Friday, August 19, 2011

All or Nothing.

Yesterday evening I started having the worst cramps that I've had so far through this cycle. They were constant and hurt pretty-freakin-bad. And what was scary was that it lasted all night long. Every time I woke up or got up to pee, they were still going strong. I was really nervous to wake up to this all being over. But thankfully, it's not over. The cramps lightened up this morning and this afternoon were they were gone. It really could be so many different things causing these cramps. I prayed that "I didn't care about the pain if that meant babies were growing in there, but to just please let it not be my period." And so far so good. Right now, I feel fine. A little tired but no "pregnancy symptoms." It's weird, I'm not satisfied with cramps or without. I want to feel something! But the cramps make me feel like it's my period. So it seems like it's all or nothing. I seem to go from feeling ALL these different "symptoms" to NOTHING at all. Sigh....

Three days till beta. HFS. Still unsure about testing at home. I guess the real reason I'm not jumping to pee on a stick is because, I don't want this to be over yet. Right now, there is the possibility that I could very well be PREGNANT. Getting a positive HPT would be so amazing and such a relief. And to get a negative HPT, would well....suck....a lot...like more than a lot....

Even though the 2ww is awful, I'm finding it hard to let it go. I kind of like the "could-be-pregnant-bliss" of it all. Monday is reality. Monday is the truth. Monday could be the happiest day for us. Monday could be a nightmare....

But it won't be, because I'm PREGNANT, right??? :) :)

I'm not even going to check the results until I get home from work on Monday. I know, I know, some of you are like "WHATTT?! Are you NUTS? How could you wait all day?" If it's not happy news, I won't be able to make it through the work day, so I am torturing myself with the wait...

I just want to thank you all for your advice and supportive comments. If I I could, I would totally invade the "3 ft of personal space" rule and give you each a hug :)

Double-baby shower at work today. I'm hoping their preggo vibes rubbed off on me, since I rubbed their bellies for twenty minutes straight. JK. About the rubbing of the bellies. :)

PS- don't forget to enter my giveaway! I'll be picking a winner from a hat on Saturday or Sunday.








8 comments:

Marissa said...

Hang in there!!

cgd said...

hang in there, home stretch now. Try not to read too much into sx, they can mean anything. sending lots of love to you. thank you so very much for your support.

Diana said...

Hang in there! It's gunna be good news!

Jamie said...

Thinking HIGH numbers for Monday!!!

Candice said...

Babies, babies, babies :) thinking positively! Oh wait...I said it three times - I hope I don't jinx it and you get triplets +...then again, triplets are still better than no babies at all...so babies, babies, babies :) (sorry for rambling!)

Jenny said...

(((gently hugs you back)))

Moe said...

I'm praying for you guys like crazy!!!

Marissa said...

I got a used Sonoline B off eBay for $30. I think new they're about $50. The display counter isn't very accurate (bounces all over the place for baby *and* for my own heartbeat, which is rather steady... :p), but the volume is perfectly fine, so you can hear it.

Peed on any sticks lately? :p