she is a little fighter and wants us just as much as we want him/her. I'm choosing to believe my body is doing what it's supposed to in order to grow this baby. I'm choosing to believe that lightening won't strike us twice :( And I'm choosing to believe that since there's a going to be a full moon on Monday (I think) that some magic will happen :)
Kindaaaa a little scared about this approaching hurricane. This is first time we are considering running out and buying survival supplies. As in flashlights, candles and food to feed a preggo if we are without electricity. Although, I do prefer my pickles super cold.
I have been really tired. In fact, I may go to bed right now. Please forgive me for lacking in the commenting department. I will catch up soon!